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Okay, so this post is going up the day after the 88th anniversary of women gaining the right to vote. I guess I delayed saying anything because I didn’t have anything immediately clever or interesting to say outside of “Thank god it’s in the Constitution.” But upon reading Bitch PhD’s blog post about going to an equality-for-women party at the DNCC, I realized that “Thank god it’s in the Constitution” is sadly a profound thing to say.
Ah yes, feminists = baby killers. Tons of anti-abortion protesters outside the University Club protesting the “Women’s Equali-Tea” on Women’s Equality Day at the DNCC. Lots of cops, too, just in case any of us butch feministas decide to pop a protester in the mouth. (Kidding! I kid!) Actually, the protesters were by and large young, hip-looking women; whoever coordinated this particular protest was pretty savvy about appearances.
In other words, anti-choice protesters were protesting a party that was organized to celebrate women’s suffrage. It makes sense. The hard right wingers try to filter every objection they have to women’s rights through the abortion lens, because they know that bald protestations against women’s basic rights tend to go over poorly. (Except for some reason, the Title IX whiners don’t feel any need to hide their agenda.) But with the fancy new “everything’s abortion” argument, I expect we’ll start seeing some creative inroads against arguing against other rights for women.
I mean, if you can buy that not getting pregnant in the first place is actually an abortion,* then why not expand the definition even further to start chipping away at other feminist gains and ideas?
*Votes for women are totally abortion. Look, the only reason that abortion is legal is because women became a voting bloc whose opinions mattered politically. There’s exactly no way we’d have Roe v Wade if we didn’t have the 19th amendment.
*Equal pay for equal work? Abortion. If women have more money, they’re just going to buy abortions. It’s like giving a kid a bigger allowance---they’ll just buy more candy with it. Except for abortions.
*Title IX? Of course it’s abortion. All that running and jumping around that female athletes do makes the womb inhospitable, which is abortion. Also, Title IX ensures equal funding for academics. Girls who think hard have less uterine lining. I read that somewhere, probably an 19th century “medical” textbook. Anyway, we know that teenage girls who participate in sports have a lower pregnancy rate. If a teenage womb goes empty, that’s abortion.
*Do I even need to spell out how feminist opposition to rape and other forms of violence against women are abortion? You start putting the idea in women’s heads that they own their own bodies and no one can fuck those bodies or beat them without their permission, and they’re going to draw the logical conclusion---they have a right to own their own bodies, therefore a right to abortion.
*Sexual harassment laws are abortion. A Russian judge told me. No, seriously. If women start to get hostile and unwelcoming towards demeaning sexual harassment at work, their wombs become hostile and unwelcoming to male seed. Which is abortion. Science and some random thing someone scribbled on a condom package once says so.
*Not taking your husband’s name is abortion. If you guys have different names and you get pregnant, there will be a struggle over what to name the kid, and so of course, abortion will be the only solution in our cold, feminist world.
*Sharing the housework equally with a man is abortion. If he has to scrub things, it weakens his sperm. And so any zygotes created are weak and may not make it, which is abortion.
Make up your own!
*Wouldn’t it have been cool if they’d made up a pseudo-scientific argument about how condoms mess with the space-time continuum, turning already fertilized eggs unfertilized by bending time with latex. If you’re going to just make up the science, like they did with the whole “the pill is abortion” thing, why not at least make it cool and interesting?
Posted by
Amanda Marcotte on 07:12 AM •
Permalink
*Failing to have sex with that NiceGuy (tm) b/c he deserves it is abortion.
Refusing to respond to catcalls on the street is abortion. It’s evolution, baby!
Why are you blogging when you could be getting knocked up? Abortion!
I think the most obvious is:
Opposing forced, ahem I mean arranged, marriages for young girls is abortion. If the young girls don’t have a protective parent impregnating them, then they are aborting potential babies (as they do every 28 or so days, the evil witches) and allowing precious sperm to be wasted. To say nothing of the fact that they might start having sex with unqualified boys their own age, leading to possible contraceptive use or even abortion.
QED BITCHES!
And in answer to the last question, they can’t make up cool science because they have only the most limited creativity. It happens when the whole of your brain is dedicated to disapproving of other people’s lives.
It’s much simpler than that. Women getting the vote, or any power at all, is castration. Which is abortion.
In other words, anti-choice protesters were protesting a party that was organized to celebrate women’s suffrage.
But just remember, the anti-choice movement has nothing whatsoever to do with oppressing women. It’s just about the itty-bitty babies.
[/concern troll]
Remember when the anti-choice people were like “Susan B. Anthony was against abortion!”
Yeah. Good times.
Female bloggers discussing feminism is abortion.
