The next stage of evolutionary psychology has arrived—-the bullshit marketing scheme stage. As a part-time skeptic,* I’m always amused by the intersection of malarkey and “as seen on TV”-style marketing schemes, and so I was doubly pleased to see the malarkey that is evo psych theorizing about how women’s inferiority goes back to the caveman days has reached its full potential as an advertising strategy. (Via.) True, the client is not As Seen On TV, but the Manchester Arndale shopping centre, a minor step up the class ladder to equal evo psych’s media-granted prestige earned through the gloss of sexism, which makes everything classier. Well, let’s get to the quoting:
Dr David Holmes, of Manchester Metropolitan University, said skills that were learnt as cavemen and women were now being used in shops.
He said: “Gatherers sifted the useful from things that offered them no sustenance, warmth or comfort with a skill that would eventually lead to comfortable shopping malls and credit cards.
“In our evolutionary past, we gathered in caves with fires at the entrance.
“We repeat this in warm shopping centres where we can flit from store to store without braving the icy winds.”
Dr. Holmes used non-gendered language, but the paper corrected his error by indicating in the headlines that this bullshit only applies to women. As we all “know”, cavemen didn’t do things like dust their caves or gather or cook—-they were too busy hunting, which resembled pushing papers in the office for a paycheck to a degree that you wouldn’t initially suspect, unless you were an evolutionary psychologist.
Being, as I am oft-accused, extremely anti-science because I don’t whole-heartedly accept “studies” about feminine inferiority, I suppose the immediate and obvious objections that came to my mind are just further evidence that I reject the theory of evolution and probably of gravity, despite not doing so. Nonetheless, here is my immediate thought: Women didn’t wander far from the entrance of the cave to gather? Fascinating. Being horribly anti-science, I can’t help but point out that the amount of supplies that you could get gathering just outside a cave entrance wouldn’t sustain you for more than a day. I also have to point out, as someone who has minor experience not just living in the world but gardening, that a lot of edible plants need something called “sunshine” that’s often hard to get in and around caves. But of course, we know that women were
created
evolved to stay at home, and so we have to assume that cavewomen didn’t wander far, and all the other problems with that theory must be dismissed.
Okay, he claims we flitted cave to cave, due to delicate feminine constitution, no doubt. I’m sure they did it while giggling and in high heels, too. Certainly moving from cave to cave wasn’t done as a migratory pattern, because ladies flit, they don’t move with determination. No, people didn’t move—-lady cavepeople just flitted about, grabbing Prada from this cave and Calvin Klein from that. (Prada for warmth, Klein for sustenance.)
I’m curious to know what kind of study they commissioned with what kind of data collection, because right now it appears that they just paid someone with a PhD to make shit up. Of course, evo psych has been on about that for forever, so it was just a matter of time before marketers saw the potential—-if you can make something up and call it science because of the sexist content and the thin veneer of authority granted by doctorate degrees, why not go whole hog? There’s so many modern behaviors that sexists believe inherent to all women that make someone money. Why stop at shopping? Evo psych has real growth potential as a bullshit marketing device. Why not explain that our cavewoman ancestors made fashion magazines irresistible? And that we can’t help but sit patiently by the phone hoping some asshole will call because we evolved to? And that we evolved to go nuts over the color white, which explains and mandates all bridezilla behavior? Perhaps we evolved a need to wear high heels and miniskirts. You could really do this all day.
*Since I’m going to The Amazing Meeting this year, I think I get to be official.
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“We repeat this in warm shopping centres where we can flit from store to store without braving the icy winds.”
Want to hear the best part?
Apparently shopping malls are closing at unprecedented rates. The era of the indoor shopping center is over.
Which means that evolution supposedly caused us to seek out “warm shopping centres where we can flit from store to store without braving the icy winds” for all of 40 years. A blink of an eye, in evolutionary terms.
I also love that we apparently “evolved” to want to be indoors all the time, when the bottom line is that it’s probably only in the last century that such a thing was even an option for more than a tiny fraction of the most elite sector of society, in the most temperate climates, with the most sophisticated building techniques.