Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

One great thing about this year’s coincidence….I have an easier time bypassing the silly excesses of Valentine’s day by shouting HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!!! :p

Here’s to celebrating it the way we celebrate all other Saint’s Days

The Greek word Paul used that translates as “love” in English refers to the kind of love you feel towards family members and friends, not romantic/sexual love which is another word entirely in Greek.

That’s historically interesting, but completely irrelevant, since the verse is used in our culture as a catch-all to describe all love, including and especially romantic love.

I’m spending V-day having a threesome with Ben and Jerry—two men who have never let me down!

Though we must pay Valentine’s Day its due.  Without Valentine’s Day there would be no St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and we’d have an entirely different device to start Some Like It Hot.

And yes, I realize that a lot of people are going to leave comments explaining how they and theirs have figured out the perfect way to enjoy the holiday, and bully for you.  But you’re one of the lucky ones, which you know on some level, which is why you’re bragging—-which ironically puts you into the same vicious cycle I describe here.

Oh shiiiii-

For long-married couples it’s “don’t forget to have sex day.”

Happy I’m happier than you day everybody

I know!  Dark shit, huh?  I don’t even know that there’s a way to get out of the Love Olympics (Mine’s Better Than Yours Edition), but it’s something to consider resisting all the same.

You’re all a bunch of haters.  I myself am looking forward to the year’s first and my favorite Discount Chocolate Day.

The best chocolate day is clearly after easter. Whumpf on the table and broken fragments everywhere.

I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Anybody else see kd lang sing the romantic notion into the grave at the Olympics?

That said, I’ve known women and men who wouldn’t end a relationship just before Valentine’s day because it meant something to the person they were dropping - not because they were greedy!

At my last job I actually sent V-day flowers to a female coworker with an anonymous card that had a platonic “you’re an awesome person” tag that could have been read as romantic… specifically because she worked in a petty, nasty environment and it would give her a little boost against her horrid coworkers. She knew it was me, so there wasn’t any heartbreak involved, and it totally served the purpose intended, but yes, Valentine’s Day as a social institution is a beast.

My plans for this Valentine’s Day have gotten kicked in the head by recent events, so I’ve told the husband it’s been rescheduled.

I decided that this year it will be held on the ides of march.

You know what’s really fucking annoying?  Today is my birthday, and my best friend is trying to take me to dinner, and we had to call 6 freaking restaurants around NYC before we could get a table for two at anything approaching a decent hour, because of all the valentine’s day shmoop-heads who decide they’d rather go out on saturday night.  Even though Monday is a holiday.

Last year, for my 35th birthday, I had to have my party on Sunday the 15th (Monday was a holiday too), because I can’t plan parties for after work (I ended up working until midnight on my 30th birthday - as a lawyer who specializes in corporate disclosure, this is annual report season and is always the busiest time of year) or actual valentine’s day. 

Oh, and let’s not even get started on the fact that, as a perpetual single-ton, I get the triple-whammy of being “alone” on both my birthday and v-day (unless I have a REALLY good b-day!), AND I get to have it rubbed in my face if I try to actually go out anywhere to celebrate.

Or, the fact that my parents sent me flowers, and my stepmom specifically requested that they send NO red flowers (because she knows how much I hate that), but the flowers, which were very nice, were almost all red carnations and roses.  Because you know that’s all the florist has in stock. 

Argh.  That was more venting than I planned on doing!

It’s Valentine’s this weekend?

And here I thought all the hoopla was about the start of Girl Scout Cookie season. (Mine got delivered today! Ah, thin mints. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.)

My husband and I went on our first date on Valentine’s Day, he proposed on Valentine’s Day two years later, and we married on Valentine’s Day the year after that.  Obviously I’m biased, but, yeah, I always look forward to it.  February needs a fertility festival to break up the gloom, and I can’t get people into St. Brigid’s Day, so what can you do?

This year we agreed on no big gifts or dinners for Valentine’s because we just spent all our money on the down payment for a house.  It’ll be takeout Cajun food and a bottle of six-dollar champagne on the floor of the still-unfinished new house.

Some of you gals simply refuse to end a romance before Valentine’s Day because you can’t say no to a present

Oddly enough, my last relationship ended on February 12 last year when she kicked me out. So I find that statement really funny.

When I send flowers to somebody, I’m not concerned with the feelings of their goddamn coworkers.

Fuckton is one word.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!11!!11!!BAJILION!!111!!!!

Three dates in to my current relationship (and by dates, we mean weekends spent in bed) we had a discussion about flowers, hallmark cards, valentine’s day and feminism. Suffice to say the only plants I ever receive as gifts are edible, the boxes of chocolates are purchased only when they’re on sale (and then they’re shared) and holidays that purport to tell you how to be in love are mocked relentlessly. Also, he hates kids, weddings and the roses. It’s been 4 years and I’m applying for a visa for permanent residency now.

“I probably wouldn’t hate Valentine’s Day if it was effective at making people feel validated, but in my long experience with the holiday, the ugly truth is that Valentine’s Day rarely works out how we want it to. “

This.
I like the idea of having a reminder-day for couples to, you know, not work late, hire a babysitter, make time for a walk on the beach or a dinner without the TV on. To me, Christmas is an *excuse* to give loved ones nice, silly things that make them smile. Mother’s Day is a wake-up call for kids taking parenting for granted. Valentine’s Day is for “just the two of us”, because life can distract from a relationship. And they should all be fun events for everyone, not obligations.
But our society isn’t *capable* of allowing people to just have fun and not worry about what doesn’t apply to or work for them. If you have to work late Valentine’s Day, it shouldn’t suck, but be a reason to have a fun 16th, or whatever the schedule allows. If someone gets flowers, it should mean, “Yay! The office is pretty!” for everyone, not make others feel like losers. And if you spend it alone, it should be no big, frackin’ deal, because EVERYONE should have some alone-time in their life.
As it is, the competitiveness and failure-clouds for singles makes it hard for a sympathetic person to just enjoy the walk on the beach, because I know that somewhere out there, half my friends are feeling despondent.

Valentine’s Day sucks. But it was realllly fun when we were in elementary school. Making the mailboxes with construction paper and lace and eating all the crappy candy hearts, sending candy grams, picking out your Valentines… those were the days. All the My Little Pony and TMNT and even He-Man Valentines with the candy stuffed inside the envelope and a little Dixie cup full of punch…

You know what’s really fucking annoying?  Today is my birthday, and my best friend is trying to take me to dinner, and we had to call 6 freaking restaurants around NYC before we could get a table for two at anything approaching a decent hour, because of all the valentine’s day shmoop-heads who decide they’d rather go out on saturday night.  Even though Monday is a holiday.

