I think he should talk to that God some more.  Sound sensible.

How exactly is he ‘fighting’ or ‘working for our country’ again? Did he join the military or get elected for office or something while I wasn’t paying attention?

What has “Joe” the “Plumber” actually done?  He asked a stupid question based on false premises and became a celebrity. Everything is about his celebrity. How is he any different than Paris Hilton?

“Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’””

Aww, come on <strike>Joe</strike> <strike>Sam</strike> whatever-your-name-is!  Just imagine Palin/Werzelbacher ‘12!  What a combo!...

***

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher:  There is no there there…

How exactly is he ‘fighting’ or ‘working for our country’ again? Did he join the military or get elected for office or something while I wasn’t paying attention?

I believe he jumped over barrels, rescued Princess Coulter, and threw Osama bin Kong from a building.  Or something like that.

http://bit.ly/HNF7d
This amazon review is priceless though:

Possessing a rapier wit, Joe the Plumber’s struggle to become the average American is infused with hilarious commentary on the state of various domestic programs. Take his views on Social Security “Social Security is a joke. I have parents; I don’t need another set of parents called the government.” Ever lose sleep at night wondering what Joe thinks about welfare? He would tell you “it’s something to be used, not abused, as it often is”. Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wuzelbacher clearly has it all figured out.

How is he any different than Paris Hilton?

I have never, ever thought I would say this, but Paris Hilton has made several movies (not those movies) and recorded studio albums. She’s appeared on reality TV shows where she was forced to work for a living. Even if she’s really bad at acting and singing and such, that shit isn’t EASY. that’s still real work, actual time spent doing something. And if she were more dignified, she could just be content to be absurdly spoiled and none of us would really know that much about her, but she wanted to put herself out there and become one of those irritating celebrities, which means her job is actually being famous, which does actually take effort. And when she fucks up, like, appearing in public looking like shit? she is actually called on it, and publicly humiliated. As opposed to Joe, who just lies and makes shit up and is still a media darling. no one calls him on his shit. (IBTP, honestly.)

I’m not saying she’s a good person. Or deserves her immense fame and wealth. Just that like a stupid person can hold down a job and survive, she’s a stupid person who actually does HAVE A JOB, and just happened to luck into the cushiest gig imaginable.

That is, she’s actually harder working and has more on the line than Good Ole Joe.

and fuck you for making me defend Paris Hilton.

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”

Actually, God was like “Oh, Hell No!”

I will defend Paris Hilton’s song “Screwed” any day. Her Rod Stewart cover isn’t bad either.

Paris Hilton will be truly screwed if the judge in a breach-of-contract suit in Florida rules against her.

As for Joe, I loved this bit from the jacket blurb (or whatever that was):

He’s a patriot who became instantly famous for simply asking a question that millions of us wanted asked.

Yes, I know I was on tenterhooks waiting for someone to buttonhole Obama and waste five minutes of his time asking about taxes he would never have to pay, on money he was never going to get, from a business he was never going to buy.

How can we miss him if he won’t go away?  Please, just go away!

I <3 you, karpad

“Hot Shot City is particularly good.

“I just has to say…This book blue my mind! i coultn’t put it down just after 1 pages of reeding it…“joe” the plummer has it and he knows it and sticks it to the libral fashonist’s!!1! this Plummer would be picked by me over mario any day…some times when reeding in this book i fell that he is screeming write to me, it is very personal charged reeding, this book is four people who hat libral fashonists and wished they wood go back to where they came from. hell. “JOE” THE PLUMMER IS MY HERO IN MY BOOK ABOUT ME.”

That has GOT to be fake!  If I wanted to make fun of conservatives, that’s exactly how I would write.  “hat libral fashonists”?  Fascists?  Fashionistas?

MadLibrarian: it’s definitely a joke. I’d say every positive review of this on Amazon is a joke, but ESPECIALLY that one. “this Plummer would be picked by me over mario any day”? Yeah. Most assuredly a joke.

Yeah, I wondered about “making a difference”, too.

He tried to turn the public against Obama.
Obama got elected.
The difference made was…?

“In the new media age, everybody is a historian, or a preacher, or a scientist, or a sage. And if everyone is an expert, then nobody is, and the worst thing you can be in a society where everybody is an expert is, well, an actual expert.” Charles P. Pierce, Greetings from Idiot America

The Palin/Werzelbacher dyad, our comedy/tragedy connection to over 2000 years of classic theater

Not every positive review was a joke - if you go all the way to the oldest reviews, there are three or four positive reviews that may be sincere.  You can safely ignore those, and focus on the much funnier and far more inspired joke reviews.  I was relieved to find that Joe got his 2.5 stars because the reviewers were equally divided between giving him a 1 and admitting that he sucked, or giving him a 5 and comparing him to Socrates. 

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”

Now there’s a God we can all believe in.

Well, when the first positive review listed is from our friend, General JC Christian, you know it’s gonna be good!

http://www.amazon.com/review/RRKV0ADMBILR5/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#RRKV0ADMBILR5

Most of the rest of the reviews made me laugh out loud.

Hee, and Jesus’s General has already reviewed it as well:

   
5.0 out of 5 stars
Joe ain’t no average American, March 2, 2009
By   Gen. JC Christian, patriot

RINO spinmeisters, aided and abetted by the liberal media, have promoted Joe the Plumber as being an everyman, the archetypical “average American.” This book shatters that image.

