Someone decided to collect a bunch of quotes from some fundies about atheism and evolution and make a video of it. It’s….sublime.
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That last part…. there are no words… I mean, I laughed but a part of me was terrified. And the guy who said, “If it weren’t for the judgement of god I would’ve killed a lot of people,” holy (or non-holy) shit. I mean… again, my jaw was on my keyboard.
Best line, “Monkeys don’t live millions of years!”
The last one was scary, b/c the bit about “put on black robes” you know was just pure projection. The guy who actually posted that shit was a Klansman.
Having our bodies dissolve in acid was pretty damn funny, though.
How can you talk to these people, though? They are so willfully ignorant. They don’t understand and they refuse to try to understand. B/c if they understood, well, then they’d go to hell.
What I want to know is when do I get my two gay guys having hawt sex in my bedroom.
The site, Fundies Say the Darndest Things is really fun to read. Thanks for the link.
Two votes for punked. However, I did love the buttoned collar on the first dude. Naw, these are actors. However, the verbage maybe real for such was alluded to.
You know, that World Ruled by Atheists sounds too good to be true. Where do I sign up?
I don’t care if it’s punked or not. Friggin’ funny.
Dude, I think you got punked.
Punked on what? You’re not supposed to believe they’re the people saying these things. It’s clear they’re actors from the beginning when they’re setting up. They’re doing a dramatic interpretation of freeper comments from various blogs.
Or did I miss something…
I think they’re reading from Fundies Say the Darndest Things, which Amanda links to above on the word, Via.
From FSDT:
I was staring at the sky, waiting to be called up, because I was sure that it was going to happen (although it obviously didn’t ) but it was a wonderful moment, and I can’t wait until the real thing happens. (cheering seizure smiley)
Can we have cheering seizure smileys here at Pandagon? I think the discoball and the great cat would approve of cheering seizure smileys!
What I want to know is when do I get my two gay guys having hawt sex in my bedroom.
Sign me up for that as well.
The whole thing was hilarious, but the acid bit really got to me too.
Oh thank you thank you! I soooo needed a laugh this afternoon.
Those Atheists will believe anything some “scientist” tells them.
We Christians aren’t like that at all. We think for ourselves.
We accept the variously translated ancient words of sheep herders and tribal scribes written many centuries ago as the revealed and unquestionable word of God. And if we can’t understand what most of it means, we have all sorts of priests and ministers to tell us…and we have unshakable faith that what they tell is is The Truth, because we really have no other choice.
So you see, we’re not mindless blindly following sheep like those atheists are…
Okay, I really want to know if this was all an April Fool’s joke. Some of the quotes are genuine, in that they appear on the FSTDT site and they linked to posts in actual religious forums (some of which are dead now).
http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1
“I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie”
“There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don’t know that much about it does not bother me in the least.”
“How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that: 1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys”
“so you think if no one believed in any religion there would be no wars or fighting? i think it would be worse. i know if i didn’t fear god’s judgement i would have killed many many times.”
“Sorry but scientists have just shown that mice DNA is more similar to humans than human DNA. So would evolutionists then declare that humans came from mice? Probably. That’s because most people can’t think for themselves and are confused about reality. That’s why they believe anything scientists say.”
http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/comments.aspx?q=31867&page=5
“Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims. Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example… “
And, then I gave up sleuthing. Anyway, long post, wordy way of saying: some of ‘em are real.
The guy with the hat, doing all the voices for his vision of an atheist family’s typical day, should totally pitch that to some tv network. I’d Tivo it.
And I was just there and shit, a lot of those comments are hilarious but so many of them are depressing and sad. Especially the ones revolving around rape. *shudder*.
The comments are taken from posts on Fundie sites I believe. There are links. A lot of them are terribly sad, and a lot of them are just totally insane. Some of them are probably meant as jokes, but I think the majority of them are serious comments from people who consider themselves religious.
All you have to do is surf the fundie sites, and you can come up with quotes like this or even worse. There are some crazy people posting on the far right blogs.
AWE.SOME. I was previously unaware of the birthplace of crazy, thanks for the heads up!
Is no one disturbed that these are young white males exercising their Dudely Privilege of spouting whatever garbage they do becuz they’re MENZ?
Today’s assinine fundy teen male, tomorrow’s pat roberston, jerry falwell, lou dobbs, ray comfort etc.
Oh yeah, has anyone gone to see ray comfort’s latest, pull the plug on atheism?
http://www.pulltheplugonatheism.com/
Um, in case it’s not clear, these three guys are liberal secularists, hamming it up and reading the insanity from rightwing blogs across the internet. They do not actually believe this. It is performance art, because reading these doesn’t have the same impact as hearing them.
