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Next entry: 9 out of 10 doctors recommend Lucky Strike for treatment of strep throat! Previous entry: Video break: the BarackRolling of John McCain

All Conservatives Are Racist Pedophiles

Look, no, there’s no possible way to interpret the title of this post as saying that each and every conservative is a bigoted child-lover.  There’s just not.

The standard for Republicans opening their mouths has generally been that they don’t mean the words that come out, but in fact some highly qualified variant on the plain meaning of the words that comes right up to what they obviously meant without actually meaning said thing.  If Mitt Romney says that he hopes you die in a puddle of AIDS, all he really meant is that you talk about AIDS a lot and will one day die.  In a puddle of it.

Senator James Inhofe (R - Not Really OK) declared today:

“Do you really want to have a guy as commander in chief of this country when you can question whether or not he really loves his country?”

Inhofe later clarified his remarks in a statement, saying “Let me be clear, I am not questioning Sen. Obama’s patriotism, but you have to question why at times he seems so obviously opposed to public displays of patriotism and national pride, like wearing an American flag lapel pin.’‘

See, Inhofe isn’t questioning Barack Obama’s patriotism, just how he displays his love of country and whether he actually does love his country.  That’s as different as night and the opposite of day.  It’s the Instapundit theory of communication - the important thing isn’t whether or not you said what you said, but why liberals insist on being shit-eating clowns. 

Bonus guy who’s going to say he didn’t say what he said: David Kahane at the National Review.  “Kahane”, incidentally, is a psuedonym for a Hollywood screenwriter apparently afeared of MASSIVE HOLLYWOOD RETALIATION for his conservative beliefs.  I’d be more afraid of losing work for being such a shitty writer.

For you, my friend, are up against B. Hussein Jr., the Messiah, the Moshiach, and the Mahdi all rolled into one Manchurian package.

Yes, I’m talking about the great Community Organizer himself, the Lion of the Annenberg Challenge; the invisible editor of The Harvard Law Review; the Illinois state senator whose favorite vote was “present”; the speechifying U.S. senator who started running for the White House almost as soon as he got to Washington; the Land of Lincoln’s very own “Cadillac” Deval Patrick on a grander scale — ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, wearing the red trunks with the hammer and sickle on them: the Punahou Kid!

Let me tell you, this man Barry Soetero, a.k.a. the Talking Parrot, is tough. His fight manager, trainer and dialogue coach is none other than David Axelrod, dubbed “Obama’s Narrator,” by the New York Times. Axelrod is the former journalist and political columnist at the Chicago Tribune who switched sides, working on the late Harold Washington’s campaign for mayor, defending Mayor Richie Daley against ludicrous charges of “corruption,” and forming his own influential political-consulting firm. Working both sides of the street — that’s the Chicago Way!

And conservatives wonder why they can’t get movies made.  There was an original conservative script for Jurassic Park II, but it mainly involved Richard Dawkins getting pooped on by a brontosaurus for half an hour.  Nobody got it.

You’ve got to appreciate someone who can embody contradictory racist attacks in the space of two paragraphs, though.  I’m sure he didn’t mean it - just like he didn’t mean it when he burned that cross in front of the daycare he was stalking. 

I’m such a scamp.

 

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 09:40 PM • (32) Comments

We knew they were going to pull out all the stops.  We knew it was going to be crazy.  We knew it would be relentless.

But it still makes me mad as hell when I see what they are doing…

Comment #1: MikeEss  on  09/07  at  10:27 PM

I’m just waiting on the Great Black Hope to walk on water! Part the red sea, turn water into wine. You liberals are so freaking hilarious!

Comment #2: cookie  on  09/07  at  10:41 PM

But it still makes me mad as hell when I see what they are doing…

The fact that they do it is politics.  The fact that people believe it is the real insanity.

Comment #3: Joshua  on  09/07  at  10:43 PM

The real question is why has every Republican not come out to refute these entirely reasonable charges.  They shouldn’t care that we have no evidence of their racist molestation.  If they are innocent I say they prove it!

Comment #4: GumbyAnne  on  09/07  at  10:54 PM

Inohfe is a cross-dressing racist pedophile who uses hampsters in his dirty fetish.

I mean, he likes kids and animals.  That’s what I meant.  You should JUST UNDERSTAND that is what I meant, silly liberal!

Comment #5: Ms Kate  on  09/07  at  10:56 PM

Oh lookie lookie, it’s Troll House Cookie. 
Like bufallo chip and a meadow muffin had some nookie.

Comment #6: Ms Kate  on  09/07  at  10:58 PM

turn water into wine.

Oh, OK.  I see what’s going on.  Is this really what the whole conservative/liberal divide is about?

Because honey, I promise that when Obama is elected, they’ll expand the free Barack-transmuted wine delivery service to everyone, not just registered Dems.

You’ll get your liquor.  Really.  I promise.

