Why is it that 9 out of 10 YouTube vids I click on say “we’re sorry, this video is no longer available” for the last few months?

A local jeweler in my town has this ad campaign that blatantly pushes diamonds as the “make-up” gift for bad male behavior.  “Run out of excuses?  We have a diamond for that.”  “Weekend in Vegas?  We have a diamond for that.”  There are worse ones I can’t even remember, and it’s pretty offensive.

Isn’t there also unpleasant associations with a woman getting a vacuum cleaner ( you and only you do housework) or a thigh master (you’re looking fat, honey) from her husband/boyfriend? 

Granted, I wouldn’t require diamonds to make up for it, but it would result in a long talk as to why the gift is hurtful/offensive.

My God—this might actually compete with the “Diamonds as analog to spousal abuse” DeBeers ad a while back.

Fuck Diamonds.

There is nothing wrong with telling your BF, if you know a proposal is on the way, that you won’t accept one. And anyone who tries to tell you you’re not really engaged until you have a diamond can go eat shit.

My husband has always known exactly how pissed I would be if he spent any part of anyone’d paycheck on jewelry, plus diamonds are especially ugly and morally comprimized.

Isn’t it flowers and chocolate?  I like those things.  Especially chocolate.  Diamonds are supposed to stand alone, I thought.

I just don’t get it, I mean, who ARE these women and WHAT are they doing for these diamonds?

Who ARE these people?  And WHAT is the deal with airplane food?  Have you TASTED this stuff?
Enough Seinfeld..

I know plenty of women whose self-esteem is based on how many shiny accessories they’ve had bought for them and can hang on themselves.  They exist, I guarantee it.  I have to assume, like for so many things, this is something that society tries REALLY REALLY hard to condition women into accepting, and these are just the unlucky ones on whom it’s succeeded.

But, maybe you could clear this up for me Amanda, aside from the soul-crushing reality that society tries very hard to train women to love diamonds, and men to feel like cheap, petty assholes if they can’t afford to give their wives or girlfriends diamonds every major and minor holiday.. What is the point of this post.

People like gifts, it’s true.  THE PROBLEM WITH DIAMONDS is that the majority of these diamonds are mined by children and the parents of those children, many of whom die at an early age, have limbs cut off by mine owners, and never really get paid..

Otherwise, it seems a long way to go to make a critique about Christmas advertising, when there seems to be a more important point at issue here.  It’s like this at every major and minor holiday, and 99% of men tune it out because we don’t have the money to buy diamonds anyway.

That Jill Soloway piece is the funniest (and truest) thing I’ve read in a long time.  I have never understood the fascination with, and symbolic significance attached to, diamond jewelry.

I never got a ring, and it grosses me out when I see people with engagement rings.  I have to say, this is the one nasty prejudice I have and I wish I could get rid of it but I can’t.  Makes me feel like every women who has a diamond ring is doing me, personally, harm.  Same with name changing.

Ugh, my very christian brother is all about buying his wife diamonds.  And when he couldn’t afford to get her a big enough diamond for her engagement ring, gues what?  Her DAD already had a rock bought for her.  He bought it when she was still a child and set it aside.  What do you make of that?

All these commercials…  The people in the business of selling diamonds just have no taste.  Have you seen the one where the girlfriend is MUTE!?

Forget diamonds!  Am I the only one who wishes someone would buy me a vacuum cleaner for christmas?

Seriously, though, I think that for many women who are obsessed with diamonds, etc., this is an issue of self worth.  “The more shiny stuff I can hang on myself, the more valuable I am.”  It all goes back to dowries and the engagement ring being essentially insurance for if the man jilts the woman.  Because obviously, no woman is worth anything on her own.  Bleh.

He bought it when she was still a child and set it aside.  What do you make of that?

The ultimate “Promise Ring”?!?!
*vomits in mouth*

A local jeweler in my town has this ad campaign that blatantly pushes diamonds as the “make-up” gift for bad male behavior.  “Run out of excuses?  We have a diamond for that.” “Weekend in Vegas?  We have a diamond for that.” There are worse ones I can’t even remember, and it’s pretty offensive.

“Transmitted an STD? We have a diamond for that”.
“Smacked your b**ch up? We have a diamond for that.”

...This could go on

Don’t any of the women who get these diamonds ever say “Honey, why don’t we return this a take a weekend trip/buy me art supplies/hire professional cleaners/get a babysitter for every night of the next week instead?”

The saddest shit must be to wake up December 29th, start making breakfast and cleaning up the mess, look at the diamond in your hand and wish for a better vacuum cleaner.

“Honey, why don’t we return this expensive diamond and get you a good hooker, so I don’t have to have sex with you this month?”

Five minute ad?

Why?

Why?

Why?

...Although, Donnie sorta deserved it.  Ugh.  She was married to him?

LOL, I have the totally opposite problem.
Hubby loves to by me sparkly stuff when I’d prefer two tickets to Barcelona or Paris or Copenhagen….but after 25 years we’ve come to the understanding that he can only buy me expensive jewelry every five years. Although last year we went to London…and Tiffany…well it was our 25th anniversary

I’m not sure if he’s buying into the marketing or he’s just a romantic but I think I’ll keep him!

I don’t get the diamond thing either, and I’m troubled by the, how shall we say, gross violations of human rights involved in mining them.  I’m not sure I could ever wear one without intense guilt and sadness.

And here’s another vote in favor of practical gifts.  I think the best gifts are practical but fun.  Last year I asked for flannel PJs for christmas.  It was really awesome.  I love pajamas (am wearing them now, in fact.)

But ads also encourage men to make these awful gifts.  Mother’s Day ads are all about kitchen supplies and cleaning supplies and gadgets to make mom’s life easier.  Whe you are growing up, these ads obscure any possibility you might have of finding out what your own mother really likes.

I guess if women aren’t supposed to have interests and hobbies, then it makes sense that men would buy they jewelry.  That’s another thing that irritates me about diamond rings.

The only benefit I could ever see to getting a diamond ring is that it provides something to hock if you find yourself in financial trouble at some point in the future.

I don’t wear any jewelry at all, so I have no diamonds or anything else. I have reached a point in my life where I want practical gifts - stuff I really could use but don’t need, but that would make my life easier. I’m hoping for a food processor for Xmas.

I have zircon-encrusted tweezers…

@amanda,
Yeah, it’s like when you’re a kid at Christmas, and the uncle gets your brother the cool science kit, and gets you the play make-up kit.  Even as a child some gifts work to put you in your place.

And then there is the problem that when a guy gets you jewelry, there is no analog gift.  There is no gift around that price that is that boring.  What are you supposed to get him, wrist cuffs?  An expensive wallet?

So, tinat, if you don’t mind me asking, why does your husband buy you diamonds, and why do you like them?

Seriously, though, I think that for many women who are obsessed with diamonds, etc., this is an issue of self worth.  “The more shiny stuff I can hang on myself, the more valuable I am.”

Could this also be more of a regional/socio-economic privilege thing?

I don’t see this behavior nearly as much in the midwest or the greater Boston area as I do in NYC with co-workers and some students at NYU and Columbia. 

Then again, I tend not to mix well with extremely materialistic people* as they see my inclination to live well below my means as “cheapness” and I tend to reply any assholish aspersions of such kind by questioning whether their materialistic excess is a way to compensate for a lack of genuine intellectual acumen. 

* Worst experience were several overentitled upper/upper-middle class male co-workers whose extremely wasteful spendthrift lifestyle habits placed them into a deep financial hole….even as they accused me of being cheap on the one hand….and then begging for a loan….sometimes the same sentence.

ok, taking into account these ads are aimed at americans,
some cultures make a habit of husbands giving wives fine jewelry because it is the only way to acceptably give women anything of monetary value. Yes, for the appearance and all, but also insurance policy in case of death/divorce.
fwiw.

I bought my spouse a vacuum cleaner, and for the next six months every time she use it, I got an IM saying “I love this vacuum cleaner!”

There’s a diamond too; it was my mother’s; I don’t know how he came up with the money back then. But another one? There are so many other things, from the next set of computers to the offspring’s college fund to the local food bank.

Snore, Eric.

Fuck.  You.

I’m not deflecting, I just think you’re a moron for failing to even recognize or acknowledge why diamonds are actually a bad thing to buy.  Unless your complaint is that people who love eachother shouldn’t buy eachother gifts because it plays to some power dynamic, WHAT IS THE POINT?  People guy eachother gifts!  Some people buy diamonds, some people buy iPods, and Christmas advertising is all about guilt and brainwashing.  I’m sorry if bringing up blood diamonds totally, like, ruins your awesome, hip vibe, but it’s hardly a deflection.

My engagement ring belonged to my husband’s grandmother (engagement ring from her third husband).  I’m not sure how I would have felt about him spending 2 months’ salary on a ring for me since neither of us is a big spender (although I am a fritterer).

Also, I hated wearing it when I first got it—I had no idea it was possible to feel explicitly like someone else’s property, but I did.  My solution was to ask my fiance to wear a ring too (um, mutual property?).

The ad campaigns are absolutely horrifying.  What, women never think a man is actually funny?  Womens brains go haywire for pretty things?  And forget all about you being an asshole? Men don’t have to be decent guys if they can afford jewelry?

Yet why do these threads so often devolve into why would anyone ever like or want jewerly? Especially diamonds?  As if this is a sign of idiocy.  It isn’t. 

Putting aside the terrible working conditions issues (important but a separate issue).

While an appreciation for aesthetics, for decoration of one’s body, for sparkly stuff and jewelery in general is not universal to the human race, a significant portion of it shares it.  Yes, men too.  Cultures usually share an understanding of what is particularly attractive jewelery.  Not everyone agrees but lots of people find diamonds beautiful.

If one is not in a financially precarious situation it is really nice to get a gift that’s not practical or necessary that is only for your pleasure.  I get pleasure out of looking at something pretty, be it a really cute mug or a ring on my hand.  Not everyone feels this way, but lots of people do. 

It’s nice when someone spends something they value on you.  No one spends what they value on someone they don’t care about.  So, if you are middle class you likely value money (for all that it can buy you) and will not buy something expensive for someone else unless they are important to you.  Also, if you are short on time you’re not going to spend forever on making a present or searching for a present for someone you don’t care about.  Etc.  So both gifts that are expensive and gifts that are time expensive are highly valued by recipients.  (It’s different for the ultra rich but there are damn few of those.)

Also, frankly, every truly cheap piece of jewelry I’ve owed has shown the cheapness within months or years by getting dark, bent, wobbly etc.

And then there is the problem that when a guy gets you jewelry, there is no analog gift.  There is no gift around that price that is that boring.  What are you supposed to get him, wrist cuffs?  An expensive wallet?

Maybe not wrist-cuffs, but there are high end watches which may be the equivalent…  Or, nice cufflinks, for those of us who still wear dress shirts with French cuffs.  (They’re probably better than most jewelry…  I have cufflinks made from amber, a pair I bought that have a compass and a thermometer built-in, one made with thistle and stag’s horn from Scotland…  As well as a more “jewelry” style with 2 20 carat amethysts in a white gold mount.)  Tie-clips, for those who wear ties, or just ties…

HA!  That was the best rant I’ve seen in ages.

