As you probably know by now, the GOP put together an extremely silly site called America Speaking Out so their base can flood them with the ideas that they’re lacking right now. Of course, their base doesn’t have any ideas, either, besides a general disdain for people they don’t consider Real Americans, so there wasn’t a whole lot of what they wanted going on. But what there is a lot of are internet pranksters, and they’ve basically taken the site over. I thought I’d submit some ideas of my own, and I’ve collected them here. Sadly, most didn’t make it on to the regular website, mainly because it’s getting so flooded with pranksters. I put the results of each submission in parentheses. Try it at home, and please share the results in comments.
American Prosperity
CAN WE JUST BAN FRIGGIN PENNIES ALREADY? THEY’RE ALL OVER MY HOUSE AND THEY SLIDE IN BETWEEN THE COUCH CUSHIONS. GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY GERMS ARE ALL OVER THEM BUT KIDS PUT THEM IN THEIR MOUTHS ANYWAY. (Site went down.)
It’s hard to pass calculus. Congress needs to make it against the law for pi to have more that 2 digits after the decimal point. Infinite numbers seem kind of ungodly anyway. tagged: education (Site went down)
You know how hot women always date jerks and the Nice Guys stay in the friend zone? You should set up an affirmative action system requiring that Nice Guys get their fair share of the sex out there. tagged: American competitiveness (Inappropriate.)
Fiscal Accountability
How is it that the FCC can fine the network for showing a pop star’s baby feeder during halftime, but were helpless to do anything about depressing the nation with that halftime Who “concert”? Can you rewrite FCC regulations to address that? tag: government regulation (Site froze.)
Porn at work and cocaine parties at the MMS seem to be objectively good for oil company profits. Instead of spending money on health care reform, we should spend taxpayer money funding orgies for industry lobbyists and the people trying to regulate them. (Site broke.)
Please pass a law requiring the producers of “Lost” to go on TV and answer this long list of mysteries that we on the internet have ginned up. tagged: accountability (Site crashed.)
American Values
Walter E. Williams and his callers were bragging about having wives that do all the chores and are under control. I need one of those. Can you get me one? (Inappropriate.)
Lesbians are taking perfectly workable uteruses and housework skills away from red-blooded American men. Pass a law requiring lesbians to go to church until they give in and marry a dude. (Site broke.)
Obviously, the Constitution isn’t limited enough, because of the big government problem. Maybe we should just rip out that last few pages to make it shorter? How long is it, anyway? tag: constitutional limits (Accepted.)
National Security
Can you tell your mom to stop calling my house and coming over and asking the neighbors when I’m coming home? (This one posted, but was taken down.)
Does my rear end look big in these jeans? tagged: security (Site crashed.)
Most of the world seems to call soccer “football”, which is un-American and hurts the NFL’s brand overseas. The UN is worthless if they can’t do anything about that. Are our ambassadors even trying to fix this situation? tag: diplomacy (Accepted.)
Hat tip to Feministe for the idea.
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The pennies one is actually a pretty good idea. We spend considerably more than a penny each minting them.