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Next entry: Governor Sanford’s Disturbingly Adult E-Mails Previous entry: I was wrong about Governor Sanford….

A couple more books about love, marriage, feminism, and music to get you through the heat

Books

I whipped through a couple of books this past week that I thought were really good reads, and easy reads to boot, which is nice when the thermostat is hitting 100 every day.  (I promise I’ll get used to the heat soon—-but it takes a couple of weeks.)  They touched on some of my favorite themes, so I thought I’d review/recommend them here. 

I tore through All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Janelle Brown faster than I thought I would—-it took me about a day and a half to read.  What can I say?  Books where the plot moves forward because everyone is keeping secrets get me, because you just have to know what’s going to happen when the secrets come tumbling out.  This novel is a satire of the Silicon Valley economic explosion, where new money remade the landscape in apparently record time.  The three main characters are a middle-aged housewife whose husband leaves her the day his company goes public and turns him from a merely rich to an insanely rich man, their daughter in her late 20s who dedicated her life to an actor boyfriend and a failing feminist magazine and has to move back home after that falls to shit, and their 14-year-old daughter who has turned into the school slut. 

What really holds this book together is the characterization.  I dread to see what Hollywood would do to such a book, since it’s built around three fully fleshed out female characters who are deeply flawed but still likeable human beings.  What would they make of the older daughter Margaret, for instance, who comes across as both a sympathetic character and a know-it-all whose own inability to admit weakness leads her to digging herself into $100,000 worth of debt?  In a better world, this book would lend itself nicely to being turned into a darkish comedy from a feminist perspective that avoids pedantry, but in our world, I don’t imagine there’s much money in such a thing.  Too bad, but you can still read it.

I think what I liked best about it was that Brown kept setting up certain cliches only to undermine them.  The pool boy toy stereotype is evoked and then undermined.  The sad fat girl doesn’t find that losing a bunch of weight solves all her problems.  The feminist scold doesn’t let her hair down because a man shows her the meaning of love.  So, that was fun, though it did mean that my one biggest disappointment with the book was when Brown set up one of the oldest cliches around….and then followed through with it.  But I don’t want to spoil it.  On the whole, a fun read.


The other book I just finished is one I’ve been meaning to read for awhile:  Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time by Rob Sheffield, who is a writer for the Rolling Stone.  It’s a memoir of his 5-year marriage to another rock critic, Renée Crist, a marriage that sadly ended when Crist died in 1997 suddenly of a pulmonary embolism in her very early 30s.  Despite the depressing inevitability of what happens in this book, I wouldn’t be afraid of it.  We should all hope to memorialized as lovingly as Sheffield memorializes his late wife, and it’s nice to take a break from the more cynical world and read such a touching account of love.

And music.  Every chapter of this book starts off with a mix tape, one that Rob made for Renée or Renée for Rob or Renée for both of them or Rob for himself.  Their relationship starts off because of music—-they discover that they’re both huge fans of Big Star—-survives because of music, and sadly ends during one of their many epic sessions where Renée sewed her own clothes and Rob DJed for her.  I wished I’d read it earlier, because it’s the anti-High Fidelity.  That novel, while a fun read that totally nails music snobs, is one of my minor obsessions because I just object strongly to the main character’s “realization” that growing up means giving up on the dream of a woman to love who could actually do things like relish music, a realization we’re supposed to find satisfying, but is in fact sexist bullshit.  In Sheffield’s memoir, his life-loving wife’s enthusiasm for music is equal to his, and a marriage based around that seems like the most natural thing in the world.  In fact, he wonders if it’s possible to hold a relationship together without that kind of shared enthusiasm. 

Renée is fun-loving and eccentric, but she’s no Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Sheffield portrays their relationship as feeling inevitable, but he doesn’t try to imply that the world isn’t full of smart, fun, music-loving women—-in fact, he comes across as one of those guys who has more female friends than male friends.  The book is as much a rebuke to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl fantasy as it is a (probably unintentional) rebuke to the sad world of High Fidelity.  In the MPDG fantasy, the fun-loving woman sweeps into a man’s life to make him learn to live, and then graciously exits stage left so he gets the lessons without having to puncture the fantasy.  But in reality, of course, Sheffield shakes with an untargetable anger and grief at the loss of this woman that he built his life around, to the degree that he actually (and happily) viewed himself as the supporting character in her life story, which means that when she died and he was left alone, he was that much more unable to know what to do with himself.  He describes beautifully what it actually means to not want to let go.

