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Next entry: CNN Poll: Majority Don’t Think President Deserves Second Term Previous entry: If you don’t like a catch-22, you shouldn’t go around being female

Our Embarrassing White People Are In No Way Associated With That Embarrassing Black Man

ConservativesMusicRace

imageThe organizers of CPAC are hipping that mufucka up (is that what the kids say these days?) with some videogames and snacks

We’re gonna have the most popular games. There’ll be Guitar Hero. There’ll be Dance Revolution. There’ll be Call of Duty,” said Kevin McCullough, the radio host who created the XPAC Lounge with actor Stephen Baldwin.

There’ll be a distinct conservative component, no doubt. Icons of the right like Ann Coulter and Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele are expected to speak there and work the room.

Nothing says “hip, fun, conservatism” more than Ann Coulter and Michael Steele wandering through a room of awkward 20-somethings playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.  It’ll be like when your mom tried to sit down and talk with you while you were trying to beat Tomb Raider, except that your mom knows more black people.

This, however, is my favorite part:

The approach is a bit of a throwback to how Steele said he would approach conservative messaging when he took over the party last year. He said in an interview last February he would apply conservative principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” and described the coming GOP public relations push as “off the hook.”

Steele’s “hip-hop” approach suffered a misfire last fall, though, when he launched a blog under the name “What Up?”—and then dropped the title after it was widely mocked.

Conference organizers said Steele had nothing to do with the CPAC event planning.

Just so everyone is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, CPAC’s stumbling, ill-advised embrace of ABC Family’s version of black people is completely and totally separate from what that brown fellow did a ways back, because they’re encouraging everyone who attends XPAC to completely ignore everything except the bright flashing screens.  This should work like a charm.

Also, should I be the one to point out that X-Pac was the name of an insanely scuzzy WWE wrestler from the late 90s and early 2000s whose main contribution to society in the past decade was the incredibly disturbing sex tape 1 Night In Chyna?  No.  Of course not. 

Have fun, guys!

 

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 06:54 PM • (40) Comments

And let us not forget that poor Sean Waltman has a TV Trope page and an Urban Dictionary entry named after him.

Comment #1: LC  on  02/16  at  07:23 PM

Bloody hell, if there’s one group of people less in touch with reality and less qualified than actors to go into politics, it’s wrestlers. Course Jesse Ventura was both and I guess he wasn’t so bad all in all. Still, if there’s one thing the political process in the US doesn’t need, it’s steroid abusers in brightly-coloured tights getting involved.

Comment #2: Stubborn Kind of Fellow  on  02/16  at  07:31 PM

Dear Bob in Himmel, the list of games is painful. It’s like when the Columbine shooting happened and the news media were all like “this Doom thing is a pernicious new threat” despite being by then an ancient fucking game. But love the thinking process behind it all.

We should get one of the shooters.
Ann Coulter said something about Call of Duty something or the other being conservative heroism.
Ok. We’ll run with that. We should probably also get one of them rhythm games people are talking about. One of the manly ones.
There’s the guitar games.
Yes, we’ll get the guitar game.
Which one, the internet says there’s several.
I dunno, I once heard the name Guitar Hero, is that on your AOL browser?
Yeah, it’s popped up. Ok, one Guitar Hero game.
Hmm, not enough. Wait, Michael Steele is coming, he wants more urban-suburban hip-hop.
That sounds dangerous.
Well, they’ll be separated from normal folks.
Ok, I saw a bunch of swarthy hooligans playing that dancing revolution game once.
Ok, let’s cue up Dance Revolution as well. And that’s the set.
Phew, that was hard.
But we’re hip now. Surely young people will now flock to the Republican Party.
Yup, let’s call it a day and go down to the airport for anonymous oral sex.

And they lived happily ever after.

Comment #3: Cerberus  on  02/16  at  07:57 PM

You know, this all kinda makes me want to to go.  With my flip of course.  I can only imagine the shit you could get on tape there.

Comment #4: JennyLI  on  02/16  at  08:00 PM

XPac is going to be super neato!!

