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Next entry: Catholic church continues PR task to give Mormons cover on Prop 8 Previous entry: Good news

Fundie LaRue whines about eHarmony settlement

FundiesL-O-S-E-R-SLGBT

One of the professional Christian set, Jan LaRue of the Culture and Media Institute has published a whiny, hand-wringing diatribe about the eHarmony settlement—the Christian-owned matchmaking company recently agreed to provide a dating service for same-sex couples.

To LaRue, this “caving” is beyond the pale.

New Jersey resident Eric McKinley, 46, a self-described homosexual, decided to sign up for the California-based eHarmony.com online dating service in 2005. He says he couldn’t get past the first screen, “because the pull-down menus had categories only for a man seeking a woman or a woman seeking a man.”

So naturally the aggrieved McKinley ignored the plethora of “gay” on-line dating Web sites and filed a complaint with the New Jersey Division of Civil Rights (NJDCR).

The claim makes as much legal sense as if McKinley had sued Victoria’s Secret because it doesn’t sell jockstraps. But after three years of litigation, the Christian-owned dating service caved, announcing on Nov. 20 that it would establish a same-sex dating service early next year. In the face of intimidation litigation, eHarmony chose to settle, rather than defend its rights under the U.S. Constitution or cease doing business in New Jersey.

The surrender followed a finding by the NJDCR of probable cause to believe that McKinley was unlawfully discriminated against because eHarmony didn’t provide same-sex matches. If McKinley’s intimidation litigation continues its trajectory, New Jersey may have the first Victor/Victoria’s Secret.

While the homosexualists get beaten up by Jan, she slams eHarmony with equal vigor:

Apparently the certainty of losing is more compatible than the possibility of winning. Contrary to some media, eHarmony wasn’t “forced” or “compelled” to comply with McKinley’s demands; eHarmony surrendered to his demands.

...Since married people are expressly prohibited from using or registering to use eHarmony’s singles service and the (LAD) prohibits discrimination based on marital status, how long will it be before some budding adulterer sues because eHarmony doesn’t facilitate that swinging option? Will it expand its new “Compatible Partners” to include ménage á trois types, spouse swappers, sadomasochists, cross-dressers and transgenders?

Intimidation litigation is what’s happening to privately owned businesses, especially Christian-owned businesses, churches, and para-church organizations when state anti-discrimination laws, which were meant to end discrimination based on immutable characteristics like race, are amended to include “sexual orientation” and “gender identity.”

And there you have it—the dishonesty of this position is breathtaking. People of LaRue’s ilk didn’t mind, back in the day, when it was A-OK to discriminate based on race. How tired is it to see LaRue equate sexual orientation and gender identity to sexual practices. Yawn. This bizarre need by the fundies to play victim is absurd.

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Posted by Pam Spaulding on 04:45 PM • (37) Comments

One could argue that sexual orientation is a hell of a lot more immutable than religion.  Just sayin’.

Comment #1: rowmyboat  on  12/04  at  05:00 PM

State anti-discrimination laws, which were meant to end discrimination based on immutable characteristics like race, are amended to include “sexual orientation” and “gender identity.”

Sorry, Churchy Larue. Anti-discrimination laws are meant to prevent discrimination against law-abiding classes of citizen in general - period end-stop.

Immutable characteristic or not, the bottom line is that eHarmony implied in its marketing that the service was open to all as a good way to find a marriage partner. But the site’s functionality deliberately excluded gays who signed up and were accepted by eHarmony’s algorithm. That’s discrimination (and/or misrepresentation, depending on the state). and eHarmony’s lawyers knew enough to settle rather engage in a costly legal battle that would also wiedly expose its Xtian founders as the bigots they are.

Of course, the idea that sexual orientation isn’t immutable adds a whole new level of crazy to the mix.

Comment #2: Gracchus  on  12/04  at  05:03 PM

If McKinley’s intimidation litigation continues its trajectory, New Jersey may have the first Victor/Victoria’s Secret.

(Hmmm…..there’s no reason why I can’t wear something lacy while I’m out riding my tiny pony around my dental floss farm….).

Comment #3: Rugged in Montana  on  12/04  at  05:04 PM

I’m going to risk sounding like a troll here:

I agree that this LaRue person is crazy, but I don’t see why Eric McKinley couldn’t just go to a different dating site.  I understand that he probably just wanted to make a point, which is valid, but I can see why someone would be confused by a guy trying to get a commercial enterprise to offer a different product and declare it was grounds for a lawsuit if they didn’t. 

