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Friday Genius Ten “Sorry, Liz Phair” Edition

The big “told you so” news this week was that a University of Minnesota study found that, contrary to the hysteria over the “hook-up culture”, there is no evidence to suggest that casual sex is either the only way kids are getting laid—-far from it—-or that it causes emotional damage.  In honor of this “duh” study, I thought I’d base this week’s Genius Ten off a Liz Phair that was the original tale of casual sex vs. commitment. 

Original song: “Fuck and Run” by Liz Phair

The funny thing about this song is it promotes a lot of the ideas that conservatives are promoting about the “hook-up culture”—-namely, that it was established by men to avoid commitment, and women are victimized by it.  (However, it disproves their theory that the “hook-up culture” is a new thing; the college kids these days that supposedly invented it were mere toddlers when this song came out.  Yes, you’re old.)  It doesn’t promote the idea that casual sex fucks you up or anything, just that it leaves women alone and disappointed, and suggests that the solution is to leverage enough self-control (“I better drink sodas”) to get a guy to commit in order to get at the pussy. 

Or does it? The entire album isn’t exactly feminist, but it does paint a compelling picture of life as a young woman in a world still controlled by guys.  In that context, I always felt the song was more about how frustrating it was that guys never wanted to even stop and consider that a woman might add something to their lives besides sex, and the schemes to get them to pay attention seemed doomed to fail.  In nearly every song on the album, relationships between men and women are painted as doomed to fail, something that’s blamed on male unwillingness to really listen to women.  Thus, I always took the sodas line in “Fuck and Run” to be a joke, but I could totally see how someone might take it on its face as a legitimate strategy to get a boyfriend.

And obviously, I don’t take it as gospel that relationships between men and women have to be so fraught, but I think that the album’s power comes from the fact that it often feels that way when you’re very young, and men are afraid to treat women with respect, which they’ve been led to believe is emasculating.  They usually get over it.

Anyway, here’s my ten.  Leave yours in comments.

1) “Alex Chilton”—-The Replacements
2) “Divine Hammer”—-The Breeders
3) “The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side”—-The Magnetic Fields
4) “You Are What You Love”—-Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
5) “Star Witness”—-Neko Case
6) “Gold Soundz”—-Pavement
7) “Autumn Sweater”—-Yo La Tengo
8) “Seether”—-Veruca Salt
9) “Ana Ng”—-They Might Be Giants
10) “Could We”—-Cat Power

Videos below the fold.

 

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Posted by Amanda Marcotte on 10:06 AM • (39) Comments

I do find it funny that “Alex Chilton” and “Ana Ng” came up as matches for “Fuck and Run.”  I found Exile both thrilling and exasperating when it came out.

Comment #1: Dr. Locrian  on  12/18  at  10:59 AM

that is a really good Genius mix. some of my favorite songs.

i must didsagree with you on one small point: the aactual line is “letters and sodas,” which i think changes the interpretation a bit. It’s about the small intimate things that separate a relationship from f*ckbuddyhood.

Comment #2: sethdm  on  12/18  at  11:22 AM

The entire album isn’t exactly feminist

It’s supposed to be a track-by-track satire of the Rolling Stones’ Exile on Mainstreet (which I guess makes “Fuck & Run” the equivalent of “Happy”).  Making fun of male sexual posturing by showing the female equivalent strikes me as feminist, but what does a gay male like myself know?

Comment #3: rea  on  12/18  at  11:22 AM

I thought the line was “I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas.”

Comment #4: J Neo Marvin  on  12/18  at  11:23 AM

Ahhhhhhh…... That really does change it, shoves all the blame on the guys.  Though again, I always thought her attempts to control the situation were offered ironically, and she knew it was futile.

I don’t know, rea.  I never thought the songs were posturing, but really more expressions of frustration.  But it’s feminist in the way that it really explores how men directly oppress women in the course of everyday life.

Comment #5: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/18  at  11:27 AM

Hookup culture is such a new thing that my great aunts would talk about their escapades during WWII niteclub scenes and there is a song with a lyric “I used her she used me but neither one cared” written about getting laid in the 1950s.

Talk to somebody old enough to have been a young adult or teen in the 1920s about “all the things other people were doing”.  Yep.

