So what happens if you wear swimming trunks instead of underwear?  Bikinis instead of underwear (assuming they’re being gender-neutral in their “OMGTheButtux!!!”)?

What happens if you wear pants printed flesh coloured with underwear?  What happens if you wear them flesh coloured all the way?  Anatomically correctly printed even?

Oh, the possibilities to screw around with this…

Louisiana did this a few years ago.

It’s basically a blank check to arrest black people for, um, Existing While Black.

In other news, this post is a lovely coincidence, because today is the day that I officially became an old fart:  I went into a shop earlier today, noticed that one of the sales associates was wearing his pants a la the illustration at center, and thought, “Omigod, man, just pull up your pants already!”  I was wondering how he managed to stand around in the store without them just falling down around his ankles.  I then questioned whether he actually worked there or was just a customer in the store, and when it was revealed that he did, in fact, work there, I thought, “that’s not very professional attire, now, is it?”

btw when I say I questioned whether he worked there, I mean internally to myself, not in an obnoxious old fart type way.

This chart, while informative,  leaves questions unanswered.  When I was in hi-skool, I had this crazy friend who came to school one day weaing a pair of boxer shorts outside his pants.  I wonder how the Flint Police would charge him, aggravated mopery or what.  And what about if I got to Flint and I wear a pair of underpants on my head, as a hat?  I gotta bald spot, you know, and I don’t want to end up with skin cancer.

Maybe it’s because I’m mostly around adults, but I didn’t know The Kids were still wearing their pants like that.  The fad seems to have mostly died down out here in LA, though Uggs and shorts is still going strong.

I can’t wait until this law gets challenged and some court has to address the question of where exactly the buttocks begin.

Whiggers still wear their pants like this. Which is why I think police brutality is acceptable in this instance.

I am in love with Sirkowski! Every time he/she says something, it cracks me up and it’s oh-so-close to what I was secretly thinking. If I had an alter-ego, I would want Sirk.

Wait, how come there’s not a corresponding diagram outlining the criminal offenses associated with varying degrees of low-rise pants/thong interrelationships? I still see the occasional white chick exposing her thong strings and the attendant buttock flesh.

Several years back, I saw three guys pushing their broken-down van across a big intersection. At any given moment, two guys were pushing while one was hoisting his pants back up—and they rotated roles. It was absofuckinglutely hilarious. (And did not violate any Chicago ordinances.)

The center and right examples look like they would need suspenders.

I want a rule against too-tight pants worn by fat people in such a manner as to produce buttock-like bulge above the pantwaist and above the actual butt. Double-butt people should be hauled to a big-and-tall store and made to buy clothes that fit - after all, there are plenty of fat people who look good and dress well.

And jail time, or the illustration is lying to me.

While you can get jail time for disorderly ocnduct or indecent exposure, I’d doubt very much you’d get it for this type of disordrly conduct or indecent exposure, absent some really aggravating circumstances.

I want a zoot suit. :D

And NancyP, I’d like to add that there should be some sort of subsection on this ordinance for Quadra-Boob and other foundation garment nightmares.  Especially those women who seriously misjudge their bust size when buying an empire waist top, so that the cups of the top sit inches above their actual bustline.  Do Not Want.

You know, I’ve always fantasized about a city actually creating an official Fashion Police law enforcement division.  But I always thought it would be some fashionista city like Miami or Hollywood that would pioneer such an effort.  Who knew it would start in Flint?

I’m not even sure why boxer shorts are borderline obscene.  I mean, they’re exactly the same as shorts - the whole fashion really isn’t that different from wearing an undershirt with an open button-down.

A warning for illustration one??  Seriously, I don’t know what planet these cops are from, but that’s how everyone’s pants sit.  When I, as a woman, were boxers as underwear, they show out the top of all my pants, cause, you know, I wear girl pants, and those sit low, whiles boxers with their elastic waists, naturally seek out the narrowest part of me waist. 

Also, what about bra straps??

Especially those women who seriously misjudge their bust size when buying an empire waist top, so that the cups of the top sit inches above their actual bustline.  Do Not Want.

You think you Do Not Want?  Try being a D-cup and a size 10 top, which means that all breast seams (including empire seams) hit you mid-nipple.  Either that, or you have to hike the top so low to get the seam in the right place that you end up exposing your whole boob anyway.  Gah.  Why is everything made for A-cupped 15-year-olds?

I guess pretty soon no one is going to be able to have any plumbing work done.