The performers had really good comedic timing, especially the guy in the hat.
Definition: Loser
Somebody who goes on a blog he has no interest in just to call people there losers…
Well done, although I would have cut the “if atheists ruled the world” bit. I think the one- or two-liners work better.
“...anybody without a well developed belief in God is obviously not a full human person.”
“Should we kill these atheist human non-persons for the benifit of fully human persons?”
He wants to put it to a vote. Anyone want to take bets on the outcome?
Eek! Well, I guess I have to admire the direct nature of this statement.
I guess the blog nijmapuma links to wasn’t enough of an outlet for a 24/7 “Obot” obsession-fest.
This is why I think humans should be doing nothing to find extraterrestrial saphients. If we discovered aliens while fundies still existed, we would be utterly embarassed.
These are definitely real quotes. I have read and laughed over these exact same quotes many a time at Fundies Say the Darndest Things. In fact, I have probably spent too much time doing my own dramatic readings of them. But I always leave in the spelling and grammar errors, so they sound a lot less convincing when I do them.
Don’t you see? It DOESN’T MATTER if oil was created 6 thousand years ago, or 4 thousand years!
Good one. The acid one was better, but still!
I dunno about “i…f atheists ruled the world…”, but, if Atheists were in charge of starting a new country we’d get: The American Constitution! Hee! Hee!
Oh, and I guess the non-acid guy never saw “Alien”. I mean, that monster was full of acid and it was alive, wasn’t it?
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. The epic rant that takes up the last half of the video is fucking priceless.
FSTDT.com is no longer especially active, though. You should check out FSTDT.net for the current stuff.
What does atheism have to do with being an “obot*” anyway?
*[sic]
I’ve been reading FSTDT for years. All the quotes are real & pulled from fundie sites. No punking going on here.
DNA makes us dissolve? Really? Vinegar must blow their minds.
I was 2/3 through my can of RC cola when I checked the ingredients.
Water, sugar, high fructose corn syrup and/or sugar, caramel color, phosphoric acid, caffeine, natural flavors, gum acacia, citric acid.
I’m not long for this world! I hope I’ll last a few more hours so I can see the sun rise one last time before I dissolve. It’s been nice knowing you all. I will try to intercede with the Great Cat for you.
So Nijma thanks nijmapuma for the link… to the same place that Nijma links.
I think this calls for a stick rule ban.
So Nijma thanks nijmapuma for the link… to the same place that Nijma links.
At least now when someone asks you what a sock puppet is, you’ll have a quick and easy link.
What’s a “stick rule ban”?
They did it here too:
http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/this_is_america_goddammit/
Can I find out the IP of the person who is stalking/impersonating me? Is there an addy to communicate offline?
Nah, whoever Nijma is thinks that somehow we’re targeting hir blog because a supposed other person linked to hir “non-public, nonsearchable” blog and…profit? I don’t know, it’s confusing and I don’t care. I’d actually rather not even go to the trouble of banning, just because it’s fucking enervating.
Oh, yeah, that is weird, actually. Different IPs and, for “nijmapuma”, the sort of giving-it-away e-mail address of “fauxnijma@————.com.”
Looks like you have some sort of fan, there, Nijma.
Stick rule means you have to be as smart as this stick to post here.
nijmapuma’s been banned.
Thank you, yes, they followed me from a political blog where I made some comments about the Middle East. Here is the where they hang out and brag about who they’re harassing/stalking /impersonating:
http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/forums/comments/rumper_room/
I think it’s someone from California who is traveling, but the latest IP I have for them is [redacted]
This comment is probably too off topic to stay up, but I’d appreciate knowing if the IP rings any bells.
Sighs. Black robes are SO 2008. And burning a fundie on a wooden X would be a waste of a perfectly good St. Andrew’s Cross that would work much better in my bedroom. Never mind the environmental impact of burning one of those guys- air pollution! I DO want to sign up for the hawt gay guys having sex in my room though.
All that aside though, the scariest quote I recall from FSTDT was one where a person claimed that being handicapped was caused by having sinned in the womb. If they would repent they would be cured of their afflictions. Fetuses can sin! Guess that blows the anti-choice “innocent lives” argument out of the water right? Way to blame my daughter for her Down syndrome you asshat…
Wow, it’s true, isn’t it? Hearing these things out loud treats you to the full, nutty flavor of the crazy in a way that reading them never does.
Best old-school FSTDT quote evar:
“I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!”
The pastor at whatever church these young men attend should be arrested for child abuse. Years from now these young men will anguish over the self-hatred that torments their private moments.
Oh, c’mon, these can’t be actual quotes. Where’d they come from?