Comment #5: jerry_101  on  02/16  at  08:24 PM

You know, this all kinda makes me want to to go.  With my flip of course.  I can only imagine the shit you could get on tape there.

Absolutely. Anyone who can hold a camera and keep a straight face is going to get some hilarious video.

Comment #6: Scott  on  02/16  at  08:32 PM

XPAC Lounge—a room one organizer dubbed the “hub of fun.”

Republicans have the capacity to turn a room full of video games lame. That’s some epic fail.

Comment #7: Entomologista  on  02/16  at  08:39 PM

@7

I think it’s the out-of-touch referencing of some random member of decades old series of games with none of them being wholly accurate or useful in any real identification.

It’s basically them saying we have Super Marios for the kids.

Comment #8: Cerberus  on  02/16  at  08:44 PM

“X-Pac was the name of an insanely scuzzy WWE wrestler from the late 90s and early 2000s whose main contribution to society in the past decade was the incredibly disturbing sex tape 1 Night In Chyna?”

Ewwwww…sex tape of juice heads = nasty

Comment #9: Mark  on  02/16  at  08:44 PM

You mean I can dust off the old “X-PAC SUCKS!” chant?  Glee!

Comment #10: damnedyankee  on  02/16  at  08:59 PM

Sounds like all the fun of watching porn with your Mom.

Comment #11: David Parmet  on  02/16  at  09:31 PM

This just proves conservatives can suck fun out of anything.

Comment #12: Ben D.  on  02/16  at  09:34 PM

And it’s XPAC, cause, see, the X means its X-TEME!!11!!1

Next they’ll start spelling “conservative” with a backwards K or something.

Comment #13: Ben D.  on  02/16  at  09:36 PM

“Next they’ll start spelling “conservative” with a backwards K or something.”

...or three of them…

Comment #14: MikeEss  on  02/16  at  09:46 PM

Are you telling me you don’t want YouTube footage of a bunch of Young Republican types trying to play DDR?

Comment #15: mythago  on  02/16  at  10:10 PM

damnedyankee - It would be nice to bust out the “X-PAC SUCKS!” chant.

Ben D.  “KonZervative!”

Comment #16: LC  on  02/16  at  10:11 PM

We’re gonna have the most popular games.

Grand Theft Auto? Bioshock? Sims?

Oh, wait - too anti-authority, anti-libertarian, and pro-social respectively.

Comment #17: Phoenician in a time of Romans  on  02/16  at  10:14 PM

Are you telling me you don’t want YouTube footage of a bunch of Young Republican types trying to play DDR?

Sustained.

Comment #18: damnedyankee  on  02/16  at  10:18 PM

Ann Coulter on Guitar Hero should be good for some yuks too.

Comment #19: damnedyankee  on  02/16  at  10:20 PM

Now I want to go, just to sneak Dragon Age into the video game lineup so I can see their faces when their Manly McManliness warrior gets hit on by Zevran.

Comment #20: mythago  on  02/16  at  10:37 PM

Ben D.  “KonZervative!”

Win.

Does anyone else remember The Daily Show skit where a focus group introduces “Reagraham Lincool” as a new mascot for the GOP? This is what the X-PAC thing is reminding me of.

Comment #21: Ben D.  on  02/17  at  12:03 AM

Just goes to show that “Republican fun” will join “jumbo shrimp” and “military intelligence” on the short list of well-know oxymorons.  Or should I say oxymorans?

Comment #22: Captain Bathrobe  on  02/17  at  12:47 AM

Ann Coulter on Guitar Hero should be good for some yuks too.

You’re going to pass on Michael Steele on Dance Revolution?

I hear Newt Gingrich kicks ass on Sonic the Hedgehog, btw.

Comment #23: Michael Bérubé  on  02/17  at  01:43 AM

X-Pac had the most disgusting finishing move in the history of the WWF. After clubbing/beating/slamming his opponent senseless he would set him in the corner and repeatedly jam his crotch into the unconscious wrestler’s face. That was supposed to be a submission move, if you get what I mean and I think you do.

I expect the festivities at the X-pac Lounge to end similarly. Will Lindsey Graham be there?