You have my sympathies. We are both consistent ignorers of Valentine’s Day, but this year, by sheer coincidence, we’re going to be going out. I work night, Tuesday through Saturday, and my husband works days, Monday through Friday, so our only whole day together is Sunday, but we can’t usually do anything because my husband has to work at 8 a.m. Monday. We decided to leave the kid with his grandparents and make a night of it because of ... President’s Day! But then we had to way scale back our ambitions, restaurantwise, because of stupid Valentine’s Day. We’re still going to a good place, and we’ll spend less money, but it was a very annoying planning process.

Robert at #7 has a point, yes, but a mob massacre could happen at any time. Also, that movie is too damn good to be completely associated with this holiday. Also, I did find that movie to be a very good first date movie on the occasion I had to be able to take a first date to it. The guy turned out rather poorly (a self-absorbed PUA type) but it was a fun experience.

Now that I am out of elementary school, where you’re right, Jenny, V-day was a lot of fun, I prefer to ignore the holiday too. I did get a valentine from a friend on Friday - one of the M&M;packages where you can write the to and from info on it - and I do like that aspect of the holiday. Mostly, I am just really glad that the 14th is on a Sunday this year. I never feel an obligation to do anything on a Sunday (thank you, atheism) except go to bed at a decent hour to get to work well rested and on time the next day.

I saw a commercial for a flowers-giving business while at the gym in the last week. They interviewed some of their customers about it and the men were the ones who purchased the flowers (one guy gave flowers like 50 some times…) and the two recipients were women. I’ve not gotten flowers very often, but I do get them from women - my mom sends me flowers at work occasionally, and I love it because it makes my office prettier. I know it is too much for our culture to accept the practice of giving and receiving flowers without regard to who has what sex bits (which is part of why I have always loved the “Two Princes” song so much), but this commercial just left a really bad, creepy taste in my mouth.

Jenny Dreadful, agreed! I liked celebrating Valentine’s Day as a kid.  My mom would bring out the box of construction paper and heart-shaped doilies and glitter and paint and everything, and we’d make awesome Valentine’s cards for the family, and there would be little chocolates and decorations on the breakfast table.

Except I didn’t like how the number of little paper Valentines you got in class was a quantifiable measure of your popularity.  Oh well.

I’d kind of love to start celebrating Valentine’s Day more like my family did it—making and sending pretty cards to family and friends reminding them that I love them. That was just fun.

Fiancé and I just don’t do Valentine’s Day as a couple. Neither of us care one way or the other.  We’re not really against it; we just don’t care enough to do it. His co-workers issue dire threats about how I’m just saying that to seem low-maintenance and he’d really better get me stuff or I’ll be mad.  Sigh. (He laughs and says we’ve been together for many years; if I was going to get mad, I’d have done it by now.)

I had a friend in a new relationship agonize to me about how she could let her boyfriend know that she did want to exchange Valentine’s cards, but didn’t want to do a big expensive gift thing. I told her to just be direct with him and tell him exactly what she told me. It was clearly important to her as an excuse to be sweet and mushy and lovey by writing love letters, but not to play the ostentatious stuff game. So I think that’s what they should do, and screw anybody who wants to look down on her for not getting a huge bunch of flowers or diamonds or anything.

I think the best defense on Valentine’s Day is to do or not do what you want, be secure about it, and tell everyone else to eff off.

I’ve not gotten flowers very often, but I do get them from women

I’ve gotten flowers from men twice in my 10 year dating career - both times were right after I broke up with them.  So perhaps I’m a tad bitter, but it would be really hard for me to see flowers from an interested guy as a sincerely thoughtful and romantic gesture.  In my experience, it’s not.  But from anyone else for any other reason, sure, awesome, thanks, how sweet.

why do women never send me flowers :(

oh yeah, gender norms. Fuck you gender norms. FUCK Youuuuu!

My general feeling about giving advice to sleazeballs, cheaters, players, and liars is that said people don’t deserve advice that might improve their lives.

I’m glad you’re conflicted, Amanda, being a judgmental gossipy asshole really is not you.

It’s incredibly relaxing not to have that pressure to prove something to ourselves and to others.  It’s nice to let go of the guilt of making others feel bad if they don’t have someone, or their someone didn’t get them as cool a gift.

Ow. I think I just sprained an eyeball. Need to work on those pre-rolling stretches some more.

It was a hassle back when I was single because, surprise surprise, men care an AWFUL lot about V-day when you don’t, and now it’s just a mild hassle because it’s important to the SO that I remember it. But guilt? Truly? If you got flowers at work from your SO and as you were putting them in a vase the person in the next cube says in a flat voice “That must be so nice to get flowers. My boyfriend left me for my best friend yesterday” you feel bad, instead of telling them their angst is not a reason to try and shit all over your happiness?

YMMV, I guess.

hmm?

I just ignore gender norms…ignore workplace rules, and bring flowers I pluck from my own yard, and bring them to my own computer station and put it in a nice, risky vase next to my screen, because hey, colorful flowers are a pleasant rest from the monotony of the job…

Why does everything in our culture seem to be structured around romantic and sexual love? 
Why isn’t there a holiday where you buy presents for your best friends, and go out to dinner with THEM? 
Just asking, because my true friends have meant more to me in my life than any romantic relationship.  We sometimes send each other cards or chocolates on valentines day, but it’s not the same - I want a holiday where you set aside time specifically for your friends.  It could even be the same holiday - if your lover is also your best friend then you’re all set!  But let’s acknowledge that other relationships can be just as meaningful and important.

My point was just that the expectation (and experience) is that guys are supposed to give them and girls are supposed to receive them and that’s the end of the story. Obviously I can get my own flowers if i want to but its nice to get them without expecting it (I suspect).

To paradox, what the hell? No one likes sleazeballs, cheaters, players and liars. They play bait and switch with other people’s emotions. You have to explain how those people are ok if you are going to call anyone an asshole for saying they deserve whatever is coming.

Other things February is known for:

# Canadian History Month
# National Sweet Potato Month
# National Boost-Your-Self-Esteem Month
# National Canned Food Month
# National Hot Breakfast Month
# National Snack Food Month
# Berry Fresh in the Sunshine State Month
# National Dental Month
# Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month
# Chocolate Lover’s Month
# Bake for Family Fun Month
# Great American Pies Month
# North Carolina Sweet Potato Month
# National Grapefruit Month
# National Cherry Month
# National Bird Feeding Month
# National Pudding-Snack Month
# National White Power Month
# American History Month
# Creative Romance Month
# Human Relations Month
# AMD/Low Vision Awareness Month
# American Heart Month
# National Children’s Dental Health Month
# National Wise Health Consumer Month
# International Mother Language Day Month
# Prenatal Infection Prevention Month
# Native American Heritage Month
# Black History Month

Why isn’t there a holiday where you buy presents for your best friends, and go out to dinner with THEM?

