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Your Day In Mustaches

imageLibertarian Mustache is, against all odds, moving to Fox News.  He’s also looking for ideas for the setup of his new show:

I’m grateful to ABC News for allowing me to do stories that challenged conventional wisdom, and occasionally enraged many of its viewers. But it’s said that everyone should change jobs every 7 years.  I’ve been at ABC for 28 years ...

In my new job, I want to dig into the meaning of the words “liberty” and “limited government”.  ABC enabled me to do some of that, but Fox offers me more airtime and a new challenge.

I’m still considering what I will do with my own show, one hour each week.  Economics certainly.  Exercises in understanding libertarianism.  My “take” on the issues of the day.  Kind of like this blog.  In fact, maybe we’ll call it, Stossel’s Take?

I ask you for your ideas.  A studio audience?  Should I wander around Congress?

I’m thinking a show where John Stossel wanders around, telling people what he believes.  An amused economist then explains the actual impact of everything John Stossel believes.  John Stossel then gets banned from restaurants, movie theaters and daycares based on the demonstrably crazy shit he spreads.  Repeat around the country.  We could call it Stosseled!

imageNext up, Crazy Fucking Mustache is offering to pay for people’s guns and gun training, so long as they, uh, exist:

I’m Dr. Ignatius Piazza, Founder and Director of Front Sight Firearms Training Institute. You are on a secure page.

My hundreds of thousands of students call me the “Millionaire Patriot” because for the last 12 years I have continually provided millions of dollars in amazing benefits to encourage every law abiding citizen in America to secure the Comfort of Skill at Arms for the protection of themselves, their families, and their communities.

You see, I believe that we can positively change the image of gun ownership in our lifetimes and protect our great country from all enemies—foreign and domestic—by training our law abiding citizens to levels that far exceed law enforcement and military standards and we can do it without any boot camp mentality or drill instructor attitudes.

I believe this so much that I created Front Sight Firearms Training Institute for this sole purpose. I want YOU armed and trained, and I’ll back up my words with my wallet.

In other words, a rich private citizen is paying to train a private army to his specifications to fight off his perceived enemies.  This, however, is not scary, because he’s taken the time to grow out such well-maintained facial hair.  It’s a proven fact. 

You would think that a dude who’s building a paramilitary force using millions of dollars of his own money and is associated with a cult would, perhaps, be more threatening than a handsome black man who signed a petition.  You would be fucking wrong, because people don’t kill people - bald black men in bureaucracies kill people. 

 

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Posted by Jesse Taylor on 05:21 PM • (30) Comments

FOX is becoming some sort of Noah’s Ark of stupid.  All their missing is Lou Dobbs and a couple more of the lower rent yahoos, and they’ll be able to complete the set.  Two of every type of wingnut wacko.

Comment #1: Zifnab  on  09/10  at  05:44 PM

Every post that discusses Stossel, should, by law, be required to link.

Comment #2: Mighty Ponygirl  on  09/10  at  05:45 PM

Ha ha! I read that he was “Dr. Ignatius PIZZA”. After that it was all comedy gold.

Comment #3: felagund  on  09/10  at  06:08 PM

Stossel moving over to Faux News?  The full fledged gathering storm of crazy appears to be happening over at Herr Murdoch’s network this year.  First Glenn Beck, then Tucker Carlson, then Don Imus, now John Stossel.

Countdown to the Lou Dobbs CNN to FNC defection in 5… 4… 3…

Comment #4: DTG in STL  on  09/10  at  06:10 PM

I’m very tired, today. I seriously just spent about 5 minutes wondering if Stossel had at one time gone by the name of Piazza.

Comment #5: I Heart Puppies  on  09/10  at  06:13 PM

Reader comment from Stossel’s announcement:

“You’re a national treasure, truly—even if most of the nation is unaware of this reality.”

That’s what it takes to believe John Stossel is a national treasure—being fundamentally unaware of reality.

Comment #6: nashe  on  09/10  at  06:15 PM

Well, what have we here… looks like the inbreds over at the Fox community website Stormfront, err, FoxNation agree with my previous assessment:

Jack27

Great Career move John, everything is looking up from here. welcome aboard. Now we need to get Lou Dobbs, and Fox, please get rid of Giraldo. The other libs. on fox are good reminders of what is wrong in our country.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 04:38 PM

Hey Lou, your fellow white sheets are calling you.  They’ve got a big ol’ cross they’re about to fire up just for you.  Don’t you think it’s time to go home to join your fellow <strike>white supremacists</strike> real ‘muricans, Lou?

Comment #7: DTG in STL  on  09/10  at  06:22 PM

In my new job, I want to dig into the meaning of the words “liberty” and “limited government”.

Oh, thank God.  I was just thinking that there was a crying need for someone, anyone, on the fringe right to start lecturing on this.  There’s such a huge, aching gap there which desperately needs someone like this to cover this virgin territory…

Comment #8: Phoenician in a time of Romans  on  09/10  at  06:24 PM

(That last comment came out way more sexual than I intended)

Comment #9: Phoenician in a time of Romans  on  09/10  at  06:24 PM

Zifnab says: FOX is becoming some sort of Noah’s Ark of stupid.  All they’re missing is Lou Dobbs and a couple more of the lower rent yahoos, and they’ll be able to complete the set.  Two of every type of wingnut wacko.

