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I Would Take These People More Seriously If They Could Read

imageThe new New World Order is afoot!

Barack Obama signed an Executive Order amending one of Ronald Reagan’s executive orders, which rescinded the exclusion INTERPOL would otherwise have from American tax laws

Short version: INTERPOL employees are no longer liable for American taxes.  That’s about it. 

Of course, if there’s one thing we know about the great body of conservative bloggers, it’s that their collective vocabulary is about 75 words, and roughly a third of those are synonyms for “Sharia”. 

Let’s start with Erick Ericson at Redstate:

The best and most reasonable take comes from Andy McCarthy. Let me put this in perspective for you.

[...]

For no discernible reason whatsoever, last Wednesday when no one was looking, Barack Obama signed an executive order giving all immunities of foreign powers to Interpol.

In other words, Interpol is now in a better position than any American law enforcement institution that operates on American soil. It cannot have its records searched or seized and it is not subject to the restraints of sunshine and transparency that FOIA requests can bring.

At a time when Obama is worried about ensuring the rights of terrorists against the abuses of the American government, he has no problem surrendering American rights to an arm of the United Nations.

Predictably, the fact that Barack Obama has allowed the World Police to operate within our borders and given them all of West Virginia to use as concentration camps (READ BETWEEN THE LINES, PEOPLE) is setting off alarms among the most vigilant of our civilian security forces.  The Anchoress is worried that this is the beginning of Kristallnacht, and that INTERPOL and ACORN are somehow going to join forces to form the ultimate acronym, CLARINET PORNO.  Confederate Yankee is pretty damn sure that they still have actual Nazis running INTERPOL, and that somehow these tax regulations will allow them to kidnap American soldiers for gay sex in Amsterdam.

The Astute Bloggers believe Barack Obama has empowered INTERPOL to capture George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for war crimes.  Protein Wisdom is pretty sure that Obama plain hates the constitution and was a shitty law professor, which burns most of all.

Now, sure, all of these people are total morons.  But they’re actually super double special fucking morons, and for a very special reason. 
Section 2(c) of the International Organizations Immunities Act exempts property, assets and archives of international organizations from search and seizure.  Reagan’s exclusion of 2(c)‘s protections had nothing to do with FOIA or any other American law (and, for a very key reason, couldn’t possibly impact them).  You can’t enforce American tax laws if the organization’s property is exempt from search or seizure.  It’s impossible.  Go find a foreign consulate and try it.  I’ll wait.

...

...

SEE?!?!?!?

More importantly, though, are Sections 2(b) and 7(b) of the Act.  Here’s what they say, in order:

International organizations, their property and their assets, wherever located, and by whomsoever held, shall enjoy the same immunity from suit and every form of judicial process as is enjoyed by foreign governments, except to the extent that such organizations may expressly waive their immunity for the purpose of any proceedings or by the terms of any contract.

Representatives of foreign governments in or to international organizations and officers and employees of such organizations shall be immune from suit and legal process relating to acts performed by them in their official capacity and falling within their functions as such representatives, officers, or employees except insofar as such immunity may be waived by the foreign government or international organization concerned.

With the exception of taxes, INTERPOL and its employees are already immune to suit and American legal process for all official acts in accordance with foreign diplomatic immunity.  Notice that Reagan never repealed either of these sections, which are the, er, actual relevant sections with regard to all the black helicopter shit going on above.  (Rest easy, though - the President can at any time revoke INTERPOL’s status if they step out of line.)

In summary: Barack Obama is no longer submitting INTERPOL employees to double taxation.  Because figuring this out required nearly five minutes of Googling and reading, conservative bloggers cut out all that unnecessary mess and just decided that we are now subjected to the vast and unstoppable tyranny of an…international police support network whose major function is to provide technological and database assistance in international crimes, with little authority or mechanism to effect arrests on its own. 

I really do wonder some days if the only exposure that conservative bloggers had to foreign policy was Street Figher: The Movie.  Maybe they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, worried that Raul Julia is coming for them?  That would make more sense than the alternative, which is that they’re too stupid to function in human society. 

UPDATE: Xeranar points out that INTERPOL itself, not being a federal government agency, was exempt from FOIA anyway.  I suppose the worry is that the DOJ’s INTERPOL bureau would be exempt from FOIA, but the President’s Executive Order only applies to the actual organization of INTERPOL, not the DOJ’s liaison.  It’s like arguing that foreign diplomatic immunity shields American diplomats from responsibility for American crimes because the diplomats have become citizens of the countries they’re sent to. 

 

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 05:43 PM • (42) Comments

I would think Interpol would be happy not to pay taxes.  Isn’t that every band’s dream?

Comment #1: BetsyTX  on  12/29  at  06:18 PM

“super double special fucking morons”

I am TOTALLY going to start using that all the time.