How’s the dental floss farm coming along?

Well, I’ll put it to you this way: one of these days I’m gonna be a mennil-toss flykune.

I’d also like to point out that ANY PERSON WITH HALF OF A FUCKING BRAIN understands that these commercials are bullshit.  Pointing it out and making a long post about it, while ignoring, again, why diamonds are ACTUALLY a bad gift, is like writing a blog post about how you found out today that the sky is blue and that gravity exists.  EARTH SHATTERING.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with giving diamonds as a gift except that they’re pretty much symbols of murder.  And yeah, guess what, that whole post that sums up how you feel about diamonds is complete pablum that makes no original or insightful points about diamonds.  When you fail to see the bigger picture, you Fail.

Again, sorry for raining on your parade with a big bucket of WHAT THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH THE WORLD, but this is probably the biggest problem that my anarchist friends have with doctrinaire liberals, and I have to say, it’s making me want to put some of you white children of privilege against the wall myself.  Seeing the diamond issue only for the implied social dynamics of the giver and receiver is myopic to the point of complete, willful blindness.

These commercials might as well say “If your girlfriend is generic female with no extracurricular interests, buy her a diamond!”

@Victoria
I can understand buying jewelry as art.  I can understand being well-to-do and buying a $30,000 gift that is beautiful for someone that is special.  I can understand wanting to own a nice thing.

What I can’t understand is all these people buying these pieces of jewelry that are exactly alike and in awful taste, at the JC Penney jewelry store, and all these rich women in SoCal who go to the gym in velour with truly generic pieces of shiny on their hands and necks. 
I’m pretty sure the women in these commercials are not appreciating jewelry as you say, and we are not supposed to either.  I think it’s clear from the commercials that we are supposed to like diamonds because of what they mean, when given as a gift, to a woman:

That you are a kept woman, and being a kept woman is the best a woman could ask for.

“But never from a boyfriend, not because it’s “unromantic”, but because, like jewelry, it’s one of those gifts that works to put a woman into her place.”

I think that really depends on whether or not you a) wanted it and b) asked for it.  I spent the aftermath of pretty much every gift-giving occasion I can remember growing up listening to my mother try to figure out why the hell my step-father had such a problem getting her whatever practical item she’d asked for, insisting instead on giving clothing or jewelry that was the polar opposite of the stuff she actually liked.  It’s made me a little sensitive to the dynamic that kicks in when the giftee says “I really want this thing over here” and the gifter blows that off and comes up with something completely different for totally good and valid and awesome reason x. 

When it comes to somebody just deciding that it will be awesome to get the women in their lives shiny new trappings of domestic drudgery because what else could they possibly want or hey, at least you know the Swifferbot9000 will get used, mirite?, I’m totally there with you, though.

@James,
I guess you are right.  There are some equally expensive, equally boring gifts for men. 

If you hate the blog so much, why on earth do you read it?

Because he can’t rest until everyone’s writing about what he thinks is important, and nothing that’s important to silly women could actually matter to actual human beings. He’s offended that there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t share his priorities, and his sense of justice demands that he do all he can to rectify this situation. He’s a true freedom fighter.

Like pepito, I bought my girlfriend RAM for her birthday one year.  She loved the gift, and as we watched the video, she said that she only wished I had left a note that said, “thanks for the memories,” just like the guy in the video.  It was actually cute, and maybe even romantic (in a sappy sort of way).

I thought that was actually the most interesting point in the video.  It was at that moment that the video went from being a mockery of sexism to sexist itself.  The RAM was a gift that treated the significant other as an intelligent being (not a domestic labor bunny), but the video assumed that it was a bad gift simply because “women don’t understand computers” or whatever.

Also, he has to point out that there’s nothing, got that, NOTHING wrong with men being bullied into buying diamonds for women. NOTHING. Only a ridiculous privileged emptyheaded feminist would think otherwise.

I have to say that I don’t want to wear or own Diamonds now that I now about blood diamonds.  Having something shiny on my finger is not the worth anyone’s life of the cruelty that occurs to mine them.  Right after I learned about blood diamonds I put my ring away in its box and I have never worn it since.

The whole gender thing does not take into consideration that women are capable of being political beings and guess what, some of us resist wearing diamonds because we know the truth of how they are mined.  I hate the fact that this ad portrays us as greedy little consumers with no political conscience.

I love giving and receiving gifts, especially if those gifts are well thought out and show a genuine effort to find something that I’ll like.  Which brings me to my inability to understand the diamond craze.  It seems like a high-priced obligatory gift.  Like your significant other really doesn’t know anything about you, or care, so they just throw whatever at you and hope you’ll settle for it.  Assuming I didn’t feel angry about receiving such a gift, I’d certainly feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about that kind of expense and display.

Also, everytime I’ve had to buy a gift for a boyfriend, I’ve had to take my time to think what special thing could I get that my particular boyfriend will like?  What are they into?  What do they not have?  What do they not need, but want?

These commercials imply that you don’t have to do this, because all women are the same and every girl ultimately wants a diamond.

thank god, I thought Eric was the same Eric, rejector of memes…

Damn, the internet can be confusing…

I confused the Damian here with another Damian Sullivan over at PZ Myer’s place…

As far as jewelry as sentimental and celebratory gifts?  I think it’s generally the same problems with Christmas gifts.  Not so many people want to ever think outside their orbits long enough to try and make a good attempt at a meaningful gift.  It’s simpler to get gifts that is valued by easy cultural metrics like whether it’s the done thing or by how much the gift is worth.

While it’s kinda fun to trash jewelry stores for their ridiculous ads, they probably do fulfil a sad purpose.  There are lots of pretty sterile people out there.

@Dana,
I guess you’re right, I didn’t see it from the disability POV.  I just thought having a commercial where the woman can’t talk at all has got to be some weird thing, and they were trying to make some kind of statement.

@shah,
And you know there are people who go to the store and find out how much the gift was worth, right?  And find out if the gifter got it on sale, and that ultimately makes them decide if it was or wasn’t a thoughtul gift.

I fail to understand how women hang the worth of diamonds on how many they get from men.

My mother loves jewelery and she buys them for herself (and her sisters, and me), with the money she earns herself. I’ve grown up with the same propensity for jewelery and I would very much enjoy receiving them (maybe when I stop dating poor university students), but I’m more like my mother - it’s more satisfying when I buy myself a unique piece I really like, and I don’t really trust anyone else to know my taste in jewelery.

Oh, and LOL to this:  Went through the archives to find Amanda’s TWO posts which were merely tangentially related to blood diamonds(one was about the diamond industry being mad at poor Leo for that awful movie he did, the other about how liberals can find a gift for someone other than a real diamond) as far back as 2005.  But what I really found hilarious was the post I forgot about from LAST Christmas on almost exactly the same topic as this post!  So this topic deserves two in-depth critiques back-to-back, but blood diamonds well.. Amanda’s sort of brought them up twice before while making a point about something else so SHUT UP AND STOP RAINING ON HER PARADE.  Fuck this place.  Seriously.  I was misled.  Won’t be bothering you hipster, white, privileged douchebags ever again(sorry Pam, Jesse).

There is nothing wrong with telling your BF, if you know a proposal is on the way, that you won’t accept one. And anyone who tries to tell you you’re not really engaged until you have a diamond can go eat shit.

I’ve said as much before to my boyfriend in regards to gifts in general (we’re not getting married unless circumstances make it necessary).  The more children have suffered and possibly died over a gift, the less acceptable it is to me, generally, you know?

Wow Eric,  just becuase the blood diamond problem is huge and significant, doesn’t mean that we can’t discuss the problem we have with diamond rings and diamond gifting in general.  Even if jewelers decided to only use man-made diamonds (which are much better), we would still have the problem we are discussing here. 
It’s two entirely different problems, and they are easy enough to separate.

Oh, poor Eric.  Boo hoo.

I hear you raspberry.  I kind of would like a really cool vacuum.  But never from a boyfriend, not because it’s “unromantic”, but because, like jewelry, it’s one of those gifts that works to put a woman into her place.

See, I wouldn’t mind that, but I wouldn’t want it as a gift in that sense for the same reason unless I asked for it specifically.

As a man, I’ve always found the expectation that I would be willing to waste good money on a fossilized piece of carbon—along with the implication that I am some kind of cheap loser if I don’t want to—to be completely odious.

Cap’n Bathrobe, I just think it’s funny that I read that and thought “Oh, but I’d totally take an actual fossil. Like an ammonite! I’d hang it in my kitchen! That would be a great present!”

Clear rocks, not so much.

That was completely off-topic but I’ve had a long day of telling people they’re wrong over on the xkcd forum. So.

Anyone who seriously calls someone a “hipster douchebag” is pretty much the biggest, douchiest hipster douchebag to ever douche up a joint, old school Lysol style.

Oh, and LOL to this:  Went through the archives to find Amanda’s TWO posts which were merely tangentially related to blood diamonds(one was about the diamond industry being mad at poor Leo for that awful movie he did, the other about how liberals can find a gift for someone other than a real diamond) as far back as 2005.  But what I really found hilarious was the post I forgot about from LAST Christmas on almost exactly the same topic as this post!  So this topic deserves two in-depth critiques back-to-back, but blood diamonds well.. Amanda’s sort of brought them up twice before while making a point about something else so SHUT UP AND STOP RAINING ON HER PARADE.  Fuck this place.  Seriously.  I was misled.  Won’t be bothering you hipster, white, privileged douchebags ever again(sorry Pam, Jesse).

Concern troll is concerned.

Y’know, blood diamonds ARE a big deal, but Eric’s approach was just kind of…well, you know those “Stand” commercials that feature kids with the chalk outlines or body bags or group of chemicals showing how bad smoking is? I abhor cigarettes, I think smoking cigarettes is deadly, but every time I see one of those ads I just want to suck down an entire pack of unfiltered Camels.

WF

I don’t wear diamonds on principal, for the reasons other people have mentioned as well as b/c I find most gems (and gold) tacky and a waste of cash. Not to mention the environmental damage that mining does. When people tell me they are getting engaged, etc. I ask them to please, if they insist on buying a diamond, to make it a Canadian one at least (less morally compromising).

However, as always, as a woman I cannot win no matter what. When I happened to mention to a male acquaintance that I don’t wear diamonds and wouldn’t accept one, I got a big spiel about how I’m just a bitter angry feminist, blah blah blah. It had to be my inherent flaw of being female that was the problem, not that I have my own values that I put serious thought into. Fuck that.

And Eric, maybe if you came in here and were polite and NOT YELLING AT EVERYONE someone would take you seriously instead of thinking you’re a douchebag. Just a thought.

The RAM was a gift that treated the significant other as an intelligent being not a domestic labor bunny

Totally.  How insulting to someone to insinuate that they wouldn’t ever want a practical gift but would only be happy with a useless ornament.  Meanwhile what’s the traditional gift for a man?  A power drill or table saw or something like that, for a person that does things rather than standing around looking nice.