Get Together With Your Best Friends Day? Then we can look forward to cynical, angry complaints that it makes people feel bad if they have one friend or no best friend and it puts a whole bunch of pressure on people to try to make all their best friends get along, and what kind of idiot thought that it was a good idea to pretend that if A and B are my friends both A and B will like each other, and then B’s going to be hurt if I go have a party with A on GTWYBF Day!

On the linked article, whatever. Wow! Tracy Quan writes about naughty relationships and seeing prostitutes! I’m astonished she didn’t get that published on Salon.

In the past I’ve turned valentines day into appreciate my friends day (sometimes I pass out childrens cartoon character cards) but this year I’m following your ignore it altogether plan. I also find it easier to ignore it, though, when I’m in a relationship. When I was single I felt like I need to do some kind of display of don’t feel sorry for me.

I do, however, gleefully celebrate discount chocolate day. Happy 2-15.

That’s how my school was too - you just got them for the whole class.

It’s funny. I used to have my son in a Jewish preschool where they didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day because it wasn’t a Jewish holiday. I thought this was a bit much - kind of reminded me of evangelical Christians who won’t let their kids going trick-or-treating - but I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. We moved this year, and now my son is in a “secular” school that does do Valentine’s Day (and Christmas and Easter, of course). After going to three different grocery stores before I found those little Valentine’s Day cards for kids, I was really missing the Jewish school, but getting the cards from his classmates really made him happy. He’s had a hard time making new friends, and he really saw the cards as validation that the other kids like him. (Of course, I didn’t tell him that they were told to bring in one for everyone, just like we did.)

It’s hard to keep any perspective on holidays when you live with someone who relelntlessly tears down every holiday. Of course he hates Valentines. He hates EVERY holiday except April Fool’s Day. This is a man who does his income taxes on his birthday.

Me, I favor older ways of celebrating the holiday: chase someone you love around the bedroom with a whip. (wolfskin optional) Or maybe I’ll just make a cherry pie. We already HAD our February holiday a couple weeks ago.

Or a more modern one: attend a marriage equality protest.
Valentine was imprisoned for performing illegal weddings (Claudius had decreed no one could marry because he needed soldiers). Protesting for Marriage Equality seems a brilliant way to observe and honor a gutsy priest.

In re: Samantha’s post @23, I wonder if it isn’t the problems in the structure that make this day less worthy of passes than Christmas or Mother’s Day. I mean by that, not only that it excludes the single and often seems to be rubbing it in their faces, but more that it’s a really bad setup to give couple’s that “hey, go have a date night and break your routine” day.

I mean, it’s not an actual holiday, so most people end up working all day or have work early the next day. So you can’t sleep in and pamper yourself or a loved one like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. You can’t stay out all night fucking the night before or doing something crazy because you don’t have the time to recover and you can’t often even really get down relax and get horny or romantic because you’re coming in usually at night half-over and then having to throw something together before an early night in. There’s little time to do more than showy bullshit, because it ends up being just easier to send some flowers to their desk or other public display than really relax and make a special day at home or out on the town.

And the second part is that a couple night where presumably most will want to break their routines by leaving the house and going somewhere to do something (dining, activities, theatre, concerts, cinema)  is actually a hideous idea when it’s one scheduled night that every couple is encouraged to do something. Romance often works best when you can lower the stress level and linger on whatever you’re doing or can create an intimate space to enjoy. These states are far harder to achieve when everyone else had the same idea as you and thus every transportation is crowded, crazed, and frantic and every venue is packed, delayed, loud, etc… It completely defeats the purpose to schedule everyone together because it ends up being the case that the “one night to remember to be romantic” is impossible to enjoy as such because everyone’s making every space you’d want to go more stressful and thus working against the destressification its supposed to create.

I think the fact that both those factors work at the same time often creates a damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you avoid the stresses of travel by shutting inside and doing the slower activities and high preparation stuff, you end up burning a lot of time in the narrow window with little time to enjoy it because there’s no real holiday. And if you decide to do a formal date where less preparation on the day is needed, it’s too crowded to be a de-stresser and so the saved time ends up failing to achieve what a properly planned date night on a non-national-date day may have.

Basically it’s the fact that it doesn’t even really work for couples themselves much less the poor bastards made to feel like shit is really the primary problem for Valentine’s Day.

I see that problem and I like Valentine’s Day (I love excuses to try dishes I want to cook but felt decadent spending the money for the ingredients normally without an internal excuse of “it’s for a special occasion.”)

Expanding on my point, I suspect the failure is even greater than that, because the aforementioned time and intimate spaces dearths are also combined with money dearths, coming often on the heels of the Christmas season so gifts end up being more “oh shit, what can I afford” rather than arising from real thought and planning.

And the combinations of low time, money, and available venues probably end up forcing way more people than normally would if they were just planning a regular old date night to basically think inside the box for what is romantic rather than branching out and doing something wholly unique and interesting. Instead of doing something for a partner that’s based on what they want or what would be cool to experience together, you just do something “traditional” and cookie-cutter because the constraints make complicated less likely to pay off psychologically (in the sense of why bother scheduling an extravaganza when you can’t afford it, don’t have time for it, and everywhere is overbooked and you need to be at work in the morning).

And that’s where it ends up insidious rather than just feeble and full of fail, because now people end up pushed into using their “one night to remember to schedule a date” to well waste it doing what they heard is romantic rather than what they want to do and feeling bad for sucking at it or bad that you’re being left out of it.

I wonder if we should focus more on anniversaries as the big reminder to do a date night. Everyone has a different day that’s their anniversary like with birthdays so places aren’t overcrowded. Anniversaries seem slightly less fixed since you have to write it on the calendar rather than it being pre-printed and set in stone so you can shift the “big celebration” to a weekend or up or down a week to fit schedules and take one’s time and it’s not as guaranteed to be a date where you’re probably out of money as a set date in February.

And that way we can be all romantic then and downgrade Valentine’s Day to a day that makes sense with the limitations. Maybe a straight up sex holiday. I mean, I don’t like the idea of any days that put pressure on people to be sexual if they don’t want to, but a designated sex day could be good in other ways to remind people that while love can and probably should be the main driving force of a relationship, lust is an important part of sexual people’s needs too.

And that’d fit the time. Don’t bother being romantic. Race home, throw something quick in the oven and race to the bedroom with whips, chains, dildos, and a book (h/t and apologies to George Carlin) and celebrate frenetic passion rather than trying to cram slow and sensual into a stress-charged half-holiday.

