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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Negotiators from the campaigns of Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain agreed to format details in the October 2nd debate between Vice Presidential running mates Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin, according to sources involved in the talks.
At issue was the length and duration of the questioning period for both candidates, as well as the topics covered. The format finally settled on was split between the candidates. Mr. Biden will be governed by shorter answer periods than the presidential candidates will see, and also a shorter response period to Palin’s answers. His range of topic areas will vary between foreign policy, widely believed to be his strong suit, and areas such as the economy, energy policy and social issues.
Mrs. Palin will be governed by a slightly altered set of rules. Instead of being asked questions by the moderator, she will be given a series of nouns, all of which fit into categories such as “Things That Are Sharp” and “Places You Wear Boots”. Her task will be to name the category in which all of the people, places or things fit, and do so for six such categories in sixty seconds. Mr. Biden, kept in a soundproof booth, will then have to come out and replicate the task. The winner will be determined based on who either names all six categories most quickly or, barring completion, who names the most categories accurately.
The unprecedented rules were agreed to after Mrs. Palin’s first two attempts at spontaneously reacting to questions on the campaign trail. On September 18th, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked the Governor about the distribution of domestically drilled oil in the world market, and how it could be kept for domestic use. Mrs. Palin answered: “Oil and coal? Of course, it’s a fungible commodity and they don’t flag, you know, the molecules, where it’s going and where it’s not. But in the sense of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry domestic markets that need that oil first. So, I believe that what Congress is going to do, also, is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it’s Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy source that is produced here, pumped here. It’s got to flow into our domestic markets first.”
On September 17th, a pool reporter asked Mrs. Palin about the $85 billion bailout of insurance company AIG. Her response: ““Disappointed that taxpayers are called upon to bailout another one. Certainly AIG though with the construction bonds that they’re holding and with the insurance that they are holding very, very impactful to Americans so, you know, the shot that has been called by the Feds, it’s understandable but very, very disappointing that taxpayers are called upon for another one.”
It is believed that the new rules distribute equal favor to both parties - the McCain camp believes that Palin’s shorter answers will better showcase the personal appeal that was on display at the Republican Party’s national convention earlier this month, and the Obama camp believes that Palin’s truncated stage time will prevent Joe Biden from, according to a senior source, “putting a gun to his goddamn head and pulling the trigger having to sit through that shit. Seriously. I mean, fuck, really? Christ. Fungible molecules my black ass.”
Posted by
Jesse Taylor on 05:55 AM •
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Mrs. Palin will be governed by a slightly altered set of rules.
I fell for that line. I started thinking ‘no way!’ before I read the bit about the nouns.
It’s like being rickrolled…
As for her crazy talk? Is she for exports or against them? She doesn’t want Americans stuck holding the bag, but it’s got to flow here first? How would we get stuck holding the bag?
As for fungible, she’s just messed up her talking points. “Fungible” refers to our soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. Cheney said so.
As for “molecules"--that was on her “Vocabulary of the Day” calendar.
“Impactful” is all her own.
Oh my God, that was so funny. 
For Palin’s sake, and so we’ll be spared more Bush-style mangling of the language, maybe they can just tell them the answers, and then Palin and Biden have to give the question, in the form of a question, as their “answer”.
“It is the form of gambling that involves the largest amounts of money in the United States.”
— “I know! What is investing on Wall Street?”
“Correct! 200 points!”
“He is the dictator of Russia.”
— “Vladimir Putin!”
“Sorry, Sarah, your answer must be in the form of a question. Joe?”
— “Who is the de factor dictator of Russia?”
“Correct! 100 points!”
I mean, everybody loves Jeopardy!, right? Maybe Alex Trebek isn’t busy that night...?
Maybe they could even slip in a couple of Daily Doubles…
Fungible molecules my black ass.”
I am still very much surprised that Ms. Palin did not follow up on her idea of painting little American flags on the molecules which are ours.
The scary part is that, if you watched her convention speech and stopped paying attention afterward, you might think she’s an articulate person. Turns out she’s barely coherent, even by the I’m-a-politician-I-only-speak-in-empty-generalities standard.
If they didn’t change the rules for her, it would be unfair and SEXIST.