This is particularly sad because Flint has so many other pressing problems, but not really surprising. Outside a few fairly large enclaves, Michigan is way full of body-hating pervs.

It’s revenge for all the mocking we members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee got growing up.  We secretly bought out the fashion industry and petulantly decided to punish those with breasts because we don’t have them.  I only say this to you because I realized that I couldn’t, in good conscience, continue to blame my better-endowed sisters for my aerodynamics any longer.

AHA!  I KNEW IT!!!

Oppomax hits the nail on the head wrt the racial overtones of the baggy pants ban.

Disparaging references to droopy pants the functional equivalent of cracks about nappy hair.

Amanda, don’t go airing the Itty Bitty Titty Committee’s (small) dirty laundry! We’ve got to think about operational security.

“Disparaging references to droopy pants the functional equivalent of cracks about nappy hair.”

Oh come on, now. One you are born with, and the other a belt can fix.

“...and that kid with his pants down low is harming you how, exactly?”

Hee hee, gotta love the undertones of that sentence.

But aside from the criminal aspects of dropping one’s pants (which are pretty minimal as far as I can see), I think it’s sloppy and unprofessional. I would not dress with my ass hanging half way out of my pants, and I expect the same consideration from those with whom I interact professionally.

There is a sexual dimension to someone’s underwear, and I don’t know someone’s favorite ginch colors before I know their first name. Save it for your girlfriend.

Seriously, foucault, I’m sure there are times when people of good will earnestly discuss nappy hair out of pure tonsorial interest. But outside of barbers’ trade publications, when people bring up nappy hair, it’s usually to invoke a specific and upsetting subtext. Same with gripes about baggy pants.

Now, now, let’s not call the Flint police racists. After all, the man depicted is clearly blue. /sarcasm

I don’t know… I agree that a lot of people of color wear baggy pants, but so do a lot of white people.
I guess nappy hair can be created on white people with the help of a hairdresser, but baggy pants are not exclusively a racial trademark, not genetic predisposition but ugly fashion.

And actually, on guys who are really skinny, the look is SO much more offensive because you know this is a flasher in the park waiting to happen.

I have the same reaction to white girls who go to work in their freaking lingerie! It’s unprofessional and distracting, although at least most women who wear lingerie have the good sense to wear something beneath it.

Tattoos. Another of my pet peeves. I was in Albany the other day and this fifty year old man is waiting at the bus-stop. I ask him when the bus comes, only to notice he has a THIRD EYE tattooed on his forehead! “What teh fuck!” I say to myself. Is this guy a moron? How can anyone hire this clown knowing they will need to see his third eye everyday?? And then he gets off the bus and I notice he has a spiderweb tattooed on his bald spot. I know, I know, I am too mean to live, but it was hideous!

Why can’t people just dress with all of their asses covered?

“Amanda, don’t go airing the Itty Bitty Titty Committee’s (small) dirty laundry! We’ve got to think about operational security.”

I’m waiting for some random preacher to start ranting about the Itty Bitty Titty Agenda.  Which would be, well, I’m not sure what exactly,  but possibly involving the creation of a flat-chested teletubby. 

Hang on - is going outside with just boxers on illegal?

Yes, I’m a woman. And yes, I agree that baggy pants should not be criminal, unless used to conceal weapons or to reveal one’s deviant sexual intentions.

But they are still fucking homely looking, no pun on homey intended. I don’t care who wears them, they make guys look like they took a dump before they could find the nearest bathroom.

Almost every jerkwad I see with the ass-pants is white white oh so white.

OTOH, as a friend of mine said as I gritted my teeth at the sight of some meatpile alternately grabbing at his waistband and his ‘junk’, “Dude, if they piss you off, they win.”

(If gangsta rappers are so butch, why do they keep checking if their johnson is still there?)

Foucault, my mother’s boyfriend seems to have taken the average of that guy you saw - he has an eye tattooed on his bald spot.  And it is AWESOME.  (Except when you’re sitting behind him in a car or on a plane, because then it’s like he’s looking at you over the back of the seat.)

I’m sure some people would find that scandalous, or just really weird and disgusting.  (Ok, it is really weird.  But also AWESOME.)  And those people might dismiss him out of hand as a gross and freaky old moron.  And that would be too bad for them, because he’s an amazing guy.

I’m not bothered the slightest bit by guys wearing low-hanging pants with their boxers showing.  This is because one night I was at the emergency vet and there was a guy wearing low-hanging pants with his tightie-whities showing.  And those provide significantly more ass-definition than boxers ever could.  And these were very low pants.