Dating sites are not like pharmacies, that are bound by law to give people their prescriptions without discrimination.  They are completely prescindible.  And there are TONS.  Of dating sites, and they are all very specific in what kind of people they want, and that’s almost the point of them.  Why would he want to go on eHarmony to browse through profiles of guys who won’t be interested in him?  What a waste of time!  For every taste and kind of person there is a dating site.  Comic book lovers, nerds, martial arts people, weight lifters, jewish, philipino, christian, catholic, gay, swinger, liberal, conservatives, divorced, married, even libertarians have their own! 

I am not about to go on the libertarian dating site and demand that they open a sister website or I’ll sue. 

Sorry if this sounds awful, and feel free to school me on this shit if I am missing the point, but, isn’t this like some right-wing guy come in here and ask to have you guys start posting anti-choice articles and pro-war stuff?  Or as if I went to babeland and ask them to stop selling what they are selling and start selling something completely different?

Comment #4: raspberryjamba  on  12/04  at  05:10 PM

RiM,
I’m sure you’ll find something perfect for your assless chaps and more comf than saran wrap.

Comment #5: raspberryjamba  on  12/04  at  05:11 PM

I can see why someone would be confused by a guy trying to get a commercial enterprise to offer a different product and declare it was grounds for a lawsuit if they didn’t.

Nice to see some sanity on this topic. Is it the government’s job to tell a website what features and products it must carry?

What’s more, as eHarmony repeatedly tried to point out, they have no idea how to run a gay dating site. Their business model is built around software and compatibility algorithms based on extensive research into heterosexual couples. They have no idea how they might work for gays.

And how many gay people do you actually think are going to use this new site, honestly? Why would they do business with a company with a non-gay-friendly reputation?

So the government is forcing a business to create a lousy product that will probably be used by no one. What a great outcome.

Comment #6: CTD  on  12/04  at  05:36 PM

raspberryjamba, I have been thinking the same thing since I first read about this case.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but, aren’t there a lot of dating websites that cater to the LGBT community and don’t have sections for heteros?  I’m not sure why dating sites have to accommodate everyone.  And I’m a full supporter of same-sex marriage and a staunch and uncompromising supporter of LGBT rights.  But maybe it’s my social and civil libertarian side talking, for I do not see the need to ban dating and matchmaking sites from catering to a particular community.  I’m sure there are sites that cater to people of different religions, national origins, etc, and I think that comes with freedom of choice. 

I am completely open to having my mind changed on this!  And of course, LaRue is an idiot.

Comment #7: Lost Left Coaster  on  12/04  at  05:38 PM

RiM - Yea, maybe you can find something that looks just like a telefunken U47


...with leather

Comment #8: Ron O.  on  12/04  at  05:39 PM

I think the problem was that eHarmony was advertised as being for everyone, whereas libertarian dating websites etc. are advertised as being for libertarians.

Still, it confuses me too.  I’d like to see some of the court documents.

Comment #9: Gavel Down  on  12/04  at  05:52 PM

Their business model is built around software and compatibility algorithms based on extensive research into heterosexual couples. They have no idea how they might work for gays.
I don’t think they know how to match most straight people, considering how many people get rejected (myself included)...

Comment #10: Devonian  on  12/04  at  05:57 PM

I agree that this LaRue person is crazy, but I don’t see why Eric McKinley couldn’t just go to a different dating site.  I understand that he probably just wanted to make a point, which is valid, but I can see why someone would be confused by a guy trying to get a commercial enterprise to offer a different product and declare it was grounds for a lawsuit if they did.

The problem here is that eHarmony offered its services to all. It didn’t specify that it was aimed at delivering successful results exclusively for heterosexuals, and that its functionality enforced that exclusion by not allowing results filtering based on anything other than “Male for Female” or “Female for Male.”

They made several faulty assumptions based in bigotry: they assumed that their algorithm would automatically reject GLBT people (nope—one Pandagon bi person mentioned she got by); they assumed that anyone hearing their message that “anyone can find a life mate using our site” would automatically exclude GLBT from “anyone” (nope again—lots of people believe that gay marriage is legitimate as straight). Those bigoted assumptions, and their enforcement, what leads to charges of illegal discrimination.

J-Date (to use one example of a niche site) allows anyone to join, but they make it clear from the start that you’re not going to get good results if you’re not Jewish, and can limit the “religion” pull-down menu that filters results exclusively to various Jewish sub-denominations. If a Xtian fantasist wanted to sue J-Date, he’d have a lot harder time making a case for either discrimination or misrepresentation.