I also like the commercial’s suggestion that if someone does something you don’t like, you shut them out of your life indefinitely, hoping they will someday somehow figure out what they did wrong and how to make up for it.  I guess communicating is for people, not women.  Or something.

The thing that makes people, if not trolls, then at least trollish to me is walking into a conversation that other people (especially women?) are having and trying to make it all about them.

Conversations change directions and arguments are well and good but the thing that really irritates me is the demand that it suddenly become all about them. And the other thing that kind of gets me is how smart women are nonetheless trained to accomodate them, or forced into defending their space.

Just noting. Especially since since I noticed it on the internet, I’ve also started seeing it when it happens in real life.

So this topic deserves two in-depth critiques back-to-back, but blood diamonds well..

Feminist viewpoints on a feminist blog?!  Shock, surprise, amazement!

Anyway, you’re wasting your time.  What about what’s REALLY important:  global warming?  We’re making the whole planet unliveable so anyone who worries about what goes on in a few mines is a fool.  See how this works?

I’ve never seen a Lexus in a driveway with a giant Xmas bow around it, but I carry a dozen rancid eggs in my car at all times in case it happens. The smell is nauseating and I got me some kinda chicken-infection, but it’ll be worth it someday.

Anyone else getting the feeling that Eric (not Eric the Rejector) has suddenly realized why his last girlfriend broke up with him upon receiving yet another generic piece of jewelry?  I’m not sure otherwise why the mere mention of the idea that giving women generic, gender-based gifts is offensive would send him around the bend like that.

And, mark the calendar, I actually agree with Dana—I thought that Kay commercial was slightly less repugnant than usual since they at least acknowledged that disabled (in this case, deaf) people exist and have romantic relationships, and that “normal” non-disabled people can fall in love with disabled people.  Sadly, that’s still pretty rare to see on our teevees.

Everything is advertised as better for one reason or another, and by better I mean “more likely to result in coitus or a close equivalent”.  Those stupid ads for credit reports slam bicycles and efficient cars, and mock their users as unfit for the love of the ladies.  They underestimate the intelligence of everyone, male and female, in the process.  Ditto for ads for cars, watches, homes, vacation spots, exercise programs, gyms, clothing, underwear, universities, and everything else.  Most people are not getting as much sex as they wish to and are desperate for that mysterious “edge” that will make them happy, and most advertisers know this all too well.  Diamond advertisers, knowing they only have to a small portion of their audience to make a huge profit, are among the most free to be blatantly offensive.  And it shows.

My ex wife really wanted me to buy her a diamond the year before we declared bankruptcy and got divorced.  I still wonder what the fuck she was thinking: just wishing out loud? psychotic denial of our finances? or some sort of stupid test of love?  I don’t know, and I’m sure I can’t get a real answer.  But I think she just wanted some status, but decided to ask for the symbol rather than the reality.  In that marriage, I can’t deny that mistakes were made.  I’m just glad that going even deeper in debt to support the diamond industry wasn’t one of them.

I am already laughing at what Sarah Haskins could do in a Target:Women—Diamonds.

Oh, hey, I noticed this year that Mastercard RE-EDITED an offensive commercial.

Have you seen the one where the guy gives his (presumably) wife a box of Kleenex and a paper bag and then leads her to the front door to show her the two BRAND NEW CARS!!! in the driveway?

That commercial always pissed me off because when she faints (as he knew she would), he just lets her drop to the ground, smiling a really self-satisfied smile.  Because, of course, when someone faints and falls on the floor, it’s not like she could get injured or anything.

Well, now they’ve edited the commercial so that one of the gifts is a mini-trampoline, and instead of dropping to the floor with a thud in a dead faint, she falls, bounces off the trampoline, and hugs him.

Both versions are still in circulation, but keep an eye out for both of them—it’s pretty fascinating.

Either they got some complaints or someone actually said, “Uh, guys, he looks like an asshole for letting her fall to the ground.”

I’ve never seen a Lexus in a driveway with a giant Xmas bow around it, but I carry a dozen rancid eggs in my car at all times in case it happens.

LOL.  Good idea.  Of course, in this economy a cardboard box is probably the prestige gift of today.

Yes, I’ve seen that ad!

Have you seen the one where this girl whose boyfriend just proposed sends a picture of the diamond to her girlfriends on her cellphone, and they send a picture back asking if he has brothers?
Hahaha!  Hilarious! 

*FLUGHVOMIT*

I’m blessed, I guess, to have a wife who would murder me if I spent any kind of real money to buy her jewelry.  She would not think that shit was cute at all.  Her engagement ring was a plain silver band that didn’t cost $200, and she has a pretty wedding band but “modest” is an understatement.

We don’t get to spend money on ourselves very often.  There’s just always other priorities.  I’m stashing money away so I can give her $750 of cash she can spend on herself guilt-free for her birthday, and I think that’s the most awesome present I can give her.

“Have you seen the one where this girl whose boyfriend just proposed sends a picture of the diamond to her girlfriends on her cellphone, and they send a picture back asking if he has brothers? “

Oh yeah, that’s a classic of the genre.  BLECCH ! (Mad Magazine reader in the house)

I hear you raspberry.  I kind of would like a really cool vacuum.  But never from a boyfriend, not because it’s “unromantic”, but because, like jewelry, it’s one of those gifts that works to put a woman into her place.

I remember one year I wanted a hand vac as one of my xmas gift.  My guy went out to to get it with my gf and she tore a strip off and told him not to buy it even though that is what I asked for, because of course I didn’t really mean it. Apparently she felt that what I really wanted was perfume or jewelery, you know something girly. Thankfully he trusted in his knowledge me and got me the vac. I still have it and love it.
This year I want the new George Foreman grill.  I better get it to.  If it is something you want. To hell with how it looks.

“I have to say, it’s making me want to put some of you white children of privilege against the wall myself.”

Uh, Eric?  What is it about threatening others with execution that is going to get them to take you seriously?

Why don’t you just fuck off you goddamn merkin.

I was married to a woman who got mad because she judged the diamond I gave her to be too small.

Note the “was.”

And Norbiz, chuck one for me. Those car commercials are just as annoying as the diamond ones.

Amanda, how dare you post about the feminist implications of diamonds without once mentioning the TRUE problem with diamonds?

The *real* problem with diamonds is that YOU CAN’T COOK ON THEM! It’s true, I saw it in an infomercial for no-stick pots and pans.

“I’ve always hated the cult of the diamond”

Dude?  Do you not understand that the sparklyness of diamonds causes a fascination in the ladies that drives intelligent thought out of their heads and makes them all kissy and stuff?  It’s sorta how you or I would act if we got a new tricked out super 4x4 Jeep with mega-tires for a present from our wife/girlfriend….ok, maybe not exactly the same, cause we’d hop in it and drive off to show our buddies our cool new Jeep and then we’d all go offroad and get real muddy and such, leaving our wife/girlfriend standing in the driveway, but you get my point, right?

The best gift I ever got from a boyfriend was a humongous unabridged dictionary. And it’s what I really wanted, anyway!

Wow, stories like this make me feel really sorry for heterosexual women.

The RAM was a gift that treated the significant other as an intelligent being not a domestic labor bunny

Agreed.  My mother would actually prefer extra RAM in her computer or a good movie on DVD or book over receiving jewelry as a gift. 

Not only does she see jewelry as expensive useless junk, she’s fed up with older relatives sending her jewelry as gifts, especially within the last several years as they assume because her older wealthier sisters love jewelry that she would.  Umm, not really. 

it’s more satisfying when I buy myself a unique piece I really like, and I don’t really trust anyone else to know my taste in jewelery.

I feel the same way about relatives and friends attempting to buy me computers or electronic items…..especially when the quality of the marketing of said items greatly exceeds their actual quality/longevity.  

Only difference is that I have not had to buy them as plenty of decent computers end up coming into my hands free from clients/relatives fed up with their old computers…or found abandoned on the street. 

I’d like a Roomba. And I’m still puzzled as to what the RAM guy did that was so horrible.

I have two rings total in my life, and I often forget to put them on. I’ve pretty much decided I don’t want a ring. I’m still kinda puzzling over that one though, because I don’t want my less-feminist family and friends to think less of my boyfriend. Because our society is so ingrained on that notion—“Where’s the ring?” “Have you two gone ring shopping?” etc. that I don’t think a lot of people know what to do when the bride doesn’t want a ring. Obviously it must be because the guy is a cheapass or something. To save that sort of misunderstanding, I thought briefly about declaring my octopus tentacle ring my engagement ring or something, but in the long run, I think I’ll just say “Screw it.”

Also, I kinda don’t like the ring symbolism…because women are expected to wear it and flaunt it but guys rarely are.

Why is it that diamonds are a girls best friend, but man’s best friend is dog?  Seems unfair.

Have to chime in with the commenters bemused by the “RAM gift” bit.

Here’s the line (from 1:57 in the video):

I got my wife extra RAM memory for her computer as a gift. I even attached a note that said, “Thank you for the memories.” Didn’t go down very well.

That totally broke my heart—as far as I’m concerned, that’s a fabulous gift (with a lovely note), unless his wife doesn’t like whatever it is she does on her computer. What sad person wrote that crap?

Meanwhile, my wife is a total computer geek; she runs lots of memory-hogging software like Photoshop and various video-editing apps. I am now contemplating getting her exactly that present, with exactly that note, for Christmas. “Doghouse,” hell—she’s going to love it.

Eric, here’s a REAL BIG HINT:

Go to blogger.com

Set up your own blog

Say what you want IN YOUR OWN BLOG

This is Amanda’s blog.  Commenting about the ancillary issue is okay. Hounding her with your righteous bullshit to get attention drawn to how wonderful you are is not permissible.  Take it to your own space or STFU.

Oy the prices!  For that kind of money, I could get a 14’ kayak with rudder, spray skirt, and paddle, and find a wetsuit and PFD to fit over my boobs comfortably.  Heck, drybags too!

So long, Eric, nobody’s going to miss you.  Take your teenage anarchotwit bullshit and go start your own weblog, one where you don’t have to worry about us “doctrinaire liberals” and “white children of privilege” not being super-intelligent-cuz-we’re-teenagers-and-know-everything anarchoidiots like you, and where you don’t have to put up with DEM WIMMINZ daring to talk about stuff that might be important to humanity as a whole and to women specifically on another layer.  Get fucked, eat dick, that kind of thing.  Just haul your ass out of here.

Oh and re: giving RAM: You find me one person with a computer who wouldn’t like more power and I’ll find you one person who doesn’t know jack shit about their computer.

Eric wants you to know that, being a serious revolutionary male with *anarchist friends*, he has no time for all your girly concerns because he knows what the REAL problem is.

This anarchist is not his friend, or desires to be his friend, btw.

Renee: Make sure you get the Foreman grill with the detachable plates. They’re a bitch to clean otherwise.