Mrs. Palin will be governed by a slightly altered set of rules. Instead of being asked questions by the moderator, she will be given a series of nouns, all of which fit into categories such as “Things That Are Sharp” and “Places You Wear Boots”. Her task will be to name the category in which all of the people, places or things fit, and do so for six such categories in sixty seconds. Mr. Biden, kept in a soundproof booth, will then have to come out and replicate the task. The winner will be determined based on who either names all six categories most quickly or, barring completion, who names the most categories accurately.
How is that even debating? What can we possibly learn about the candidates and their positions from listening to this? This sounds like a rote memorization task you’d try with a first grader or a round of Family Feud.
.....
R2K
Everyone please join me and find out what your Palin family name would be.
How is that even debating? What can we possibly learn about the candidates and their positions from listening to this? This sounds like a rote memorization task you’d try with a first grader or a round of Family Feud.
Oh, dear…
According to the R2K site, I would be known as Filter Skate Palin, were I one of Sarah Palin’s offspring. (which if I was, it must have hurt like hell because I’m several years older than she is...)
...and Todd Palin saw what he had done, and it was good...
Hello, Bentsen vs. Quayle.
Palin will be prepared by her handlers to answer the questions with more of the same keyword response technique that she used with Gibson. Afterwards the Republican party will have it’s spokesmen and spin masters out explaining that she really meant a when she said b, and besides, she can see Russia from her front porch, and asking her questions she has trouble answering is sexist. Then they’ll pick one or two phrases from Biden’s responses to twist and mutilate and try to prove that x was really y all along.
Republican logic isn’t like the logic you learn in college. They aren’t bound by normal rules of discourse. Their idea of debate is to shout down their opponents and lie, lie, and lie some more.
McCain is still at 45% in the Gallup tracking poll of likely voters. I wonder where he’d be in a poll of the sane and reasonable.
Forty-five percent is nothing to crow about. That’s what Dukakis got in the final results.
“Hello, Bentsen vs. Quayle.”
OTOH, there is no Vice President Bentsen in the history books…
“Forty-five percent is nothing to crow about. That’s what Dukakis got in the final results.”
...and there’s no accurate way to know how big the Bradley Effect will be until it’s all over…
It’s satire, but it’s based in reality. The VP debate rules were altered to accommodate Palin’s inferior intelligence and understanding. Answer periods were shortened so she couldn’t screw up and back and forth between candidates was limited so Biden couldn’t call her out when she lied.
MikEss--
We can look at the Harold Ford race and see that his finish was in-line with the polls. In fact, he overshot them a little. In a Southern state.
Srssly, no one has been able to give me an example of a “Bradley Effect” that wasn’t from twenty + years ago.
Ben, I sure hope you’re right…
I suppose it goes without saying that “abtinence only” questions will be ‘unfair’ because of poor whats-her-face and “rape kit charge” questions will be ‘sexist’ because Palin has a certain set of genitals? Sigh.
...and there’s no accurate way to know how big the Bradley Effect will be until it’s all over…
Stop with the worrthless worrying, Defeatocrats. Republicans, if nothing else, are always deeply confident that they will win. We’re ahead, Obama has more money and better organization, McCain has no convincing answers to any of the problems facing the country, and Palin is very quickly losing her ephemeral popularity with people outside the Republican base. Yeah, we haven’t won yet, but this kind of thing is so fucking discouraging. Man up and quit proclaiming doom at every opportunity.
John, I appreciate that you are trying to raise spirits, although I didn’t realize I had personally pissed in your Cheerios.
However, we are on the brink of giving a virtual blank check with no accountability to our Treasury Secretary, which we are all on the hook for, we’re still in Iraq, we’re still threatening Iran, Afghanistan is still fucked, and we’re still selling our national soul to our creditors, piece by piece. By any reasonable logic Obama should be 10%-20% over McCain (or higher), and yet we’re hoping to just gut this one out.
Added to that is the elephant in the room (so to speak). This is the serious question of whether Obama can actually help if he does get elected. The pooch may have been so thoroughly screwed this time we won’t have much left to work with…
Other than a lot of empty “Rah, rah, America Roolz!” crap, what else do we have to pull us through?…
Mike-
A five or six point popular vote lead is a landslide in the EC. Reagan won 40+ states in 1980 and he had a popular vote victory of +8.
+20 is ridiculous, I don’t even think FDR managed that.
