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I Know Obama’s VP

Judging by who everyone on the internet has declared is unsuitable to be Obama’s VP, I’ve determined the one acceptable candidate left. Hawaii Senator Danial Akaka.

There are two major reasons that this choice works so brilliantly. Akaka doesn’t piss of PUMAs, Southerners who hate Northerners, Northerners who hate Southerners, Westerners who hate Easterners or Easterners who hate Westerners, people who want someone besides a conservative white guy and people who want a veteran.

More importantly, the ticket would be Obama/Akaka. More vowels than consonants for the first time EVER. And, bonus, if you say it too fast, it sounds like you’re saying “macaca”, which allows for infinite replays of the race card.

Think about it…

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 07:37 PM • (15) Comments

The last state left with powerful unions is definitely one Obama needs to secure.

/snark

Comment #1: Roxanne on 08/15 at 07:53 PM

<Cokie Roberts> But he’s from Hawaii, so he’s a foreigner! </Cokie Roberts>

Comment #2: Nied on 08/15 at 07:54 PM

Well, maybe not Akaka—I’m not sure America is ready for an all-funny-names ticket anyway.

But, probably the best bet for Obama is somebody like Akaka in a few ways—obscure, respectable, non-controversial.

Comment #3: rea on 08/15 at 08:37 PM

At the inauguration, they could do the Mambo.

Comment #4: Quaker in a Basement on 08/15 at 09:02 PM

Inouye would come up with a brilliant plan.

Comment #5: Ms Kate on 08/15 at 10:32 PM

The Mambo is not a Hawaiian dance. But damn, think about it! The first ever inaugural Luau!

Comment #6: Samantha Vimes on 08/16 at 12:46 AM

Too old.

Comment #7: Hattie on 08/16 at 01:51 AM

Gore or Clinton! What are we talking about?

Comment #8: THeDRiFTeR on 08/16 at 05:57 AM

Aha! And Obama just spent a week in Hawaii. Brilliant! What a cunning plan!!!!!!!11!1

Basing a ticket on NOT pissing people off, as well as the confluence of too many vowels makes nearly as much sense as some of the reasons given for other choices I’ve heard.

Comment #9: Vir Modestus on 08/16 at 09:09 AM

Obamakaka?

May be even better than Obamasebelius, which sounds like a rare orchid or ancient bird.

Comment #10: El Cid on 08/16 at 12:50 PM

My only problem with Akaka is that he seems to vote with Republicans and against his own party’s interests much of the time….

Comment #11: wagonjak on 08/16 at 01:22 PM

While visiting a Mexican restaurant in La Habra, Obama and Akaka enjoy Machaca while listening to the sounds of the Maracas. No Caca!