Is there a professional exemption for plumbers and others wearing “professional” tool belts that result in the infraction on the far right?

And, um, officer ...WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH TIME STARING AT MY SONS’ ASSES?

OK OK for what it’s worth, I thought my freaky friend in upstate NY was a very nice guy. We talked for at least ten minutes on the bus, and he seemed friendly and personable and pretty interesting. So I didn’t discriminate against him for his third eye, although I can imagine interview situations where a conservative person might think he was a nutball.

Lucky for him, he is studying to become something that does not require a lot of person-to-person interaction. I just think that body language makes a strong impression, and the ways in which one adorns their body conveys a lot of social information.

Ass-pants, I don’t know. I mean, mostly it’s young men who wear them and they’ll grow out of it. But I think in general one should try to imagine how they will feel when they’re sixty before they undergo radical body makeovers such as tattoos. Even small ones like Ashley Dupre’s (she the happy hooker, remember) are suddenly viewed as the hermeneutic tools to one’s soul when you become famous.

“I used protection” is I think what her’s said.

Imagine an ass tattoo? I wonder how much time you would get for flashing THAT to a cop?

The only security issue I can see with baggy pants is when high schools ban them because they are used to conceal contraband. 

The only time I see them is on the white, black, hispanic, and Asian kids taking the bus to the High School near my place of work.  They typically loosen their belts and hike them down while waiting for the bus, ride the bus with undies out, then tighten the belts and hike them up as they walk to school.

Kind of funny, that.  They generally keep them in line when adults are around, then drop them to signify “own time”.  I have also seen them, one block from the high school, doing the drop downs en masse after school.

Message: KID THING!  I don’t think it is any more “revealing” than the girls wearing three layers of tops, the top two being too revealing to wear alone.

I want a rule against too-tight pants worn by fat people in such a manner as to produce buttock-like bulge above the pantwaist and above the actual butt. Double-butt people should be hauled to a big-and-tall store and made to buy clothes that fit - after all, there are plenty of fat people who look good and dress well.

First they came for the male whiggers showing buttcrack, and I said nothing, because I wasn’t a male whigger, and, besides, I don’t like whiggers much either.

Then they came for the teenage female hotties showing whale-tail, and I said nothing, because I was not a teenage female hottie, and besides they reminded me how much I missed being young.

And then they came for we fat people with our clothing too tight.  So I sat on them.

Heh.  I wore a lot of inappropriate things when I was a teen…  I would have been THRILLED if someone passed a law against it - I would have felt so awesomely rebellious. 

Foucault, seriously - railing against tattoos, ass-pants and skimpy girls clothes in 2008?  And since when do we all have to dress “professionally” all the time anyway?  What if we’re not professionals?  Or not at work?  Or just don’t care for such a stifling and outdated standard of dress?

MY pet peeve is the thousand-and-one terms we’ve come up with for each specific flaw in women’s bodies that’s revealed by how she’s dressed.  “Saddle Bags”, “Muffin Top”, “Quadra Boob”, “Whale Tail”, these words make me want to acquire an eating disorder and burqua, not necessarily in that order.

And FYI, they’re incredibly triggering to those of us who’ve struggled with anorexia/bulimia.

They actually don’t make empire waisted tops that sit below a DDD/F/G bustline (depending on which bra company you ask).  Not even if you go a size up so that the rest of the garment looks like a tent.  Wouldn’tya just know it, every fucking top out there right now is an empire waisted top.  Seriously, note to the fashion industry, DO NOT WANT.

I’ll gladly trade in my quadra boob for two distinct boobs when they start making G cup bras less than $20.  Until then, be happy I don’t “adjust myself” in public like a dude.

I’m surprized that baggy pants are still in—I wore them when I was in high school (10+ years back).  I don’t see what at all is offensive about them.  The police are apparently trying to control people by controlling their wardrobes—didn’t work for my parents when I was 16, surely won’t work for the people of Flint.  I just grew out of it when I started to work and date—and no longer needed to rebel.

It does make me laugh that Flint is the first city to have official fashion police.

Perhaps we can look forward to video of a SWAT raid on Plumber’s Union, Local 98 in Detroit.

You might say “they’d never be THAT dumb, the cops and politicians would never get a leaky pipe fixed, ever again!”.  True, but remember: they’re dumb enough to launch a pre-emptive strike on the Baggy Pants War, so there really is no telling just how far into the dumb they can go.

Why can’t people just dress with all of their asses covered?

And why can’t you kids get off my damn lawn?