Feminism is abortion…
Female orgasm is abortion…
Joining the Democratic Party is abortion…
Woman getting a job: Before marriage okay, after marriage it’s abortion…
Loving your daughters as much as your sons (or more) is abortion…
Sending your daughter to college is abortion…
Not voting to exclude GLBT people from marriage is abortion…
Using the Internet for anything more than a source of recipes is abortion…
Using a library is abortion…
Driving anything other than a minivan stuffed with your offspring is abortion…
Not voting for John McCain is abortion…
My wife informed me that anti-abortion Bob Casey (as in repealing Roe v. Wade) was chosen to speak on Hillary’s speech night as well as on the anniversary of Woman’s Suffrage. She considers it too much tilting (I say slouching) toward a segment of the population that will never vote Democratic and that it’s dangerous pandering that undermines the Democratic Party’s own core pro-choice principles, and that she’s concerned Obama, whom she supported since his 2004 speech, doesn’t quite get that women’s rights are inalienable and even civil rights.
She’s very energized about this and is actively writing and contacting many people, bloggers and politicians, across the country to help rally support for assertively espousing the core principle of women’s inalienable rights, including rights to their own bodies.
I’m totally admiring and proud of her and celebrate the Waking Giant that is American women in general.
Dammit, this is what happens when you let people define abortion for themselves. Stupid HHS.
Pregnancy is abortion because you’re denying your womb to other unborn children’s souls!
Abstinence is abortion! Teenagers are sexually mature, & when they’re abstinent, all their sperm & eggs go to waste!
Larry, I saw Casey’s speech last night, and I don’t think he mentioned anything even remotely reproductive health oriented, at all (even any of this stuff!). They may have let him speak, but they didn’t let him talk about abortion, and they also have not in any way caved to the demands of anti-choice Dems in the official Dem platform.
While I don’t love Bob Casey, Jr, and I think it sends kind of a shit message that they put him on last night, of all nights, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a policy that anyone who is anti-choice is never allowed to speak at the Democratic convention. Not that I want a bunch of anti-choice Dems, or want to promote them in any way, I just think that it would give way too much fuel to their movement if the Dems actively “censored” them. Which you know is what they’d call it. I mean, we’re still dealing with open wounds from Casey’s father not getting to speak back in ‘92, for reasons that, I believe had nothing to do with his stance on abortion.
Oh, and to bring it back on topic: Dating before marriage, and/or any protosexual activity like kissing, hugging, holding hands, touching, or being alone in the same room before marriage is OBVIOUSLY abortion!
Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (from the Bitch PhD link)
She just dodged a bullet: Two women challenged her in the August primary, thinking they could capitalize on her (Detroit Mayor) son Kwame’s legal troubles.
In re Bob Casey and others like him: I think there’s a particular species of politician from states with large conservative areas, who feels that it would be difficult to get elected were he not to make anti-choice mouth noises. Some of them are probably even correct in thinking this. I think you have to look at a guy like Casey and ask yourself whether he’s ever actually going to do anything about supporting anti-choice legislation, or whether it’s just mouth noises.
There’s a place for people like him in the Dem party: they make it possible for people who really do oppose abortion rights because they really do believe in the precious little baybeez to vote Dem because the Dem party is marginally better at providing people with an actual life. As long as we have a Dem majority, anti-choice bills aren’t going to make it out of committee, anyway, so having people like Casey around, odious and counterintuitive as this may seem, may actually increase Dem majorities and make it more difficult for anti-choice legislation to reach the floor.
Long-term, o’course, it’s better to gradually make abortion just one expression of a concern for personal autonomy.
Masturbation is abortion. If you’re going to get off, you need to have a baby.
Owning pets is abortion. Caring for, feeding, and cleaning up after an animal? You should be doing that to a baby!
Having hobbies is abortion—when you game, cook, camp, trek, canoe, or do anything recreationally, you’re spending precious hours that could have been spent trying to get knocked up on something else. Abortion!
Being born a girl is abortion—if you’re not able to produce sperm, which is a baby, then you’re destroying life.
This is fun!
Having single births is abortion because you could have had twins if your uterus was sufficiently godly.
Damn it! annejumps beat me too it:)
But menstruation is abortion. All that fluid is going to waste when you could have/should have been knocked up. And you could have been knocked up but didn’t know it and just let your body menstruate anyway.
(sorry if that’s a repeat)
Providing education and supplies so that your kids can have safe sex if they choose to have sex is abortion. Doubly so if they just say “ohhhhkay ... ummm ... ohhhhkay” and then pass them on to sexually active friends.
Doubly so if they just say “ohhhhkay ... ummm ... ohhhhkay” and then pass them on to sexually active friends.