Comment #6: Ms Kate  on  12/18  at  11:32 AM

Is it just me, or is “hook up” culture less “hook up” and more “fuck buddies” and “booty calls” and “friends with benefits”?  In other words, casual sex is less random and anonymous than the right wingers would like you to think.

Comment #7: Ms Kate  on  12/18  at  11:35 AM

I “hooked up” from the very beginning of my sexual activity, and I came up with it myself, before I even knew there was a term for it.  I was 15 and I knew that I wanted to have sex, but I didn’t really see a point in having a committed boyfriend, since I was too young to commit to marriage myself.  And if marriage isn’t the end goal, then why even bother with an exclusive relationship?  And even if I did want to find a husband, it makes more sense to “date” several guys at a time, to increase my chances of finding the right one.  What if I dated a guy exclusively for 5 years, and then found out he’s not the right guy to be husband?  I’d have to start all over and I’d have wasted 5 years.

Hooking up is what really made me become a strong feminist.  Before that, I always intended to have a career and I knew I was smarter than most boys in science math, but hooking up is what showed me that a lot of gender stereotypes are completely false.  I went into it with the belief that men really do only want one thing, and never want commitment.  In fact, I was glad that I could safely assume that we’d both be in it for the same thing.  Wow, was I ever wrong about that one.  Sure, there were some guys who were happy to just have a casual fling.  But there were also plenty of guys who wanted more.  I heard the words “love” and “marriage” plenty of times, and it scared me.  My first thought was that they’re just using the L-word to get sex, like everyone had warned me would happen, but that just doesn’t make sense if they say it when I’m already having sex with them, and I’ve made it very clear that I want nothing more serious than casual sex.  I often felt tremendous guilt, because I blamed myself for leading them on, even though I I tried to be as clear as possible.  It took me several years to stop blaming myself for everyone else’s problems, the way women are trained to do.  I also eventually learned how to find guys that really know what they want, and want the same thing as me.  The commitment stuff still comes up occasionally, but not nearly as often as it used to.

Comment #8: bananacat  on  12/18  at  11:39 AM

Is it just me, or is “hook up” culture less “hook up” and more “fuck buddies” and “booty calls” and “friends with benefits”?  In other words, casual sex is less random and anonymous than the right wingers would like you to think.

It’s all of those things.  “Hook up” can mean any type of sexual activity that is not done in a committed relationship.  It can be completely anonymous one-night stands with a stranger whose name you don’t even know, or it can be a long-term, bi-weekly meeting arrangement that can go on for years, or it can be actual, genuine friends who have sex with each other and also hang out as friends in non-sexual ways, with the agreement that it’s not a bf/gf thing.  It can include anything from wild orgies to just heavy kissing.  The wingnuts disapprove of all these situations, so it’s all the same to them.

Comment #9: bananacat  on  12/18  at  11:55 AM

(However, it disproves their theory that the “hook-up culture” is a new thing; the college kids these days that supposedly invented it were mere toddlers when this song came out.  Yes, you’re old.)

I have several compilations of risque rock and roll and dirty blues songs going all the way back to the 20’s, including such still popular titles as It Ain’t the Meat, It’s the Motion, Poon Tang, (It Must be Jelly ‘Cos You Know) Jam Don’t Shake, Press My Button, Ring My Bell, and If I Can’t Sell It, I’ll Keep Sittin’ On It (Before I Give It Away). So, no. Not new at all.

Comment #10: Egnu Cledge  on  12/18  at  12:24 PM

catgirl, I think you really stumbled on to something—-the stereotype that men only want sex and women only want love really works for men, because that way they can get love from women without having to do something like admit that they want it, which would be weak or something, I guess. But of course, the price of that small benefit is that men are constrained from admitting their true desires, and that, I believe, is way too high a price.