What does everyone think?

I’m glad you’re conflicted, Amanda, being a judgmental gossipy asshole really is not you.

Yah know, she might have a reason to feel the way she does:

Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards’ career went down in flames in the last month with sordid revelations about his lies and infidelity, but his reputation wasn’t the only thing demolished.

Still emerging from the political wreckage in California are the crowds of campaign workers, donors and volunteers who put their lives and hearts into Edwards’ quixotic quests for the White House.

The liberal Bay Area was a stronghold for the former North Carolina senator’s 2004 and 2008 presidential campaigns, as the region’s progressives rallied to his call for single-payer health care, a war against poverty and action to save the environment - ideas later echoed by Democrats Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama.

But now, with a tape purportedly showing sex acts between Edwards and a former campaign worker in the custody of a North Carolina court and two new books detailing his peccadilloes - “Game Change” by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann and “The Politician” by former Edwards’ aide Andrew Young - insiders say Edwards’ saga serves as a cautionary tale.

The lesson: Personal risks and potential heartbreak can be part of a personal investment in political candidates, especially at the presidential level.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/02/12/MNKP1BUUE7.DTL&type=printable

Good Lord with a mouth like that and an even worse attitude is it any wonder St. Valentines Day hasn’t gone your way?  Sheesh!

Yes, she’d be much happier if she was pregnant with her third child and married to a Baptist minister.

Me too Amanda.
I spent today and yesterday and will spend a bit of tomorrow making the most fancy cookies I’ve ever made in my life for my boyfriend. I think that’s about right.
I do still love seasonal candy though. I can get behind consumerism of that sort. Not the heart shaped boxes of chocolates but the cheeze ball things made by tiny candy companies like message hearts or weird sorta creepy cards with frogs with giant chocolate kissy lips.
It’s silly but after Xmas I get excited for Valentine’s and Easter crap.

Cerberus @45 - I think we have May 1 covered as a designated sex holiday (well, some religions do, anyway). Or there are the bozos who blather on about Steak and Blowjobs Day as a guy counterpoint to Valentine’s, because of course men don’t want romance and women don’t want sex and goodness knows the kind of guy who says “Today’s a holiday about you cooking for me and sucking my cock”  surely couldn’t be the kind of guy who has a massive sense of entitlement the other 364 days of the year.

I think you have a good point about it being a pseudo-holiday, especially when public displays of affection (valentines in class, flowers at work, whatever) are something that creates anxiety. Don’t get me started on Mother’s Day, though, as the traditional celebration of the holiday in the US is “Here, mom, we’ll let you out of your womanly obligation to plan and cook meals for everybody else, just this once.”

We try to avoid gifts on Valentine’s Day that aren’t tied to memories.  Mostly it’s simple dinners at places we love, or when we were in low parts, cooking dinner for each other and cutting sappy-shaped sushi or something.

My big splurge comes after vDay is over and I buy candy on sale ^-^  Last year was a bummer, though; got some crappy stuff that was branded with a better chocolatier’s label.  Grr.

But yeah, hate the commercials about flaunting it.  Or people who go on endlessly about it.  As I tell my friends:  Make yourself happy, and others will want to share that happiness with you.

I’m not usually the picky contrarian, honestly but when you say:

Perhaps if we all ignore it, it will finally go away.

do you think the best way to go about ignoring it is to write a long blog post about how crap it all is, you don’t do it, isn’t that cool, and we should all ignore it anyway.  Aren’t you just falling into the same trap as those ucky, braggy people you decry?

*jerks awake underneath layer of fast food wrappings, cables, empty polystyrene coffee cups, books, paper and unfinished work*

What day of the week is it? Where am I? God, is that the time? Screw you, Corporate Cupid. *goes back to sleep*

I know, a lot of this is so true, but really, all of this stuff applies to other days too.  Or if you want to get engaged and don’t have the money for a rock, in some circles, and I do mean in offices, you’re pathetic! It’s all crazy, but I have always loved Valentine’s day.  And I love getting roses on Valetine’s day.  what can I say!  I went out to dinner last night with my bf and celebrated. 

Also, I’ve sent men flowers on Valentine’s day, or for their birthday.  In my experience, they enjoy that just as much as women do.  As if we were alike or something!

The Dark Avenger quoted the San Francisco Chronicle:

But now, with a tape purportedly showing sex acts between Edwards and a former campaign worker in the custody of a North Carolina court

Well, this is the first time I’d heard that one!  But, please, tell me that even John Edwards wasn’t dumb enough to cheat on his wife during a presidential campaign and let someone tape it.

I realize that our hosts (plural: this applies to all of the articles) have no control over the Google Ads which attach to the articles via keyword searches, but in an article in which Amanda trashes St Valentine’s Day, the Google Ad right above the comment box is:

“No lonely heart’s club”
Away from your loved one this Valentines day? Send them a Basket!

As for my St Valentine’s Day present for Elaine, it’s a plumbing repair!  One of the fittings behind the bathtub became slightly loose a few weeks ago, right after my eye surgery, when I wasn’t supposed to do any physical labor.  Since then, we’ve had to turn the water to the tub off using the supply valves behind the tub.  I would have done it last weekend, but the roads got trashed with snow.  Yesterday, we took a ride to Allentown to buy some new work boots for me and have a decent dinner; we stopped at Home Despot, got all new fixtures and the right plumbing supplies, so that’ll be my present to her for today.  Romantic, huh?

I never enjoyed Valentine’s Day until I was in a long term relationship. If you’re dating, or settling into a new relationship, Valentine’s Day is stressful. Before, I felt pressured to do something “romantic”, or feel like a loser. When I did, there was confusion and anxiety about whether it was just a fun trope (like costumes for Halloween) or a pro forma ritual, or a real opportunity to take things to the next level.

Whereas, now, I know that my bf are in love and Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to do the romantic stuff that we might otherwise fail to make time for in our busy lives. To me, that’s the fundamental appeal of holidays and observances: To set up a schedule of events for people to focus their energies around. It’s easy to say, “We should go out for a romantic dinner one of these days” and just never get around to because there are so many demands on everyone’s time and money, and if you’re in a permanent relationship, you feel like can always do it some other time.

A lot of very rational people tell me they hate holidays and observances in general because they feel like we should have parties when we feel like having them, not on arbitrary days. Why wait ‘til Valentine’s Day to be romantic? Why wait until Christmas to get together with your family? I understand the logic, and if I lived in a culture where spontaneous parties were the norm, I’d tend to agree. On the other hand, in my world, people are really busy, frequently broke, and scattered across large distances. If it weren’t for holidays, we’d be less likely to all set aside time at the same time to get together and have fun.

