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Next entry: Battering is not “losing your head” Previous entry: Friday Genius Ten “Unnnnnnnpacking” Edition

America: you need to get laid

Rebecca Dana has an article up at the Daily Beast examining the question of why there aren’t as many sex scandals with women at the center of them. There are many theories that are 100% bullshit: that women aren’t as interested, that women only fuck up and so powerful women have nowhere to go, that women are too busy for affairs, that women are less careless because they have more to lose.  The only thing that seemed remotely plausible to me was Emily Gould’s theory.

“Men are typically seen as having agency and women are typically seen as being acted upon in romantic relationships,” says New York writer Emily Gould (a survivor of her own small-scale sex scandal). “So then even when those stereotypical power dynamics aren’t really the ones at play, the culture-making machinery will simplify whatever the real story is until it is a more familiar wronged-woman, lothario-man narrative.”

I think there’s a lot to that.  It’s not like there’s a lack of scandals involving women, but most of them are about being scandalized that someone is just so unladylike.  Having an affair is actually pretty ladylike, or can be seen that way if it’s spun the right way.  So I think there’s something to this theory. 

But I have another theory that I think is closer to the truth.  There are fewer sex scandals involving women because there are fewer women in roles prominent enough to cause a sex scandal. Think of the categories of people that there’s sex scandals about: athletes, politicians, late night talk show hosts, basically people who have more than celebrity, but who have authority.  (Though this is increasingly less true of athletes, which is a good thing.  They’ve never really been that upstanding a crowd.)  There’s not much scandal if the person having the illicit sex is someone who is supposed to be doing that, like a movie star or a rock musician.  It’s only someone with gravitas, and the ranks of those people are overwhelmingly male.  At this point, it’s a numbers game.  For instance, there are exponentially fewer political sex scandals involving female politicians because there are exponentially fewer women holding high office. 

One thing I know for certain is this sex scandal crap has officially gone too far.  Now the only hook necessary for the mainstream media to cover a sex scandal is “just because”.  No need for a public interest hook.  When the Letterman thing happened, I knew it was all over.  The blackmail arrest was the official hook, but that’s a thin excuse, and really it shocked me how much people were willing to pretend to be shocked that someone like Letterman would have an affair.  That’s what made all this Tiger Woods crap unavoidable.  The hook is the car accident, but at this point does anyone really believe that?  No, instead we’re being subjected to the bizarre faux outrage and titillation at the fact that a world famous athlete who has literally millions of people sucking his butt got it into his head that he could cheat on his wife.  This is exactly as surprising as the sun coming up in the morning.  Why do people give this much of a shit?

Clearly, the answer is that America needs to get laid more.

 

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Posted by Amanda Marcotte on 04:58 PM • (98) Comments

It could just be that women aren’t as inclined to brag and hence increase their egos.  This would go hand in glove with the idea that these things are more about conquest than sex itself.

Comment #1: Magis  on  12/11  at  05:23 PM

When the Letterman thing happened, I knew it was all over.  The blackmail arrest was the official hook, but that’s a thin excuse, and really it shocked me how much people were willing to pretend to be shocked that someone like Letterman would have an affair.  That’s what made all this Tiger Woods crap unavoidable.

I still disagree.  I still say Letterman created a sexually charged hostile working environment through his actions.  And a former staff writer from his show says as much .

Tiger Woods is just being a typical duplicitous asshat who assures one partner that their relationship is monogamous while fucking other people.

Comment #2: Richard Goblin  on  12/11  at  05:30 PM

I read an article a couple days ago blaming Tiger for the slavery in Dubai, because the Tiger Woods golf course is there. The author said that we oughta leave his personal life personal, but we gotta scrutinize him because he supports “unaccountable corporations”. I thought it was bad from the start, the obsession with Woods’ sex life, but blaming him in anyway for those sorts of human rights abuses when the real people at fault are in governments and in the financial market was out fucking rageous.

Comment #3: FW  on  12/11  at  05:30 PM

David Letterman never tried to portray h9imself as a great family man, while Tiger Woods was trading as much on his squeaky-clean image as his golf prowess.  He set himself up higher, so he fell harder.

As for why people are interested, well, I guess tat it’s just because they are.  Maybe it helps the average Joe when the high and mighty fall.  And as long as someone thinks that there’s money to be made pushing these stories, these stories will continue to get pushed.

I’ve got to admit, though, I wonder about these revelations.  It seems as though every attractive woman who even met Mr Woods is now claiming that they were lovers.  How much of this is real, and how much is it the seeking of the famed fifteen minutes?  I guess that the next show to (upprovably) drop will be a guy saying he was having an affair with Mr Woods.

Comment #4: Dana  on  12/11  at  05:35 PM

A big part of the deal with Tiger Woods is not so much that he did something shocking, but that he did something ridiculous.

Comment #5: rea  on  12/11  at  05:38 PM

Call me cynical, but I have a feeling that at least some of this is being secretly fueled by the Woods camp to try and continue to muddy the issue of whether or not his wife attacked him.  Yes, I can understand why you would want to take a golf club to your cheating husband’s head but, like it or not, that’s still domestic violence in Florida and she still needs to be investigated regardless of how angry she was.

Comment #6: Mnemosyne  on  12/11  at  05:42 PM

On another note, there is some sign that we’re becoming less interested in this stuff…

Did you hear about the Democratic U.S. Senator who has a ton of influence on healthcare legislation having an affair with a woman that he recommended for a position as a U.S. Attorney?

No?  Well, I imagine most haven’t.  Senator Max Baucus has an affair, and sure, it makes the news, but it was virtually reported as a non-event… aside from friends and family who constantly have their ear to the political grindstone, I know very few people who know anything at all about this story.  Then again, I imagine most Americans probably don’t even know who Sen. Baucus is.

Hopefully, it’s because we’re starting to become more and more immune to caring about the sex lives of public figures.

Then again, perhap it’s says something pretty terrible about us that we are more in tune with all of the dirty details of the sexual dalliances of a celebrity golfer than we are of the details of an extremely powerful U.S. Senator, in a far more ethically-complicated situation that at least potentially could have had a bigger actual effect on the average American citizen, to the extent that a U.S. attorney can actually impact public policy.

Comment #7: DTG in STL  on  12/11  at  05:46 PM

Having worked in what folks call a “sexually hostile environment,” I tend to think the Letterman situation probably falls into that category. Still, I am not interested in it. Partly, I guess, because I’ve always thought he was creepy and seriously overrated. I’m not surprised he would be pulling the Bill Maher bullshit on his female staff. I assumed he was, actually.

The Tiger Woods thing is interesting to me, though, because he worked so hard to be the Bland Brand. Any time I heard him talk, I was amazed at how little he said, how careful he was. How fricking boring he was. I wondered what the hell was under that cautious, tedious-sounding, money-making machine mannequin. And it turns out that he’s kind of a typical frat boy who tells racist jokes, talks about pussy and cock like he’s in high school, and is afflicted with a serious case of satyriasis. Oh, and he has more money than god.

That’s interesting. For the short-term, at least. Finally, something about Tiger Woods doesn’t bore me to tears.

Although his sextextings are, as usual with anything Tiger does that doesn’t involve golfing, incredibly boring and lame.

Comment #8: millie  on  12/11  at  05:50 PM

Apparently, the UK needs to get laid, too, because this bullshit is all over the fucking tabloids over here, too.  Maybe it’s just because I have absolutely no interest in golf, and only knew who Tiger Woods was because I’ve seen him often enough whilst enduring the sport segment on the news, but come on, it feels like they’re just whipping this crap up into an OMG HUGE SCANDAL because that’s what they do, not because they actually give a damn.

Comment #9: Bella  on  12/11  at  05:57 PM

Well, Tiger is BLACK and when black men have sex, especially with white women?  OOOOoooooo!  Scandal!

It’s kinda fun trying to think of women who could have a sex scandal.

Katie Couric could have a sex scandal.  Michelle Obama could definitely have a sex scandal.  Heck, Laura Bush could have, and still might be able to.

How long could they have a scandal before it was spun into the “wronged woman” narrative, though?  Michelle Obama would never get out…but Laura Bush would have people protecting her within an hour.

Jackie O almost had a sex scandal when she married Ari, since she was supposed to be the First Widow forever.  But she married Ari in part b/c he had enough money to hide her and her kids from paparazzi jerks.

Comment #10: Caren-Sun-blocking Creator of Animorphic Pancakes  on  12/11  at  06:00 PM

I think there are multiple reasons.

Firstly: older women are less likely to have the opportunity for an affair (at least, an affair with a man who has less to lose than they do if it’s revealed), because older women are not perceived by our culture to be sexual even if they are powerful and rich. Powerful rich men are sexy at any age, apparently, but powerful rich women are not. They have to be beautiful too. And of course, the cultural standard of beauty excludes most people who have had the time and experience to become rich and/or powerful.