My guess about the RAM is we’re supposed to assume that the guy who gave it is the bigger computer user in the house—so it’s just another example (rightly or wrongly) or the gift-giver thinking about himself rather than about the recipient of the gift.

This is I think the major advantage of Diamonds as a gift: Diamonds really aren’t about anything the way a vacuum cleaner or a thighmaster are (i.e. what he’d like her to have, not what she’d like to have), or even the way we’re supposed to interpret the gift of RAM (what he’d like to get, not what she’d like to get).  By contrast, the guy isn’t giving her a diamond because he wants one, or because he wants to use the gift to improve her ability to do things for him, but instead because he wants to give her something she’ll be happy to receive.

The fact that they are useless is in this case an advantage, not a disadvantage—they are purely a token of affection.

Of course, none of this makes it any better when you’re really just trying to buy love and sex with toy rocks.  I’m just saying we shouldn’t conflate that issue with the underlying intrinsic value of diamonds as gifts.

Oh, and the person who said upthread that they would like to see Sarah Haskin take on diamonds? ME TOO! Maybe we should suggest it to //Current and they might pass it on to Sarah.

I read most of the comments but may have missed if someone already mentioned this.

But the blood diamond travesty is about supply.

This issue that Amanda writes about is about demand.

So, Eric. This is kind of important, you know. From what I remember from 8th grade civics class, supply and demand have something to do with each other.

To look at the demand side of things, and how exploitive and stupid it is is important. Because at the heart of it, no one is going to bother enslaving children in mining for something that there is no market for. Both sides of the issue are important. If people look at the stupid ass reasons diamonds are supposed to be so great, when really it is a lot of stupid bullshit, that might actually decrease demand, as well as educating people about the mining issues.

There is nothing irrelevent about Amanda’s post in regards to this issue.

My guess about the RAM is we’re supposed to assume that the guy who gave it is the bigger computer user in the house….

Maybe so, but he specifically says that it’s “her computer.”

I decided that it must have been foisted on her by work (or by him?) or something and she hated it. Otherwise it just makes no sense.

Saw this on a rerun of Family Guy the other night and about choked: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ur2er-STls

Forget diamonds!  Am I the only one who wishes someone would buy me a vacuum cleaner for christmas?

I asked for a Dyson.  The big fucking purple one with the gazillion filters.  I have two cats, a dog, a hamster and an iguana, and we vacuum twice a day.  I want a vacuum that will actually get the job done the first time!!

My husband is way more indoctrinated into the diamond culture than any of the women I know.  If I ask for something practical, he’ll get all snivelly and whine that it’s not romantic and he feels bad about us not being able to afford diamonds.  And it pisses me off, because I really DON’T like diamonds, and I really DO want practical things.  I tell him that if he really feels the need to buy some sparkly shit, he can order me a bunch of eyeshadow and such from Urban Decay, and I’ll be thrilled to bits.

It takes a lot of reminding that he should consider if the gift will please ME, not if the gift will please “society”, or whoever the hell has told him that I need diamonds.

Historically, jewelry has been about independence.  Back when middle class women had no access to money, an emerald ring or a diamond necklace represented the ability leave your husband.  The gift of jewelry was partly (as it is today) about displaying wealth, but also partly about trust.  “Portable property” as Dickens put it.

Happily, women can now have socially respectable jobs, bank accounts, and wives.  Diamonds remain shiny.

My guess about the RAM is we’re supposed to assume that the guy who gave it is the bigger computer user in the house—so it’s just another example (rightly or wrongly) or the gift-giver thinking about himself rather than about the recipient of the gift.

At my house, that would be a HUGELY wrong assumption.  I built all four computers on the wired network, and I maintain both my laptop and hubby’s laptop.  He’s computer “meh”.  I work in technology.

We amuse ourselves by going to buy computer bits and watching the drones fall all over themselves to talk to HIM (even though I’m asking the questions and talking specs).  He will make gestures at them, essentially telling them “Talk to HER.”  And after a few minutes of them addressing the answers to my questions to my husband, I will ask for a manager.  They’ll freak out and ask why, and while I tell them “Because *I* was asking questions and you wouldn’t talk to ME”, Hubby will smile and say “She works for [Big Internet Company].  I don’t know shit about computers.”

By contrast, the guy isn’t giving her a diamond because he wants one, or because he wants to use the gift to improve her ability to do things for him, but instead because he wants to give her something she’ll be happy to receive.

Yup. But at the same time it offers him a cultural out so that he doesn’t have to think too hard to hit upon something she’ll be happy to recieve.  Because working to maintain a relationship is a female thing.

I’m with everyone who says they’d rather buy their own jewelry. It’s hard to figure out someone else’s taste unless you really watch what they wear, which someone who does the generic jewelry gift isn’t going to do.

Wallace, that is totally awesome. Half the fun with something like that would be the period of feeling rich because you have spending cash and get to decide what you *want*!

Oh, and the RAM thing? I, my mother, and several gfs I have all have at various times asked for RAM for a special occasion gift. Jewelry, not so much.

The Jill Soloway piece was AWESOME.  Spit my water on my keyboard.

I have received exactly one diamond in my life from my husband—it was a very late Christmas/birthday/Valentine’s present he gave me when he finally was able to get around on his own after a serious car accident.  Diamonds have never been my thing but I think he believed that no other gift would show his gratitude in the same way.  I’ve never actually worn it (and taking a course on the history of Southern Africa pretty much made me decide never to wear any diamond, especially from a DeBeers mine), but let my sister borrow it for her wedding.

But when he gave me a Dyson vacuum?  I totally got wet. I love that vacuum and it has been one of the best gifts I ever received. I was even happier when I found out he got it in a one-day sale on Woot, so we didn’t have to go in debt getting it. Of course, I’d been saying for two years how much I wanted one—after every commercial or walking in a store.  If he had gifted me a vacuum completely unprompted by my own desires, then it would have been a horrible gift. 

And seriously Eric?  Don’t threaten to leave, just leave.

@Rieux,

Thank you for the correction.  The RAM gift really doesn’t fit the story as well as the others anyhow.

@Maggie, @luzzieanne:

I think the ad is meant to appeal to people who aren’t all that smart, so the best they can do is appeal to stereotypes.  And of course a thoughtful gift is better than a generic token if you have the interpersonal skillz necessary to give such a gift.  I wonder if the fact that most diamonds are uncolored has anything to do with their appeal as well: most diamond-givers don’t even have to go as far as picking out a thoughtful color.

So I agree that there are better options, but am reluctant to judge people who have at least hit on a way of giving something that will be inoffensive to the recipient.  It feels really bad to give or get a really wrong gift.  I will not forgive myself for my gift-giving errors in my last relationship, and while I wouldn’t have gone for a script had it been available, I can see the appeal.

On vacuum cleaners: I asked my wife for one for Christmas early on. Got it. Loved it. We don’t do Christmas presents anymore, but one of the most useful gifts I’ve ever gotten. She asked for and got a Leatherman. Of course I specifically asked for it, so maybe that’s different. And in our relationship the man does most of the housework, and that’s not quite so loaded with oppressive history.

On diamond rings: we’d never spend money on one, but as it happened my great-grandmother’s ring was available, and my wife really likes it. It’s a bit counter-intuitive to the rest of her personality that she does like it, but as she puts it: “Shiny!”

I agree that these ads are sickening, and imo they do a lot to point out how intertwined patriarchy is with consumer capitalism. But I’m not sure you can make the leap from there to assuming that any woman wearing a diamond has “fallen victim.”

The best distillation I’ve ever heard was on (I think) the family guy, making fun of those de Beers ads. IIRC, it had a silhouette (a la those ads’ style) of a woman going down on a man, and it said “Diamonds: She’ll Pretty Much Have To.”

I don’t like diamond jewelry because of the evil that’s behind the whole “blood diamond” business. How can anyone stand to wear one knowing that people were enslaved and killed to mine these rocks? And can you really tell the difference between a cubic zirconia and a mined diamond? I can’t and wouldn’t care anyway. As for value - I think they are not actually worth much. Some company (DeBeers?) artificially inflates the cost of these diamonds by controlling a large portion of the world inventory.
To be honest, I’d be sort of sad if my husband gave me a vacuum cleaner since I don’t like house or kitchen stuff. We always ask each other what we want and get that. My best gift was a German Shepherd.

Also, @ Eric: LOL your self-righteous tantrum.
It’s funny, because you could do an Eric on almost any post ever written. For instance, Amanda, how dare you write about diamond commercials and not mention the horrible lengths to which the model/actresses have to go to be skinny? 
How dare you write about the effects of corn subsidies on American diets and not focus exclusively on the homeless/the environment/African famine?
How dare you write about the ridiculous stigma of STDs and not talk about the horrors of rape?  Clearly, you don’t care about rape victims! 
Etc., etc.

i have to be the weirdest girlfriend/wife/significant other to buy things for - i am allergic to gold.
plus i HATE diamonds. i’ve never liked them. they aren’t pretty, are always overpriced (they STOCKPILE them, if they didn’t, the market ould be flooded and their price would go down. the demand is ARTIFICAL…) and are BORING. seriously. boring. the only good thing about diamonds is their scientific value.
i like garnets.

i loooooooooooove buying people presents. i spend forEVER trying to figure out what to get everyone, the present has to be something the person will LOVE.

sorry, babbling. i hate diamonds.

I hope I’m not being an ass by bringing up, again, why it’s better, if you insist on buying diamonds, to buy the ones mined in Canada. They may be shitty for the environment, but at least nobody is being exploited.

I ask for RAM for Christmas every year from my husband… but then, I’m also the biggest computer geek in the house. The secret to a good gift is to honestly care about what the other person values and enjoys. This whole ‘If you don’t spend 2+ months paycheck on a ring, you fail’ thing that is so common makes me sick—most gold and diamond jewelry is incredibly generic and boring looking, I don’t see how anyone is impressed by it. However, the diamond industry depends on perpetuating the myth that ‘women MUST HAVE THEM’ to make money, after all… my wedding ring is lab-grown Alexandrite, and I love it far more than a sterile, boring diamond.

Last Valentine’s day, my wife got us tickets to Evil Dead: The Musical.  She isn’t a fan of the movies, so she didn’t get the in-jokes, but she liked it just fine.  For her own gift, she asked for the main rulebook and a module for the Serenity role-playing game.

Yes, I’m the luckiest nerd in the world.  Bragging aside, I wonder if the diamond industry could survive it if the stereotype of heterosexual couplehood shifted from “immature man-child trying to appease, get sex from, and escape from the fun-destroying harpy” to “friends who actually share some interests and enjoy spending time together”.  From what I’m reading in this thread, it might be a good thing if it didn’t.

If the industry didn’t survive, that is.

Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don’t mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you’re my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin’ real
Wanna get you somethin’ from the heart
Somethin’ special girl
It’s my dick in a box

I apologize deeply, but I’ve been watching SNL Digital Shorts recently, and it was the first thing that came to mind.