Sheffield mourns the loss of his wife in this book, and he attaches this to his mourning for the loss of the 90s, which he sees as a brief moment when feminism was fashionable and women like Renée flourished.  He links his personal loss to this larger loss in American pop culture as the 90s slipped into the Bush era, and what few slots existed for outrageous women diminished alongside the flesh on female movie stars.  The loss of a time when indie rock was mainstream rock, and thus the indie culture that’s a little less restrictive of women was, for a brief moment, the mainstream culture.  I’m not invested enough in mainstream pop culture to gauge how correct he is on this point—-it seemed feminists who rock have had an unbroken line of succession from Bikini Kill and L7 to Sleater Kinney to Le Tigre and the Gossip to me—-but then I think about how someone like Sarah Palin who sells herself on the grounds of her hostility to rebellion against feminine restriction, and I think he may have a point. 

And it made me miss the art of making a mix tape, sitting on the floor surrounded by CDs and LPs, and letting the choices come to you over a couple of hours instead of planning them out and hitting “burn”.

 

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Posted by Amanda Marcotte on 06:34 PM • (20) Comments

Heat?  What’s that?

Boston has been a steady 61 to 64 degrees farenheit, overcast, and drizzling to raining for weeks.

We’ll take some off your hands now, though.

Comment #1: Ms Kate  on  06/24  at  07:43 PM

Love Is A Mix Tape sounds incredible. It also sounds as though it will make me cry buckets. I think I’m ok with that. Soon, to the bookstore.

Comment #2: jessilikewhoa  on  06/24  at  08:02 PM

which is nice when the thermostat is hitting 100 every day.

I think I may have picked the wrong time to move to Austin from Northern California.

Comment #3: Lauren O  on  06/24  at  08:41 PM

My husband was reading Love Is A Mix Tape when I met him, and I’ve dabbled in reading it, but I do have the problem of actually knowing too many of the real people who show up - I don’t know Sheffield at all (at least, I don’t think so - he could be a friend of my sister’s older brother, small town) but it’s weird to see your friends as one-offs in the background when you think, WHOA!  I’ve heard it’s a wonderful book, though, and I miss mix tapes so much.  I think I stopped obsessing about music as much when they stopped being part of my culture, though the Insufferable Music Snob who refused to ever let me choose the music, much less like anything he didn’t, that I was dating at the time is probably just as big of an influence.

Comment #4: Mimi  on  06/24  at  08:59 PM

And it made me miss the art of making a mix tape, sitting on the floor surrounded by CDs and LPs, and letting the choices come to you over a couple of hours instead of planning them out and hitting “burn”.

Amen to that.  Hell, I’d use the timer on the disc player to chop up song fragments and make remixes and mash-ups.  Crude as all get out but I was still proud of them.

I think I really need to read Sheffield’s book.  I spend so much time in an office with bitter white men full of complaints about the women in their lives, it’ll be refreshing to hear from someone who actually likes them.

Comment #5: Sour Kraut  on  06/24  at  10:07 PM

Yeah.
Boston seems to have traded its climate with London or something.

Comment #6: LC  on  06/25  at  03:33 AM

LC, It’s been high 70s and sunny in London all week - it’s wimbledon week too and they haven’t had to unroll the fancy, expensive new roof-brella yet. unheard of.

Comment #7: SapphireCate  on  06/25  at  04:43 AM

Yeah, High Fidelity, the novel, really bugged me on those issues.  Part of it is, like you said, the underlying idea that having hobbies or passions is immature and incompatible with an adult relationship.  But it’s made even more annoying by the ending, where [SPOILERS] the hero “grows up” by letting his ultra-responsible girlfriend with whom he has nothing in common take care of him.  After all that soul-searching about his past regrets and how he needs to take responsibility for his life, the happy ending is that his ex comes back, out of the blue, and fixes everything with no effort on his part.  You get the impression that Nick Hornby honestly doesn’t think there’s any way to be a responsible adult and also have fun, and the ending represents him struggling to find a solution to this dilemma and not quite succeeding.

There’s still some of that in the movie, but it’s improved by the addition of the subplot where the hero produces the skater kids’ band.  By doing something productive and creative in the music business, even something relatively minor, he starts to build a better adult life for himself without sacrificing his “immature” interests.  In the book his girlfriend gets him his old DJ job, so not only does he regress, he doesn’t even do that himself.