Secondly: our culture tells rich, powerful men that sex with multiple women, or younger women, or multiple younger women, is a perk of the job. There are rich, powerful men who don’t have affairs, but a man who wants access to multiple women or younger women is likely to pursue becoming rich or powerful as a means to do that, and men experience some degree of social pressure telling them that it’s okay for them to have affairs, they’re entitled to do so, any woman would want them because of how rich and powerful they are, blah blah. Our culture tells older women, no matter how rich and powerful they are, that their sex days are over and they’re laughable if they want a handsome young man in their bed.

Thirdly: women being less than 5% of all billionaires and 15% of all American politicians means that yes, there are a lot fewer rich, powerful older women around to be having affairs. So you combine the fact that their numbers are much less, they get no cultural support for the idea that their wealth and power entitles them to sex, and they’re not seen as particularly attractive, so as a result the only people who *want* them are often peers, with as much to lose if the affair comes to light as they have… and there you go, no sex scandals with women.

I mean, there isn’t even a female Tiger Woods. The *closest* thing in existence would be Oprah, and maybe Martha Stewart—people who built financial empires based on their ability to be celebrity entertainers, the image they projected as entertainers, and were savvy businesspeople who marketed that celebrity… but they’re not athletes, and talk show hosts aren’t seen by our culture as *nearly* as sexy as athletes. There are absolutely no female athletes in a position to become like Tiger Woods, and few Congresswomen or female governors in the pipeline to become the next Mark Sanford or Larry Craig. And the few that there *are*, have a lot less of a sense of entitlement to sex, because the only women who feel entitled to sex in our culture are beautiful young women, and no one is powerful when they are young.

I suspect that eventually we’ll get a sex scandal where a Congresswoman is found in bed with a Congressman, and she’ll be pilloried for it much more than he will. It’ll be a long, long while, though, before we see a sex scandal where a rich, powerful woman cheats on her husband with a young attractive man; at least that’s what I think.

Comment #11: Alara J Rogers  on  12/11  at  06:04 PM

By the way, did anyone see “Parks & Recreation” last night, where a city councilman fakes an affair with Leslie to cover up his other, more scandalous affairs?  If you’re in the US, you can watch it on Hulu.

You gotta love an episode whose punchline is, “I didn’t think you would pull down your pants on live TV.”  I also like that they’ve turned Leslie into a character who’s competent but annoying, not the incompetent she was earlier in the season.

Comment #12: Mnemosyne  on  12/11  at  06:28 PM

I think we’re looking at this way too hetero-ly.  The first time there will be a sex scandal with an older woman in a position of authority, her paramour will likely be another woman.  Not to go all gender roles on everyone, but I think it’s safe to say that a powerful, authoritative woman in her 50s and older just isn’t likely to risk her career for sex with a man, whether he’s older or younger.  Women don’t get to Oprah Winfrey-level of status by focusing on the immediate right here/right now when faced with sex as men like Mark Foley do.  Men like Foley can be obvious creeps but don’t need to control for that because men by and large don’t have to try as hard as women have to in order to get elected or promoted.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Nancy Pelosi or Olympia Snowe, et al have already realized that to fuck up their marriages by having an affair would destroy their careers to the point where it’s not even an option, no matter how in love or lust with another man they may be.

On the other hand, I *can* believe that it’s possible to feel a new sexual spark with another woman that makes the risk worth it.  Genuine love muddles your brain like that.

Comment #13: stubbles  on  12/11  at  06:29 PM

Having worked in what folks call a “sexually hostile environment,” I tend to think the Letterman situation probably falls into that category.

I’m interested in it for the same reason I was interested in Bill-O pulling the sort of crap (although Bill-O did it in a more direct and stupid way) - exposing that this garbage goes on and reenforcing the public perception that sexual harassment is not to be tolerated.

You make a good point on the “Bland Brand” aspects, millie.  If Woods had created a “bad boy” brand this “scandal” would probably just be par for the course.  (Really bad golf joke intended smile .)

Comment #14: Richard Goblin  on  12/11  at  06:30 PM

I presume that Woods does what he does because he can—he’s rich, famous, young, good looking, and on the road all of the time.  The only question I have in that situation is why get married and pretend that you are going to be monagamous.  Self-delusion I guess.

The other thing people don’t really understand is how absolutely egocentric you have to be to be as good as Tiger Woods, who is not just garden variety good, but the best ever arguably to do what he does in possibly the most solo of solo sports (no wanker jokes).  It is not necessarily the temperament that makes for a devoted husband and selfless father.  Or even a very good person necessarily.  Certainly not a very interesting person. 

The only women athletes that I can think of who might be able to cause as much of a stir in a sex scandal would be the Williams sisters.

Comment #15: Sir Charles  on  12/11  at  06:47 PM

Letterman was smart for nipping his “sex scandal” in the bud by coming out and admitting it on his show.  With no shocking secrets to dig up, the media immediately lost interest.  (Also, who the hell cares if David Letterman has sex?)  Unfortunately, this meant everyone ignored the real problem—the hostile environment that Letterman and other high-ranking men on the show created by making it clear that the only way for a female staffer to get ahead was to sleep with the right guy.

As Nell Scovell’s essay points out, this isn’t unique to the Letterman show.  Every late-night talk show has a deeply entrenched old-boys’ network.  Women can’t get work on these shows, or they find the experience so unpleasant they leave, and then the dearth of women is help up as proof that women aren’t funny.

Comment #16: Shaenon  on  12/11  at  06:54 PM

Congressperson Helen Chenowith (R-Idaho)(the black helicopter lady) had a sex scandal, if I recall correctly

Comment #17: rea  on  12/11  at  07:07 PM

Sir Charles (15):

I presume that Woods does what he does because he can—he’s rich, famous, young, good looking, and on the road all of the time.  The only question I have in that situation is why get married and pretend that you are going to be monagamous.  Self-delusion I guess.

Because it’s normal. It’s part of the whole Bland Bran thing: a man his age draws less attention he doesn’t control if he’s married than if he isn’t.

Comment #18: Hershele Ostropoler  on  12/11  at  07:20 PM

Hershele,

I wonder.  I was thinking about someone like Derek Jeter who is a comparable figure in many respects—not quite as iconic in terms of high end advertising, but no slouch.  Now it’s possible that Derek Jeter doesn’t go out and get laid a lot.  But maybe he does and no one cares because he is not pretending to be an upright family man.  And thus, no spouse is taking a baseball bat to the family wheels in public.  (While saving him from an accident of course.)

On the male - female angle again, I agree that things are hardly equivalent in the media, but don’t some Hollywood actresses draw similar attention for their various affairs.  This seems to be the one sphere in which there might be some equality (not that that’s exactly a mark of great human progress).

Comment #19: Sir Charles  on  12/11  at  07:32 PM

It seems to me that the Tiger scandal has more to do with jealousy than anything else. Woods has it all: beautiful wife, great job, more money than you can spend, house on the beach, plays golf for a living, etc…

It’s a way that people can feel superior to someone who has been much more successful then they have. They want to feel better about themselves, and for many people that often involves putting someone else down. Now they have a reason they can legitimately look down their nose at Tiger. The hook is that his supermodel wife appears to be extremely pissed, implying Tiger didn’t get permission before fucking other people. Joe Schmoe can look at Tiger and say, “I’m better than him” and really feel that way.

It’s way easier to tear someone else down then to build yourself up. Especially when the person you are tearing down has built a entire career out of being Mr. Wholesome Perfect.

Comment #20: James K. Polk, Esq.  on  12/11  at  07:33 PM

You get married because having a wife is better than not for a big athlete.  She manages your affairs, runs your home, and looks good for social occasions.  It’s very important for keeping up appearances.  I’d say it’s more common than not for athletes to marry for these benefits while having no intention of being faithful.  And I suspect many wives are willing to put up with it for the money.  That’s why Tiger ended up paying his wife so much—-people freaked out, but perhaps a wife really is worth that much to the man.

Comment #21: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/11  at  07:41 PM

Congressperson Helen Chenowith (R-Idaho)(the black helicopter lady) had a sex scandal, if I recall correctly

Not much of one, although it led to a comment from one Idaho GOP wag, “...is living proof that you really can fuck your brains out.”

As for scandals involving women, too true. For whatever reason, Britney letting her pooter slip is more of a scandal than an affair involving a female celeb.

Comment #22: Dr. Squid  on  12/11  at  08:06 PM

There are several other scripts going on here—
One is the obvious racial one in which African Americans gain acceptance in ‘our’ white culture by becoming as non-threatening as possible, which can thus give them honorary white status… and imagine the psychic hell that must be.
The other is what happens to an adult who has been raised a squashed child. Tiger’s father placed enormous expectations on him and he lived out the dutiful son role to the hilt, providing his father with the success and accomplishment that his father never enjoyed. Squashed children grow up to become one of two kinds of adults—rigid conformists or spectacular rebels and sometimes can move from one to the other in a flash. Think of all those 50’s Silent generation couples who, when divorce laws were liberalized in the 60’s, quickly threw in the towel.
The third is the ugly cultural fascination with black penises and how this just ‘proves’ black men are animals.

