Why would anyone try to wake a baby that way? Blowing an air horn in a baby’s face is only good if it’s being an asshole. Everyone knows that.

Wait, you have to wake the baby? I thought you just let them sleep and then they wake up whenever they’re hungry or have shit themselves? Wow. I think I might need that book, then I remember I never want kids.

I bought this book for my (then) pregnant cousin a few months ago!  I was LOLing in the store.

My wife and I were chortling in our joy at those. Especially the airhorn and the baby in the shopping cart.

That dad drinking the breast milk is a total perv.  And do you notice how he seems to be sneaking a slurp when no one’s looking?  QED.

This one time I punched a baby in the face, but my defense the baby was being kind of a dick.

Can this be a Dead Baby joke thread? I vote yes.

I’ve seen the ‘holding the baby by the head’ image on onesies.  Unfortunately, mine were too big for onesies by then.

I love the baby in the fishbowl.

I like the “sippy cup/shotglass” image.

Would it be OK to put the baby in the fish tank if you gave it a little snorkel first?

@Left_Wing_Fox: Gozer’s line appears to have come from Penny Arcade, but I first heard it on The Daily Show.

I will find it difficult to top the best real-world example, found on a collapsible stroller we bought some nine years ago:
DO NOT FOLD STROLLER WITH CHILD INSIDE!

Another point, and an important one:
Picking up the baby by the head does NOT repeat NOT work!  You must, absolutely MUST first have the child taken to a bowling supply store and have correct-for-your-finger-size holes drilled in the child’s head.  THEN it works.

I was trying to get a picture the other day of my daughter eating. Cat food. On the floor, beside our cat, sharing her dish. Neither creature co-operated for that one, sadly. Am I a bad parent for that?

Wait, you have to wake the baby? I thought you just let them sleep and then they wake up whenever they’re hungry or have shit themselves?

Doesn’t everybody?

I don’t know Seeker, I can palm a basketball… I think most infants are probably within my grasp (as it were).

And then when they’re older you can start reading to them from Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book.

Ooh! I love Shel Silverstein’s books! I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong if I ordered that and read it to my kids! I mean, I have read so much of his stuff and everything he wrote is so appropriate for children. So I couldn’t go wrong.

(Yes, I am very much aware of his (amazing) stuff that was published in Playboy)

In my family of incorrigible breeders, this book is a given at every baby shower…which is weird, as fundies, you’d think they’d buy into the fetus cult with more gusto, I guess the Scandinavian part of the equation cancels it out.

Fishtank had me giggling, as did seeker’s stroller comment.

kac90b - My Aunt had convinced me when I was in Kgarten that my name was babo (pronounced babe-o) and I actually got in a fight when someone told me it wasn’t REALLY my name.

matthew, i don’t think that makes you a bad parent at all. my mom definitely has a photo of me as a baby, happily digging into the family cat’s food bowl, much to said cat’s displeasure.

I see nothing wrong with using a little booze to calm the baby!

When I was teething in the early 60s’, Grandmother Avenger recommended that my parents use paregoric to treat me for the pain, it was avaliable in Texas back then….....