They actually don’t make empire waisted tops that sit below a DDD/F/G bustline .... Until then, be happy I don’t “adjust myself” in public like a dude.

Ha! They don’t even *really* make them for C-cups. Or at least not for C-cups who don’t feel like flashing their bosses some nip.

It’s been at least ten years since I could find clothing that fit my boobs without being from the plus-size section (and hence at least 6 sizes too big everywhere else) And so I’m begrudgingly abandoning my anti-plastic surgery stance. I’m taking the girls down, permanently.

And foucault’s just gonna have to avert her curmudgeonly old eyes around me. Tats, baggy things, probably quadraboob here and there…it’s like I’m both an Unacceptable Boy and an Unacceptable Girl. Horrors!

I saw at least three teenaged girls on the bus today who fit figure #3… Kids these days, what is the world coming to, et cetera et cetera.

I’m not even sure why boxer shorts are borderline obscene.

Hey, bloomers can be obscene when worn as undergarments.

Do they make any truly functional bras that cost less than $20?  Because I stopped bothering years ago when I realized it was highway robbery to pay $35 for half a yard of fabric run though with bits of steel I don’t need.need.

Of course, 5 years later, the girls are begging for mercy and I’m on the verge of losing my IBTC membership card (you will NEVER get that toaster back, ladies, so don’t even bother to come round for it!)

BTW, to clarify, I’m fully aware of all the reasons for both ‘fashion faux pas’ I mentioned—that was part of the joke, the idea that we should go around making arbitrary sartorial preferences into statute. 

Though joking aside, I have often wondered why women who do the ill-fitting empire waist thing don’t just look into a different kind of shirt.  There are a great many styles of clothing I can’t carry off because my body just doesn’t work well with that particular cut.  My solution is generally to try to find something else that fits, rather than force myself into whatever the fashion plate item of the moment is.

If you can find a store that sells anything but the “fashion plate of the moment,” then you’re several steps ahead of me.
Part of the problem is that I’m only 26, so if I shop at more “conservative” stores (meaning, anything stodgier than Ann Taylor, which is only selling HALTER TOPS this season) I look like I’m a child playing dress-up in mommy’s 1980s work clothes.
Of course this would all be moot if i could afford to pay the cost of a garment twice over and have it tailored. but that ain’t gonna happen on my income, either.

I don’t know someone’s favorite ginch colors before I know their first name. Save it for your girlfriend.

And yet, you imagine that everyone wants to hear your personal feelings about fashion.

Amanda: it’s revenge for all the mocking we members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee got growing up.

Goodness, I wish I’d grown up there. Needing C cups as a teenager made me the official cow. B already made you uncool, but you could still strap down to look androgynous. C? No way.

Not having any interest in anything that could be remotely considered feminine was the only way to pass. With A cups you could like knitting without getting mocked.

Historical note, women have worn pants far longer than the US minihisotry would have you believe.  Try China…you may use Google.

I like wiggers and wannabes wearing pants this way because they fall down when trying to outrun me.  Disparity in age, you see. 

Flint may have an actual gang problem.  Not the fake-bake one of the rural and suburbs where wiggers give Crip and Blood sign at the same time.  The real deal.  This is one way of rousting problems.

You’d think the police would want to encourage the wearing of baggy pants. Seems like every episode of ‘Cops’ features a fleeing criminal who gets tripped up by his own drawers. I’m waiting for the first incident of a felonious emo kid who gets apprehended because all the hair hanging in his eyes causes him to knock himself out on a streetsign.

When I was in high school, the style was for girls to wear men’s Levis long enough to cover their feet and drag on the ground. That way, we could go barefoot in places where shoes were required. We also kept giant, ass-bruising combs in our back pockets at all times. We annoyed adults with our continual, contextually incorrect usage of the phrase ‘sitting there’. As in, ‘I was sittin’ there walking down the street.’ Adolescents like to do weird things that annoy the grups.

It is odd how long the baggy pants thing has stayed—the first generation of baggy-pantsers now has children old enough to wear their own baggy pants. I saw the most extreme examples in the early 90s—kids hobbling along with their belts just above their knees, shirts tucked in, pants pooled around their giant, untied sneakers. That look made high heels and control-top hose look almost comfortable. Almost.