Comment #23: revrick  on  12/11  at  08:18 PM

Amanda wrote:

You get married because having a wife is better than not for a big athlete.  She manages your affairs, runs your home, and looks good for social occasions.

Pun intended?  smile

Comment #24: Dana  on  12/11  at  08:38 PM

The reason there are fewer sex scandals centered on women is because scandals are 1) about people in positions of power and 2) require the media to believe that there’s a titillation factor involved or they never get off the ground.

Women in positions of power and prominence are, sadly, still relatively rare, and the ones there are tend to be older.  The media considers the concept of older women having sex to be extremely and inherently icky and wants no part of publicizing the fact that it happens.

Comment #25: Robert Johnston  on  12/11  at  08:40 PM

Back to why we have sex scandals - the part about why people go into all this faux outrage that powerful people with lots of money and constant opportunities to cheat sometimes do - is that the mainstream culture requires it.

I think it goes hand in hand with the religious right mindset, whether it is limited to them or not. But people who are leading unhappy lives because they are trapped by the culture into a life that they never even had a chance to question have to attack these people. Because if they aren’t outraged and shocked - SHOCKED!! - that these people are able to make their own choices, then they have to go back and look at their own.

Comment #26: Lymis  on  12/11  at  08:42 PM

Dr Squid wrote:

As for scandals involving women, too true. For whatever reason, Britney letting her pooter slip is more of a scandal than an affair involving a female celeb.

That’s ‘cause Britney flashing something comes with pictures.

Comment #27: Dana  on  12/11  at  08:54 PM

I read an article a couple days ago blaming Tiger for the slavery in Dubai, because the Tiger Woods golf course is there. The author said that we oughta leave his personal life personal, but we gotta scrutinize him because he supports “unaccountable corporations”. I thought it was bad from the start, the obsession with Woods’ sex life, but blaming him in anyway for those sorts of human rights abuses when the real people at fault are in governments and in the financial market was out fucking rageous.

FW, don’t forget what good ol’ Limbaugh said about Tiger Woods comparing him with the President and trying to state that “the black frame of mind” was “terrible” and “depressed” etc. etc.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/08/rush-limbaugh-the-black-f_n_384616.html

*vomit*
That fat freak.

Comment #28: Danica Lefse Queen  on  12/11  at  08:59 PM

Actually, when it was revealed that Billie Jean King had an affair with a woman, it was a big scandal.  I was a kid when it happened, but I remember there being a lot of news stories about it.  Here is what King says about the fallout (from wiki):

By 1968, King realized that she was interested in women,[8] and in 1971, King began an intimate relationship with her secretary, Marilyn Barnett. King acknowledged the relationship when it became public in a May 1981 “palimony” lawsuit filed by Barnett, making King the first prominent professional female athlete to come out as a lesbian.[10] King said that she had wanted to retire from competitive tennis in 1981 but could not afford to because of the lawsuit. “Within 24 hours [of the lawsuit being filed], I lost all my endorsements; I lost everything. I lost $2 million [$4,685,756 in current dollar terms] at least, because I had longtime contracts. I had to play just to pay for the lawyers. In three months I went through $500,000 [$1,171,439 in current dollar terms]. I was in shock. I didn’t make $2 million in my lifetime, so it’s all relative to what you make.”[11] King said in 1998 that Martina Navratilova was not supportive when King was outed, resulting in their relationship having a “very bad five years.”[12]

Comment #29: Monala  on  12/11  at  09:08 PM

Congressperson Helen Chenowith (R-Idaho)(the black helicopter lady) had a sex scandal, if I recall correctly

And Jamie McCourt, one-half of the couple who owns the Dodgers, is going through a big one right now in L.A.

Comment #30: Dilan Esper  on  12/11  at  09:29 PM

Yeah, and there was the one astronaut with the kidnapping plan a while back.

Overall though, I think the constant obsession is about two things. First providing necessary counter to the narrative that there are richer more powerful people you will never be who you should feel shamed about never being who can do anything they want, by then finding something to destroy them by in order to reassure the person who was just convinced they were a worthless schlub that these people aren’t actually better than them and are just as fucked up as them, so good on you for not ever trying to be something more than you are so you’re not pilloried publicly like this.

And secondly and more critically, reinforcing the idea that sex is the worst thing for one to do or be open about or to actually talk about constructively and logically. That a sex scandal trumps a money scandal or a killing someone scandal. That sex is in fact like those other scandals, a crime for which one should go to jail or suffer consequences for.

And that’s behind some of the worst crap we have to put up with. Discrimination against those who are “visibly sexual” aka queers, creating the meme that sex is a crime to be punished is critical to replenishing and maintaining the opposition forces for abortion and contraception, and most importantly, it gets people to not be honest about sex, sublimate desires, not air sexual incompatabilities or seek enthusiastic consent.

This last bit trains people to be conservatives, bitter at empty lives with loved ones that feel distant and with desires left unfulfilled or unstated. It trains people to feel trapped and anxious thus open to being directed to hate groups they’d otherwise make common cause with or to blame powerless people for existential angst or simply to be more easily coerced by advertising, because it’s an unfillable need easily suckered in by the vague promise of “that which can’t be named”.

Shorter me, you’re damn right, sexual America needs to get fucking laid.

And I’m waiting for the first person to come out with a sexual “scandal” just with “damn straight, I slept with that person and several others. My partner and I have an open relationship and we practiced full consent. Now get off my porch and get a fucking life.”

The sheer head explosion of our conservative media will be delicious.

Comment #31: Cerberus  on  12/11  at  09:55 PM

There is another difference between the Woods scandal and those of Mrs Chenowith and some others: Mr Woods was apparently screwing anything in a skirt, while most of the affairs revealed concerning others didn’t involve (supposedly) multiple partners.  Given the one-a-day new mistress revelations, the Woods scandal is self-regenerating.

Comment #32: Dana  on  12/11  at  09:56 PM

Call me cynical, but I have a feeling that at least some of this is being secretly fueled by the Woods camp to try and continue to muddy the issue of whether or not his wife attacked him.  Yes, I can understand why you would want to take a golf club to your cheating husband’s head but, like it or not, that’s still domestic violence in Florida and she still needs to be investigated regardless of how angry she was.

I’m going to call you cynical, unless you’re right, in which case I’m going to call the Woods camp dumber than a bag of rocks.  He stands to lose more in endorsements from all this than he’d spend protecting his wife as she was escorted gently through the legal system.  Gatorade apparently all ready dropped him.  And for half of what Woods has, you bet I’d cop a quick and discrete plea as my lawyers filed the divorce paperwork. They are way too rich and have way too many lawyers to be that afraid of a little domestic violence investigation.  Unless they have some really awesome secrets, like there’s a batcave under the mansion they don’t want anyone finding, or a freezer full of bodies,  or a Nike sweatshop in the basement.

Comment #33: Kyso K  on  12/11  at  10:14 PM

I was thinking about someone like Derek Jeter who is a comparable figure in many respects—not quite as iconic in terms of high end advertising, but no slouch.  Now it’s possible that Derek Jeter doesn’t go out and get laid a lot.

Derek Jeter does go out and get laid a lot, often with Hollywood celebrities.  Currently, I think he’s going out with Minka Kelly, the star of the TV series Friday Night Lights.  He has also (allegedly) previously hooked up with: Mariah Carey, Jordana Brewster, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, and Jessice Biel.

Jeter doesn’t draw much negative attention, because: 1) he’s never been married to any of those women and thus never cheated on a wife; 2) he’s never been linked to PEDs, which is actually more scandalous in baseball currently.

Consider that he’s teammates with Alex Rodriguez, who: 1) had an affair with Madonna while he was still married to his ex-wife; 2) is about to have a child with Kate Hudson; and 3) has been identified as a PED user.

Jeter looks like an innocent golden boy next to A-Rod.

Comment #34: DTG in STL  on  12/11  at  10:20 PM

Good Gawd.

You know it’s gone too far when both Countdown AND The Rachel Maddow Show are leading their broadcasts with the “Tiger Woods is walking away from golf indefinitely” story.

Comment #35: DTG in STL  on  12/11  at  11:02 PM

DTG,

As a Red Sox fan I’ve always hated Derek Jeter while, of course, secretly admiring him.  Now I’m finding those emotions magnified.  The greedy bastard.

Comment #36: Sir Charles  on  12/11  at  11:18 PM

Letterman “had an affair” and he wasn’t even married!!!!

We’re so off the rails right now about sex it’s not even believable.

Comment #37: SouthernBeale  on  12/12  at  12:15 AM

And I’m waiting for the first person to come out with a sexual “scandal” just with “damn straight, I slept with that person and several others. My partner and I have an open relationship and we practiced full consent. Now get off my porch and get a fucking life.”

That reminded me of the Terry Jones (of Monty Python) scandal, where the issue was that he stopped having an open relationship and left his wife entirely for a much younger woman.  They now have a baby together but it sounds like there hasn’t been much movement towards a divorce from his wife.