A couple of years ago it was my 25th wedding anniversary. We live in the California foothills near Nevada, and driving distance to the Silver Legacy Casino resort (ya know, silver anniversay and all). Hubby wanted to go there for our anniversay but I didn’t want to, even though everyone he mentioned it to thought it was a wonderful idea. I had two reasons:

One, we had gone to Reno for an earlier anniversay and it sucked. Not the time there, but our car broke down in the mountain passes on the way back, and we’d already spent our discretionary money, didn’t have a road service plan, etc. After miserable hours of waiting in a dingy gas station for a tow that a friend arranged I was really kind off on the whole ‘go to a casino to have fun’ thing, unless it’s the local Indian Casino.

And Two, I’m a total computer nerd and I wanted us to spend the several hundred dollars we had saved on something fun for both of us, a new computer. (For this holiday season, we’ve saved up enough to replace the older system, hooray! Two new computers!)

Or failing that, a really nice replica sword would be cool. =P

“A girl like you needs somethin’ real
Wanna get you somethin’ from the heart
Somethin’ special girl
It’s my dick in a box”
Synchronicity…

http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-hate-it-when-this-happens.html

Of topic, but regarding RAM, maybe everybody but me already knew this, but I recently found out that if you have a 32bit processor you will not be able to address more than 3.25GB of RAM to a single process.  The extra will get used if you have a multi-core machine and are running multiple processes, but having more than 3GB will not improve proformance on an application unless it makes use of more than one processor (which most do not, although I think photoshop might).  If you have a 64bit CPU though, go nuts.  Short of that though, its a great present as no one should endure the pain of walking around with less than 2GB of RAM. 
Another good computer gift is an external HD for backups as I’ve met maybe two people ever who were sufficiently paranoid about backing up their stuff (and keeping backups in different locations).  It may not be exciting, but it can really save you.

Yeah, I too was like “Huh? RAM’s not a bad gift at all!”

A former boyfriend bought me a 1GB USB key as a present once, back when they were more expensive than they are now, and I still think of it as one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

I admit I’ve always had a little bit of a yen to receive something pretty and decorative from a boyfriend—I’m into clothes and makeup and perfume and all that “girly girl” stuff, and something about hearing “I think this would be nice on you” or something, I don’t know, I find it kind of charming.  (I have bought clothes for boyfriends in the past.)  There is something appealing about being given something useless and pretty, sometimes. 

But that’s me, not All Women.  And “something pretty” != diamonds.  And, you know, RAM is good too.

(I remember hearing that when my grandparents were courting, my grandfather figured out that my grandmother liked cameos, and he didn’t really trust his own taste in jewellery, so he just kept buying her things with cameos on them.  She gave them to her granddaughters before she died.)

Of all the commercials on television I despise the ones for jewelry stores and jewelry most of all.  I keep hoping the depression will kill off their ad budgets (and their stores) but, sadly, no.

Betsy at 1:47 am:
Ask and ye shall receive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ur2er-STls

I love to receive gifts of jewelry from my husband, but it’s because he knows my taste and buys things from a funky shop in our neighborhood.  Nothing I own cost more than about $100, and none of it has any kind of precious gem or stone, unless you count amber. 

When we got engaged we were young and broke, and neither of us felt like we needed an engagement ring.  We had our wedding bands custom made to be meaningful to us, and we didn’t even consider gems of any kind.  We paid cash for them (about $700 total for both), split the cost, and thus entered our married lives without accruing the debt that would have resulted if we’d been taken in by the diamond advertisers.  And we have wedding rings that we love.

I would be so bummed if he bought something expensive like a diamond, because we’re in agreement about diamonds being evil and have other priorities for our personal lives.  A diamond would be like him admitting he didn’t really know me after all, and felt free to treat me like any other generic representative of Planet Woman.  But that’s not him and that’s not our relationship, and for that I feel so lucky.

I’m so glad that this discussion is taking place, because I feel so insulted by every jewelry ad that I see.  I want to go out into the world and yell, “Most women aren’t really like this!”  Because I just know some men see that shit and think that it’s reflective of women as a group.  It’s not.  It’s just reflective of the contempt that jewelry companies have for their potential customers, male and female, and more people need to see that.

Back when I sold my stuff (beaded art jewelry, which btw is considered “costume jewelry” by the trade that sells diamonds—-and yes, you’re probably paying more for the gold than the stone, and yes, diamond prices are indeed artificial, and horribly inflated) I’d occasionally get guys that wanted to purchase something of mine for their significant others, and the women would react like some of you—-didn’t like it, didn’t want it, don’t buy it.

After this happened enough times I began to realize that it was the guys who really liked the stuff, but because of our cultural imperatives, the closest they could get to enjoying it was to buy for it for their SOs—-yeah, sure, there’s “men’s jewelry” out there ( though I didn’t make it) but I think most guys simply couldn’t wear any kind of jewelry, certainly not art jewelry, or “sparkly”, because that’s so outside the way US culture defines classic manhood—-sure, a few guys wear jewelry, but they’re rare: I think it’s just so far outside the way most folks think of masculinity that they probably don’t even realize that without baggage they’d enjoy sparkly too.

It’s been my theory for years that love of adornment (sparkly) probably occurs at roughly equal percentages in the sexes, which means an awful lot of guys have to suppress their love of it…

And so far as engagement rings are concerned, I seem to recall my boyfriend going `hallelujah’ when I said I didn’t want a diamond (I thought they were boring and overpriced) ring, yet he felt he ought to give me something, despite the fact that as a jewelry artist who doesn’t wear rings, the idea was fraught.  I told him the Don Henly cd he’d given me would serve as a perfect `ring’—-after all it was round and had a hole in it.  He took some convincing, but eventually joined me in feeling that its very uniqueness made it especially romantic:)

Maggie - change your vacuum wish now!  I’ve already killed my Dyson Animal (DC14, the purple one with the kajillion attachments).  Go with the Electrolux Oxygen Ultra 3 canister.  About the same price, much better vac.  The problem with the bagless is that they seem to need more frequent taking apart & cleaning.  The Electrolux is quiet as can be, has carpet and hardfloor settings and can suck bloodhound hair out of the sofa.

(I have waay too many vacuums, they are like shiny flashy objects to me and I cannot resist them.  We have two adults, a bloodhound, a pug and a cat in this little house so why on earth do I have 7 vacuums???  I still don’t know.  Maybe I need vacuum therapy.  That would suck.)

Therefore, my husband can buy me as many vacuums as he wants, they make me happy.  Thankfully his best friend is even more practical than I so if I say I want a vac, she says “OOOH, lucky her!”  Positive reinforcement. 

My grandma still speaks with distaste of my very wonderful grandpa buying her jewelry when all she wanted was a winter coat.  She is still holding a grudge, 55 years later for that.  Of course, he did do that trick more than once.

Maggie, I run into a similar situation at home improvement stores all the time, they can’t think the little white-haired woman is the one doing the welding. I get power tools for my birthday. True, some of them have diamond tips and such…

And then there’s the question of fashion. I never buy anyone clothes or jewelry because I’ve never felt confident assessing what someone else wants to wear. I can easily go a year or more not buying any new clothes for myself, and the only jewelry I’ve ever bought were odd doodads I found traveling abroad. It’s not a shopping language I feel well versed in. Now interior decorating or kitchen supplies, sure. I shop that stuff enough I think I can figure what fits the needs of someone I know well, but stuff people have to wear, not as much.

Amanda’s sort of brought them up twice before while making a point about something else so SHUT UP AND STOP RAINING ON HER PARADE.  Fuck this place.  Seriously.  I was misled.  Won’t be bothering you hipster, white, privileged douchebags ever again(sorry Pam, Jesse).

Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Why all the hate on Eric?  He’s just giving a different perspective.  Whether you agree or not, I don’t think it deserves the vitriol I’ve seen.  Just my opinion.  That and $5 will get you a Starbucks venti and 13 cents in change.

Alan, do you have a diamond for a brain?  Or did you just not bother to read all of Eric’s bullshit attention whoring?

The first post made some very good points.  His second whined a lot.  His third complained that nobody let him hijack the thread.  His later posts threatened violence.

Alternative perspectives are welcome.  Lengthy pathologic stalking rants across multiple posts when nobody disagreed with that perspective in the first place, culminating in death threats, are not alternative perspectives.  They are HEY LOOK AT ME I’M RIGHTEOUS AND I GET TO TELL BLOGGERS WITH GOOD TRAFFIC WHAT TO DO AND CALL NAMES AND MAKE THREATS IF THEY DON’T AGREE.

For the person upthread who mentioned the Roomba—do it!  I bought one for myself (happy birthday to me!) and it’s pretty much the best thing ever.  It’s vacuuming as I type, in fact.  I believe there’s a model which comes with a remote control, too, so if you have pets you can chase them around with the Roomba, thus making both a practical and entertaining gift.  I seriously cannot say enough good things about it—you hit “clean” and it vacuums the room completely, then goes back to its little charging station.  When the brushes need to be cleaned or the bin needs to be emptied, it tells you.  I felt a little frivolous when I bought it, but now I’m totally in love.  Also, hello, it’s a freaking robot, which is awesome.  I named mine “Sharon” after the character in BSG.

Also, apparently diamonds can be grown in a tequila solution: http://io9.com/5079654/scientists-use-tequila-to-make-drunken-diamonds  I mi.ght actually wear one of those, because it’s so cool.

I prefer emeralds and I’ll buy ‘em myself, thanks.

Diamonds (the kind most people can afford) are a much-hyped ‘status symbol’ for people with no status.  They can also come in handy if they are of good quality when the women finally dump their useless husbands and need some cash to get their real lives started.

I put cheesy, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian designs in diamond jewellry on the same plane as those boring weddings where everybody wears gift wrap to escort the victim - er, bride who is herself wearing an outlandish costume in the wrong colour that can’t be worn anywhere else. Then you eat airplane food, listen to some wannabe open mike types who are already half in the bag and leave when it’s decent to do so while exuding an audible sigh of relief.

Yet some women have been brainwashed into believing that this travesty is the happiest day of their life.  Makes the rest sound kind of grim, doesn’t it?

Convention, all is convention.  Except for what’s not.

Laura, I have drunk up a fortune in potential diamonds.

Personally, if someone were ever stupid enough to comment that a hand-me-down diamond I’m sporting better be from Canada- well, I’d feel compelled to show them where they erred in their manners and clock them in the face with said diamond ring.

I’m unpleasantly unsurprised by some of the assumptions people have voiced about other people in the comments.  “Women in velour track suits, in SoCal”?!  What in the hell? 

To make it clear:  assuming certain personality traits of women who dare sport a diamond- not a good way to go about things.  (It’s akin to me assuming that if one plays American football- well, the person must be quite dim) Yes, as a feminist, jewelry commercials irk me.  It is obvious that many are aimed at stupid, assholic people (mainly men, therefore they hurt men as well). 

Fortunately, for me, I can remember being at jewelry stores with my parents as a tot, and preferring diamonds for their beauty.  I guess that makes me a bad feminist?  I’m not on here calling them ugly or emphatically stating that I find them tacky- so no kiss-up points for me today.  Oh, well.