Comment #24: Mungen_Cakes  on  02/17  at  01:52 AM

I expect the festivities at the X-pac Lounge to end similarly. Will Lindsey Graham be there?

I wondered the same thing. And what about Charlie Crist?

Comment #25: Ben D.  on  02/17  at  02:34 AM

Given that this is hosted by Stephen Baldwin, surely they’ll catch some good flicks like Biodome and The Flinstones 2:Viva Rock Vegas!

Comment #26: Ben F.  on  02/17  at  02:50 AM

I laughed so hard at the thought of Steven Baldwin & Ann Coulter playing Guitar Hero doing “Pretend That we’re Dead” by L7.  Course this whole “lets get the young folks!” approach is obnoxious if not a little conceited on their part.  Their platform consists of undermining the inner-city/urban people.  How does playing some video games change their outlook on social safety net programs, first time college graduates, and generally stimulating the economy from the bottom up?


Michael Steele, you may save the democrats yet.  Keep up the good work.

Comment #27: Xeranar  on  02/17  at  02:59 AM

For those old enough to recall the ‘60s, remember how the media would pander to and insult youth culture almost simultaneously? Thanks to Michael Steele, we can see another generation go through that same experience.

Comment #28: mndean  on  02/17  at  03:20 AM

Oh!  Oh!  I hope they play Modern Warfare 2!  You know, the one where the player is defending the USA from the evil Rooskies (one level is actually called “Wolverines!”)!  Great conservative game!  Including the reveal that the whole thing was the result of a fanatical American general who caused a war resulting in the destruction of Washington DC, a huge death toll, and worldwide chaos because those damn politicians were too soft and not attacking America’s enemies first.

On second thought, maybe not that game.

Comment #29: KeithM  on  02/17  at  03:22 AM

Comment #29: KeithM:

Not to mention the game over quotes by Barbara Ehrenreich and Norman Thomas.

Comment #30: Gozer  on  02/17  at  05:12 AM

Oh geez, this is like when your dad tries to use slang words to be cool, or when your mom pretends to like Brittney Spears.  These things only make them more embarrassing.  The Republican party is basically the country’s cranky great-uncle, and by trying to be cool, they’re only embarrassing themselves further.

Comment #31: bananacat  on  02/17  at  12:31 PM

is X-Pac the wrestler who was on intervention last season?

Comment #32: John Rove  on  02/17  at  01:44 PM

Your 2nd paragraph seems to indicate you are speaking only to white people.  Seriously dude, “except that your mom knows more black people”; really?

Comment #33: helen w. h.  on  02/17  at  02:57 PM

Google XPAC and you get lots of pictures of scuzzball extraordinaire Sean Waltman.  No references to conservatism yet, though.

Comment #34: Ms Kate  on  02/17  at  03:45 PM

why does their graphic look like the capital is sinking/collapsing during a tidal wave?

Comment #35: Ms Kate  on  02/17  at  03:47 PM

For the conservative plan for America, one only need to picture one thing.

Imagine X-Pac’s crotch bouncing on a human face forever.

Comment #36: Cerberus  on  02/17  at  04:45 PM

X-Pac had the most disgusting finishing move in the history of the WWF. After clubbing/beating/slamming his opponent senseless he would set him in the corner and repeatedly jam his crotch into the unconscious wrestler’s face. That was supposed to be a submission move, if you get what I mean and I think you do.

IOW, XPac teabagged his opponents?

This gets better all the time.

Comment #37: jerry_101  on  02/17  at  05:53 PM

Imagine X-Pac’s crotch bouncing on a human face forever.

snort!

Comment #38: Kyso K  on  02/17  at  05:54 PM

MikeEss says:

“Next they’ll start spelling “conservative” with a backwards K or something.”
...or three of them…

LOL!!  And I’m sure they’ve got that whole ‘hood thing down, too.

Comment #39: CParis  on  02/17  at  06:42 PM

I’m still trying to figure out how somebody with such a meticulously crafted body could so repeatedly forget to wash his hair?  EWWWWW!

Comment #40: Ms Kate  on  02/17  at  06:44 PM
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