Let me put it this way---the math is such that if Obama expands his current lead by three points to where he’s +8 in the polls, it means he has a 50/50 shot of winning McCain’s home state.
“impactful”
“verbiage”
moving “molecules”
You can’t make this shit up.
To be fair, tho, the shorter format will reduce the time in which Joe Biden (bless his heart) can say something stupid or embarrassing.
Mustache Warthog Palin? How disapointing…
I know you’re right Ben. It’s just crazy to me that anyone could look at the (literal) trail of death and destruction left by the Bushites and still contemplate voting for McCain/Palin Palin/McCain…
I thought they’d give Ms. Palin a little more of a challenge, you know? Like “One Of These Things Is Not Like the Others,” or “Name That Tune.” If Alex Trebek is busy, maybe Pat Sajak is free: Wheel of Foreign Policy, anyone?
It told me I would be Mustache Warthog as well. I guess spoofy Palin is not all that creative.
Palin would fit right on on “Celebrity Jeopardy!”
I worked part-time for a greeting card company a while back and, unfortunately, “verbiage” is a real word. I know, I know, I didn’t believe it either (and still hate it), but.
I’m Bush Gator, which is appropriate, given my predilection for reptiles.................
McCain is still at 45% in the Gallup tracking poll of likely voters. wonder where he’d be in a poll of the sane and reasonable.
Aaah yes, them. America’s least visible minority. (h/t: Adlai Stevenson)
Ben D. is partially correct. Palin would fit right in on the SNL version of Celebrity Jeopardy.
And that’s the only “Celebrity Jeopardy!” I was talking about, seeker. 
Wink right back at yah, Ben D.
I was appalled that Amanda posted that the rules were changed to adapt to her weaknesses. The Dems should have run attack ads on the GOP demands, compared them to previous debates, and savaged Palin for not even being ready /good enough / smart enough (etc) to debate. Americans have a gut instinct against people who try and change the rules for their own benefit (as long as it’s other Americans that are getting screwed). There was a lot of mileage to be gained by shaming Palin into fighting by ordinary rules, both in the destination and in the journey.
Ah, the Professor Poopypants algorhythm from Captain Underpants, put to good use with a new dictionary!
Barrel McRaven Palin ... but I think my son Crunk Petrol Palin got a better deal out of the bot.
BTW, look for a lump on Palin’s back, just like W had during the Kerry debates that gives them hints as to when to buy a vowel.
They agreed to the demands because Joe Biden can be, well, a bit long winded.
I almost feel bad for Biden in this thing… the expectations game is being set up such that if the dude says even one thing slightly critical of her qualifications, the phony screams of sexism are sure to come flying from choads like Tucker Bounds the next day.
And the truth is… in a one on one debate without any sort of BS “expectations game” meme being floated, Joey the Shark would eat Sarah Barracuda for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any policy debate, foreign or domestic.
Hello, Bentsen vs. Quayle.
I’d say comparing Biden vs. Palin to Bentsen vs. Quayle is probably an insult to Dan Quayle.
When she first arrived on the scene, my initial reaction to Palin was “Oh my God, it’s Dan Quayle with internal plumbing.” Turns out Quayle looks like a nuclear physicist next to Sarah “ask me about dinosaurs” Palin.
I’m just saying it will be a blowout. Palin will fail *even with* the BS expectations game. That’s how bad she is.
It should be a slam dunk for Biden along the same lines as Bentsen vs. Quayle and Gore vs. Kemp.
I know you’re right Ben. It’s just crazy to me that anyone could look at the (literal) trail of death and destruction left by the Bushites and still contemplate voting for McCain/Palin Palin/McCain…
There’s two reasons, I think, that pollsters aren’t finding a Bradley Effect.
1) Less people care if a candidate is a minority.
2) Less people care whether or not they come off as racist.
My guess is that it’s mostly the latter.
Juan--
I think it’s mostly the latter, too. But being open about racism is “progress” of a sort, I guess. Can’t solve a problem if you deny it exists.
Palin sounds like me in college, trying to bullshit my way through an answer to a question that blindsided me. Luckily i didn’t have to do that too often. She can’t seem to go 5 minutes without doing it.
BTW, look for a lump on Palin’s back, just like W had during the Kerry debates that gives them hints as to when to buy a vowel.
I’m expecting giant exotic looking dangly earrings.