Don’t say “fuck,” say mmmmkay!
-----
Being a P.O.W. is abortion.
Rock and roll is abortion. The chase scene in A Hard Day’s Night alone is responsible for the demise of uncounted thousands of innocent womb babies.
This is science, people! It has something to do with hormones and oxytocin, and things and stuff.
Thinking about that, W, is going to make me laugh all day.
Abortion is abortion!
Wait, I think I suck at this.
*Getting out of bed is abortion. Every minute you spend out of bed is a minute you could be spending getting knocked up.
*Ovaries are abortion! Not every one of those eggs could be a child, therefore your ovaries are abortive by NATURE.
*Natural vaginal lubrication is abortion! Some of the sperm could slip and bump their heads and die in your vagina!
Women working outside the home is abortion, because you have to put shoes on and it makes it less likely that you will get pregnant.
Menopause is also abortion. Thus the huge baby boomer conspiracy is now coming to non-fruition.
I can’t afford any of the fancy new apartments on Kate Sheppard Place. Not only is this financial abortion, it is directly the fault of the so-called “women’s suffrage” movement, a movement dedicated to suppressing men’s rights to good apartments.
Also, my bank account could do with a good stiff dose of monetary Viagra, but will this socialist, female-headed government help out? NO!!! So much for equality in the health system.
But just remember, the anti-choice movement has nothing whatsoever to do with oppressing women. It’s just about the itty-bitty babies.
[/concern troll]
Shouldn’t you be worrying less about protests of your events and more about all those African/Asian/etc. women in poor countries who never get to vote?
[/concern troll]
Family planning is abortion, because you should have been pregnant already.
being queer is of course the biggest fucking abortion on earth, cos if you aren’t doin it with the opposite sex there is no way at all you’ll get pregnant.
“Female orgasm is abortion…” Holy crap Mike! You are so right on dude. I would never have thought about this. You so saved so many of my babies. Orgasm causes uterus contractions crushing totally innocent zygotes whose mothers can’t even hear thier screams. The filthy whores. Female orgasm is so abortion.
“Orgasm causes uterus contractions crushing totally innocent zygotes whose mothers can’t even hear thier screams”
The “history” of the female orgasm is one of those really fascinating/sad things. There have been times when it was thought to be necessary for fertilization, so it was important. There have been times when they (the patriarchy) denied it even existed. Very weird.
All I know is we’ve always been at war with Eastasia…
*cupcakes - when women eat chocolate, they experience the same type of chemical brain reaction that happens during orgasm so women who eat cupcake when they could be getting nailed = abortion!
MikeEss:
By your definition, I’ve already had several abortions. And I’m a guy!
Who knew? All the more reason to fight for freedom of choice, I suppose.
Like many other citizens of this nation, I was shocked to learn that the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States of America would make the kind of statements that were made to Mr. Tom Brokaw of NBC-TV on… August 24....
What the Speaker had to say about theologians and their positions regarding abortion was not only misinformed; it was also, and especially, utterly incredible in this day and age.
We are blessed in the 21st century with crystal-clear photographs and action films of the living realities within their pregnant mothers. No one with the slightest measure of integrity or honor could fail to know what these marvelous beings manifestly, clearly, and obviously are, as they smile and wave into the world outside the womb.
In simplest terms, they are human beings with an inalienable right to live, a right that the Speaker… is bound to defend at all costs for the most basic of ethical reasons. They are not parts of their mothers, and what they are depends not at all upon the opinions of theologians of any faith.
Anyone who dares to defend that they may be legitimately killed because another human being “chooses” to do so or for any other equally ridiculous reason should not be providing leadership in a civilized democracy worthy of the name.
~ Statement by Edward Cardinal Egan
“No one with the slightest measure of integrity or honor could fail to know what these marvelous beings manifestly, clearly, and obviously are, as they smile and wave into the world outside the womb.”
Too bad actual grown women can’t smile or wave—maybe then Cardinal Egan would find them worthy of the same human rights as undeveloped embryos.
“No one with the slightest measure of integrity or honor could fail to know what these marvelous beings manifestly, clearly, and obviously are, as they smile and wave into the world outside the womb.”
OMG - I turned my computer off on a game of the Sims a few nights ago, thus killing a dozen marvelous beings!
Acknowledging the existence of abortions is.... Abortion!!!
Ovaries are abortion! Not every one of those eggs could be a child, therefore your ovaries are abortive by NATURE.
Please, let’s stick to the science here. Only sperm are pre-born babies. To suggest otherwise would mean that women play some kind of important role in pregnancy, and we know that’s not true. That’s why a woman isn’t considered pregnant until the second a man ejaculates into her: at that moment, she’s beautifully full of thousands of tiny long-tailed babies.