I’m going to be using the term “reading the tea leaves of romance” as often as possible from here on out.

John Edwards lied to me, boo hoo, he’s a lawyer thats what they do.  Hello?

Actually, lawyers are officers of the court and they aren’t suppose to lie, unless you’re a Texas prosecutor trying to get the death penalty for a defendant, you’re probably down with that, right?

As LBJ said of Gerald Ford, you probably played football without your helmet one too many times.

Glad to give your eyes some exercise, mythago.  But I’m sorry, Valentine’s Day is an extension of the nastiest kind of high school politics.  I remember in high school, the band (or something like that) would sell these little treats that would be delivered to the recipients during class and it was the meanest, nastiest thing you could do to a bunch of insecure teenagers.  The utter shame and misery of sitting there without a treat on your desk after they were all doled out!  Might as well have had signs saying “Loveless Loser”, or for some really sad cases “Underdeveloped And Sexually Immature” for those kids.  Now, we all basically catch up and it evens out, and most of the time, it’s not a big deal.  But competitive love is still this lurking rot in American culture.  And it comes out on Valentine’s Day and during weddings.

I roll my eyes at people who play innocent about the flowers at work thing.  If it wasn’t about making others jealous, you’d give them to her at home, full stop.  The whole point of sending to work is to show off.

Good Lord with a mouth like that and an even worse attitude is it any wonder St. Valentines Day hasn’t gone your way?  Sheesh!

I’ll remind my boyfriend that he’s breaking the Man Rules to find a woman cute despite a mouth that is put to uses other than just sucking cock.  I’m afraid, however, that he’s got too much self-confidence to give a shit about what you think.

I don’t send flowers to work to incite jealousy amongst my wife’s co-workers, she did that already by telling them how I make and bring coffee every morning to her, a relic of my mother’s Cantonese custom of having one’s children act as house servants

Agreed on the holiday front, Lindsay.  I think there is a value to setting aside days for the purposes of celebration, gratitude, etc.  And I don’t even think that would be a bad thing for romantic love, if it began and ended there.

But it doesn’t, and that’s what bothers me.  Displaying romantic love in our culture is a competitive sport, which is why public displays of affection that cross a certain line are taboo, and for good reason.  In our culture, what is officially about taking time to celebrate love ends up being about celebrating your own ability to attract affection. Women especially are expected to tie our self-worth to being validated by a man’s romantic attentions, and for many women, it’s very important that those attentions take easily recognizable forms so everyone knows they passed the test.  Roses, jewelry, things like that are like being put on the honor roll of womanhood. 

Attempts to opt out have been mildly successful on occasion, but generally speaking, I find it hard to participate in a tradition if I object to its main purposes.  And V-day’s main purpose is competitive love, not private moments of appreciation.  It’s about making people feel like failures if they don’t have someone or if they have someone, but their celebration is imperfect.  We’re expected to eat a bunch of food and drink a bunch of wine and then have insanely hot sex afterwards, which is too tall an order for most people over 19 years old.  I’m just against celebrations that seemed designed to make you feel bad for idiosyncratic differences.

Also, being able to get someone to love you doesn’t really correlate to being a good or worthy person overall.  Which is why I found Quan’s article amusing and revealing—-she takes Valentine’s Day to be a holiday of bloated self-regard in people who can get laid a lot (even and especially if they use manipulation and exploitation towards that purpose), and that’s an amusingly cynical take I appreciate.

It’s hard to keep any perspective on holidays when you live with someone who relelntlessly tears down every holiday. Of course he hates Valentines. He hates EVERY holiday except April Fool’s Day. This is a man who does his income taxes on his birthday.

A lot of very rational people tell me they hate holidays and observances in general because they feel like we should have parties when we feel like having them, not on arbitrary days.

Is the husband an engineer, programmer/IT, or accountant by any chance? They all sound like many high school classmates or many of my engineering/CS major/IT colleagues I have encountered.

But I’m sorry, Valentine’s Day is an extension of the nastiest kind of high school politics.  I remember in high school, the band (or something like that) would sell these little treats that would be delivered to the recipients during class and it was the meanest, nastiest thing you could do to a bunch of insecure teenagers.

I was fortunate that Valentine’s Day wasn’t taken seriously by most of us at the high school I attended….though a large part of that was due to the fact nearly everyone was obsessed with getting the highest GPA/standardized test scores to get into the most prestigious colleges possible…especially the Ivy/Ivy types.  Not too surprising considering they had to cancel the junior semi-formal dance due to lack of student interest and nearly all of the extreme few classmates who were dating were part of the 250 students who didn’t make it to senior year.  There were also a vocal “rational” contingent who felt this and all other holidays were “stupid” and a “complete waste of time” for one reason or another. 

Actually, lawyers are officers of the court and they aren’t suppose to lie, unless you’re a Texas prosecutor trying to get the death penalty for a defendant, you’re probably down with that, right?

If you really believe lawyers actually adhere to this rule because they are “officers of the court”....I have a really nice bridge to sell you in Amanda’s current neck of the woods…..

Oh, HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!

Here’s to celebrating it the way we celebrate all other Saint’s Days.

By drinking green beer until we puke?

I’m inspired, Dana. Maybe I’ll measure that broken sliding door in the dining room, pry it out, replace it, and seal it up.  Will there be crowds at Lowes?

Well, I’ll go ahead and brag on my Valentine’s Day, because some asshole needs to.  We had a lovely brunch yesterday (which is our tradition instead of dinner—more relaxed and way more fun) and exchanged presents.  G was the envy of everyone in my office because I gave him a Slanket and not the clearly inferior Snuggie and he gave me The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which I’ve been talking about incessantly since I heard about it on NPR.  One of our best ever.

Oh, and Friday at work was a lot of fun because some of us have started giving children’s valentines to everyone and I found the completely awesome Mad Libs valentines, which were a big hit.

20 years ago when we were married, I told my husband never to give me presents on Valentine’s day just because it was Valentine’s (if there was other reasons like a birth of a child or a job promotion, no problem) or I would bash his head in.  I am totally disgusted by Valentine’s Day.  Several acquaintances have unsuccessfully defended it.  Their so-called reasons are the very reasons why I hate it so.  Usually the reason is that the woman expects/demands it or the couple needs to make a big fuss out of something that is rather earthy and common (wonderful for sure but so are many other things, like eating, reading, nature).  Are people so dull and numb that they need constant reminders that they are human?  Love in all its forms is ordinary and common.  And thank goodness that it is.