Joe the Plumber is not the “average American.” He’s the “average conservative,” and I thank God for that.

Last year, the “average American” elected an Harvard educated constitutional law professor to the presidency. Average conservatives knew better. They rallied behind Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin, people like ourselves; people I proudly call “mediocre Americans.”

And that’s why Joe is still so immensely popular. He’s angry, vicious, ignorant, and intellectually incurious. He’s one of us, and like us, he didn’t learn about public policy and international relations at a university or from books or journals; he learned everything he needed to know by tuning into Rush, Hannity, Savage, and Ingraham.

This is a great book, one every true conservative should buy, and more importantly, read. Yes, I know that sounds like a tall order, but it’s an easy read. Joe uses one and two syllable words (many of them, written forms of various grunts) almost exclusively. If I have one complaint, it’s that the publisher, Pearlgate, printed it in ink rather than crayon like the original manuscript. Other than that, I think it truly is the perfect book for the average conservative.

He won’t run for office?

Well them, that means he’s a damn sight smarter than Palin, who likes the power but not the limits of power and the responsibilities of power.

Steve Martin: Do I look okay? I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “Hey. Where has Steve been? Haven’t seen him on ‘Saturday Night Live’ in a while..” [ chuckles ] They want me. They call me every week to do the show. But I have been holding out for a little bit of this.. [ rubs his fingers together ] And so the calls fly back and forth, and I made a deal, and I’m very happy to be here tonight. I wish I’d asked for money instead of a little bit of this.. [ rubs his fingers together again ]

You probably heard I was into the comedy thing. Kind of getting out of that now.. into a little more serious deal. And so that’s why right now I’d like to talk about “What.. I.. Believe..”

[ heavy music starts to play ]

“What I Believe.”

I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.

And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.

And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.

And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there’s a game on.

And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.

And I believe it’s derogatory to refer to a woman’s breasts as “boobs”, “jugs”, “winnebagos” or “golden bozos”.. and that you should only refer to them as “hooters”.

And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.

And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.

And, people say I’m crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.

And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.

And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.

And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.

And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you’re listening to right now. That’s what I believe.

<i.Am I the only one who thinks that Joe the Plumber looks unnervingly like Mr. Clean? </i>

I think he looks like a good half of the portraits printed on copying paper at the post office - the numbered ones!

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”

Woot!  Score one point for God!

And then god was like, “Joe, you really need to stop calling yourself a plumber.”

<blockquote>“and he was like, ‘No.’”<blockquote>God’s not a big talker I guess, but he knows how to evaluate political horseflesh.

I love that Amazon tells you people who bought this book also bought The Christmas Story by Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter’s latest.  That lets you know exactly the target audience.

Fuck me for not hitting Preview.

Idunno, I think I might be laughing at every chapter too.

The problem with remainder bins is that even if the author doesn’t get any money for sales, the publisher still does.

Asked if he has plans to run for public office, he replied, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”

I’m definitely on god’s side on this one. He doesn’t say a lot, but from what I’ve read, when he does talk, you better listen up.

I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’”

God is Moon Zappa!

I knew it.  I fucking knew it.

“Her Rod Stewart cover isn’t bad either. “

That’s because Rod Stewart is also a skeezy blonde talentless no-hoper who should have been exiled to a deserted island years ago.  Like likes like, as it were.

With due respect to Joseph Merrick, in the political freakshow that is modern America, Joe The Plumber is two steps below the Elephant Man.

Okay I just gotta say Joe the Plumber has had the longest fifteen minutes in history.

I’m not saying she’s a good person. Or deserves her immense fame and wealth. Just that like a stupid person can hold down a job and survive, she’s a stupid person who actually does HAVE A JOB, and just happened to luck into the cushiest gig imaginable.

The father of a friend is representing her in Florida, probably in that breach of contract suit.  He says that she’s much more intelligent than her public persona implies.

He tried to turn the public against Obama.
Obama got elected.
The difference made was…

Without Joe, no-one would have had the COURAGE to speak out against Obamessiah, you liberal.

“Her Rod Stewart cover isn’t bad either. “

That’s because Rod Stewart is also a skeezy blonde talentless no-hoper who should have been exiled to a deserted island years ago.  Like likes like, as it were.

2nd: There’s a special place in hell reserved for those who do butcher-job cover versions of Tom Waits tunes.

Dear Joe, Sam, whatever:

If you talk to God and he answers…

Ask him how stupid a stupid person has to be to not know how stupid another stupid person is.

Or…

Get professional counseling, soon.

Smartpatrol:

Tell me about it.  I oppose the death penalty, with one exception: Whoever told RS that he could do big band tunes/

“Whenever you see a flag behind someone who is not the president or a soldier, that means the guy is an idiot and a hater”.

From the mouth of a babe.

Yes, I know I was on tenterhooks waiting for someone to buttonhole Obama and waste five minutes of his time asking about taxes he would never have to pay, on money he was never going to get, from a business he was never going to buy.

El. Oh. Fucking. El. 

Seriously, it was at the very tip top of my list of priorities, right up there with wanting to know what would happen if he ever won the lottery.

As a resident of the fair Glass City, I feel compelled to apologize AGAIN for the existence of this gasbag waste of resources.  We keep trying to figure out how to lure him into drowning himself in the Maumee, but no luck so far.