One of the conditions the dems should have insisted on is that Palin answer her questions from inside a faraday cage.
Ben D. wrote:
It should be a slam dunk for Biden along the same lines as Bentsen vs. Quayle and Gore vs. Kemp.
Actually… it could be even better than either of those debates, simply because there has never been a bigger fascination with the VP candidates in any election in my lifetime. Not so much that Biden will necessarily do a lot better - just that a lot more people will actually be watching the VP Debate than usual. Everybody has a fascination with Sarah Palin, on both sides of the aisle - Repukes are obsessed because they think that she’s Reagan with a vijayjay (Michael Reagan literally proclaimed that she was his dead father reincarnated), and Dems are obsessed because of the comic fodder she seems to provide us on a daily basis.
I actually think that the Biden-Palin debate could get higher Nielsen ratings than the first Obama-McCain Debate, because of both the Palin fascination and the scheduling (first Obama-McCain Debate is on a Friday, which is a TV ratings death trap).
Palin sounds like me in college, trying to bullshit my way through an answer to a question that blindsided me. Luckily i didn’t have to do that too often. She can’t seem to go 5 minutes without doing it.
The thing is, the first two sentences of her oil an coal response make sense. They also happen to completely undermine her arguments for supporting offshore drilling.
The problem with the debates is that all the republicans need to do to be declared winners is to not be seen drooling on themselves.
Slackajawea,
I think you’ve been rickrolled.
Or perhaps Dickrolled.
A five or six point popular vote lead is a landslide in the EC. Reagan won 40+ states in 1980 and he had a popular vote victory of +8.
+20 is ridiculous, I don’t even think FDR managed that.
Actually, FDR did, though it wasn’t against Herbert Hoover in 1928. In the past 22 presidential elections, nine were won by more than 17 points, and five of those with a 20 point margin of victory. It’s been 24 years since a true blowout in the popular vote, however the past five elections have all been decided by single-digit margins of victory.
20+ POINT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION VICTORIES SINCE 1920
1920 Election - 26.2% Margin
Warren G. Harding (R) 60.3%
James M. Cox (D) 34.1%
1924 Election - 25.2% Margin
Calvin Coolidge (R) 54.0%
John W. Davis (D) 28.8%
Robert M. La Follette, Sr. (P) 16.6%
1936 Election - 24.3% Margin
Franklin D. Roosevelt (D) 60.8%
Alf Landon (R) 36.5%
1964 Election - 22.6% Margin
Lyndon B. Johnson (D) 61.1%
Barry Goldwater (R) 38.5%
1972 Election - 23.2% Margin
Richard Nixon (R) 60.7%
George McGovern (D) 37.5%
17-20 POINT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION VICTORIES SINCE 1920
1928 Election - 17.4% Margin
Herbert Hoover (R) 58.2%
Al Smith (D) 40.8%
1932 Election - 17.7% Margin
Franklin D. Roosevelt (D) 57.4%
Herbert Hoover (R) 39.7%
1940 Election - 19.9% Margin
Franklin D. Roosevelt (D) 54.7%
Wendell Willkie (R) 44.8%
1984 Election - 18.2% Margin
Ronald Reagan (R) 58.8%
Walter Mondale (D) 40.6%
I think part of the reason Palin comes off as so bizarre in quotes like this is that she’s not just any uninformed politician, she’s an uninformed politician with TV newsreader training. TV news has developed its own dialect which involves dropping a lot of subjects and verbs, especially “is”, so it sounds like dialogue made up entirely of headlines, or a never-ending sentence with one independent clause after another. “The bill coming up for debate now—Congress split on this vote—opinion saying maybe very impactful on the question of...” etc. Anyone who watches TV news is used to it now, but it still sounds out of place and kind of brain-damaged when it comes from someone who’s not the reporter and is supposed to be answering questions.
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I fell for that line. I started thinking ‘no way!’ before I read the bit about the nouns.
It’s like being rickrolled…
As for her crazy talk? Is she for exports or against them? She doesn’t want Americans stuck holding the bag, but it’s got to flow here first? How would we get stuck holding the bag?
As for fungible, she’s just messed up her talking points. “Fungible” refers to our soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. Cheney said so.
As for “molecules"--that was on her “Vocabulary of the Day” calendar.
“Impactful” is all her own.