I suspect women demand special recognition on that day because they are treated like merde all the other times or are doing stuff they do not really want to do and are in need of actively jerking the strings of their ‘loved’ one.  Or the ‘loved’ one wants the woman to keep on doing merde and play the game that oh, yes, dear, you are so special.  Valentine’s Day=total psychological manipulation.

I bought small bouquets of flowers that I love from the greengrocer around the corner of my office, and this jerky guy finally after months of mine doing this weekly, piped up and said that it was embarrassing that I gave myself flowers because it showed no man wanted to send me some!!!!!!!!!!!!  I pointed out that I love giving myself presents, I love that I can pick out exactly what I want, and that I have an disposable income.  I also said that the men in my life show by their actions each and every day that they love me.  They do not have to jump through artificial and manipulative societal hoops to show that to me.

Nowadays, I keep a garden and no longer have to buy the lovely things (flowers).  My only regret is it was only when I moved to France that I realized that some men enjoy flowers as much as I do.  Here, it is mundane to see men stooping to smell flowers.  What a great sight that is!

I can’t say for NYC and NY state, but when lying becomes a criminal matter, it’s taken very seriously on the Best Coast, even when it isn’t done by an officer of the court:

Former San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew, staring at more than five years in federal prison, didn’t get the leniency he was looking for Wednesday in state court.

Jew was sentenced in San Francisco Superior Court to a year in county jail for lying about living in the city district he was elected to represent. The sentence was added on top of a 64-month federal prison term - one that was longer than even prosecutors had requested.

“This means you’ll be serving an extra year,” Judge Kay Tsenin said.

Jew could have been sent to state prison for up to three years beyond his federal sentence. Tsenin called her punishment “the middle ground.”

Jew, who resigned from office in January 2008, is to surrender July 1 to begin serving his federal prison term. He pleaded guilty to one count each of mail fraud, bribery and extortion for trying to shake down owners of tapioca drink shops for $80,000. The judge in that case said she imposed the 64-month sentence - instead of the 57 months requested by prosecutors - in part because of Jew’s elected position and the need for deterrence.

Link

ed jew?

/me head explodes…for the second time…

Princess Rot‘s comment was fuckin’ bewilderingly hillarious.

I bought small bouquets of flowers that I love from the greengrocer around the corner of my office, and this jerky guy finally after months of mine doing this weekly, piped up and said that it was embarrassing that I gave myself flowers because it showed no man wanted to send me some!!!!!!!!!!!!  I pointed out that I love giving myself presents, I love that I can pick out exactly what I want, and that I have an disposable income.

There is a strong puritanical streak in US society where receiving gifts from others is seen as a barometer of one being likable and popular….but getting gifts for oneself is considered extremely self-indulgent.  Still working to get over that myself….especially when some older relatives have gotten on my case for stuff I bought for myself when it was done with my own disposable income after all the bills are paid….and more importantly….is none of their damned business. 

I can’t say for NYC and NY state, but when lying becomes a criminal matter, it’s taken very seriously on the Best Coast, even when it isn’t done by an officer of the court:

Dark Avenger,

There is a gulf of difference between lying and actually being caught lying in circumstances where is legally actionable.  Just making an observation from my own experiences working with attorneys in various contexts….especially in large law firms and in the courts.

I’m late this party, but as a long-time singleton, may I just say that the face-down Cupid graphic rocks?  I think that’ll be my new computer wallpaper.

I bought a bouquet of cheap, cute flowers for myself when I was in a bad mood and wanted to feel better.  My then-boyfriend was all guilty-sounding, like, “I thought you didn’t like flowers.”  And I was like, “From you, as some cliche gift.  But I like to buy them for myself.”  So, it’s weird, I guess.  But it’s not like the end of the world, and the loadedness of it is off-putting.

Christmas is far worse: more immoral, mendacious, and destructive. V-day by comparison is just sort of crappy and annoying, except for those little chalky candy hearts with two-word expressions on them. Although they don’t compare to Peeps, the saving grace of secular Easter celebrations.

If we can reinterpret everything else in our sexist, consumerist, heteronormative culture, why not Valentine’s Day? Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be about meat eating, football, or hanging out with family you hate. Christmas doesn’t have to be about maxing out your credit cards on crap nobody wants, or Jesus. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to involve obnoxious high school-style politics.

If a holiday is dedicated to celebrating X, and you don’t have X, then you may feel left out. Or not. I’m not a mom, a dad, or a military veteran, but I don’t go around seething over Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Veteran’s Day. I’m not threatened by other people’s big white weddings or their baby showers.

People who have feminist/alternative weddings aren’t necessarily flaunting their good fortune, even though a wedding is a much more public display of coupledom than going out to dinner on Valentines Day—or mentioning that you enjoy going out to dinner on Valentine’s Day. Some single people may end up feeling bad because a wedding reminds them of all the social pressure to get married, but I don’t think the world would be a better place if we stopped having weddings.

Ms Kate wrote:

I’m inspired, Dana. Maybe I’ll measure that broken sliding door in the dining room, pry it out, replace it, and seal it up.  Will there be crowds at Lowes?

I don’t know where you live, but if you went to the one on MacArthur Road in Allentown, well, it seems as though everyone around here just has to get out, but since everything is covered with ice and snow, all there is to do is go shopping .  .  . and the malls are on the same road as Lowe’s and Home Despot.  :(

Totally off topic—hope it won’t get me banned—but our younger daughter just asked, “What did the Dursleys tell the doctor in London when they took Dudley to get his tail removed?”

There are enough Harry Potter fans in here that someone ought to have an answer!

The Dark Avenger quoted something that really annoys me:

Jew, who resigned from office in January 2008, is to surrender July 1 to begin serving his federal prison term.

Ed Jew was sentenced on his federal offense on 3 April 2009, after having pleaded guilty on 10 October 2008.  If he’d been a 22 year old punk in Philadelphia, convicted of knocking over a liquor store, he’d have been taken from the courtroom straight to jail.  But Mr Jew gets six months of freedom between conviction and sentencing, plus another three months of liberty between sentencing and having to actually go to prison.

Doesn’t sound exactly just to me!  I can understand a judge giving a non-flight-risk, non-violent convict a week to tie up loose ends before reporting to prison, but nine months?

just making an observation from my own experiences working with attorneys in various contexts….especially in large law firms and in the courts.

My experience with the legal profession is a bit more earlier than yours.

When I was a small child going to grades 1-2 at the local Catholic school, one of my fathers’ friends was an attorney who knew that my father routinely violated a game law that was routinely broken by anyone who hunted a common bird around here.  He also would take me along with his own children to the school in the morning, and my mother would reciprocate by picking up they and I in the afternoon.