Comment #38: Mnemosyne  on  12/12  at  01:10 AM

I presume that Woods does what he does because he can—he’s rich, famous, young, good looking, and on the road all of the time.  The only question I have in that situation is why get married and pretend that you are going to be monagamous.  Self-delusion I guess.

Probably somebody told him that matrimony would be a great marketing scheme* and suggested that he get hitched on that basis.  And it was an effective plan, in the short run.  It worked for five years.

*good cover for sexual laxity, too

Comment #39: bekabot  on  12/12  at  01:23 AM

You get married because having a wife is better than not for a big athlete.  She manages your affairs, runs your home, and looks good for social occasions.

Yes for the last, but for the rest I think it much more likely that a multi-millionaire athlete would have paid professionals.

Comment #40: weirdnoise  on  12/12  at  01:54 AM

The Tiger Woods thing is interesting to me, though, because he worked so hard to be the Bland Brand.

I think you give too much credit.  He is still the bland brand; the fact like he acted like every other jackass who is treated like a god for no particular reason makes him even more predictably boring.

So perhaps needless to say, I was not shocked at all about his affair(s). Sadly the marriage always seemed a little sham-like to me anyways, but there you go.

Comment #41: hypatia  on  12/12  at  02:59 AM

Well, Tiger is BLACK and when black men have sex, especially with white women?  OOOOoooooo!  Scandal!

FW, don’t forget what good ol’ Limbaugh said about Tiger Woods comparing him with the President and trying to state that “the black frame of mind” was “terrible” and “depressed” etc. etc.

Interesting to me, but the last time I paid any attention to Tiger Woods was when he first started winning everything and much was made about him being interracial. Dave Chappelle even based one of his (less funny, I thought) skits around the idea, the “racial draft” skit. I want to say he even pointed out the first time Woods slipped up, he’d be black. Guess he was on to something there.

Comment #42: Matt T.  on  12/12  at  03:15 AM

One thing I know for certain is this sex scandal crap has officially gone too far.  Now the only hook necessary for the mainstream media to cover a sex scandal is “just because”.  No need for a public interest hook.

Yeah, I keep asking myself, “Why, exactly, should I care that Tiger Woods is a shit who cheats on his wife?”  Keith Olbermann tried to make it relevant via reminding his viewers that Tiger refused to back SAG in a commercials strike back in 2000.  Um, okay, so he was a dick for that too.  I guess you could draw

I think the reason that we don’t see as many powerful women getting caught up in sex scandals as men is that sex is the first and last bulwark of male privilege.  I mean, fuck, any male of any social caste can pass judgment on both the fuckability and moral caliber of any woman of any social caste.  Why would they want to give that up?  The double-standard is the great equalizer, of men.

Comment #43: DonnaDiva  on  12/12  at  03:31 AM

I guess I could finish a thought before hitting blaspheme.  What I meant to say is that you could draw a sweeping conclusion about Tiger Woods through his treatment of women and his treatment of workers, but it’s too much of a stretch to justify devoting a segment of Countdown to the sex scandal.  Had he campaigned for Prop 8, were he a member of “The Family”, I’d say full steam ahead and make him “Worst Person In The World” while you’re at it.  But he didn’t, so there’s no reason why Olbermann should be devoting any time to this story.

Comment #44: DonnaDiva  on  12/12  at  04:02 AM

Matt, #42 In this completely fucked up country, you’re black as long as you have any drop of black (similarly for other colors) blood in you at all. They may have been a big thing about him being interracial (and note that Obama is too), but ask anybody in America - he’s black. They had no choice in identifying as black - this society would never let them identify as anything else.

Why no women sex scandals? Well, it’s too complex for easy summation - it’s human behaviour after all. But I think hormones may be part of it. No really. For some women, I am one of them, the desire for sex declines as hormones do. I still desire sex with my husband because I love him and we’ve been together a long time. But with casual acquaintances or total strangers. Nah, not so much. (This was emphatically not true of my younger self.) As people keep pointing out, most women in positions of power are older. It may not be entirely that the nation thinks older women having sex is icky - it may partly be the older women just don’t desire it as much as older men.

Or you know, I could be full of it.

MKK

Comment #45: Mary Kay  on  12/12  at  04:31 AM

Being visibly married like Woods actually makes it easier to have NSA sex.  You can have a spouse that you pay minimal attention to (because you’re on the road all the time) and the women you pick up on the road know they don’t have a chance at making it permanent.  If Woods were single, there’d be contingent of women pursuing him as a “catch.”  It makes the hookups less fraught.

The fact that there are, what, 18 and counting, shows that it wasn’t much of a secret.  And if there were an equivalent female celebrity who hooked up with 18 men, you’d hear a widespread “eww” because, well, you know, her cooter is contaminated.

Which makes me wonder if the precipitating incident in this whole drama is a veneral disease.

Comment #46: oldfeminist  on  12/12  at  06:06 AM

the fact like he acted like every other jackass who is treated like a god for no particular reason

Maybe not a great reason to treat someone like a god, but Tiger Woods has been treated that way for a very particular reason - he’s the greatest professional golfer of all time.

He isn’t just “famous for being famous”, as they say… if he couldn’t hit little balls with metal sticks towards distant holes so accurately, proficiently, and consistently, he’d be Tiger Nobody.

Comment #47: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  07:39 AM

But he didn’t, so there’s no reason why Olbermann should be devoting any time to this story.

It was actually Lawrence O’Donnell guest hosting tonight.  Olbermann’s father is gravely ill and he’s missed a ton of shows in the past two months… well, that and skipping work to go sit in the $2500 seats to watch his beloved Yankees play in the World Series…

I’m not quite as surprised about it getting coverage on Countdown as I am about Maddow opening her show with it tonight.  While Olbermann’s show is overwhelmingly about politics, he does delve into sports controversies occasionally - and considering he basically launched his career as an anchor on ESPN’s Sportscenter, it makes sense somewhat.

But Maddow covering this… I was a bit surprised.  Specifically, they were covering his sudden announcement today that he’s walking away from golf indefinitely.  As phenomenal a career as Tiger’s already had, he’s still 4 tournament wins shy of passing Jack Nicklaus’ record for the most Majors won of all time - 18.  Woods is sitting at 14 right now.

Comment #48: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  07:55 AM

The most recent story is that Tiger, now that he’s a Cheetah, is going to take a paws from golf and stay away from the lynx for a while.

Comment #49: Dana  on  12/12  at  07:58 AM

Matt, #42 In this completely fucked up country, you’re black as long as you have any drop of black (similarly for other colors) blood in you at all. They may have been a big thing about him being interracial (and note that Obama is too), but ask anybody in America - he’s black.

I think the point Chappelle was making is that in his clean-cut wholesome “Bland Brand” image, Tiger Woods was absolutely adored by white people.  The target consumer demographic for the Tiger Woods brand has been douchey 25-54 white suburban males who wanted to think of Tiger Woods as their really cool and hip but unscary black friend.  There is no African-American athlete in history that has had more white fans than Tiger Woods, at least not contemporaneous to the era in which any of them were active in their sports (white people love Hank Aaron and Willie Mays today, but not so much back in the 1960s and 1970s when they actually played).

And as Chappelle astutely predicted several years ago, the moment Tiger did something that contradicted the silly wholesome image that was built around him, his blackness was immediately pointed out.

Comment #50: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  08:08 AM

Yeah, I keep asking myself, “Why, exactly, should I care that Tiger Woods is a shit who cheats on his wife?” Keith Olbermann tried to make it relevant via reminding his viewers that Tiger refused to back SAG in a commercials strike back in 2000.  Um, okay, so he was a dick for that too.

Woods alo made a pretty huge chunk of change by lending the use of his name to a golf course built in Dubai using severely underpaid child laborers (virtual slaves).

Comment #51: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  08:11 AM

mr. woods has spent pretty much his entire life building up his name as a “brand”. he earns significantly more income from endorsements than he does from actually playing golf. he IS a very public person, because he’s worked diligently to become one, as much, or more, than any actor. were i his manager, i’d have urged him to seriously reconsider getting married, while he was young, for exactly this reason. if he just HAD to get married, marry someone with the emotional level of an adult at least, not a 5 year-old.

oddly enough (and maybe i listen/watch the wrong shows), all the conversations i heard concerned how this would impact his business activities, the subject of color never really came up. maybe i’m just a philistine, and those are the types of shows i’m into, i don’t know.

the best line i heard, was from steve harvey, on the ellen degeneris(sp) show: when asked by ellen what advice he’d give tiger, steve replied, “stop eating in bars”. lol

Comment #52: cpinva  on  12/12  at  09:56 AM

That a sex scandal trumps a money scandal or a killing someone scandal. That sex is in fact like those other scandals, a crime for which one should go to jail or suffer consequences for.

