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Next entry: Sanka-Sipping Liberal Elitists Previous entry: “Opt-Out” still a fantasy peddled in the male-owned press

I Will Give Credence To Anything, Because I’m A Real ‘Murkin

imageMaybe I missed something spending three years toiling away in the salt mines of Ohio (I was miner of the month in September 2007!), but was there a point at which dictators and terrorists became credible communicators of their own intent and rationale

It’s understandable why right-wingers run to bullshit like this every time it happens, but it sort of undercuts the whole steely warrior of truth mentality to incredulously run to any statement by a dictator or terrorist group and point at it like the goddamn gospel of reverse foreign policy just slipped out.  Of course, if they didn’t leap like bunnies at the nearest picture of a carrot, we wouldn’t get golden nuggets like this:

Finally, as with Ron Paul’s refusal to return contributions from white supremacists, it’s reasonable to demand that a candidate unambiguously disavow the endorsement and denounce the endorser.

Taking a donation requires two active parties - one to donate, and one to accept.  Someone endorsing someone else doesn’t require two active parties, because it’s not the same fucking thing.  Personally, I’d prefer a Steely Warrior Man (And Woman) Guide To Interpreting Evil.  For instance, when Iran calls Obama the “great whore of Israel” in 2009, is it a secret mating call?  When North Korea calls America the “great tyrant of our sovereignty” in late 2011, is it because Obama beat Kim Jong Il at the game of online Risk they’ve been playing since last fall?  When Hezbollah says that Obama is the tool of Zionist aggression, is it because he sent them an autographed copy of You Don’t Mess With The Zohan three weeks after their birthday passed? 

We need to know these things.


Image: totally accurate portrayal of the Soviet Union circa 1988.

 

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 10:14 AM • (15) Comments

I’ve been trying to setup a game of Risk with Kim Jong Il for months but he won’t accept my Facebook request.

Comment #1: Joseph  on  06/23  at  11:01 AM

Try poking.  The Il-ster is a huge fan of poking.

Comment #2: The Opoponax  on  06/23  at  11:04 AM

I’m so confused.

I thought the entire world was endorsing Obama?  Are we only supposed to highlight the axis and not the allies?

“Ha ha ha!  The rest of the world wants the United States to be headed by an intelligent man capable of rational thought and diplomacy instead of continuing to be run by crazy men who like to play army guys with real army guys and fail to acknowledge reality.  That includes bad people who don’t want random nuke strikes on their home turf as well as ‘good’ people who used to join our coalitions when we didn’t threaten to randomly nuke people we don’t like today.”

come on, we’ve always been at war with Eurasia.  Therefore Cuba and China will always be our enemies.

Comment #3: Caren, Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  06/23  at  11:25 AM

I swear the worker on the right looks like W.  I thought it was a parody at first and didn’t understand why the woman didn’t look more like Condi. 

It’s really spooky since W has all but turned us into the former USSR.

Zdrastvitya, tovarish!

Comment #4: Caren, Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  06/23  at  11:26 AM

“come on, we’ve always been at war with Eurasia.  Therefore Cuba and China will always be our enemies.”

...except when we’ve always been at war with Eastasia, and then our enemies and our allies switch places…

Comment #5: MikeEss  on  06/23  at  12:05 PM

No!  We’ve ALWAYS been at war with Eastasia and Russia and Korea will always be our friends.!

Comment #6: Caren, Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  06/23  at  12:18 PM

MikeEss, why do you hate Oceania?

Comment #7: Caren, Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  06/23  at  12:19 PM

“MikeEss, why do you hate Oceania?”

What finally drove me over was when I couldn’t get real sugar anymore and had to use that nasty saccharin instead.  But I still love Big Brother, and I’m absolutely certain that 2+2=5…

Comment #8: MikeEss  on  06/23  at  12:41 PM

Isn’t it more reasonable to think just the opposite of what the NKs say.  Wiley orientals and all that.  Or perhaps never match wits with a Scilian.

Comment #9: ron  on  06/23  at  12:44 PM

If anyone is interested, the translation of the poster’s caption is, “The people and the army are one.”

Comment #10: Vadranor  on  06/23  at  03:37 PM

Did anyone else notice the resemblance between the dude on the back row and the First Chimp?

Comment #11: Spooky Skeptic  on  06/23  at  03:46 PM

Nevermind, someone else did.  Epic fail at comment reading for the Spookeh.

Comment #12: Spooky Skeptic  on  06/23  at  03:47 PM

No sweat, tovarish.  We’ve always been at war with Eurasia.

Comment #13: Caren, Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  06/23  at  04:37 PM

“Personally, I’d prefer a Steely Warrior Man (And Woman) Guide To Interpreting Evil.” 

You have to send in 4 bottle caps, 3 labels, and 2 boxtops from Steely Warrior soda pop, Steely Warrior gum (with trading cards! Collect the whole Axis of Evil!), and Steely Warrior cereal (plus $4.95 shipping and handling) to Captain Kremlin Headquarters, Battle Creek, Michigan.

Please allow 4 to six weeks for delivery.

Comment #14: hbsweet, empress of ice cream  on  06/24  at  01:06 AM

A merkin?

Comment #15: Ms Kate  on  06/24  at  03:49 PM
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