Now of course McKinley could have gone to a different Web site, but he was making a point about the bigoted views of eHarmony’s founders: they’re all for marriage, but only between a man and a woman. Now they have to build a Web site that no-one in their right mind will use which says “ok, gay people as are deserving of a life mate/marriage partner as straight people.”

If you want a racial analogy to all this, take a swimming club run by racists. They let everyone know what a wonderful pool they have—all the latest features. Now they have a membership process, in which they make sure to find one excuse or another for rejecting black people without actually saying “no n*ggers allowed.” This kind of thing still happens with restricted country clubs, by the way.

Here’s where the problem comes in—a bi-racial person who passes for white happens to see the swimming club and its advertising, applies and passes the membership process. He then shows up at the club and another member who knows he’s part black yells for the security guards: “don’t let him in the pool.” Now since racists believe that “black people don’t swim,” is that an excuse to discriminate against this person? Should he sue to make his point?

Comment #11: Gracchus  on  12/04  at  06:19 PM

“Now of course McKinley could have gone to a different Web site, but he was making a point about the bigoted views of eHarmony’s founders: they’re all for marriage, but only between a man and a woman. Now they have to build a Web site that no-one in their right mind will use which says “ok, gay people as are deserving of a life mate/marriage partner as straight people.””

So this is where I agree with McKinley, I guess.

So, instead of changing their advertisement, eHarmony made another website?  Because they know if they actively advertised that they reject gays, lots of internet-dating liberals would be put off? That’s very disingenuous.

Comment #12: raspberryjamba  on  12/04  at  06:28 PM

“State anti-discrimination laws, which were meant to end discrimination based on immutable characteristics like race, are amended to include ‘sexual orientation’ and ‘gender identity.’”

Does this mean we can get rid of religion as one of the things you can’t discriminate on the basis of?  After all, it’s pretty hard to argue that one’s religion is an “immutable characteristic.”

(Yes, I know that “religion” mostly meant “you can’t discriminate against Jews” at the time, which is kind of an immutable characteristic, but go with it.)

Comment #13: Mnemosyne  on  12/04  at  06:40 PM

Will it expand its new “Compatible Partners” to include ménage á trois types, spouse swappers, sadomasochists, cross-dressers and transgenders?

What about man-on-dog? Santorum will be annoyed.

Comment #14: Xecky Gilchrist  on  12/04  at  06:44 PM

So this is where I agree with McKinley, I guess.

Not only McKinley, but also NJ state law.

So, instead of changing their advertisement, eHarmony made another website?  Because they know if they actively advertised that they reject gays, lots of internet-dating liberals would be put off? That’s very disingenuous.

Welcome to the wonderful world of American Xtian fantasism, where Jeebus and Mammon attempt an uneasy co-rule. If you decided to deal with that dilemma, you’d be disingenuous, too.

Comment #15: Gracchus  on  12/04  at  06:50 PM

Welcome to the wonderful world of American Xtian fantasism, where Jeebus and Mammon attempt an uneasy co-rule.
~ ~ Gracchus

Since I first heard that eHarmony wouldn’t accept gays & lesbians I wondered about why they’d deliberately turn away a portion of the population willing to pay.  The “conventional wisdom” has always been that gay men have tons of money - not sure if that truly applies, but anyway - so why not court those $$s?

Comment #16: fastiller  on  12/04  at  07:30 PM

Wouldn’t it be more like Victoria’s Secret refusing to sell garments to men?  Or Lesbians?

-Crissa

Comment #17: Crissa  on  12/04  at  07:57 PM

When will these pearl-clutching assholes of the right go away??

Comment #18: dejah thoris  on  12/04  at  08:03 PM

Gracchus explained it much better than I, but that’s also why the Victoria’s Secret analogy in the source article is so disingenous.

VS markets itself as a women’s clothing store for women. Period. eHarmony was marketing itself as a couple’s match-making site for ALL couples. Not heterosexual ones only. I have seen thousands of their stupid commercials, and I honestlly had NO IDEA that “no gays were allowed”. Yahoo! singles has a “man seeking man” search option - I thought that was standard. That’s the point - eHarmony was banking on liberals like you and I not realizing that they don’t allow gays, and taking our money. This lawsuit was a wonderful way to point this out to everyone and I will now NEVER use eHarmony, nor will I recommend it.

I’m glad that this issue was brought to light - would hate for those anti-gay businesses to get a penny of my money.

Comment #19: Ellen  on  12/04  at  08:05 PM

So the government is forcing a business to create a lousy product that will probably be used by no one. What a great outcome.

CTD, the government isn’t making anyone do anything. McKinley sued, and eHarmony settled out of court and created this new site to avoid having to pay up.