Oh.  Points:  I agree with Jha.
I dare people to go up to strangers (or friends!) and comment about where they and how they HOPE that diamond was obtained.
Also:  gotta love the assumption that a woman in a lesbian relationship (let alone a marriage) does not wear a diamond on her left hand.  I’ll be sure to make a few calls to friends and inform them:  YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!  YOU’RE BOTH LESBIAN.  YOU DON’T WEAR DIAMOND RINGS!  THE HANDBOOK SAYS SO!  OMG!

Fuck it.  I’m a “good feminist” who likes diamonds and is ridiculously socially aware (I get paid to be socially aware- shocker).  Maybe that’s why I tend to ignore the commercials for diamond companies, or roll my eyes, should I give a moment’s worth of attention. 

I like diamonds for their (in my personal eye) beauty, and am aware of where they come from.  That’s why I’d be extremely careful in choosing a diamond, should I ever be so lucky.

Waiting for _ _____ to get on here and bitch me out in (no, not Amanda) 1, 2, 3, ....

HOLY SHIT.  TEQUILA DIAMONDS!  SHINY!  (I’m waiting for the “make your own agave diamonds at home!” kit to come out.)  *sigh*  I have to wait until 2011 for tequila diamonds?

I like this better as a vacuum cleaner thread.
My husband bought himself/us an Oreck for a housewarming gift.  It is fantastic, but I’m almost afraid to use it because it’s so expensive (good warranty, though.)

I’ll admit to having a modest diamond ring, but I received it nearly 20 years ago and I don’t think I would have gone that route today.

That said, I don’t wear it as much as I used to, as it won’t slip over my ring finger any longer.  My knuckle on that finger is too large since it healed from a fracture suffered in a cycling accident.

The real problem with the diamond obsession from a society point of view, at least to me is that they’re a symbol of objectification. What these ads basically say is that diamonds are THE one-size-fits-all gift that just every woman would crawl on their hands and knees to receive. No mention of individual tastes or likes and dislikes, of personality or needs, wants or even desires. Nothing like that. It’s all artificial status.

If you particularly like diamonds, then other than the moral concerns coming from where they come from, then that’s fine and dandy. But the real problem is the assumption that every woman would love it unconditionally.

i’m pretty sure if given the opportunity i would be more than willing to trade a non-essential organ like my gall-bladder or appendix for a dyson vacuum cleaner.

As would I. The one gift I’d like for my Christmas/birthday combo this year is a Dyson (the purple one, that can suck up a whole cat).  I’d feel wildly guilty if I bought it for myself, though. The only way I’d actually get a Dyson vacuum is if someone bought it for me as a gift.

I don’t wear jewelry at all - and tacky-assed, useless gifts are annoying. Bring on the practical gifts.

For anybody who prefers gem stones to tequila, I’d like to recommend the Georgia amethyst.  It’s a nice purple color and you can come down and dig up your own.  I like the color of rubies and emeralds too, but I’ve never really seen what anyone liked so much about diamonds, which, aside from the pink ones that you can find sometimes in Victorian jewelery at antique stores, aren’t really pretty.

They’re just clear and you have to have a jewelers loupe to really see the sparkle and light.  I guess people like them because they’re expensive.

You can get some really nice toys for that much money.

I have a very bad tendency to lose jewelry, so I really plead for no jewelry and especially not something expensive. Can’t wear them to work anyway, so they’re really a less than ideal gift for me. I did ask for a vacuum one year, something I actually got use out of and appreciated! I wish I’d thought of Roomba then, those are pretty neat.
I’ve never truly liked diamonds and liked them even less after finding out where they were from and the advertising to ensure there is a still an artificial market for them. And the vague sense of “Well I bought you something shiny and expensive, now you NEED to be my wife / give me sex / enjoy my company - because you’re obliged to, now that you’ve accepted my diamond!” Bleh.

Personally, if someone were ever stupid enough to comment that a hand-me-down diamond I’m sporting better be from Canada- well, I’d feel compelled to show them where they erred in their manners and clock them in the face with said diamond ring.

Yes. This makes perfect sense. When I’m talking about buying a NEW diamond—not a hand me down—and have already discussed upthread that the Canadian ones are not fettered by the moral implications of children being exploited and killed, calling me stupid and threatening violence is A TOTALLY REASONABLE RESPONSE. WTF?

Amanda, Eric is right. How DARE you talk about gender issues in a gender issues-focused blog? Wow, the sheer NERVE of you, woman, talking about shit like that in your own feminist blog. Stop being such a dumb, petty feminist bitch and do what the big strong clever men tells ya.

Sigh.

Isn’t it interesting how certain more-progressive-than-thou men always find a reason to put women’s issues down to the bottom of the agenda no matter what the context?

As a Canadian, I respectfully suggest that we kill ads like this which say, in essence, “your woman won’t fuck you if you don’t get diamonds”.

We can replace them with “get your diamonds from Canada and get sex from a Canadian”.

We’re warm.  We’re sexy.  And those looooooooooong winters allow us plenty of time indoors to think of new perversions.

Her DAD already had a rock bought for her.  He bought it when she was still a child and set it aside.

Jesus H Christ that is sick and twisted.

I thought rejiquar had a fantastic point at 9.18. Guys aren’t supposed to enjoy adorning themselves or their surroundings, so selling sparkly things to them comes with a large helping of “It’s OK! You’re not gay and you’re only buying these pretty sparkles grudgingly in order to get laid!”

seeker6079- YES.  that’s what I want- wait, no… uh, I’m married without any diamonds?  damn.  but, I think that is quite the selling point for Canada.  forget healthcare and everything else. 
bring me Katie Sketch (formerly of The Organ).  or, uh, someone else of Canada.  really.  ahem.  could be anyone.

at least if Canada ever needed to drum up business in the travel industry…

I initially had a response to Eric in that omnibus (which seems to have been posted between 0 and 3 times), but he’s not worth engaging. Mnem, I think he’s trying to distance himself from those radicals who believe that women are people.
AlanB, you may be educable, so look at it this way: Amanda wrote “Marlowe was a great Elizabethan playwright.” A number of comments were made along the lines of “yes, and here’s an example” or “Beaumont and Fletcher were also great Elizabethan playwrights” or even the occacional “I think Marlowe was a hack because of reasons A, B, and C.” Then Eric comes along and says “water consists of hydrogen and oxygen” and then got pissy and belligerent when we kept discussing literature.

I think it’s unfair that men are expected to pay for an engagement ring but don’t get one in return, and I think it’s ridiculous how much the average woman’s wedding ring costs (much more than the average man’s.) If I ever get married, I won’t have an engagement ring, and we’ll both have a simple gold band for a wedding ring, each bought by the other partner. Nothing too showy. If he wants any more jewelry for himself (or I want any more for myself) we can buy it out of our respective salaries.

Implicit in the “diamonds as elite object of feminine desire” theme is the issue of the environmental and social damage diamonds generate. Diamonds are considered the pinnacle of fanciness specifically because they’re so resource-intensive and because they demonstrate such indifference-or disdain—for abused laborers. Unless they’re at the end of a drill bit, diamonds are useful only for what they represent, and a large reason they represent high society is because (a) they’re completely useless, and (b) they’re fucking expensive because the mining process is so incredibly destructive and wasteful of natural resources and human life.

The feminist and the human rights/environmental justice subtexts of diamonds are intertwined. It’s like Renee said: The diamond industry preys on the idea that women care more about “Ooh shiny!” than justice, while at the same time women are expected to care more about African children and environmental issues because wemmenz make teh baybiez and have the luxury of ignoring economic issues that big, strong, burdened men have to worry about.

So, in case Eric is still reading: Pandagon readers are smart enough to recognize environmental/human rights themes, even when they’re not made explicit.

I have a very bad tendency to lose jewelry, so I really plead for no jewelry and especially not something expensive.

Ditto, and I find it very frustrating to wear rings, and have at times absentmindedly taken one off in a public washroom while washing my hands and forgotten to put it back on. 

If I lose a piece of jewellery that cost $20 or even $200, that sucks, but if I lost something that cost thousands…oh maaaaaan.

And the vague sense of “Well I bought you something shiny and expensive, now you NEED to be my wife / give me sex / enjoy my company - because you’re obliged to, now that you’ve accepted my diamond!” Bleh.

I feel bad for any man who actually relates to the “what do you know, she thinks you’re funny again” ad.  Being with someone who doesn’t think highly of you sucks, and gifts will not fix it.

Oh, and because it’s fun to share partner/spouse gift stories: Over the years my boyfriend-turned-husband and I have shared gifts like lightweight sleeping bags, butane stoves, outdoor apparel, dehydrated food, topographic maps, and gas money to drive to Yosemite. That’s a MasterCard commercial right there. We’ve taken each other out to Millennium, the local fancy pants vegan restaurant. I’ve gotten him nice (like $30!) dress shirts because he wanted to look nice at his office job and he’s too thrifty and subdued to buy himself nice clothes. He got me high-quality cooking cooking gear because I enjoy vegan cooking and baking.

We were just discussing why him getting me cooking gear doesn’t have that “Make my dinner, slave!” connotation, and he noted it’s because I actually enjoy cooking. He knows I hate sweeping or doing dishes, so buying me a Swiffer or a nice set of dishwashing gloves would make him a jerk. It’s like if he hated repairing my bike for me, and I bought him a bike stand.

Ok, so what I’ve gleaned from this thread is “Give her a Dyson: She’ll pretty much have to”. (hat tip to Betsy).

WTH? That memory gift was cute! If I were needed RAM (and I’m maxed out right now so it doesn’t apply right now) with that ADORABLE note I’d melt into a puddle right away! Who doesn’t need more RAM? Functionality? Check! Romantic (note)? Check! I don’t get it. Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m a CompSci major? Oh yeah, women don’t do that - I forgot.

Oh, slightly OT, here’s a plug for the place from which my husband and I got our wedding rings:

http://www.leberjeweler.com

Gold and platinum harvested from old motherboards and catalytic converters, and diamonds from Canada! We both went with plain platinum bands. Recycled rings are 15-30% more expensive than conventional rings, but the toll of mining virgin gold or platinum for a hand ornament is too high for us to live with.

Personally, if someone were ever stupid enough to comment that a hand-me-down diamond I’m sporting better be from Canada- well, I’d feel compelled to show them where they erred in their manners and clock them in the face with said diamond ring.

If so, I’d avoid visiting Oberlin College or Antioch College before they recently closed up as anyone sporting anything smacking of “capitalistic” materialistic excess will get, at a minimum, a few snide comments from students along the lines of being a capitalist tool….which most visitors wearing such jewelry onto those campuses have no problems ignoring.  Clocking a few students for making such comments will only incite a large campus-wide student protest against the diamond industry, blood diamonds, and capitalist materialism with YOU being the personified villain of all they are protesting against. 

And yes, I speak from firsthand experience as an alum of one of those two schools….