Comment #7: The Opoponax  on  09/07  at  11:00 PM

Maybe Kahane is the guy who came up with the second image in this post, the one with Obama in a turban. It sounds like his kind of schtick.

Comment #8: Incertus, Nacho Daddy  on  09/07  at  11:02 PM

Interesting how they define “elitists” as people of thinking too much/too hard, and yet we are not supposed to take their belching at face value?

Comment #9: Ms Kate  on  09/07  at  11:02 PM

And conservatives wonder why they can’t get movies made.  There was an original conservative script for Jurassic Park II, but it mainly involved Richard Dawkins getting pooped on by a brontosaurus for half an hour.  Nobody got it.

Conservative “humor” can be whittled down to two words: “bad slapstick”.  It’s like watching the Three Stooges, but instead of Larry, Moe and Curly being clumsy and smacking each other around, they go down to the railyard and randomly kick hobos.

Comment #10: Blue Buddha  on  09/07  at  11:21 PM

Ms Kate: thoughtcrime doubleplusungood; belchingBigBrotherfully makes bellyfeel Ingsoc.

(I hope that cleared things up brtween us and the dear comrade from MinLuv.)

Comment #11: Mark Foxwell  on  09/07  at  11:24 PM

I don’t think Obama should turn water into wine until after the election—if he did, they’d just call him a “wine and cheese liberal” again.  No, I think Obama should stick with common, everyman kinda miracles—like, feeding all of his volunteers with one bag of Doritos and one 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper, and—for really special occasions—turning Hawaiian Punch into Budweiser Select (that way, he can appeal to all those hockey moms who are still doing Atkins).

I try to bring people together.

Comment #12: Bradley  on  09/07  at  11:25 PM

I think Obama should stick with common, everyman kinda miracles—like, feeding all of his volunteers with one bag of Doritos and one 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper, and—for really special occasions—turning Hawaiian Punch into Budweiser Select

Dude, I have it on good authority that this totally happened at the DNCC.  The food vendors were PISSED.

Comment #13: The Opoponax  on  09/07  at  11:27 PM

turning Hawaiian Punch into Budweiser Select

That’s a horrible waste of Hawaiian Punch.

Comment #14: Doug H. (Fausto no more)  on  09/07  at  11:49 PM

Ann Coulter didn’t actually call John Edwards gay! She was just commenting on a Grey’s Anatomy actor!  And she didn’t want John Paul Stevens poisoned! She was joking!  Nor did she want Murtha fragged…she was just saying he was the reason soldiers invented it!  She didn’t actually want the NYT building nuked! She just said she regretted Timothy McVeigh didn’t!  And Rush didn’t want riots to occur during the DNC convention…he just said he was dreaming of them!  And he didn’t actually call liberal soldiers phony and how dare Harry Reid suggest it!

I was hoping that was all of them, then Inhofe stepped in it.

Comment #15: calvinhobbes  on  09/08  at  12:04 AM

Rush really didn’t mean that all drug addicts should be executed, either.

Comment #16: Ms Kate  on  09/08  at  12:06 AM

Cue The Smiths:

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I’d like to
smash every tooth
In your head

Oh ... sweetness,
sweetness, I was only
joking
When I said by rights you should be
Bludgeoned in your bed

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt, oh
As the flames rose to her roman nose
And her Walkman started to melt
Oh ...

Bigmouth, la ... bigmouth, la ...
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
In the Human race

Oh, bigmouth, ha ha ... bigmouth, la
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
In the Human race

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt, oh
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/PQuF ]
As the flames rose to a roman nose
And her hearing aid started to melt
Eek !

Oh, bigmouth, la ... bigmouth, la ...
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
With the Human race
Oh ...

Bigmouth, oh ... bigmouth, la ...
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
In the Human race

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt, oh
As the flames rose to a roman nose
And her hearing aid started to melt
Oh !

Oh, bigmouth, oh ... bigmouth, la ...
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
In the Human race
Oh ...

Bigmouth, oh ... bigmouth, la ...
Bigmouth strikes again
I’ve got no right to take my place
In the Human race

A new McCain/Moosy Spice campaign theme song?

Comment #17: Ms Kate  on  09/08  at  12:09 AM

Clearly you people are just elitists concerned about losing the roof over your head due to Republican mismanagement giving us the shittiest economy we’ve had in decades. If you were real salt of the earth non-elitist Americans you wouldn’t be able to keep count of how many mansions you own.

Comment #18: Grendel72  on  09/08  at  12:24 AM

That’s a horrible waste of Hawaiian Punch.

I don’t know.  Hawaiian Punch, Bud Select… honestly, they’re both right up there with Rush Limbaugh’s bath water on my list of things I’d really prefer to not drink.

Comment #19: Bradley  on  09/08  at  12:28 AM

you have to question why at times he seems so obviously opposed to public displays of patriotism and national pride, like wearing an American flag lapel pin.’’

