OMG. Blenders, please finish your drinks and noshing on that lunch before you read Jesus’ General‘s letter to Rep. Chuck Damschen of the North Dakota House of Representatives. You’ll recall that last week the state’s house passed a bill declaring that “a fertilized egg has all of the rights of any person.” (See my post, “North Dakota House votes for sperm supremacy and fetal personhood”).
In his wisdom, the General decided to congratulate Rep. Damschen on his success. A snippet:
Congratulations on the passage of your bill granting full civil-rights to zygote-Americans. It’s a great start, but we both know it is only that, a start. Trillions upon trillions of our spermatazoan-Americans brothers continue to be murdered ever hour in our nation. This tubesock holocaust must end.
Purity pledges aren’t the answer. Men need to liberate the spermatazoan-Americans imprisoned within their gonads on a regular basis. Without such a release, A man’s system gets backed up, causing him to slip into an O’Reillian state of constant, uncontrolled rage.
A law is needed to ensure that spermatazoan-Americans are cared for after their liberation. The law doesn’t need to be burdensome—it should simply require men to liberate their spermatazoan-Americans into a mason jar they keep in a cool place (I use my cellar) until it can be transferred to a federally-funded Christian housing facility (built with stimulus money).
Surf over to read the rest as the General proposes a “Billion Spermatazon-American March on Washington.” I just received an email from the General; apparently the lawmaker read this missive and isn’t too happy. 
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