Which is why, when the target is someone conservatives don’t like for being black or being a Democrat, you get the inevitable feminist-baiting, because they can’t understand that feminists don’t actually agree that stepping out on your wife is a feminist concern.  Since sex is the worst thing you can do, in this mindset, cheating is the absolute worst thing you could do to a woman, and is a human rights abuse or something.  (Except that they don’t really believe there’s much wrong with human rights abuses against women, so that’s why they blame The Feminists for not responding.)  So you get Glenn Beck asking if Tiger Woods is the next OJ Simpson.  This is not only a shockingly racist thing to say, but it’s also unbelievably sexist.  Being cheated on is not fun, but it’s not like being battered and it’s certainly not like being murdered.  Double the irony if it’s true that Tiger’s wife did assault him, which automatically is worse than even flagrant cheating.* 

There’s also a faux egalitarianism going on with this outrage.  I think a lot of conservatives figure that being angry at male cheaters counts more than giving women real equality.  But picking a few token cheaters to get mad at doesn’t make up for the more pressing sexism in our culture.

*Though MRAs doing the “women do it too!” crap are missing the point, and since they harbor so many convicted batterers in their midst, they know it.  A one time flip out in response to cheating is 100% unacceptable, but it is not the same MO as a batterer. A batterer deliberately and repeatedly and often out of nowhere belittles and batterers his victim in order to inculcate learned helplessness.  Batterers’ heart rate goes down when they beat their victims. They are in control of their behavior, and what they’re doing is closer to kidnapping and torturing a person than it is to losing your head and charging at someone.

I’m certainly not making excuses.  But I think clarity on this issue is important, because if you don’t understand the difference between battering and assault, you won’t understand why battering works the way it does: mostly male perps and female victims, the victim can’t escape, the victim isn’t believed due to male privilege, etc.

Comment #53: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/12  at  11:08 AM

Yes for the last, but for the rest I think it much more likely that a multi-millionaire athlete would have paid professionals.

You really can’t, because wives can exert a lot more authority than paid servants.  This is especially true in American culture, where there’s always an ickiness around having servants, and so rich people keep a little distance there.  It’s not like you can have a butler like the old days. 

That said, the development of the “personal assistant” is verging on the butler, in that they both do everything for you and they are the de facto boss of the other servants.  People are often really close to personal assistants, as well.  But a PA usually still doesn’t live with you, and they don’t have the authority a wife does to sort through social engagements and friendships, to determine what is best for you and your brand.

I’m not trying to shame anyone for having a PA, mind you.  I think that PAs and butlers have honorable jobs, especially when they’re working for people who are legitimately too damn busy to run their own lives.  I wish I could afford a PA.

Comment #54: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/12  at  11:17 AM

Elizabeth Taylor was embroiled in a huge sex scandal when she snagged Eddie Fischer from Debbie Reynolds, and then left him for Richard Burton.

It’s too early for me to figure out why the most (to me) interesting sex scandal revolving around a woman happened 50 years ago.

Comment #55: JennyLI  on  12/12  at  11:18 AM

Well, regarding Amanda’s post 53, I know too many women, and have always known too many women, who have affairs (more than a few of them are serial cheaters) to ever buy into the narrative that the poor women are the victims of fiendish men who can’t keep it in their pants.  That’s such bs, and I often smirk when hearing that.  I suspect it’s forwarded by men who are petrified to look too closely at what’s going on in their own backyards.

Comment #56: JennyLI  on  12/12  at  11:22 AM

Mary Kay,
DTG explained what I was referring to, but you are most certainly correct. However, and I don’t wish to derail the thread, I have seen self-described liberals on liberal blogs refer to Obama as “not black” because his mom is white and insinuating that his and others identification of the president as black is at best inaccurate and at worst deceptive. Of course, if you ask some of the stump-jumpers I grew up with in Northeast Mississippi, they’ll tell you the president is WAY too black. On the same note, I have a couple of black friends who grew up in upper- and upper-middle-class situations, have advance degrees, date predominately white people and were “the one black guy/girl in” their classes/social situations. More than once, mutual white friends will refer to them as “not black”, but again, using the Itawamba County bellwether, my friends are still far too black for comfort.

But, again, I believe this is OT and don’t want to derail the thread, but so long as you don’t scare white people, every thing’s okay.

Comment #57: Matt T.  on  12/12  at  11:24 AM

mr. woods has spent pretty much his entire life building up his name as a “brand”. he earns significantly more income from endorsements than he does from actually playing golf.

I hate to wade in on the Tiger-hating here, but I have to object to this.  I don’t really love sports or anything, but even I know that money “from” golf is money from endorsements.  The complaint that Tiger makes money off endorsements makes no sense.  That’s what golfers do. And shocking that the greatest golfer of all time would have the most endorsements.  He’s proven his bona fides, but even if he hadn’t and was merely one of the greats, I still don’t see why he can’t be rich.  Golf has always been as much about personality and celebrity as it is about sheer skill.  It’s because it’s one of the few sports where the audience actually devotes a huge percentage of their time to playing, and so they can watch golf and think of the golfers as distant colleagues, and not just as pieces moving around on the field.  Tiger plays that part of the game better than everyone else, too. 

In sum, complaining that Tiger makes his money off endorsements is the same as complaining that Tiger makes his money off golf.

Comment #58: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/12  at  11:26 AM

“Keith Olbermann tried to make it relevant via reminding his viewers that Tiger refused to back SAG in a commercials strike back in 2000. “

Yeah I saw that.  I was laughing that he tried to pull that “I have a really righteous liberal reason for being titillated by this”.  Olbermann is someone I like a lot, but there’s no doubt he likes his salacious shit.  For a guy who is and has been involved with a woman almost 30 years younger than he is, I would think he’d be a bit more circumspect.  Not that I believe KO pulls that shit at work - I don’t think he does.  His standing up for clerical workers who were being sexually harrassed at ESPN leads me to believe he’s more evolved than that.  But that doesn’t mean he can’t find himself in the middle of a sexually embarrassing situation.

Also, he once dated Laura Ingrahm.  And man, you got to have some poor sexual judgement within you to do that.  Never know when that piss-poor judgement might rear its head again.

Comment #59: JennyLI  on  12/12  at  11:26 AM

“It may not be entirely that the nation thinks older women having sex is icky - it may partly be the older women just don’t desire it as much as older men. “

This is an interesting subject Mary.  I don’t know, I’m not there yet.  I’m very early 40’s and still trying to figure out if my sexual desire peaked in my 30’s.  I remember it was very high then, but is it any lower now?  If it’s lower, it’s barely measurable.  But I don’t know what it’s going to be like post-menopause.  But what I do find interesting is all of the older men on Viagra.  If you have to take a pill to get a hard-on, where is the sexual urgency in that?  What I’m wondering is; don’t men’s sexual desires also lessen with age?  And if that is true, why do they feel compelled to take pills and go out and chase it anyway?  And they do.  I’m not talking about within relationships - I mean outside of them.  And why don’t older women feel compelled to do the same?  Or, do they?

Comment #60: JennyLI  on  12/12  at  11:36 AM

Has Tiger Woods made any public pronouncements on “family values” and sticking his nose into other peoples’ personal business?? If so, then publicizing scandal is of public interest as we need to do more to expose and ridicule hypocritical public figures like Governor Mark Sanford. 

If not, then the story is just another titillation/train wreak piece for a perceived slow news day.

Comment #61: exholt  on  12/12  at  12:06 PM

But what I do find interesting is all of the older men on Viagra.  If you have to take a pill to get a hard-on, where is the sexual urgency in that?

I’ve never taken Viagra, and I’m not what you’d call “older”, but speaking as a male in possession of a sex drive I’d say the male sex drive is twofold, part mental and part pneumatic.  For example, a man who’s just reached climax might still be sexually excited in the mental sense but unable to achieve an erection due to the limitations of the plumbing, and a sufficiently depressed man might have little to no sexual desire but nevertheless have erections as the body signals a need to clear the backlog.  Viagra presumably helps when the pneumatic portion isn’t working but the mental portion is.

Comment #62: cminus  on  12/12  at  12:28 PM

I hate to say it, but: Sarah Palin could have a sex scandal at the Tiger Woods level, or higher.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to scrub my hands in hot water for thirty minutes to get the dirty feeling off my fingers.

Comment #63: cminus  on  12/12  at  12:31 PM

If you have to take a pill to get a hard-on, where is the sexual urgency in that?  What I’m wondering is; don’t men’s sexual desires also lessen with age?

Yes, but it’s importance doesn’t lessen because of it, it’s physiological ability that declines, not desire per se.

To illustrate this, I repeat an observation first told to me many years ago by a medical professor.

In older men(and women) the abdominal aorta, which is the main pipeline for blood for the lower part of the body, can become so occluded and blocked that the blood flow is compromised to the point where walking across the room becomes barely possible for the patient in question.

That’s not when men often opt for replacement of the afflicted region with an implanted substitute made of Teflon, even when their doctor recommends it.

They have it done when the blood flow is low that it can’t sustain an erection.