Comment #11: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/18  at  12:28 PM

Genius seems to be malfunctioning this morning (or something). Anyway, here’s a random ten:

I Cut Like A Buffalo - The Dead Weather
Lonely is the Night - Billy Squier
The Number Song - DJ Shadow
Where We’re Calling From (Live) - Doves
Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed) - The Raveonettes
Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC (I love it when x-mas music comes up randomly)
This Charming Man - The Smiths
Trouble - Lindsey Buckingham
Underneath the Bunker - REM
No Cars Go - Arcade Fire

Comment #12: Mark  on  12/18  at  01:13 PM

I never thought the songs were posturing

Well, some of them are:

Every time I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Every time you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain

Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
I’ll take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I’ll do to you I’ll fuck you and your minions too

Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you’re underwater
Hair’s too long and in your eyes
Your lips- a perfect suck me size

You act like you’re fourteen years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, rude and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen

You’re probably shy and introspective
That’s not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Jamming slamming ramming in me

Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog I’ll take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything I’ll do to you
I’ll fuck you ‘til your dick is blue

{The object of her affection was apparently Neko Case, who also makes an appearance in your list)

Comment #13: rea  on  12/18  at  01:21 PM

1. Where Do We Go From Here? by Badfinger / 2. Avantcore by Busdriver / 3. You’re a Better Man Than I by The Yardbirds / 4. Sourwood Mountain by Woody Guthrie / 5. Tried So Hard by Yo La Tengo (a Byrds cover, I think) / 6. Put My Little Shoes Away by The Everly Brothers / 7. Speed of Life by David Bowie / 8. Talk to the Body by Magazine / 9. I Turn My Camera on by Spoon / 10. John Donne Song by Pentangle.

In an unrelated question that might be heresy, does Russell Mael from Sparks have a more interesting falsetto than Freddie Mercury? Sparks had, after all, put out 3 albums by the time Queen’s eponymous debut was released.

Comment #14: norbizness  on  12/18  at  01:27 PM

Oops—I seem to have confused Neko Case with Nash Kato—wrong gender

Comment #15: rea  on  12/18  at  01:27 PM

definitely, definitely “LETTERS and sodas”

got that album at a book-swap last week, hadn’t listened to it about 10 years… part of it still hold, for sure.

Comment #16: jamesf  on  12/18  at  01:40 PM

Venus in Furs – Velvet Underground
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwzaifhSw2c
Best pre coital song ever written.

Venus In Furs is taken from a novella by the same name written by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. You may recognize him as the man whose name is the source for the word masochism. I love this song, but unless your coital pastimes include whips and floggings, I wouldn’t say it really puts one in the mood.

Comment #17: Egnu Cledge  on  12/18  at  01:45 PM

Ah “Seether”...Veruca Salt is now on regular rotation on my local bar’s jukebox, which has the odd effect of every night out eventually feeling like an 8th grade dance. No verdict yet on whether this is a good or bad thing.

Comment #18: Well, what?  on  12/18  at  01:46 PM

More than one female acquaintance back in about ‘93 or so told me that Liz Phair taught her that it was okay for girls to fuck and run or not consent to a more traditional relationship just because the boy they were sleeping with wanted it.

Comment #19: felagund  on  12/18  at  01:48 PM

catgirl, I think you really stumbled on to something—-the stereotype that men only want sex and women only want love really works for men, because that way they can get love from women without having to do something like admit that they want it, which would be weak or something, I guess. But of course, the price of that small benefit is that men are constrained from admitting their true desires, and that, I believe, is way too high a price.

And if we do express our desire for something that’s not directly tied to sex, the response is denial and disbelief.

Comment #20: CBrachyrhynchos  on  12/18  at  01:53 PM

It’s definitely “letters and sodas” and does seem to be in the context of the song a whistful moment longing for romance. 

A moment that is wonderfully demolished by the soon to follow “Divorce Song.”

Nonetheless, I think it is most definitely a feminist album because of its overall attitude—a fiercely independent and intelligent woman who is going to live her life, mistakes included, and really doesn’t give a fuck what you think.  Her voice—flawed and limited as it is—adds to the effect.

I don’t know if you saw the 15th anniversary Guyville tour, but it was a good time.  One of the highlights of the evening was when she had a couple of women come out of the audience to sing “Flower” with her.

(My post about the show.)  http://www.cogitamusblog.com/2008/08/i-am-smitten.html

Amusingly enough, I saw her the night of Obama’s nomination acceptance speech and she made clear the show was going to be over in time for her to watch.  Which it was.