So, he would start asking me about my fathers’ hunting skills and preferences during the rides, but he never got me to give up Dad, no matter what angle he came at when questioning me.

I could also tell you about a cousin of my mothers’ who was married to a Harvard Law graduate . who later became the DA of his county to the north of where I currently reside some three decades ago, he would routinely have her sign a blank income tax form, federal and state, every year.

When he died she discovered that she was over 10K in debt the IRS as a result of the stuff he tried to pull in his tax filings.

Here’s a cheery traditional Chinese “finish your food” warning that mothers give their children; just in time for Valentines’ Day:

“Every grain of rice you leave behind in your bowl will be another pockmark(think chicken or smallpox) on your future spouse.”

wait, the prices will be higher now as last minute panicked guys bumrush the shops to make up for the last few months of laziness

Valentine’s Day pushback is already an integral and healthy part of Valentine’s Day tradition. There are a bunch of anti-Valentine’s readings and events scheduled in my neighborhood. People are getting together to bitch and complain about the tyranny of enforced romance. Gawker is running a Valentine’s Day horror story contest.

I’ve known singles who make a point of going out with their other singles friends on V-Day. When I was single, a single girlfriend and I decided to dress up and go out for a fancy dinner for two because one of our favorite restaurants had a special holiday tasting menu, and why should we miss out because we didn’t have dates to take us?

In effect Valentine’s Day institutionalizes both a celebration and a critique of romance.

Well, Dana, you can console yourself that Jew’s current digs aren’t that great:

Kaplan was a homeless taxi driver running for mayor in 2007 when he was arrested for camping out in the driveway of Jew’s Sunset District house to protest Jew apparently living in Burlingame rather than in the district he represented.

Now, as Jew is preparing to serve more than six years behind bars on state and federal corruption charges, including a year in jail for lying about living in the house that Kaplan crashed in front of, Kaplan is feeling bad for “poor Ed Jew.”

“It’s not the fraud/embezzlement thing that bothered me, that’s sort of part of taxicab and capitalistic culture,” Kaplan wrote in an e-mail to Insider. “However, i think the combination of all the time he’s gonna serve, is absolutely not going to do him nor society any good. From my own experience, i can say, without a doubt, that Ed Jew, in SFcounty jail, will be placed into solitary, meaning an 8 x 3 ’ cell, probably in K block, as a famous personage, and this housing is torture.”

Kaplan ought to know. He served about six months of a nine-month sentence after being convicted of threatening a passenger and operating an illegal cab, something Kaplan still denies. (Well, not the illegal cab part.)

So how did he come to camp in Jew’s driveway anyway?

  “it was a struggle to just survive living out of my van; i was tired, and had to park somewhere to sleep; i chose Ed Jew’s driveway as a protest of the fact that he was not living in the city, while i was being ridiculed for being homeless here, and why shouldn’t i be able to park in his driveway? oddly, he was trying to start to make a show of living there, and actually happened to be there both Saturday nights, i slept in my van in his driveway.”

He then added: “maybe i was trying to get some votes?”

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/cityinsider/detail?entry_id=39036#ixzz0fXr0GPvM

85% of 64 months on the federal sentence is 4 and 1/2 years, and the sentence imposed was more than that asked for by the prosecutors, what more could you want, Dana?

On “Parks & Recreation” this week, they had Leslie celebrating “Galentines Day” with her mom and her female friends, complete with a favor bag for everyone. 

Have I mentioned lately how much better “Parks & Recreation” is now that they’ve decided to make Leslie an overachiever and not someone who’s totally incompetent?  There’s probably some sexism in there somewhere, but I don’t care—Amy Poehler is much funnier when she’s bright and overbearing than when she’s dumb and overbearing.

exholt, my husband is a physicist who went to an engineering school.

I think it has to do with what Catherynne Valente says here.
“I know that most of us were shunned on Valentine’s Day in school. Believe me, my little cubby was empty, just like yours, and I yearned for a construction paper heart from boy after boy—and never got them. I understand that there is a history of trauma, and the standard geek reaction to past trauma is to organize the world so that there is no chance of that trauma re-occurring. Thus, Valentine’s Day must be killed.”

My school didn’t allow valentine shunning. Everyone gave a card to everyone else. Period. I just don’t believe in “in love.” Ironic as I write romance…

The Dark Avenger asked:

85% of 64 months on the federal sentence is 4 and 1/2 years, and the sentence imposed was more than that asked for by the prosecutors, what more could you want, Dana?

I’m not complaining about the sentence itself, not really knowing all of the details about how the judge arrived at it or what sentencing guidelines applied.  I am simply appalled that we would allow a convicted felon nine whole months of freedom before he has to report to jail.

Remember Ken Lay of Enron?  After 4½ years of preparation, the Justice Department finally brought the Enron scandal charges against him.  The trial itself took four months.  Then, after he was convicted (26 May 2006), his sentencing was scheduled for 23 October 2006, which gave Mr Lay another five months of freedom.  On 5 July 2006, while vacationing in Colorado, Mr Lay died of a heart attack.  For his crimes, he never served a day in prison, because the federal criminal justice system, at least for the white collar defendants, allows so much time between conviction and sentencing.

shah8@73:

Dude, I’m not high. :p

It’s exam revision time, I’m overworked, overtired and pissed off by the ridiculous amount of pink mass-produced tat swilling about for a holiday in the name of forced romance. It gets up my nose, especially since everyone on my floor is in a tizzy about receiving a gift; the top one of which seems to be a Pepto-pink made-in-China teddy with a nauseating pun badly embroidered into its crotch.

Dude, I don’t care…

If you thought you toked a toke and got the visions, but you didn’t toke that toke, did you really toke that toke?

but then…

Teddy Bears
Puns on Crotch

Oh the mind wails…

My husband and I celebrate our “when we got together” dating anniversary instead of Valentine’s day, because it’s only a couple days before V-day, and we prefer to celebrate that instead.

I like Valentine’s Day, but more for the “famililal” love thing than anything else. My parents used it as an excuse for all of us to get a little card saying how much they loved us (and we’d exchange little gifts, but nothing huge and expensive) and we would make little valentines for our parents and grandparents.

Then we’d make heart cookies and have some sort of “love” themed dinner that signified how much we cared about one another (hearty, for lack of a better word, lol!).

So, growing up, most of my Valentine’s Day associations were with this sort of thing, not really with anything specifically to one-up your spouse/those in relationships around you.

Also, in my office, we exchange little candies/holiday themed stuff between each other.  One lady brought in tasty heart shaped cheesecake minis for everyone to share and someone else passed out heart-shaped suckers.  It was kind of like being back in school, only I didn’t get all the crappy green-apple flavored candy (eeew).