A pin such as the lapel pin John McCain conspicuously wasn’t wearing during his acceptance speech? That kind of pin?

Predictably, IOKIYAR.

Comment #20: Chet  on  09/08  at  12:58 AM

Oh, Jesse, the discussion of Republican pig-fucking, which by the way they don’t do, is not complete without an explicit reference to the Westmoreland ” ‘uppity’ is not a racist slur” routine, even though every student of American English knows that “uppity” is an adjective describing exactly one noun and one noun only.

Comment #21: Bruce  on  09/08  at  01:26 AM

though every student of American English knows that “uppity” is an adjective describing exactly one noun and one noun only.

Toddlers demanding piggyback rides?

Comment #22: Phoenician in a time of Romans  on  09/08  at  01:36 AM

This is how I see Republicans as boyfriends.

And by that, of course, I am only talking about their creative and lyrical use of language.

Comment #23: Phoenician in a time of Romans  on  09/08  at  01:38 AM

that’s the Chicago Way

He must be a screenwriter—who else would quote a Sean Connery line from the Untouchables? If all that you know about a city is what you learn from the movies, what does that say about you? Should we judge NYC by On the Waterfront? I was shocked that Giuliani hinted that Chicago was corrupt by the way—a case of Pot, Kettle, Black.

Comment #24: Hector B.  on  09/08  at  01:46 AM

Nina: ... for instance, with the song Kill Whitey...

Ice: That shit was a whole big misunderstanding. They took the whole thing out of context.

Tone: They was saying we were advocating killing all white people and shit.

Tasty: Yea! Do I look like the kind of guy who could kill a WHOLE BUNCH of white motherfuckers? I mean… given a reason, but not on a humbug!

Nina: Well, in the song lyrics, I’m quoting: “He’ll rip you off. He’ll take your money, make you work for free. Though you may scoff. It isn’t funny. He’s the devil, see…

All: KILL WHITEY!

Ice: Right. Now how can you listen to that and think we was advocating killing all white people?

Tone: Fact. We were talking about one specific whitey: Whitey Deluca, our ex-manager.

Tasty: He ripped us off for 70 Gs!

Ice: That’s right. And Whitey Deluca wasn’t even white. He was Italian. He was one of those olive complected mofuckas y’know.

Comment #25: Sarcastro  on  09/08  at  11:00 AM

The great thing about being a conservative in Hollywood is that when you turn out enough shit to make hiring you a bad idea, you can just go running to the conservative media to complain about how liberals railroaded and blacklisted you for writing a script about Reagan. Thus instant new career. We need to work something like that for us.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Comment #26: matthew  on  09/08  at  11:53 AM

Wait, I’m sorry, but did Barack Obama lend support to a secessionist movement?

Comment #27: Mighty Ponygirl  on  09/08  at  11:58 AM

There was an original conservative script for Jurassic Park II, but it mainly involved Richard Dawkins getting pooped on by a brontosaurus for half an hour.

I’d have paid to see that.

Comment #28: Bitter Scribe  on  09/08  at  12:41 PM

Um, well, now that you mention it, why won’t you answer that question:  “why liberals insist on being shit-eating clowns?”

I haven’t seen a reasonable answer yet.  Please enlighten us.

Comment #29: hoody  on  09/08  at  10:24 PM

hoody:

Um, well, now that you mention it, why won’t you answer that question: “why liberals insist on being shit-eating clowns?”

I haven’t seen a reasonable answer yet. Please enlighten us.

I do believe that you’re arguing from a false premise. But all I can really say in response to this is that shit-eating clowns tend to assume that everyone else is a shit-eating clown, too.

Comment #30: Dan, Grand High Emperor of Bananas Foster  on  09/08  at  10:31 PM

Wait, I’m sorry, but did Barack Obama lend support to a secessionist movement?

Can you imagine the reaction if Sarah Palin had gotten her political start in Terry Nichols’ living room?

Which is pretty much what Barack Obama did with William Ayers.

Plus, you are 48 hours behind on your Palin smears. You are still posting ones that are non-operative.

Comment #31: Walsingham  on  09/09  at  10:11 AM

Which is pretty much what Barack Obama did with William Ayers.

Yes, that’s right, by interacting with the politically connected Ayers on various boards of directors while working on educational projects in the city of Chicago, that means that Obama is equally as guilty of planting bombs during the 1960s.  Even though Obama was 8 years old when Ayers was committing his crimes.

Do you guys have any fresh talking points?  Just one?  You’ve been promising A Big Reveal about Ayers for almost 6 months now, and so far, nada.  Time to put up or shut up, because this one’s as stale as “He’s a secret Muslim!”

Which is what makes this part your funniest comment of all:

You are still posting ones that are non-operative.

You’ve been trying to kick Ayers into gear for 6 months.  Either give it up or show some proof, asshat.

Comment #32: Mnemosyne  on  09/09  at  12:27 PM
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