“men are tortured by doing “feminine” things like folding laundry or eating quiche”

See, I don’t get that. Any of that. Is it manly and mature to look rumpled or possibly give your pet a chance to get your laundry ready? Sometimes I don’t have time to fold the laundry, but it’s not something I put off because it’s “women’s work.”

And why is quiche the quintessential “unmanly” food? It’s egg pie, people! What’s not to like? You want ham in it? Good! There you go! We can put bacon and sausage in also! Why is this women’s food?

Are we the only couple who don’t really get “gifts” for each other. If there’s something largeish we want that’s anywhere near our birthdays (close together) or giftmas, we get that and that’s the present. This year we got ourselves a Wii. More often than not I get theatre tickets. That way we don’t have to think about what the other person wants and we know we’re happy with it. (My hubby is really hard to shop for; he has no interests outside of gaming and computers, and i don’t have enough knowledge to know what computer thingy he’d want. So this works for us).

That said, I love pretty things, if not diamonds. If I had a ton of money to blow I would buy myself a really nice opal necklace and earring set, but at this point I’d rather have a crockpot. The one thing I’d change about my life if I truly were rich is I’d buy real art; of course $500-$1000 on a painting (the ones I usually like are in this range) is way more than I can justify, but pretty stuff is nice.

Benquo:

I partially agree with you and partially don’t.  I think it depends on how long the relationship has lasted and how often the generic gifts are bought. If the relationship’s new then yeah, a generic gift is better than one that will offend, and of course even if the relationship’s older there are some years where neither person in this transaction has any idea what to buy.  But if the you’ve been dating for five years and haven’t been able to think of anything other than a generic gift for every gift-giving occasion you probably aren’t trying. Unless she’s ridiculously inhuman, you don’t have to be a genius or even very creative to pick up on the interests of someone you’ve presumably spent a lot of time with over the course of several years, and if you really can’t think of anything, you could always just ask.

rejiquar:

I think it’s funny that beaded jewelry and wire wraps are considered costume jewelry when a lot of them use the same quality of materials as the jewelry industry.  Speaking of engagement rings, one of my favorite wedding sets ever was a plain gold band wrapped with silver wire and raw diamond beads.  Really funky and unique, with a seller who used good quality stones and metals and made sure they were mined in the best possible conditions.

Exholt, you really ought to consider getting therapy to get over your obsession with your former college classmates. Every time you post you seem to have a snide remark to make about them. How long have you been out of school for now, bb? Time to move on.

If you ever see a truly good diamond, you’ll be amazed at how beautiful they can be.  My friend has a ring she inherited with two major sparklers.  It’s probably about 75 years old.  She hates it because although very simple it’s quite flashy but those are good stones.

I couldn’t care less if people want to wear diamonds.  It’s the implication that it’s the universal bribe, that women are only interested in material wealth, that they can be bought off with a sparkler and will adore anybody no matter how callous they are if they just buy them some half-assed piece of conventional jewellry that is offensive to me.

And yeah, the advertising is equally insulting to men.

I’m picturing one of those deadpan, annoying New Yorker cartoons: a guy in a suit is reading the paper while his girlfriend lounges on a retro-modern sofa; she’s one of those wispy fashionistas that Marisa Acocella used to draw, with a couple of shopping bags at her feet.

He says, “I’ve been laid off by [major investment banking house]. I think our relationship needs a new business model.”

In truth, I couldn’t care less about these people.

when she faints (as he knew she would), he just lets her drop to the ground, smiling a really self-satisfied smile.  Because, of course, when someone faints and falls on the floor, it’s not like she could get injured or anything.

I totally missed this before, but I think that setup is kind of funny, in a brain-dead slapstick way, because it’s completely unrealistic. It wouldn’t be funny if he were hitting her in the face or bellowing at her to make him dinner, because that happens in real life all the time, but even the most unfeeling abuser instinctively reaches over to catch someone who’s falling. And smirking through that would be even more unnatural, so I would probably laugh harder.

My wife pointed out a new neighborhood billboard….
Huge diamond ring….“Give her ex-boyfriend a real reason to hate you”

People don’t like to believe it’s your choice as a woman when you say:

1) I don’t like jewelry
2) I don’t want to get married
3) I don’t want children

YES, and THANK YOU for putting it so clearly!  I’m so tired of people pitying me for the choices I made.  I have exactly the life I want - what, do they think I’m faking being happy or something?

And to throw in my $0.02, I’d rather get a cool and interesting piece of “costume” jewelery.  Something that really suits my style and didn’t cost an arm and a leg.

Exholt, you really ought to consider getting therapy to get over your obsession with your former college classmates. Every time you post you seem to have a snide remark to make about them. How long have you been out of school for now, bb? Time to move on.

Who died and made you an armchair therapist/mental health expert?

No, seriously. STFU about your stupid college already, exholt.

I totally get the perspective here.  Especially because I didn’t change my
name when I got married.  And yet, I love my engagement ring.  *shrug*
It’s pretty, and reasonably responsible (long conversation with jeweler
about provenance and it wasn’t too expensive for us), and yeah, it
provided a way to “shout from the rooftops”  something I was (and still
am) rather excited about.  I bought my husband a set of gorgeous
cufflinks, and when we have have an opportunity to get dressed up, it
makes me smile to see him wear them (so yeah, I understand the appeal
of buying shiny things to decorate the one you love).  But those
commercials are obnoxious.  And the one thing I feel guilty about with
respect to my ring is that, by buying in, I might be making other people’s
choices to forgo it harder.  Apologies for that.

I am definitely a fan of the practical gift, I adore the SLR camera my partner gave me last year and for my birthday I received a new flash for it so he also has a practically unlimited gift ideas in the future with lenses and other accessories.

But I also like the pretty frivolous things.  We have a no diamond policy, but a well thought out piece of jewelry or an item of clothing or piece of artwork is definitely as appreciated.

Obviously 99.9% of diamond marketing is hideous and diamonds have a huge human rights issues attached to them.  But setting that aside, simply to address the tradition of men giving women diamond jewelry or jewelry in general, I would say it is really just how the people involved actually think about the issue.  If a man starts throwing jewelry at his spouse because of his “bad deeds” or because he thinks this is the way to win her over, or worst case scenario “buy” her, obviously its a problem.  But if a women really likes diamonds and wants to partake in that tradition… well that’s what she wants and there’s nothing really to say about it as far as feminism goes.

I’ve wanted a Roomba ever since I saw this video.

Unfortunately, our cat is 12 pounds and getting bigger every day (apparently Maine Coons keep growing until they’re three or four) so he’d probably break it.  But it would be funny while it lasted.

Yeah exholt. Why are you behaving like a human being and sharing the things that you personally feel are relevant to the situation? Also, apparently, sharing your personal feelings for any reason means you must be trying to impose your ideas on the entire population. Or something.

And the one thing I feel guilty about with
respect to my ring is that, by buying in, I might be making other people’s
choices to forgo it harder.  Apologies for that.

I get that, Rachel. I like my sparkly diamond ring, it gives me something to fiddle with during meetings and when it’s clean, it’s glowy. But I don’t want my potential daughters to feel obligated to accept sparkly rings, and I feel like I my ring is part of the problem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g

On topic.

Made me want to vomit on so many levels.

Sorry to bring up Eric again, but did he not notice a bunch of people talking about blood diamonds in the comments before he went on his tirade? Yes. We know.

Have a nice late night.

And why is quiche the quintessential “unmanly” food? It’s egg pie, people! What’s not to like? You want ham in it? Good! There you go! We can put bacon and sausage in also! Why is this women’s food?

because of the name sounding kind of “french” and therefore “sissy.” That’s all it is. because “The breakfast burrito, but a PIE” cannot possibly be considered anything other than awesome if you actually think about it.

I’m really not sure when it became socially acceptable to be such amazingly fussy eaters. It’s seriously socially acceptable now to have less dietary range than a 5 year old. It’s about as unmanly as you can get.

But then, I tend to find most thinks called “manly” as anything but. It’s childish to the point of offense. “Manly” implies two things; “male” and “adult.”

Manly activities, are therefore adult, and become male simply through the practice of the practitioner being male. So MANLY would be things like, for instance, cooking a meal and buying insurance.

Ugh.  Feminists deconstructing humor and finding it lacking.

We’ll get to your penis next, Colin, don’t worry.

Yeah exholt. Why are you behaving like a human being and sharing the things that you personally feel are relevant to the situation? Also, apparently, sharing your personal feelings for any reason means you must be trying to impose your ideas on the entire population. Or something

Yeah, Racy, except that she feels the need to piss and moan bitterly about her ex-classmates in every fucking thread she’s in. “Waah, waah, waah, I went to school with snobby assholes!” Yeah, didn’t we all. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the fuck OVER it already.

“It seems to me these ads, the de Beers print ads in particular (not that I have anything nice to say about the Jared’s commercials) subtly suggest that women are passive-aggressive manipulators, with a vague unstated implication that women who say “I want X” (where X isn’t a diamond) are going to get pissy when you take them up on it. And men—many of them Nice Guys™—get so paranoid about that, because while perhaps not overtly sexist they believe that there’s such a thing as “understanding women” and they can’t do it, that they throw up their hands and head for the jewelery store.”

The thing is that, with a reasonably healthy but socially brainwashed or unskilled person, it should happen all or once or twice.  Someone asks for, say, a roomba that your cat can ride on while it defends your home from intruders and gets diamond earrings when their ears aren’t even pierced.  It’s a disaster, they have to take them back and can’t understand why you spent all this money on one thing when they asked for something completely different, etc. etc.  You do it multiple times, and eventually it turns into this thing where you’re being an ass and using Christmas and birthdays to not-to-subtly telegraph the idea that she’s an idiot who wouldn’t know what she wanted if it tased a burglar while grooming her Persian.

Sorry.  All of once or twice.

Dear junk science:

I guess those who don’t understand humor can’t be expected to create it.

Dear Colin,

You couldn’t be more right. Every syllable you’ve expressed here has had me in absolute stitches.

Kisses,
junk science

@ashley,

Ditto.  As soon as I finish paying off student loans, I am buying a really expensive piece I’ve had my eye on since last year.  Of course, since it’ll take me at least another 6 years to pay off the loan, I’ll have to pick aonething else.

bye bye colin. go away, since we’re so very boring. oh, no wait, that’s you.

re: the guys having to suppress love of shiny: i think my guy gets it out of his system with his super-sparkly guitar. that thing is awesomely flashy.

oh and i forgot to mention…what HUMOR are we dissecting here and finding lacking? you think that commercial was humorous? damn, your humor has been old and tired for decades now, in that case. boring.

Colin’s got a variant of that neurological condition where you can’t lay down new memories, so crappy done-to-death jokes sound fresh to him every time.

Hey, Colin! What is it with airline food, huh?

@ Hershele,
No, but my brother and his fiance went shopping for a ring, and his budget (of about $5,000, I estimate) wasn’t enough for any of the rings she wanted. 