Comment #20: Rebecca  on  12/04  at  08:17 PM

But then I don’t agree with the settlement. 

I think eHarmony should have been forced to either modify their website to allow gay couples in their oh-so-advanced-and-accurate algorhythm, or disclose the limitation in their advertisements so no one is conned into thinking they are a liberal site, or that they are really for everyone.  Mabe they should say “The site for everyone who’s straight!”  Of course, they know that would sound awful, so they can’t do it.  I find the final solution a pretty cheap compromise that benefits no one.

Comment #21: raspberryjamba  on  12/04  at  08:29 PM

Yeah!  What Rebecca said.

Comment #22: raspberryjamba  on  12/04  at  08:29 PM

That’s the point - eHarmony was banking on liberals like you and I not realizing that they don’t allow gays, and taking our money.

That’s always the point.  It’s the same reason they want individual pharmacists to be allowed to deny birth control to women without notice—if people found out they were denying medication to certain people, they’d stop shopping there, and you can’t have that!

Comment #23: Mnemosyne  on  12/04  at  08:49 PM

Are they going to let atheists join now? I’ve been hearing for years that both gays and those who don’t fit the site’s religious parameters get rejected.

Comment #24: Samantha Vimes  on  12/04  at  09:01 PM

I think my favorite part of all this was the phrase “self-described homosexual.”

Meaning what? That he’s not gay at all, but a poseur? Or as opposed to a closeted gay who was forcibly outed and continues denial? The mind reels.

Comment #25: Bitter Scribe  on  12/04  at  09:32 PM

It touches my heart to see all these FZ references today, since The Man Himself “left for his final tour” on this date in 1993. OK, Vinnie, where is five?

WF

Comment #26: Wes F. in Hapeville  on  12/04  at  09:34 PM

Actually, e-Harmony’s position makes perfect sense. They boast about how many of their matches lead to marriage. Gays are not allowed to marry, therefore gays are not welcome.

It makes perfect sense, that is, according to Marx Brothers logic:

Groucho: I believe the stolen money is hidden in the house next door.

Chico: There isn’t any house next door.

Groucho: Then let’s build one!

(h/t James Thurber)

Comment #27: Bitter Scribe  on  12/04  at  09:35 PM

I think my favorite part of all this was the phrase “self-described homosexual.”

Meaning what? That he’s not gay at all, but a poseur?

Oh yeah. Because being gay in America is such a sweet deal. As LaRue points out, they’re on the verge of toppling the poor, unfunded, not-politically-connected-at-all evangelical church.

Comment #28: Rick Massimo  on  12/04  at  09:46 PM

So, if eHarmony HAD explicitly said, in PR-speak, “Hets only”, it would be ok?

Comment #29: Eric, Rejector of Memez  on  12/04  at  10:41 PM

If the issue is that their site purports to be for everyone but is actually only for straight Christians, I can see how that misrepresentation is different from, say, J-Date’s more transparent policies, and I can see why we would want to make that kind of misrepresentation illegal.

But while it would be immoral to offer a dating site that explicitly excludes everyone who isn’t a cisgendered, heterosexual Christian, I don’t immediately see a way to distinguish that kind of site from sites that are explicitly limited to queer or pagan folks other than by referencing the content of the exclusion (i.e. excluding this religion is okay, but excluding this one is not).  I can see a decent argument for saying that the hegemonic groups don’t get to exclude, but others can exclude members of the hegemony, but the hegemonic identity isn’t always clear.  For example, could lesbian sites explicitly exclude bisexuals under the hegemon test?

So I’m all for condemning the immorality of eHarmony’s exclusionary policies, even if I’m not sure they should be illegal, and I’m all for condemning their deceptive ads, which I *do* think should be illegal, but they strike me as separate issues.

The only alternative I can think of for allowing legal action against eHarmony would be something akin to the Fair Housing rules for newspapers.  Individuals looking for roommates can legally (albeit not morally) discriminate on the basis of race, religion, orientation, etc. because we’re reluctant to force people to have personal relationships they don’t want to have.  But the newspaper itself, like the dating site, is a business and so must be open to all comers.  So just as ads are prohibited from specifying the race of roommates, the site might be prohibited from excluding customers.  The site could allow members to discriminate however they choose (and might allow preset filters to expedite it), but it would have to be the members, not the commercial enterprise, that does the discriminating.

I don’t know if that’s a good idea, and it may a solution that’s more trouble than the problem, given that there is no scarcity of dating sites as there is a scarcity of housing, but it’s the only analogy I can come up with for making eHarmony legally responsible for discrimination rather than legally responsible for misrepresentation.