I used to work at a greeting card store (did two “V-day tours of duty”, hehehe), so I came face-to-face with the “desperate people buying stuff to make up for a crappy relationship” types of situations, but I never understood it myself.  When I was single, I was sad that I was single.  Valentine’s day didn’t really make it any more or less yucky (and actually, I often wondered if a “secret admirer” would confess to me on V-day, so it was kind of a day of anticipation for me).  And when I was with someone, I was usually in a situation where both of us were similarly poor, so we usually made or bought small tokens of our love for one another.

That makes me wonder….perhaps the whole stereotypical idea of Valentine’s day is to further dichotomize the disparity in income between men and women who are in “traditional” roles (ie: man=breadwinner, woman=free labor SAHM), but to upset the power balance in a relationship and make a power play in resources for labor (ie: gifts for sex) so that if a man buys his wife or girlfriend something “nice,” she in effect cannot say “no” to his gift for fear of being ungrateful, but then cannot further say “no” to sex with him because the implication is that the gift is “payment” for whatever he wants to do to her body.

And this idea makes me feel prickly and wrong all over.

Which makes me wonder, why is the cultural standard of sex to be that a woman must say “no” or “yes” is always implied?

Why isn’t it the other way around?  Why isn’t it, “You do not try to have sex with another person unless they are actively saying ‘YES, let’s fuck ASAP’?”

Why is it always setting up sex as a loathsome task to be owed to the highest bidder?

Your high school story made me laugh, Amanda. At mine you could buy red roses or small bags of treats and they were delivered by either a uniformed cheerleader (for the fellas) or a football player (for the ladies). A small kerfuffle occurred when a queer student asked for a football player to deliver a rose to his boyfriend. No football player would step up and he declined to have it delivered by a cheerleader. Decorating the locker of your boy/girlfriend was also de rigueur among the popular elite. Yick!

  It amounted to she/he (mostly she) who has the most crap at the end of the day wins. Although I hung out with an conglomerate of “losers” (punks, math geeks, unpopular drama nerds etc.) who pretended to be scornfully above it all the you-are-not-pretty-enough-to-deserve-love pall that pervaded the day still stung.

  I was single for a looooonnnnggg time and loved it. Being an only child I have a strong sense of privacy and like doing things my own weird way. My partner and I had the Valentine’s Day is commercial BS talk at the beginning of our relationship and it is usually the crap we get from other people that makes the day uncomfortable. He gets the “she may say she doesn’t want anything but you better” line from his friends and I get the “oh, poor you” shit from mine. This year we gave presents to our pets and then went to the local animal shelter and gave out a lot of love (and almost came home with some extra friends).

I might add that Amanda’s high story made me laugh because of the several intervening years between then and now. Again, wearing the outsider badge did not insulate everyone from the feeling of well…being left out. I always felt envious of the few people who genuinely seemed not to care.

Hooks wrote:

This year we gave presents to our pets and then went to the local animal shelter and gave out a lot of love (and almost came home with some extra friends).

I’d guess that the majority of the Pandagonistae would have given you a hearty congratulations had the word “almost” not been in that sentence!  If you can handle just one extra friend from the shelter, let me encourage you to go back!

Heh…we would love to but our (130 pound) dog is going through behavioral training for nervous aggression and our cat is 15 and hates all other animals. We tried fostering kitties but my beloved Zelda bullied them so much we had to stop.

  BTW- the dog is not aggressive to the cat. She has him completely buffaloed- all six pounds of her.

I understand: we have three cats, one of whom absolutely hates the idea of other cats.

I propose we turn Valentine’s Day into a national day of volunteering. mr. biscuit and I spent the evening serving dinner to homeless men at my church’s night shelter. It brought us closer, helped put our lives in perspective, and allowed us to give something back to our community. Plus, we got cake! SO much more fun than a crowded, overpriced dinner.

He gets the “she may say she doesn’t want anything but you better” line from his friends

Oh jeebus do I hate that bullshit. If asked, I’ll just say, oh, rowmyboat and I don’t really do Valentine’s Day. If pressed a bit on why, I’ll say that neither of us like it or want anything for it. And that’s when they drag it out, “Oh, women say that, but they really want you to do something and she’ll be mad if you don’t.” Well, golly, thanks, but NO, she really means it, and NO she won’t be mad, because we do this crazy thing where we base our relationship around the assumption that we are, you know, honest with one another about our needs, desires and feelings and don’t play fucked-up passive-aggressive mind games. In fact, that assumption alone about how romantic love works is enough to warrant a boycott. Not to mention that we’ve been doing this for three years now, so I think that if my not buying her flowers for Valentine’s Day were a problem that it would have come up by now..

Instead, maybe we’ll do what we’ve done in the past and go to a local chocolate boutique and pick out some truffles together. Sometime this week. If we have time and feel like bothering. Because who gives a shit? We can get chocolate whenever the fuck we want to.

I knew there’d be a plus to going to single-sex high school.

V-day should be celebrated with a paperback and a pair of sexy underpants.

I realize that a lot of people are going to leave comments explaining how they and theirs have figured out the perfect way to enjoy the holiday, and bully for you.  But you’re one of the lucky ones

So true…

Four years ago my husband surprised me with a puppy on Valentine’s Day and in my world, this is as good as it gets.  We’ve agreed that he cannot possibly top this without the aid of a horse trailer.

But the holiday was just a convenient excuse, in truth, we were due for the adoption anyway. One exception in 20 years generally unmarred by “grand gestures”, thank doG. That shit wears me out. I’m the sort that can’t be bothered to remember a wedding anniversary (and once or twice, my own birthday.) The real secret to low-pressure V-days is probably being old, lazy and contrarian. But I’m not giving up the chocolate—I’m cool with buying it myself if need be.

Alicia wrote:

But the holiday was just a convenient excuse, in truth, we were due for the adoption anyway. One exception in 20 years generally unmarred by “grand gestures”, thank doG. That shit wears me out.

My darling bride’s birthday is December 16th: that means coming up with two good present ideas in the span of nine days, and I’m lucky when I can come up with one idea that isn’t completely lame!

Do not get me started, Dana.
Mom: Dec 14, Husband: Dec 15, Me: Jan 16. We all gave up a long time ago.

Hah, Dana/alicia-logic, I know where you’re coming from.

Grandma: Dec 16
Husband: Dec 27
Mom: Dec 28
Parent’s anniversary: Dec 30
Dad: Feb 11
In-Law’s Anniversary: Feb 19
Our anniversary: Feb 20

By the time March rolls around, I barely care about MY birthday I’m so tired of celebrating.