Goodness, I wish I’d grown up there. Needing C cups as a teenager made me the official cow. B already made you uncool, but you could still strap down to look androgynous. C? No way

at least they’re both the same size…

i wish they made interchangeable cups.  one B and one C.  thanks, god, nice fucking joke, haha.

as for ass-pants, my best friend (female) is well known for showing ass.  not just crack, but full-fledged ass.  it’s not that she thinks it’s a fashion, she just doesn’t care.  some people are like that.  they just… don’t care.  why should they?  if they’re not *at* work, and they aren’t bothering anyone, who cares?  yea, it’s ugly and obnoxious, but just don’t look.

heh, you’re not really considered kat’s friend unless you’ve seen her whole ass at least 8 times and half her ass 15 times.  it’s just a big joke.

stupid things like “the wrong clothes” get made illegal.

In another couple hundred years, these sorts of statutes will be looked back on as as a slightly more complicated version of sumptuary laws.  Which, anytime you read a pop-history of fashion (sorry, used to work in an Art Book store…), the authors will act like such things were anachronisms 300 years ago.  They are alive and well in 21st century America, my friends…

I’m sure glad I saw “Roger & Me.” Otherwise, since the Flint police seem to have nothing better to do than worry about how teenagers are wearing their pants, I’d think Flint was some sort of paradise and want to move there.

And, um, officer ...WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH TIME STARING AT MY SONS’ ASSES?

This reminds me of an episode from “Persepholis.” The author, Marjane Satrapi, is running to catch a bus in Tehran when the morality police, or whatever they are, stop her.

Officer: When you run, your behind makes movements that are…how do you say…obscene!

Satrapi: WELL THEN DON’T LOOK AT MY ASS!

They were so taken aback by her yelling at them that they didn’t arrest her.

My solution is generally to try to find something else that fits, rather than force myself into whatever the fashion plate item of the moment is.

Where do u do that?

I’m a 32 J and i can’t find SHIT that fits. Most of my shirts are too baggy because i have to get them in the plus size section (i actually shop in the juniors section for pants!) if i want them to go past my waistline and fit my boobs, but they are too big everywhere else.

and i don’t even CONSIDER dresses. i certainly never know what to say when ppl ask for my “dress size”. and all my bras and my swimsuit top are custom made and pricey. (why i only have a couple…) i would have to custom make my shirts too if i wanted a decent fit… or a button up shirt, or a dress, etc….

whenever i go to weddings all the bridesmaids are in strapless dresses! i hope i never have to be a bridesmaid… i remember my boobs already kinda hanging out of my prom dress back when i was size DD!

those stupid “no bra straps allowed” rules in HS always got me in trouble. my bra straps are very wide so as to not dig into me, and so that rule basically meant that all the small girls could wear spaghetti straps with no bra and i wasn’t allowed to wear ANYTHING sleeveless…

When I was in my teens and twenties, I wanted girls to think that I looked good and was hot; do girls today really think that makes guys look good in the least?

10 years ago (when i was a teen) i thought it was hot. i didn’t mind looking at cute boys asses at all…

you grow out of it, now i just think it looks immature, which is fine on someone who is a teenager....

casey, this place near me (north of Los Angeles) stocks J (and JJ) and sells over the internet:

http://home.flash.net/~bras/etoj_underwire.html

I got my (DD) wedding corset from them and they were great.

I guess the Blue Man Group shouldn’t tour Flint wearing saggy baggies.

What a silly picture.

Anyhow, I didn’t like guys wearing droopy pants even when I was the same age as the ones doing it, but it’s insane to make it illegal. Fashion crimes aren’t crimes.

“And foucault’s just gonna have to avert her curmudgeonly old eyes around me. Tats, baggy things, probably quadraboob here and there…it’s like I’m both an Unacceptable Boy and an Unacceptable Girl. Horrors!”

What, no bra, saggy tits, AND baggy ass pants? I can’t take it anymore! You must top tormenting me.

On a lighter note, I just thought of what these young men can tell their parents after they get a life sentence for obscenity: “Mom, dad, it was a bum rap!”

Actually, I think the penalty for droopy pants (male or female) should be a lumbar tattoo:

“IF YOU CAN READ THIS I NEED A WEDGIE”

Solve your droopy pants problem right there, real fast.

Somebody really needs to make non-baggy pants with boxers and buttcrack printed on the seat region, and sell them in Flint.

For the last 15 years or more, I’ve been fighting the temptation to simply reach over and pull teen boys’ pants up and say, in my best mom voice, “Get a belt, stand up straight and hold your head high.” After all, it works on my very skinny 13, who has no butt to hold his pants up.

My own mother just fights the temptation to help gravity along…

My own pants are droopy today, but that’s because I’ve sweated off three inches in my waist since I bought them last month.