I am getting really sad just thinking about loving someone who thinks your savings (to put this in perspective, minimum wage where my brother lives is $300/month.  I doubt he was making more than $2,000/month) and your efforts should go to a piece of jewelry, but what the hell, I’ll finish the story.

He had already spent a bunch of money buying the honeymoon, and was devastated about this new development.  My mother, even though she was sad, decided not to lend him the money to buy a more expensive ring. 

Next thing you know, her father has a huge, very valuable diamond that he bought for her “when she was a child”, and will give it to my brother for nothing, to pay back whenever.

Sorry, $360/month.

I actually liked the ad a lot, up until “diamonds” turned out to be the secret escape. When I thought he was going to have to admit to himself that he hadn’t bothered to put any effort into the gift, and work on improving himself, I thought it could still be going somewhere.

Like, the ad gets SO CLOSE. It acknowledges that the crime of which these men are guilty is not paying enough attention to their wives/girlfriends, that they were incredibly unthinking, failing to personalize the gifts, failing to tailor them to match the recipient’s wants and needs. But then it throws that entire message in the trash, and starts hawking the most impersonal, one-size-fits-every-vagina answer possible: ALL women like diamonds.

The ad’s final message just replaces one form of impersonal laziness with another, more expensive form of laziness: hey guys, just buy her a diamond! It’s so much easier than spending time thinking about her, her personality, her hobbies, or remembering those hints she’s been dropping about what she’d like to own.

“I read most of the comments but may have missed if someone already mentioned this.

But the blood diamond travesty is about supply.

This issue that Amanda writes about is about demand.”

More specifically the demand for a status symbol.  One can have sparkly diamonds for a fraction of the cost and none of the human rights issues - if one can manage to get a manufactured diamond that isn’t meant for a drill.

There’s a walrus/carpenter/handkerchief/oyster trick going on here. That is, women are supposed to do the worrying about social issues, *but* they get rewarded for being so charmingly womanly by gifts that OO JUST COINCIDENTALLY reinforce horrible social disparities, and the men don’t have to worry about blood diamonds because a)it’s wussy to do so and b)hey, not their choice, women insist on diamonds.

This reminds me of the system of only men being officiants in a church, but it being faintly unmanly to be religious if not an officiant, and dangerously unwomanly for a woman not to be overtly religious. The system is self-regulating but only if you look at several steps at once.

Or, weaker, men eat food that’s bad for them and expensive, and women are expected to diet and do all the cooking and keep the menz healthy (or eat the steak `he insists on’). What is the name for this double-double thinking?

Conspiracy theories aside, I’ve been wondering if I would mind the jewelry thing less if it really made up for the opportunity cost of female labor being used in the home/husband’s career, instead of the woman’s career. (I don’t think diamonds do—I’m told the resale market is ludicrously bad.) It would be peculiar to privatize social security for (some) caretaking work that way, but better than not rewarding the work at all.

There’s a Trollope novel that turns partly on whether a big piece of jewelry is an heirloom, which makes it part of the estate (going to male heirs whenever possible) or not, in which case it belongs to the widow, who can sell it and live on the proceeds, or will it to whoever she wants, etc.
Very traditional idea. Note that the widow and mother in Kandukondain Kandukondain (modern Tamil version of Sense and Sensibility; I recommend it) is thrown out of the house, but with all her gold jewelry…

Say what you will, that ad was funny, effective, and well shot.

colin, effective? in what way? did it make you buy a diamond? if so, you’re a sucker.

Hi Eric.

My partner and I tend to buy each other books, books, and more books, because that’s what neither or us can get enough of. For Valentine’s Day this year, he got me a set of Indiana Jones LEGO, which was a complete stroke of genius because it says how well he knows me (and shares my sense of geeky fun). Apparently one of his work colleagues (who was getting *his* girlfriend orchids) was stunned by the very idea that a girl would prefer plastic toys to flowers.

I loathe the idea that just because I’m female I *must* want flowers/diamonds - and, equally, that women who actually like flowers/diamonds only like them *because* they’re female and thus wired that way. Hello, we’re individuals and have our own tastes and interests, whether those interests run to shiny rocks or shiny computers.

Let’s not even get started on amazon.co.uk’s Xmas gift suggestion pages, which are riddled with all the very best of sexist assumptions: for the wife/girlfriend, how about handbags, shoes, perfume, or, ack, “women’s popular fiction” (by which I’m *sure* they mean *all* fiction, since women buy way more fiction than men do)?

Karpad:

Manly activities, are therefore adult, and become male simply through the practice of the practitioner being male.

Yes. This.

Preying mantis:

You do it multiple times, and eventually it turns into this thing where you’re being an ass and using Christmas and birthdays to not-to-subtly telegraph the idea that she’s an idiot who wouldn’t know what she wanted if it tased a burglar while grooming her Persian.

LOL. Preying Mantis, you win the thread!

(Some friends of mine have a Roomba. It’s ace, although I’m resisting the urge because a) we already have a lovely shiny Dyson, and b) I’m not convinced that Roombas are anywhere near as effective at cleaning. Also, we lack a cat for it to chase…)

I thought the RAM gift in the ad was cute.
My wife got me a flash drive for my birthday and I was thrilled. I just reciprocated for her a couple of weeks ago and got her an 8 GB when hers melted.
She seemed awful happy. I doubt a diamond would hold all those documents.

I have really never understood the whole diamond thing. Of course, I wouldn’t spend two months salary on a car, so maybe I’m the wrong guy to ask. When we picked out our wedding bands we spent about $30 each.

Diamond, def:

Under the patriarchal system a monetary hedge against female aging and abandonment.  Note Monroe song… “These rocks don’t lose their shape….”

Under the old system it was gauche for a woman to have money or control same but jewelry was looked upon as adornment and so didn’t count.

So, if I give a woman a diamond it shows that I trust her to stay with me even though I’m graciously giving her the economic means to leave my sorry ass (we’re talking serious diamonds here).  She in turn pledges true eternal love and the next day has the damn thing assessed and hoards same away in her rainy day vault.  Ain’t love grand?

This whole diamond thing is fairly recent and is:  The.Most.Successful.Ad.Campaign.Ever.
Thanks, DeBeers.

My g/f doesn’t care much for jewelry, especially cold ugly colorless diamonds.

“All these commercials… The people in the business of selling diamonds just have no taste.  Have you seen the one where the girlfriend is MUTE!? “

Actually, the girlfriend is DEAF.  I had an uncle who was deaf (he died several years ago), and he preferred to communicate through sign language because his speech was often difficult to understand.

While the commercial is ostensibly trying to sell diamonds, that’s not what I noticed about it.  What I noticed is that it is about a relationship between non-disabled and disabled persons, and treating it like it was absolutely NORMAL (which it is, of course, but it is still considering somewhat unusual in a societal sense).  I noticed that the non-disabled person had made the effort to learn sign language in order to communicate better with the disabled person.  I noticed that this was a LOVE relationship.  Yeah, he bought her a diamond (that was the product being hawked, after all), but I think she was happiest that he started with “I learned a new sign,” not “I bought you a present.”

I can count the number of commercials I’ve seen involving disabled people on the fingers of one hand that weren’t about fundraising for whatever the disability was.  I remember 2 Oreo commercials - one involving a deaf child and a parent, and one involving a child in a wheelchair.  I remember a running shoe commercial (forget the brand) that showed an athlete with an artificlal leg.  Now I’ve seen a commercial with two people in love, one of whom has a disability.

I’d like to think that maybe *some* progress is being made in showing all kinds of people in commercials - not just beautiful, perfect, white people.

We only have 3 small rooms with carpet. Getting a Dyson would be a bit overkill.

But I am trying to figure out what the hell to get for my wife..

These types of ads are are so gross.  Diamonds are a waste of money (and have become so many people have them now, I don’t know how anyone considers them “special”).  I wonder why the assumption in this ad is that a man is being inconsiderate if he buys his wife a vacuum?  It could be she asked for one.  My husband and I usually go for the practicle gifts like a set of kitchen knives for him or a certain cooking pan for me.  Sometimes it’s a new winter coat or snow boots he or I have been reluctant to spend the money on, or a big ticket item for our household.  I guess because we don’t have much disposable income we prefer to go for gifts that are useful.

@Mhorag,
I saw the ad again yesterday.
What bothers me is that he says “I learned a new sign for you” like it si something special.  Obviously if you are in a relationship with someone deaf, you learn sign language no matter what, and don’t try to get a pat in the back for it.  And if they are just beggining the relationship, then why is he giving her his special diamond? I don’t know. 
I guess the ad confused me.

As I’m laughing my ass off reading all the posts (and agreeing with most of them), my sister-in-law, the Uber suburban mom, sent me a link to this video with an approving comment (“My husband had better take note of this….”).  PERFECT TIMING.

I hate to admit it, but the DeBeers Company are evil marketing geniuses.  Force a monopoly, create a false demand, control the supply, bully impoverished people to work for peanuts.  All over ROCKS that aren’t even all that rare.

Personally, if my Sig Other thought that mere diamonds are enough to “purchase” me…. nope, he’s smarter than that.

raspberryjamba:  “What bothers me is that he says “I learned a new sign for you” like it si something special.  Obviously if you are in a relationship with someone deaf, you learn sign language no matter what, and don’t try to get a pat in the back for it. “

One would think so, but my grandmother (my uncle’s mother) refused to learn sign language because she was afraid he would stop talking (he lost his hearing when he was 15 from spinal meningitis).  So much for “no matter what,” huh?

Of course, the guy in the commercial would learn the new sign for her, because who else would he learn it for?  As the hearing partner, he has no need for sign language for himself.  And there are plenty of people out there who would make *no* effort to learn sign language, just as there are plenty of people who make no effort to learn the language of someone they’re dating who’s not native.  I think that she *would* find it special that he is making the effort to fit into her world, rather than expecting her to adapt to *his*.

Just my two cents ...

Hi there,

I’m an occasional visitor who enjoys the posts. I was reading this one and thought I’d add another perspective.

First of all, I agree that DeBeers is evil, that conflict diamonds should be avoided at all costs and that laws should be passed to assist with this, that jewelry store ad campaigns are almost universally irritating, and that anyone who pays attention to the “two months salary” thing manufactured by the jewelry industry is an idiot.

But now for the alternate perspective—not everyone who wears a diamond is doing it as a status symbol. I have what I guess, based on the comments, would be considered a small ring here (which kind of surprises me, honestly—to me it’s a good size.) I do love it. One of my earliest memories is sitting by my grandmother, turning the ring on her finger this way and that to watch it sparkle. I look at mine all the time and just enjoy the lightshow. I think it’s a pretty stone. And yeah, we can grow just about anything in a lab, but I still get a kick out of knowing that it came about naturally. Maybe it’s the science geek in me—I collected rocks as a kid, too.

Anyway, trust me—some people do get genuine pleasure from diamonds, without all the symbolic baggage.

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Looks like my prayers and Raspberry Jamba’s have been answered. Sarah Haskins takes on Jewelry in Target: Women. http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/12/12/target-women-jewelry/#comments