As for women, when my mother was 50+, she volunteered at the local senior center and was a bit grossed out when she met women older than her who were looking for sex who were even in their 70s, as she put it.

The problems women face have to do with dryness and other issues that can be fixed with lubricants and/or estrogen cream applied locally.

The Germans are working on a pill to increase sexual desire in women, it’ll be interesting to see how it gets marketed when they succeed.

Comment #64: Dark Avenger Guardian Chow Mein  on  12/12  at  12:37 PM

if he just HAD to get married, marry someone with the emotional level of an adult at least, not a 5 year-old.

ok, we don’t know if there was domestic violence, so i suppose that is what this comment is aiming at. still, it seems nasty and gratuitous aimed at a person who has just discovered the massive infidelity of their partner, within a year of the birth of their child. plenty of adults react violently with less provocation—and publicly, we have seen nothing from ms. nordegren that would justify such a characterisation.

Comment #65: sophiefair  on  12/12  at  12:45 PM

the body signals a need to clear the backlog

i am not a male, but i am pretty sure this isn’t how it works…

Comment #66: sophiefair  on  12/12  at  12:46 PM

As to the lack of women’s sex scandals, I’d throw into everything else mentioned above a bricks and mortar difference for the genders that incubates the scandals in the first place.
There are literally main-stream social businesses with areas roped for VIP men where it is assumed by the business that providing an overwhelming amount of potential sex partners is a perk provided by a good host. In Tiger’s case, here’s one person’s take:
http://deadspin.com/5416948/chaos-in-tigerland-a-deadspin-investigation-into-the-sexual-habits-of-pro-athletes
Many non-vip males aspire to and at less extravagant levels, businesses provide for this behavior.

When Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, the Williams sisters etc. are escorted into a business in NY and a bunch of aspiring male teenage “models” are thrown in the room with promises of free tickets and cash (no obligation, of course), and what happens in VIP land stays in VIP guarantees, no cameras, no reporters etc, maybe that would kindle those inclined to explore the pools of the Geat Amerkn (non)SEX!!! Scandal. Not that this is something to aspire too.
Until then, expect those female folks to fly under the radar solo, or be very good at not being noticed less Glenn Beck’s exploding head takes out the east coast.

Comment #67: staydaddy  on  12/12  at  12:49 PM

“the body signals a need to clear the backlog”

“i am not a male, but i am pretty sure this isn’t how it works…”
comment #65 , sophiefair

I was always taught, perhaps like you, that there is no biological necessity associated with ejaculation. I was taught this by my parochial priest and repressed parents, and it was a prevailing sex ed. topic.

Though that may be true in the short term, I was surprised when my urologist strongly debunked the thought while encouraging me to pursue more frequent masturbation for prostate health. It appears she was right, problem solved.
I suspect that not recognizing this normal and even intuitive plumbing issue leads to long term discomfort for many people.
And yes, backed up is a feeling, like constipation for those interested. It comes and goes (pun intended)
I have no science to back this up, just personal experience and the experience of my peers.

Comment #68: staydaddy  on  12/12  at  01:10 PM

Any argument that begins “men are seen as having agency with respect to sex and women are not” is totally bogus. Men are seen as *victims* of female aggression and evil all the time. Adam is Eve’s *victim* in the Christian version of genesis.  Even atheletes charged with out and out rape are often represented, by their lawyers and friends, as victims of scheming women who use sex to gain access to power and money.  This is at least as big a trope as any other in popular culture.

The only reason we haven’t seen many high profile sex scandals involving powerful females is that there aren’t many powerful females in conventional, political power and they are too closely watched (imagine Pelosi managing to have an affair at this point?). 

Another reason is that sex scandals especially seem to come out when there is a divorce in the offing and one party, the weaker party, needs ammunition in the divorce case.  Up until now it is women who have needed to garner the sympathy of the court in terms of child custody and money and accusations of infidelity (plus the reality of the imbalance of infidelity) meant men’s escapades got more play than women’s.  Where the balance of financial power and prestige is even the situation is complex.  Powerful women who are married to powerful men? That whole trend in divorce is fairly new. Up until about twenty years ago women made news in divorce cases by breaking the code of silence about women’s lives within conventional marriages. No fault divorce means that those stories don’t even get told, anymore.

But look to see more and more sex scandals involving actresses and female moguls who marry “down” and who have more opportunity and money to gain access to a zipless fuck and who then have to buy off or placate husbands at divorce.

aimai

Comment #69: aimai  on  12/12  at  01:17 PM

What blows my mind as we look at Tiger, or at the litany of other sex scandals (Craig! Foley! Maher!) we went through in the comments, is: EVERYONE FUCKING KNEW. Foley’s my favorite there, because the situation he was at the head of so much resembles the one little tiny sex scandal I was involved with. The group of teen boys he was trying to victimize was overwhelmingly aware of his tendencies, and in fact made a joke of the entire situation.

When I was was 13 in the late 1990’s, I went to a prestigious private school in Los Angeles. Among my friends were the children of many prominent Jewish families, all of whom attended the same Hebrew school on Wednesdays.

In our year and the year above ours, one member of the Hebrew school staff was a PUBLIC JOKE. We would mock him endlessly, and my friends who attended the school made an exciting game of encouraging him behavior. Being attractive and under 30, many of the girls had a great time egging him on, but an interesting part of the interaction was that we worked together to make sure he always had his attention too divided to pick out one of us and try to escalate the situation. I remember specific instances in which the larger group of girls (and it was all girls) would recommend to a certain girl who was catching a lot of attention that she skip classes or otherwise avoid him. If he started to commit too much to one of us, alarm bells would go off, and we would reorganize the structure of the group to shield that person.

When we were 15, he was caught with a dozen roses and condoms in his car, waiting for a 12 year old girl. The girl - who was not “one of us,” and was poorer and had long been socially marginalized, had arranged to meet him for “a date,” and had then panicked and told her mother. I moved East before the sentencing occurred, but I assume the jury was unsympathetic.

Sexually threatening behavior from men is so institutionalized in our society, and so infinitely acceptable to us, that asking the question “why are women less likely to be in sex scandals” is like asking why vacuum cleaners don’t shit on the rug and shred the curtains.

(Needless to say, when a vacuum cleaner finally DOES shit on the rug in public, we will be in a media feeding frenzy.)

Comment #70: Seize  on  12/12  at  01:27 PM

I say this whole thing started with the Gary Hart scandal in the ‘80s (the “Monkey Business”).

Before that sex lives were much more off-limits for the media it seems.

Comment #71: Ben D.  on  12/12  at  02:52 PM

And I also am of the opinion that if you’re a famous athlete and want to sleep around, ok, whatever floats your boat. but don’t get married. Well, that goes for anyone, actually. If you can’t be monogamous, just don’t get married, and don’t get into relationships where someone is going to expect you to be monogamous.

Comment #72: Ben D.  on  12/12  at  02:53 PM

the body signals a need to clear the backlog

i am not a male, but i am pretty sure this isn’t how it works…

Yeah, I don’t think that’s precisely correct either.

Per wiki…

An erection occurs as a hydraulic effect due to blood entering and being retained in sponge-like bodies within the penis. The process is most often initiated as a result of sexual arousal, when signals are transmitted from the brain to nerves in the pelvis. Erectile dysfunction is indicated when an erection is consistently difficult or impossible to produce, despite arousal. There are various and often multiple underlying causes, some of which are treatable medical conditions. The most important organic causes are cardiovascular disease and diabetes, neurological problems (for example, trauma from prostatectomy surgery), hormonal insufficiencies (hypogonadism) and drug side effects. It is important to realize that erectile dysfunction can signal underlying risk for cardiovascular disease.

I’m thinking there’s a pretty strong correlation between prostate issues and ED, as well.  And prostate issues become more common the older men get.

In any case, in regards to the original question about a loss of desire… no, more often than not ED isn’t about a reduction in libido as it is about a physiological problem in which men can become mentally aroused, but are unable to obtain an erection despite the desire being there.

A lot of SSRIs can cause issues with impotence as well, though those are typically temporary.

Comment #73: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  05:28 PM

But look to see more and more sex scandals involving actresses and female moguls who marry “down” and who have more opportunity and money to gain access to a zipless fuck and who then have to buy off or placate husbands at divorce.

Not due to a sex scandal per se, but we’ve recently seen one high profile divorce involving a powerful woman (financially, at least) who had “married down” and in the process of the divorce, had to pay the ex-husband a pretty large chunk of change… Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

Comment #74: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  05:35 PM

And I also am of the opinion that if you’re a famous athlete and want to sleep around, ok, whatever floats your boat. but don’t get married. Well, that goes for anyone, actually. If you can’t be monogamous, just don’t get married, and don’t get into relationships where someone is going to expect you to be monogamous.

Disagree, somewhat… I would say that if you are famous and want to sleep around, don’t play games.  Being married doesn’t automatically require monogamy… falsely leading your spouse to believe that you will remain monogamously faithful is the issue.  If the couple has an understanding up front that the marriage will be open to outside relationships, this stuff doesn’t have to be an issue.