Comment #2: Mark  on  12/29  at  06:33 PM

Also, these people are so frightened ALL the time. Its really wierd.

Comment #3: Mark  on  12/29  at  06:35 PM

Mark - it’s the weirdest thing.  By not responding to terrorism, you show that you’re scared, and it’s only by running around scared as a puppy in a thunderstorm that you show how brave you are.

Comment #4: Jesse Taylor  on  12/29  at  06:41 PM

Ahem.  You left out the black helicopters.

Comment #5: Magis  on  12/29  at  06:41 PM

Since Raul Julia is dead, that would make it a OMG ZOMBIES!!11! nightmare as well.  They’ll be changing their sheets every night.

Comment #6: NobleExperiments  on  12/29  at  07:11 PM

If INTERPOL had claimed to be a church for the tax exemption, fewer conservatives would have a problem with this.

Comment #7: Nil  on  12/29  at  07:18 PM

INTERPOL and ACORN are somehow going to join forces to form the ultimate acronym, CLARINET PORNO.

With this sentence, the internet paid for itself today.

Comment #8: flea  on  12/29  at  07:20 PM

“Short version: INTERPOL employees are no longer liable for American taxes.  That’s about it.”

But that leaves little to no room for the mandatory daily panic-fest.

Comment #9: preying mantis  on  12/29  at  07:26 PM

Dude, fuck Interpol. They’re just a bunch of french assholes in berets, anyway.

Comment #10: PhysioProf  on  12/29  at  08:38 PM

Maybe they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, worried that Raul Julia is coming for them?

If my Evil Overlord options are a Belgian doing the splits or a zombified large ham, I’ve got to vote for the latter.  Also, M. Bison has a cooler hat.

Comment #11: schism  on  12/29  at  09:41 PM

When a family member went to work for an international organization that some people consider even scarier than Interpol, they quoted salaries as after-tax numbers, because they didn’t want to have staffers from different parts of the world getting seriously different take-home pay for the same job. Especially somewhere like DC. The accounting was hideous. This probably allows Interpol to save some huge chunk of paperwork costs annually, as well as personnel costs. (Which of course the wingnuts will consider a bad thing.)

Comment #12: paul  on  12/29  at  09:57 PM

CLARINET PORNO.

eek.

Comment #13: LauraB  on  12/29  at  10:05 PM

I’m always entertained by the convoluted chains of logic neocons use to frame bombing the shit out of other countries as righteous, but playing nice with international organizations as demonic. It’s a hell of a show, like the circus but with less animal cruelty.

Comment #14: Soren  on  12/29  at  10:12 PM

“The Astute Bloggers believe Barack Obama has empowered INTERPOL to capture George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for war crimes. “
If only…

Comment #15: Devonian  on  12/29  at  10:19 PM

I thought conservatives favored lower taxes?

Comment #16: micheyd  on  12/29  at  10:43 PM

International organizations have never been held to FOIA standards anyways.  In fact the FOIA only applies to the federal government and leaves out all corporations and private entities.  The conspiracy theories that these people push are hilarious.  It’s just like when you go look up the order of power EOs that take over-ists(?) spread turn out to be nothing.  I wonder if the bloggers actually understand what an executive order does?  It basically allows the executive branch to change basic functions of the government itself but can easily be overridden by an act of congress.  Essentially it’s just a daily-order to fix basic government functions. 

So, Obama helps Interpol save some tax money and the right-wingers go insane trying to figure out how this will allow them to get a hate-hard on for him more?  Pathetic.

Comment #17: Xeranar  on  12/29  at  10:47 PM

@ Soren @ 14.

Ah, those are cases where the animals we’re being cruel to just happen to have thumbs.

Comment #18: Seize  on  12/29  at  11:05 PM

CLARINET PORNO

you sir have just won the internets for today.

Comment #19: chareth cutestory  on  12/29  at  11:14 PM

Someone should start an email with a list of the various mundane executive orders that Reagan, G.H.W. Bush, and W. have signed ordering international cooperation, naming some day such and such day, etc, change the name to Obama, and watch these doofuses get egg all over their face screaming about the end of the world. 

Hey, that might actually be the only thing that could actually encourage some moderate level of restraint in the right wing noise machine.  If they actually thought there were liberal hoaxsters out there setting them up for failure, then maybe their paranoia might encourage them to do some basic fact checking before they started spouting nonsense.

Comment #20: triviadude  on  12/30  at  12:56 AM

People are so goddamn stupid.  It’s amazing we haven’t died out as a species.

Comment #21: Arakiba  on  12/30  at  01:00 AM

form the ultimate acronym, CLARINET PORNO.
even better than PoRn Lua

Comment #22: preznit giv me turkee  on  12/30  at  01:49 AM

CLARINET PORNO

This one time, at band camp…

Comment #23: Sour Kraut  on  12/30  at  02:32 AM

CLARINET PORNO.