Comment #21: Sir Charles  on  12/18  at  02:11 PM

Also love “Seether” and Veruca Salt.

Comment #22: Sir Charles  on  12/18  at  02:13 PM

rea, “Flower” is the exception to the rule, wouldn’t you say?  More typical are songs like “Help Me Mary” and “Divorce Song”. 

But the album was clearly experienced as empowering, and I think it’s because it gave the female audience permission to voice their unhappiness with the way young men often treat them dismissively.

Comment #23: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/18  at  02:13 PM

norb, that is an impressive falsetto.  But Klaus Nomi still wins the “holy shit did he just make that sound?!” award.

Egnu, just ignore Monkey. He has been trying to scandalize people here with references he believes are obscure to S&M;.  But of course, in the process, he only reinforces the stereotype that S&M;enthusiasts are massive geeks who are drawn to it because they’re too inept to fuck without D&D;type role-playing to make it comfortable for them.

While it’s true in his case, of course, that’s unfair to other folks involved in S&M;.  And there’s nothing obscure about the VU in 2009, and the scandalizing effects of the S&M;references in their songs were weak even in the 60s.

Comment #24: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/18  at  02:23 PM

Shocking that you would play the innocent when caught acting like a fucking moron.  You got caught being that most shameful of types, a moron who thinks he’s clever.  Instead of incorrectly thinking you’re clever enough to talk your way out of this, perhaps you should use your shame for good, and get off the internet until you learn not to play out of your intelligence league.

Comment #25: Amanda Marcotte  on  12/18  at  02:52 PM

Amanda wrote:

In nearly every song on the album, relationships between men and women are painted as doomed to fail, something that’s blamed on male unwillingness to really listen to women.  Thus, I always took the sodas line in “Fuck and Run” to be a joke, but I could totally see how someone might take it on its face as a legitimate strategy to get a boyfriend.

It’s not so much that Phair was thinking in “Fuck and Run” that sodas (or letters) were part of a legitimate strategy to get a boyfriend as she was wishing guys she liked (or would like) would try letters and sodas as part of a legitimate strategy to get (and keep) her as a girlfriend.

The songs in “Exile in Guyville” are over-the-top hetero “sex positive” even for 2009, and probably came across as all the more so in 1993 when the album was released, but they’re in a bluesy-hopeful sense almost “relationship negative” on male-female relationships besides teh sex part.  Almost relationship-negative - songs like this are wistful-hopeful, as are most of her songs about love and sex which aren’t overwhelmed by arousal like “Flower”.

In songs like “Fuck and Run”, Phair is overtly grasping for straws, as if she’s turning to romance novels to help imagine what might work better for her or at least what she might wish for from guys to have a more fulfilling relationship with them.  She wants to be wanted, she desires to be desired, she would love to be loved.  So she’s not so much singing “I Want You” as “I Want You to Want Me” (as in the song by Rick James from Cheap Trick, circa 1977, roughly the same era as Exile on Main Street, by the way):

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
And I’m begging you to beg me

Comment #26: southern students for choice-ath  on  12/18  at  02:58 PM

Oops—I seem to have confused Neko Case with Nash Kato—wrong gender

And a thousand indie-rock boys just passed out from overexcitement.

Comment #27: J Neo Marvin  on  12/18  at  03:37 PM

“And the most extreme falsetto belonged to Tiny Tim, by the way.”

WTFever. Have you even heard Klaus Nomi? No one who had would put freakin’ Tiny Tim ahead of him.

Comment #28: Mark  on  12/18  at  03:39 PM

@Ms. Kate: Is it just me, or is “hook up” culture less “hook up” and more “fuck buddies” and “booty calls” and “friends with benefits”?  In other words, casual sex is less random and anonymous than the right wingers would like you to think.

I don’t know. I’m a terrible cynic when it comes to the issue of emotional intimacy and friendship within heterosexual relationships. Many of my “hook ups” were more emotionally intimate than my “committed” relationships. I’ve actually had to argue with committed partners that I wanted the letters and sodas thing for reasons that didn’t involve foreplay. While with some of my better “hook ups” there was not really any question that we’d return to hanging out and talking about whatever came to mind.