Comment #30: Thom  on  12/05  at  12:04 AM

I’m not ready to condemn eH, because they always said they thought their algorithms wouldn’t work for gays.

Because of the plethora of GLBT dating services, this just seems bogus to me: eH not serving gays did not materially infringe on his ability to use GLBT specialized services.

Comment #31: Eric, Rejector of Memez  on  12/05  at  12:52 AM

Bitter:

Actually, e-Harmony’s position makes perfect sense. They boast about how many of their matches lead to marriage. Gays are not allowed to marry, therefore gays are not welcome.

However, this position no longer holds water, given MA and CT.

Thom:

But while it would be immoral to offer a dating site that explicitly excludes everyone who isn’t a cisgendered, heterosexual Christian, I don’t immediately see a way to distinguish that kind of site from sites that are explicitly limited to queer or pagan folks other than by referencing the content of the exclusion (i.e. excluding this religion is okay, but excluding this one is not).

I’m not familiar with online dating services - do such sites exclude straight/non-pagan/etc. people, or is it more like JDate?

Comment #32: Rebecca  on  12/05  at  12:54 AM

I’m not ready to condemn eH, because they always said they thought their algorithms wouldn’t work for gays.

As I said to Thom, I’m not at all familiar with online dating services, but do we know anything about how this super-secret algorithm works? Is is fair to guess that it buys heavily into gender roles?

Comment #33: Rebecca  on  12/05  at  12:56 AM

But while it would be immoral to offer a dating site that explicitly excludes everyone who isn’t a cisgendered, heterosexual Christian, I don’t immediately see a way to distinguish that kind of site from sites that are explicitly limited to queer or pagan folks other than by referencing the content of the exclusion (i.e. excluding this religion is okay, but excluding this one is not).

Actually, there are websites out there that are targeted at white, straight Christians.  Keep an eye on the Google ads at the end of the comments section and I’m sure a few of them will turn up.  To me, it’s not a big deal if straight, white Christians want to have their own dating sites—they’re as free as anyone else to set them up as long as they’re upfront about what they are.

The problem for me is that eHarmony was misrepresenting itself.  In the other thread, I said it reminded me of the pharmacists who want to deny women the Pill without having to tell them up-front that they will be denied.  The ads all said that they had this special, magical system to get you set up, but there was no mention that this mainstream dating site would be different than other large sites like Match.com and not serve gay customers.  Given the history of internet dating, it was natural for people to assume that a mainstream site would serve gay customers since every other site does it.

Also, never having used eHarmony, I don’t know if there’s any kind of charge to take the test.  Since I keep seeing commercials saying “This weekend, the test is free!” I suspect it isn’t.  And taking money from people that you know will be automatically rejected is ... what’s the word?  Oh, right, fraud.  Which is probably what eHarmony was trying to avoid having come up if they balked too much.

Comment #34: Mnemosyne  on  12/05  at  02:19 AM

Ok, first of all, Eric, that super-secret algorithm is crap. I’ve “tested” eHarmony, and I’ve read online a lot of articles from people who have actually signed up and there’s simply no algorithm at all. Seriously, one openly alcohol drinking woman kept getting matched with tee-totaller guys who stated on their profile that they would never be happy with anyone who drank alcohol, ever. When she called eHarmony to get her money back (Satisfaction guaranteed!) the salespeople “suggested” that she quit drinking. I’m serious.

So that whole “our algorithm doesn’t work for gays” is crap because there is no algorithm. However, it is also crap for two more reasons:

1. You can bet your ass that a few decades ago the super-secret algorithm also wouldn’t have worked for Jews or blacks. Total coincidence.

2. This wasn’t advertised. Period. J-Date is advertised as a place for Jewish people. There are Christian sites advertised as being for Christian (and Het-only) people. There are gay sites advertised as being for gay people. eHarmony did not do this. Deliberately. Intentionally. Mnemosyne is spot on: the point here wasn’t to discriminate against gays, it was to discriminate SECRETLY against gays. And that’s not right.

Comment #35: Ellen  on  12/05  at  11:03 AM

And guess what: if Victoria’s Secret refused to sell underwear to lesbians or to men the salespeople thought might not be getting a gift for their girlfriend, they’d be perfectly open to liability as well…

Comment #36: paul  on  12/05  at  03:18 PM

E-Harmony should donate the revenue it receives from the gay dating service to pro-marriage/anti-gay \“marriage\” causes. That would serve the bellyaching gays right.

Comment #37: Wanderer  on  12/05  at  08:18 PM
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