I’m friends with a polyamourous married couple in which both partners “cheat” all the time… except it isn’t really cheating, because they have both consented to allowing each other to have outside sexual relationships, so long as certain boundaries are adhered to.  As long as there no deception involved and the boundaries aren’t crossed, there isn’t a problem.

I understand that not everybody is comfortable with that sort of arrangement - perhaps even most people aren’t - but I don’t think monogamy is inherently tied to marriage, though society typically expects it to be.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the FLDS dudes are pretty creepy fucks, but mainly because: a) they are often pedophiles; b) the arrangements are never reciprocal - the husband is allowed to sleep around, but not the wives.  However, if a married couple wants to sleep around outside their marriage and both partners are truly OK with it, I don’t think it’s a problem.

The dishonesty and deception are what causes the problems, not the sex itself.

Comment #75: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  05:50 PM

Tiger Woods needs to cut back on the ‘fore’ play.

Comment #76: Gizmo  on  12/12  at  05:59 PM

You know, I think there might be a tad of over-analysis going on.  When I talk to people in my office who’ve heard the story, the comments lead me to the conclusion that the emphasis this story is getting is based on something that’s really getting overlooked:

The image of his wife taking a gold club to him as he tries to flee and runs into a tree is funny.

Oh, don’t deny it.  The first time you heard about it you had to suppress a smile.  That is the hook the story is really being hung on.  Not the girlfriends, or number thereof, or his skin colour, or his wealth, or his profession, or his moral standing.  No, the reason people care is because someone that a lot of people know had something happen to him that people can laugh at.  It’s a comedic movie come to life.  It’s a setup that writers and stand-ups look at like the biggest and best Christmas and birthday gift rolled into one that they’ve ever received.  The jokes write themselves.

I would lay good odds that if the story had been initiated by a lawsuit, or a divorce filing, or the revelation of a kid resulting from one of his affairs that you wouldn’t see the same level of prolonged interest.  “Rich athlete cheats on wife” is quite honestly about the same level as “Dog bites man.”  But the way this came to public attention, the gut-bustingly hilarious start of it, that’s what makes the story really what it is.

Comment #77: KeithM  on  12/12  at  06:05 PM

i don’t know, mary kay.  i can’t say what will happen with my libido as i age, and maybe it will calm down, but frankly i don’t want it to and i think generalizing that this is natural and happens to most women is dangerous.  maybe it’s cultural myth, but i’ve always read that women hit their sexual “peak” in like their 40s.  maybe after that it declines?  maybe part of this is women don’t feel like they have a right to be sexy after a certain age and feel invisible and like going out and looking for extramarital sex is just a lot of work?  also, what aimai said about the existence of a whole industry devoted to procuring sex partners for powerful men that doesn’t have a counterpart for powerful women.

i don’t know.  but amanda’s argument strikes me as the best explanation because of the simple numbers game.  i suppose time will tell—i hope anyway.

Comment #78: chareth cutestory  on  12/12  at  06:41 PM

It seems like women dominate sex scandals that involve teachers having affairs with their students. Maybe that fits the idea that there are just more women teachers, like Amanda said above that there are more men in positions of gravitas.

I don’t know that the answer is just that American needs to have sex more. I think it’s that Americans need to be less hypocritical about sex. It’s like in M*A*S*H when Burns would make out with Hoolihan and call Pierce “depraved.”

Comment #79: irv4u2  on  12/12  at  07:50 PM

I’m sorry but I’m of the opinion that the entire point of marriage is a lifetime (or ( least until legal divorce)commitment of monogamy. Otherwise, really, what’s the point exactly?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want legal penalties for “open” marriages where both partners consent fully and I don’t get outraged over them I just don’t get WHY you would get married if the intent is to sleep around.I’m confused, not grossed out or angry about it.

Comment #80: Ben D.  on  12/12  at  08:52 PM

There is no African-American athlete in history that has had more white fans than Tiger Woods, at least not contemporaneous to the era in which any of them were active in their sports (white people love Hank Aaron and Willie Mays today, but not so much back in the 1960s and 1970s when they actually played).

Not true. Joe Louis.

Indeed, Louis’ popularity in a still extremely racist America is one of the most amazing achievements in the history of race relations. He became a symbol of America, especially when he fought Schmelling.

Louis was very careful about his image, however (and indeed was tremendously oppressed as a result of his need to not alienate white audiences who could not abide by a more colorful black champion). Tiger, of course, was also careful, until he wasn’t.

Comment #81: Dilan Esper  on  12/12  at  09:15 PM

Even atheletes charged with out and out rape are often represented, by their lawyers and friends, as victims of scheming women who use sex to gain access to power and money.  This is at least as big a trope as any other in popular culture.

Kinda reminds me of the whole dialogue that surrounded the rape allegations against Kobe Bryant a few years back.

I’m not gonna speculate on whether or not Kobe did what he was accused of doing, because I’m not familiar enough with the facts of the case to make an informed judgment about it.

It was interesting to see how one well-known wingnut talker responded to it.  On the one hand, you have a black athlete, who plays in the league that is most frequently associated with racist stereotypes of black athletes in general.  On the other hand, you have a relatively unknown young attractive white woman, privileged by race, but disadvantaged by gender and socioeconomic background in that power dynamic.

I wasn’t sure whether Michael Weiner (AKA Michael Savage) would use his microphone to appeal to his troglodyte audience’s racist instincts or to their misogynist instincts in the Kobe Bryant allegation.  He chose the latter… characterizing Kobe Bryant as a victim whose reputation was being wrongfully tarnished, and Bryant’s accuser as “Rocky Mountain trash”... an epithet he used repeatedly to refer to the young woman when he spoke of the case.

Anyway, this isn’t meant to spark a debate about which evil is more pervasive - racism or misogyny - only an observation about how one wingnut reacted when he had to choose which instinct he would principally rely upon in spewing his bullshit.

Comment #82: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  11:03 PM

I’m sorry but I’m of the opinion that the entire point of marriage is a lifetime (or ( least until legal divorce)commitment of monogamy. Otherwise, really, what’s the point exactly?

That’s the predominant Western religious construct of it, but on a pragmatic level, marriage provides a ton of legal and financial benefits that couples can’t have without the marriage license - which is a huge part of why legalizing same-sex marriage is such a fundamental civil rights isue.

The polyamorous married couple I mentioned upthread is married PRECISELY because of the tax breaks they get from it.

Comment #83: DTG in STL  on  12/12  at  11:06 PM

DTG,

I actually had heard about Baccus and that he recommended her but removed himself from the scoring process as not impartial.  Did I miss something else there?  Still impropper on multiple levels, but not the evil you seem to be implying.
But yeah, I was suprised no one ran with that on the national scene.  I change the channel, tv or radio every time I see or hear Tiger Woods, not because I’m above all that or anything, but because I don’t really care.
And MKK, no, just no.  Both Tiger Woods and President Obama are mixed racial.  As is my brother.  As is my sister.  You are calling ignorance as bigotry along with those who really are bigoted.  That and not repressenting the country I live in.  Many people in the US consider anyone with a single drop of whatever not white to be that; but certainly not everyone in the US does so as my entire family is in the US and does not.

Comment #84: helen w. h.  on  12/13  at  01:52 PM

I actually had heard about Baccus and that he recommended her but removed himself from the scoring process as not impartial.  Did I miss something else there?  Still impropper on multiple levels, but not the evil you seem to be implying.

Nah, I don’t think it’s evil, or even that huge of a deal.  Certainly he crossed some ethical lines, but it’s hardly the worst thing ever.

Just pointing out how we’ve become so immune to hearing the words, “U.S. Senator caught having affair” that it seems most people barely noticed the revelation of Max Baucus’ affair a few weeks ago.

Comment #85: DTG in STL  on  12/13  at  04:41 PM

#81: I seem to remember this guy named Jordan being pretty popular and selling a bunch of shoes and jerseys back in the 80’s and 90’s.

Comment #86: bouj  on  12/13  at  05:21 PM

Just pointing out how we’ve become so immune to hearing the words, “U.S. Senator caught having affair” that it seems most people barely noticed the revelation of Max Baucus’ affair a few weeks ago.

Funny, the first time the Democrat isn’t hounded by the press is the time when that Senator has been working hard to derail healthcare reform. Why do I figure if he were more liberal, this would be a bigger deal?

Comment #87: Seebach  on  12/13  at  06:07 PM

#88:

Jordan was huge, but I am not sure that he received quite the almost-universal love of white America that Louis did. Jordan was much more popular in the inner cities than either Louis or Woods, and he received his share of criticism for gambling, womanizing, and selfish play. So I think that Louis is the better analogy to Woods.

Comment #88: Dilan Esper  on  12/13  at  06:26 PM

Funny, the first time the Democrat isn’t hounded by the press is the time when that Senator has been working hard to derail healthcare reform. Why do I figure if he were more liberal, this would be a bigger deal?