Now granted, there were more than a few one-night-stands that were wrong person, wrong place, wrong time, and wrong reasons.

Comment #29: CBrachyrhynchos  on  12/18  at  03:43 PM

I can never tell just by listening who the “lead” lead vocal on “Seether” is.  From the video it looks like it’s Nina Gordon.

My random ten:

1.  “Where I’m From”, Digable Planets
2.  “The First Day Of Spring”, The Gandharvas
3.  “Space Oddity”, David Bowie
4.  “The Boys Are Back In Town”, Thin Lizzy
5.  “Trapped In”, Division Of Laura Lee
6.  “Listen to the DJ”, Z-Trip
7.  “Soul Meets Body”, Death Cab For Cutie
8.  “Girls On Film”, Duran Duran
9.  “Leather On Leather”, The Donnas
10. “For The Widows In Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti”, Sufjan Stevens

Comment #30: Linnaeus  on  12/18  at  05:44 PM

And if we do express our desire for something that’s not directly tied to sex, the response is denial and disbelief.

Of course.  Stereotypes are beneficial to you if what you want to accomplish is what you’re supposed to want, and what you’re supposed to get, otherwise they’re bad. This, of course, rarely happens, and instead everyone typically get screwed over.  Catgirl’s anecdotes seem to illustrate this well.

Comment #31: Brian  on  12/18  at  09:06 PM

I definitely consider it a feminist album.  (It certainly had a lot to do with 20-year old Cliffy becoming a feminist.)  I agree that “letters and sodas” is wistful, and she knows it.  After all, she denotes them as “all that stupid old shit.”  The narrator is constrained by how men see her, but because she is interested in sex (and companionship), she’s not going to withhold it in order to make guys jump through hoops.  Also, I don’t think we’re supposed to consider the narrator to have entirely healthy attitudes about sex: “Fuck and run, fuck and run, ever since I was seventeen.  Fuck and run, fuck and run, ever since I was twelve.”

Anyway, my Genius 10:
1.  Divine Hammer (Breeders)
2. Gravel (Ani DiFranco)
3. No. 13 Baby (Oixies)
4. Seeing Other People (Belle & Sebastian)
5. Precious Things (Tori Amos)
6. The Last Day of Our Acquiantence (Sinead O’Connor)
7. Alison’s Starting to Happen (The Lemonheads)
8. Polyester Bride (Liz Phair)
9. You Are the Everything (R.E.M.)
10. (The Angels Wanna Wear) My Red Shoes (Elvis Costello)

Comment #32: Cliffy  on  12/18  at  10:19 PM

Cliffy,

The “Polyester Bride” and “The Last Day of our Acquaintance” combination, particularly in light of this discussion, seems like an especially fortuitous juxtaposition.

Comment #33: Sir Charles  on  12/19  at  01:23 AM

So “hook up” doesn’t mean sex to college kids anymore, at least not at my northeastern uni . Just a heads up for future reference. It generally means making out, though it can also (sometimes) refer to intimate dancing (ie, when its clear the people are really into each other).

I, being a dork whose sex ed came from reading this blog (and others. On a tangent: holy crap, I was 14(!) when I started reading this thing), had quite a few awkward conversations till someone explained this out to me.

Comment #34: Spastic  on  12/19  at  04:46 AM

MonkeyShines, this is what you’re doing here, you should see if you can find a chapter of Primate Anonymous in your area to get help with your problem.

Comment #35: Dark Avenger Guardian Chow Mein  on  12/20  at  12:02 PM

I see the letters and sodas as being a real wish: being valued for something other than having a pussy.  After my last relationship ended, I tried dating for the first time.  Too often, I am encountered by men who within the first half hour are trying to bully me into sex.  I should feel so privledged to receive their attention that I should do anything they want in order to keep it.  When I bring up things like condoms, I get statements such as, “Aren’t you using anything, like the pill?”  I would like a man to at least give me a compliment, hold my hand, hug me tightly and kiss me before he asked for sex. Indeed, too many dates with men do leave me disappointed, because I want men to use more than their reptilian brains.

Comment #36: Nostalgia  on  12/21  at  12:25 PM
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