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Newsweek does a story on MonaVia Acai Juice, also known as this year’s Noni Juice. It’s a hideously expensive pyramid scheme that makes a ton of false promises and generally results in a lot of budding entrepreneurs gulping down $30-40 bottles of unsellably glorified vitamin water.
A simple guide to making money: when someone else makes something that promises cures to disease, famine, sexual dysfunction and overdrafting, and decides that the best way to make money from it is to sell it to other people who then sell it themselves, the first question you want to ask is, ”Why wouldn’t they just sell it themselves?” And then, when you fail to come to a proper answer to that question, go start up a part-time website design company like a normal person.
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Posted by
Jesse Taylor on 11:42 AM •
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It’s really fucking nasty tasting as well. I had someone give me a bottle of the stuff and I couldn’t finish it.
It’s like cough syrup mixed with bad pomegranate juice. If it wasn’t $40, it would be more ridiculous than it already is.
I just realized that this could be the next big frontier for Scientology! Setup some sort of Amway-like tiered distribution — Bingo!
Bumper sticker: Clear Your Thetan Now! Ask Me How!…
Bonus...when the MonaVie joy-juice thing goes to hell, you can promote Scientology to “cleanse” the bodies of the “victims”...!
Funny, the nearest thing we have around here is Limu, a nasty seaweed based drink. I wonder if there are regional variations in bullshit juice.
There is a proper way to consume açai, and that’s frozen and mixed with things like banana and granola. I’m feeling pained that this stuff may be besmirching the reputation of perfectly tasty little berry.
I read “Noni juice” as “Yoni juice”. Why would I want that bottled when I can just lap it up from the source?
But seriously. I ran afoul of a MLM a few years ago. I was supposed to make thousands a year from selling little fire extinguishers, well maybe just a couple thou from the extinguishers, the real money came from getting others to sell extinguishers as part of my “personal sales team”.
Did some research, turned out similar extinguishers were available in stores at lower cost. If I really wanted to make money off the extinguishers I’d just find the best kind at the lowest cost and sell them out of my trunk.
Besides, apartments usually come with a FREE fire extinguisher. Hard to make money when landlords are giving it away so they can save money on their insurance.
Seriously folks. If the MLM products were that good there’s no way they’d want to cut that many people in on the deal.
A proliferation of perpetual yard sales and pyramid schemes seems to be a hallmark of economically difficult times.
A proliferation of perpetual yard sales and pyramid schemes seems to be a hallmark of economically difficult times.
That, or a sign that you’re in Utah. Here, Mormonism is still the #1 religion, but MLM is a pretty comfortable second (though there is lots of overlap).
Limu? My aunt—the person religious cults, miracle diet shakes and Kenoki foot pads were made for—made me and my mother go with her to some “company meeting” for Total Wellness Industries/International/Insipid Bullshit or whatever it’s called. Besides the general Miracle Diet Shakes!!! stuff, they kept shilling some powder called Limu-ne. They also spent at least five minutes bugging my mom about some surgery she had in the past, which was really uncomfortable. And to top it all off, the whole thing was set in the party room at Pizza Ranch. I went in expecting free pizza and left with a new understanding of how deluded desperate people with money can be.
And because someone had to post it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76M4qOWI_Gg
You should check out Brian Dunning’s Skeptoid podcast on MonaVie—not only your typical Amway-esque pyramid scheme, but a disgusting and expensive product that’s actually less beneficial for you than eating a 50 cent apple. That’s just good capitalism.
Dark berries are good for you. They can lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Of course, they’re by no means a miracle cure, simply a part of a healthy lifestyle. I’m guessing that acai has the same health benefits as blackberries, blueberries, cherries, and raspberries, no more, no less.
I’ve had the devil of a time trying to find some tolerable açai juice since Bossa Nova went off the shelves near me - everything else seems to be a mixture of cough syrup and random pulp.
Oh, and yoni juice? Tim Kreider already did that one.
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It’s really fucking nasty tasting as well. I had someone give me a bottle of the stuff and I couldn’t finish it.