Comment #8: Shaenon  on  06/25  at  05:53 AM

That novel, while a fun read that totally nails music snobs, is one of my minor obsessions because I just object strongly to the main character’s “realization” that growing up means giving up on the dream of a woman to love who could actually do things like relish music, a realization we’re supposed to find satisfying, but is in fact sexist bullshit.

A lot of Nick Hornby’s success hinges on the fact that what he writes is sexist bullshit, spun for hipster d00ds who think they are constitutionally incapable of being sexist because they’ve heard of Hole (isn’t it the band of the chick that was screwing Kurt Cobain or something?). About a Boy is another one where the protagonist is a half assed Peter Pan terrified that commitment will make him grow up, because women are squarely associated with the normal, the quotidian, the responsible and the boring.

It’s a self justifying stereotype: if you never write a convincing female character that has anything approaching a personality, hobbies, interests, quirks or preferences, then it’s easy to create a universe in which women just don’t have those things, and sell it as realistic to a grateful audience of misogynist assholes who are trying to find a version of the civilizing gatekeeper feminine that gels with their postmodern lifestyle.

Indie culture is kind of full of stupid shit like that: think of the Sheryl Hoover in Little Miss Sunshine, literally putting bread on the table for her “visionary” husband, “rebel” dad and “tormented genius” brother; or the piercingly, toe curlingly wonderful parody of that stereotype (creative man, dry passionless wife holding him back) in The Squid and the Whale. Or even Mrs. Darling in Peter Pan, and how Wendy steps in to occupy the same role in Never Never land, never never sharing in any of the fun, always always trying to get Peter to stay at home and play dad… Ugh.

Comment #9: MarinaS  on  06/25  at  07:54 AM

I read “Love is a Mixtape” mostly b/c it takes place in my hometown, and Rob is a friend-of-friends of mine. it’s touching, well-done, quick light read. I enjoyed it, and I agree with your take on it.

That said, the (actual) mix tapes provided as chapter headings sound like the worst mix tapes in the world. to each their own, I suppose…

Comment #10: jamesf  on  06/25  at  12:43 PM

@Lauren O, if it helps any, temperatures have been hitting record highs all across Texas the past week or so.  There’s at least some hope that there will be movement back towards more normal temperatures (and that this isn’t just an artefact of global warming).  Of course, it was going to hit a hundred in Austin eventually anyway.

Welcome to Texas!  XD

Comment #11: kaninchen  on  06/25  at  12:51 PM

Another novel set in Silicon Valley, “The Last Billable Hour” is pretty funny and a murder mystery to boot.

Lauren, you can come down to the San Joaquin Valley, we’re expecting 100+(which isn’t a record plus for this part of the world, folks) this weekend to acclimatize, to do so psychologically, you could spend the weekend in Bakersfield. grin

Comment #12: Dark Avenger Guardian Chow Mein  on  06/25  at  02:14 PM

Sheryl Hoover in Little Miss Sunshine, literally putting bread on the table for her “visionary” husband, “rebel” dad and “tormented genius” brother

I guess I misinterpreted the premise of that film, because that “visionary” husband sure seemed like a complete and total loser to me.

Comment #13: keshmeshi  on  06/25  at  03:24 PM

Or even Mrs. Darling in Peter Pan, and how Wendy steps in to occupy the same role in Never Never land, never never sharing in any of the fun, always always trying to get Peter to stay at home and play dad… Ugh

In the Disney animated film, the father is the stick-in-the-mud, the mother more willing to indulge the children’s games. Not that I’ve seen that movie entirely too many times thanks to having a toddler around, or anything.

I’m more offended by the whole song and dance routine in the middle, after Tiger Lily is rescued. Come to think of it, in that very song Wendy tries to join in the fun, but is blocked by the women of the village (possibly it was just Tiger Lily’s mother… given the alarming caricatures in that scene, it’s hard to say). She also seems happy to accompany him around Neverland to see the sights, though she does get alarmed (especially during Tiger Lily’s rescue) at the risks he takes.

All the women in Neverland seemed keen on keeping Peter Pan, despite the fact that he’s an irresponsible jerk to everyone. Tinkerbell, Tiger Lily (and her family), the mermaids, and Wendy all are jealously vying for his attention. At least Wendy wises up and realizes that they really should go home, as Peter Pan just has no sense of responsibility for his actions at all.