Sadly, even if the woman didn’t use abortion-causing contraception, most of these babies are soon rejected by her crazy, life-hating female body so it can bring just one to term. Therefore, being pregnant is abortion.
Seriously, although I know the religious right has been pushing for a long time to redefine contraception (especially forms of contraception that women control) as abortion, the whole effort bugs the hell out of me. Thanks to my Catholic upbringing, I grew up hearing all the standard anti-contraception bullshit. It doesn’t help anyone and it needs to stop. Modern contraception is one of the greatest inventions in human history, along with fire, plumbing, and the card swipes at the gas station that let you pay without leaving your car.
Please, let’s stick to the science here. Only sperm are pre-born babies. To suggest otherwise would mean that women play some kind of important role in pregnancy, and we know that’s not true. That’s why a woman isn’t considered pregnant until the second a man ejaculates into her: at that moment, she’s beautifully full of thousands of tiny long-tailed babies.
Van Leeuwenhoek was right!
No one with the slightest measure of integrity or honor could fail to know what these marvelous beings manifestly, clearly, and obviously are, as they smile and wave into the world outside the womb.
LOLFetus? Is it taken already?
BobK, you probably think you’re helping your cause by allowing statements like that out into the wild, but you’re really not.
Shaenon, that’s blasphemy.
You didn’t mention ziploc bags in your “best inventions in human history” list.
For shame.
Also, re BobK—seriously, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m pretty sure I read in the fine print on McCain’s websites that they don’t give out Troll Points if you just copy and pasted something from a Chick tract.
BobK, you probably think you’re helping your cause by allowing statements like that out into the wild, but you’re really not.
Which is why I think, until he becomes totally useless, we should continue to be “educated” by BobK, so that people can see the crazy.
Anyone who dares to defend that they may be legitimately killed because another human being “chooses” to do so or for any other equally ridiculous reason should not be providing leadership in a civilized democracy worthy of the name.
Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle! Thistle!
“Thistle!”
????
Pelosi clearly misstated the Catholic view of this issue. Why can’t she just say, “bullshit, I disagree”? Why does she need to pretend that the Catholic Church agrees with her?
I am an ardent believer in the Reformation, so I have no sympathy for the Catholic view of, well, anything, but I can’t understand the people who want to say that they are Catholic but not agree with the Catholic view of the world. Why can’t they just have the courage to stop being Catholic if their rigid, male-dominated, etc. church takes positions with which they disagree? The Catholic church demands that you agree with them to be a member, so if you disagree, then quit!!! There is wonderful precedent for that:
Ich stehe hier. Ich kann nicht anders.
So now, not only are the fetii babeezzzzzzzz, but they’re omniscient as well? I mean, waving out into the world?
Also, I always heard that when a baby smiles, it’s gas.
Paul won the thread, and no one noticed.
I am an ardent believer in the Reformation, so I have no sympathy for the Catholic view of, well, anything, but I can’t understand the people who want to say that they are Catholic but not agree with the Catholic view of the world.
Here’s the subtlety that you may miss: people like Bill Donohue who supposedly “defend” the true Catholic Church are just as much cafeteria Catholics as those who are pro-choice. Donohue spends a huge amount of time picking and choosing which parts of Catholicism he will pay attention to and which parts he will discard.
It’s always fun to point out that the people who scream the loudest about the heretics in their midst are usually heretics themselves.
In the past, troll posts were replaced with videos of Thistle the Bunny romping in her garden.
Oh, and did you know that BREATHING is abortion? Yep, airborne pollutants are increasingly linked with adverse birth outcomes.
Of course this implies that women should stop driving to work and live only in unpolluted areas, naturally.
The “history” of the female orgasm is one of those really fascinating/sad things. There have been times when it was thought to be necessary for fertilization, so it was important.
Even when it was thought to be necessary for fertilization, a significant part of that was the corollary that getting pregnant implied consent to sex (because
a) no pregnancy without orgasm and
b) no orgasm without consent). So if you got claimed you’d been raped, but you got pregnant, clearly you were lying.
So not lying back and enjoying it
= abortion.
The Catholic church demands that you agree with them to be a member, so if you disagree, then quit!!! There is wonderful precedent for that
Ultimately, as an elected official, she has a secular duty to democracy, the constitution, and to her constituency that transcends her personal beliefs, her five children, etc. in any official act of her office. Why the Catholic Church thinks they get to trump that or dictate that, I don’t know.
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*Failing to have sex with that NiceGuy (tm) b/c he deserves it is abortion.