That’s an excellent point.  The press was decidedly far more bloodthirsty in the handling of the Spitzer and Edwards affairs, and both of them are decidedly much more progressive Democrats than Max Baucus is.

Comment #89: DTG in STL  on  12/13  at  06:32 PM

On a side note in respect to people saying that this is the end of Tiger Woods and that he’ll never be back on top again: Kobe raped that girl in CO (allegedly) and now he’s the face of the NBA again.  So let’s not pretend that Tiger have consensual relationships outside of his marriage will be the end of his endorsement empire.  It will only be a hiccup.

#90 - The criticisms of Jordan, aside from the curious decision to go play baseball during the middle of his career, did not come along until he returned with the Wizards following his second retirement.  “The Jordan Rules” revealed that he was a driven a-hold who drove his teammates and coaches nuts, but no one said anything about it.

Jordan is still a world-wide icon who is popular across racial boundaries.  Nike went from niche running shoe company to corporate monolith and leader in the industry because of Jordan’s brand.  They didn’t do that selling shoes primarily in the inner cities.  Joe Louis might have been the hero against the big bad Germans, but he was still considered a second-class citizen at home.  Taking everything into account, Jordan was bigger than Joe Louis, even with White America.

Comment #90: bouj  on  12/13  at  06:43 PM

SNL had a funny skit last night featuring John Edwards, Mark Sanford, and John Ensign holding a press conference on CSPAN, all complaining about the press paying more attention to Tiger Woods’ affairs than any of their affairs.  Not that I think we should particularly care too much about anybody’s personal sexual dalliances, but they raised a good point - unlike Tiger Woods, who is just a celebrity, these are all elected officials who have or used to have the direct ability to shape public policy that affects our lives directly.

And the sad thing is, the observation is true… if I had to guess, I would say that probably more than 90% of Americans are at least somewhat informed about the Tiger Woods’ affairs.  If you asked the same group whether or not they were aware of Max Baucus’ affair, I’m not sure the number would even hit 50%.  We are still far more personally vested in the salacious details of celebrity culture than we are in the political work of our elected officials.  I bet more people could tell you where they were when they learned Michael Jackson had died than could tell you what exactly the words “public option” refer to in the healthcare debate.

Comment #91: DTG in STL  on  12/13  at  06:43 PM

On a side note in respect to people saying that this is the end of Tiger Woods and that he’ll never be back on top again: Kobe raped that girl in CO (allegedly) and now he’s the face of the NBA again.  So let’s not pretend that Tiger have consensual relationships outside of his marriage will be the end of his endorsement empire.  It will only be a hiccup.

I agree, though I do think in the short-term that this is going to be much more disasterous for the PGA than for Woods himself.  I had heard that when he missed the PGA Championship last year for arthroscopic surgery, the TV ratings were down nearly 50%.

As for his endorsements, he’ll take a a bit of a hit right now (AT&T;is probably about to drop him and Gatorade already has dropped him), but he’ll be fine in the long run.

And let’s not kid ourselves.  Even if Woods were to completely walk away from the game forever now and lose every single endorsement, the dude is financially set for life already.  He has a freaking billion dollars!  He never has to play a single round of golf again, and he could still live a life more luxurious than 99.99% of people will ever know.

Comment #92: DTG in STL  on  12/13  at  06:51 PM

<blockquote>Kobe raped that girl in CO (allegedly) and now he’s the face of the NBA again.</blockquotes>

Mr. James of the Cleveland Cavaliers may disagree with that contention.  Though it’s certainly open to debate.  And the point is still vaild that the Kobe Bryant brand did emerge relatively unscathed from the Colorado rape allegation.

Comment #93: DTG in STL  on  12/13  at  06:56 PM

There are fewer sex scandals involving women because there are fewer women in roles prominent enough to cause a sex scandal.

Yes, this! Times a million!  I was recently in a discussion about this on a different blog when it was about some politician or another.  Everyone gave theories about how women are more careful about hiding their affairs, or too busy, or they get a free pass from the public, or whatever.  But the simple fact is that female senators don’t have sex scandals simply because there are so few female senators to begin with.  Right now, about 17% of senators AND representatives are women.  Assuming women have affairs as often as men, the odds are pretty low that those particular women will be involved in a sex scandal.  Of course it seems like most male politicians have sex scandals, but the reality is that it’s still just a small percentage of them.

Women are still a tiny, tiny minority in most areas of politics.  Like I said before, women only make up 17% of Congress.  There are currently only six female governors.  We’ve had exactly zero female presidents.  It’s impossible for a female president to have an affair if there is no female president in the first place.  No one really cares about politicians at the lower levels.

In sports, there are again very few famous women.  Women’s sports teams just don’t get the same fame as men’s sports teams.  If female athletes had sex scandals and the media reported about them, most people would just say, “Who are you talking about?”  Again, female sports stars can’t have sex scandals if there aren’t very many female sports stars to begin with.

There is one area where there are as many famous women as men, and that is celebrities, which includes actors, singers, and models.  And in this area, many women are involved in sex scandals, but of a different kind.  Countless young, female celebrities have had sex tape scandals.  The reason it’s different is because older women (meaning any woman over 30) is simply no longer famous in as a celebrity.  Of course you name a few, but mostly women disappear when they are older.  Of course, younger women are much less likely to be married than “older” women.  It’s really hard to cheat on your husband if you have no husband.  Basically, by the time women are old enough to have affairs, no one really cares about them anymore anyway.

We can go on and on about theories of why famous women seem to cheat less, but it’s really pointless because the simply lack of married, famous women is enough to explain the absence.

Comment #94: bananacat  on  12/13  at  11:46 PM

“i am not a male, but i am pretty sure this isn’t how it works…” - comment #65 , sophiefair

I doubt if physiologically it works that way, but it sure feels that way.  There are probably multiple reasons for this ranging from the way we are hooked up “down there” (the best argument against intelligent design, IMHO, is what intelligent designer would run a waste pipeline through a recreational zone?) to internalizations of how our culture constructs male sexuality.

But it certainly does feel like “I gotta ejaculate or I’ll plotz” for many men.  In my experience talking with women about this, sexual urgency feels completely different for women.

Comment #95: DAS  on  12/14  at  01:02 AM

exholt and anyone else that is talking about the emotional aspects of cheating: I agree that it’s painful to be cheated on.  No one is denying that it hurts, no matter how you view it.  I’m just arguing that if you see it as a breach of contract instead of a violation of your property rights, that will inform how you react, and whether or not you think violence to regain control is acceptable.  I think if you’ve got a healthier point of view, you’ll just cry and end the relationship.

Although breach of contract is serious in any context/event, breaches involving close relationships such as ones with friends, family, and especially one’s spouse is considered by many IME to be of far more severity/seriousness than a breach involving casual acquaintances or complete strangers. 

If one’s willing and able to cheat their friends, extended family, or especially their spouse…..what’s going to prevent them from cheating casual acquaintances or complete strangers such as one’s co-workers, clients/customers, or more importantly….the greater public if one is a civil servant/holder of public office??

Personally, I’ve never been cheated on….but I have witnessed too many ex-friend cheaters who ended up manifesting other cases of untrustworthiness in their dealings with others.  One big reason why they are my ex-friends and why other friends/acquaintances who used to be their friends ended their friendships with them.

Comment #96: exholt  on  12/14  at  02:18 AM

DTG, I am more than willing to accept Lebron as the one of the two faces of the NBA.  I just cited Kobe as the higher of the two based on his past postseason success and better overall career to this point.

It’s not like they aren’t sharing commercial time as it is with those damn puppets.  Wonder how long before there is a puppet Tiger in a Nike commercial.

Comment #97: bouj  on  12/14  at  07:05 AM

I think I’ve figured out the “why don’t we see more high-profile women involved in sex scandals?” kasha.  Of course the numbers game is involved, but pace aimai, I think agency is a key part of it.

The way heterosexuality and masculinity/femininity are constructed by our society, “boys ask girls out”.  Men are active agents and women are gatekeepers—at least as far as society tends to construct gender roles in (heterosexual) relationships.

The upshot of this is that for a man to “score” a lot (note even the term used here) is to win at a competition, as it were (c.f. various blog posts, etc. on “performative sexuality”).  Thus, is it surprising that competitive, alpha-male types (and generally sports players, no matter how bland their public personae, are by definition competitive folks) develop a taste for numerous “conquests” of women (even if said affairs are kept secret, c.f. Hugo Schwyzer’s comments on the current scandal)?

OTOH, what is the competitive aspect for women in having sex with a bunch of men?  How would a competitive woman have her desire for winning competitions satisfied by having sex with numerous men when many people internalize society’s constructions of sexuality and “woman as agent who ‘scores’ with each man she beds” isn’t part of how society constructs female sexuality (even if it is an essential part of how society constructs male sexuality)?

Comment #98: DAS  on  12/14  at  03:29 PM
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