At any rate, any movie that has a song non-ironically titled “What Makes the Red Man Red” is not one that I’d be looking to for respectful treatment of women.

Comment #14: Matthew, Patron Saint of Affogato  on  06/25  at  04:32 PM

Yeah.
Boston seems to have traded its climate with London or something.

No, we’ve been saying we feel like we’re in Seattle in May at my house for nearly 2 weeks now (NE of Boston, but relocated from WA/ID area).

Comment #15: helen w. h.  on  06/25  at  04:33 PM

“I guess I misinterpreted the premise of that film, because that “visionary” husband sure seemed like a complete and total loser to me.”

Yeah, to me she seemed like the only person not hell-bent on failing at life.  I haven’t watched it in a while, but the lingering impression is that her desperation-oozing husband’s a step away (possibly down) from trying to make his fortune selling Amway products, her brother tried to kill himself over what seemed like a rather unexceptional relationship ending and seems fairly embarrassed by it, the grandfather gets kicked out of a retirement community that he liked being in for refusing to give up the drugs that cost him his still-thoroughly-enjoyed life, and her son’s oh-so-quirky vow of silence turns out to be in pursuit of a goal that’s revealed as unattainable in a grindingly mundane way.  The mother seemed like kind of a stick in the mud, yes, but the men by whom she was surrounded all seemed like studies in disappointment and consciously self-destructive behavior way more than wild-and-crazy guys.  She’s treading water with a bunch of millstones around her neck.  And they transcend their inner schmuckitude while pulling together for the little girl, not because mom finally brought them around to the idea of growing the fuck up.

If I had to pick a seriously gatekeeping-civilizing-feminine movie, it’d probably be The Royal Tenenbaums.

Comment #16: preying mantis  on  06/25  at  05:45 PM

More recent releases of Disney’s Peter Pan have removed the song.

Considering that the whole island of Neverland is effectively the fantasy of an English boy living in the year 1900 or so, it makes sense that the island would have caricatures of such “fantastic” creatures as Indians, pirates, faeries, and so on. Just because it makes sense that Neverland would include a racist caricature of Indians, though, doesn’t mean it’s not a racist caricature played entirely straight. Values Dissonance, and all that.

I do get a chuckle, though, out of the scene in which John smugly declares to the Lost Boys, “The Indian is cunning, but less intelligent. Therefore, we simply surround them, and take them by surprise” - and is immediately captured by a bunch of Indians who implemented that exact plan.

Comment #17: Doug S.  on  06/25  at  07:03 PM

::Spoiler warning for Little Miss Sunshine::

Incidentally, I’m pretty sure the grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine overdosed on purpose. If you recall, he’d been teaching the little girl a routine for the performance segment of the Little Miss Sunshine pageant, and he wouldn’t let anyone else see what it was until the day of the performance. Which, as we all know, turned out to be a mock striptease that offended nearly everyone in the pageant audience. And, now that he’s dead, he doesn’t have to deal with the fallout after playing his one last grand prank on the world. Yeah, he had the whole thing planned for a long time.

Comment #18: Doug S.  on  06/25  at  07:12 PM

Amanda, I wanted to send you some material about a just-released Gender Bias against women playwrights study by a economics student that is being discussed in theatre groups and blogs right now, but the email I sent to your contact e-address bounced.
Pandagon has been a daily must-read since…. well, before the election, anyway; but this is the first time I’ve done anything other than lurk.  Is there an email contact procedure other than clicking the left hand frame link?

Comment #19: GHorton  on  06/25  at  08:58 PM

It’s a self justifying stereotype: if you never write a convincing female character that has anything approaching a personality, hobbies, interests, quirks or preferences, then it’s easy to create a universe in which women just don’t have those things, and sell it as realistic to a grateful audience of misogynist assholes who are trying to find a version of the civilizing gatekeeper feminine that gels with their postmodern lifestyle.

The weird thing about High Fidelity (again, this is more blatant in the novel than in the movie) is that it has a bunch of female characters who are interesting, rebellious, into music, etc., but the boring “gatekeeper” woman is still the one presented as the hero’s true love and best match.  Because she’s the one who’ll mommy him so he doesn’t have to grow up himself.

Comment #20: Shaenon  on  06/25  at  11:10 PM
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