*shrug* Rule 34.

Comment #24: Kyra  on  12/30  at  03:47 AM

CLARINET PORNO

“Oh, and this one time, at band camp…”

Sorry, it was begging for it.

Comment #25: DTG in STL  on  12/30  at  08:52 AM

Dammit, Sour Kraut beaty me to it.  I should really read ahead before blaspheming.

Comment #26: DTG in STL  on  12/30  at  08:53 AM

Oh, for f-‘s sake.  Those people are so double-plus unsmart that they think the rules about the government’s activities apply to everything, instead of the government.  They honestly think the FOIA means they can access anything they want at any time, no matter who owns it.  And apparently they think INTERPOL is the law-enforcement branch of the Illuminati.

Comment #27: attack_laurel  on  12/30  at  09:24 AM

I heard “CLARINET PORNO” and immediately came up with an image of tentacle sex.  Squidward Tentacles sex.

I so want Interpol and ACORN to join forces now.  Any other scary international organizations that make it sound better?  The WHO and UNICEF and others could make for some interesting combinations of anagram fun at work today, since there’s absolutely no way I’m going to be able to do anything else.

I’ll be sure to report back this evening.

Comment #28: 3letterjon  on  12/30  at  11:17 AM

“If they actually thought there were liberal hoaxsters out there setting them up for failure, then maybe their paranoia might encourage them to do some basic fact checking before they started spouting nonsense.”

Probably not, facts are irrelevant to the wingnut. The Noise is what matters. Fill the echo chamber with BS and pretty soon your crazy theory becomes a part of the accepted narrative.

Comment #29: phil zombi  on  12/30  at  11:36 AM

WHONICEF?

Comment #30: draeton  on  12/30  at  01:58 PM

<blockquote>Since Raul Julia is dead, that would make it a OMG ZOMBIES!!11! nightmare as well.  They’ll be changing their sheets every night.

Comment #6: NobleExperiments </blockequote>

I, personally, welcome our new black helicopter zombie overlords.

Comment #31: cynickal  on  12/30  at  02:33 PM

Damn it!  Everytime I get HTML cocky, this happens.

Comment #32: cynickal  on  12/30  at  02:35 PM

I have missed you, you awesome motherfucker.  This post was so full of win.

Comment #33: Weezie Jefferson  on  12/30  at  08:28 PM

I can never get this straight: Black helmets and blue helicopters, or the other way around?

Comment #34: Bitter Scribe  on  12/31  at  12:58 AM

I don’t have the comedic skills but someone should cook up a Man from U.N.C.L.E. joke.

Comment #35: triviadude  on  12/31  at  03:46 AM

You know, these sort of posts are a serious antidote to spending an entire evening listening to Right Wing talk radio that your trainer has decided to put on while training you.

Comment #36: Erik D  on  12/31  at  10:47 AM

Okay already Interpol working hand in hand with ACORN are now devising away to take everyone’s guns away from them on January 3rd at 1600hrs. So stay home and protect your guns.

Okay America while these Idiots are protecting their homes lets get some real work done before these MORONS figure out that they have been fooled again. Remember these aren’t the brightest people around.

Comment #37: ProudLiberal1947  on  12/31  at  11:35 AM

WHONICEF?

What’s that, the 5th member of the Black Eyed Peas?

Comment #38: Sour Kraut  on  12/31  at  12:07 PM

Best I could manage with UNICEF, INTERPOL, WHO, and ACORN was something along the lines of “He-Clown Fart Police Union”.  It sounds ominous, but not in the right way.  I’ll try harder, not smarter, since it seems to be the only way to counter the stupidity of the morons.

Comment #39: 3letterjon  on  12/31  at  12:17 PM

“What’s that, the 5th member of the Black Eyed Peas?”

Don’t be ridiculous.  It’s the political wing of the Time Lord Liberation Front.

Comment #40: preying mantis  on  12/31  at  02:28 PM

Some of them probably think that “surrendering rights to an arm of the United Nations” is one step on bringing forth the Antichrist’s One World Government.
There’s someone in one of my forums who uses one of the linked sites as her major source of info. In the past, we could argue with her and debate and she’d never change her mind at all, but she’d reply to what was being said. In the last few days, she’s just been completely incoherent, and I can’t decide if she sounds scared out of her wits, or extremely happy that now she has “proof” that everybody has to be scared. All she does is accuse everybody of being a Big Government person.

Comment #41: colorlessblue  on  01/01  at  05:10 PM

The Astute Bloggers believe Barack Obama has empowered INTERPOL to capture George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for war crimes.

If only…

Comment #42: J Neo Marvin  on  01/03  at  03:43 PM
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