I almost peed my pants reading this!  But do they have enough female punditbots on board the USS FauxNews in order to carry on the species?  Or maybe we shouldn’t tell them and they’ll just go extinct like the dodo bird?

Comment #10: CParis  on  09/10  at  06:34 PM

I’m still considering what I will do with my own show, one hour each week.  Economics certainly.  Exercises in understanding libertarianism.  My “take” on the issues of the day.  Kind of like this blog.  In fact, maybe we’ll call it, Stossel’s Take?

I ask you for your ideas.  A studio audience?  Should I wander around Congress?

Get hired to do a one-hour show each week, THEN think about what it will be about.

Fox: Smell the Meritocracy!

Comment #11: RickMassimo  on  09/10  at  06:43 PM

All this means is I may start watching the news on ABC again…

But probably not.

Comment #12: BlackBloc  on  09/10  at  06:52 PM

Exercises in understanding libertarianism.

So, smoking weed and then making fun of poor people?

Comment #13: FlipYrWhig  on  09/10  at  07:35 PM

“So, smoking weed and then making fun of poor people?”

...along with claiming you made it all on your own, no help from any other human being, and most especially no help from society or government…

Comment #14: MikeEss  on  09/10  at  08:00 PM

I looked on his website and I didn’t see anything about his graduate constituting an organization. Maybe I missed it?

Comment #15: ScaryIntolerantFundy  on  09/10  at  09:24 PM

I wonder what took the Stoessh so long. As for Dobbs, if he ever did move to Fox, I’d love to be a fly on the wall at his first encounter with Bill O’Reilly. After all, hasn’t Dobbs’s career over the last couple of years been based on trying to out O’Reilly O’Reilly? And didn’t he go too far on the birther bullshit even for Bill?

Comment #16: Bitter Scribe  on  09/10  at  09:28 PM

There should have been a hyphen there: “out-O’Reilly O’Reilly.” I was not trying to imply that O’Reilly is a closeted gay man and Dobbs has been trying to out him.

Really. I wasn’t.

Comment #17: Bitter Scribe  on  09/10  at  09:30 PM

Don’t forget Scarborough.  He’s gotta wash up on Faux News eventually, with or without Mika.

Comment #18: Ben Alpers  on  09/10  at  10:01 PM

I’m not sure Stossel will last at Fox. He’s crazier’n very crazy thing, and an offensively stupid shill, but also something of a loose cannon. Even money that sooner or later he accidentally shoots his mouth off about something the brass have different orders on.

That other guy, meanwhile, seems to me more like a self-promoting weasel-wording huckster than a rich guy training a private army. He says he’s provided millions of dollars worth of protection to gun nuts by training them, but not how much they’ve actually paid for this immensely valuable training. And now it sounds as if he’s trying to get even more suckers to take his training, for a cost that’s undetermined.

Comment #19: paul  on  09/10  at  10:02 PM

Say Morgan Spurlock five times and you neutralize all of it.

Comment #20: Ms Kate  on  09/10  at  10:19 PM

Wow, that means ABC finally got rid of Stossel!

C’mon, you think Stossel really had a choice? My guess: his contract was coming up for renewal and the ABC high up execs weren’t able to look Stossel in the eye anymore. Stossel took the clue and weasled over to FOX before it became evident he’d been dumped.

Who leaves a major network for a relatively minor cable propaganda machine without wearing out his welcome in the big time?

However, both our mustachioed studs look like they’ve jumped out of ‘70s porn. Only Harry Reems could beat them in the lip hair dept.

Comment #21: judybrowni  on  09/10  at  10:37 PM

paul, Stossel may be a loose cannon, but Fox has Glenn freakin’ Beck fercrissakes.

Comment #22: Chocolate Covered Cotton  on  09/10  at  10:41 PM

Who leaves a major network for a relatively minor cable propaganda machine without wearing out his welcome in the big time?

Come to think of it, Bill O’Reilly was at ABC for a while, wasn’t he? In fact, IIRC, when he was between gigs he wrote a novel trashing a thinly disguised version of an ABC producer. Classy guy.

Comment #23: Bitter Scribe  on  09/10  at  10:43 PM

Piazza was a chiropractor in Santa Cruz county before he got the gun bug. Front Sight is a desert handgun training ground similar to Jeff Cooper’s much older Gunsite.

Comment #24: Hector B.  on  09/10  at  11:34 PM

Not any more, Hector:
http://www.pahrumpvalleytimes.com/2009/May-15-Fri-2009/news/28773367.html

Comment #25: phylosopher  on  09/11  at  12:59 AM

phyl—then the ad Jesse links to makes no sense—unless Piazza desperately needs cash.

Comment #26: Hector B.  on  09/11  at  02:22 AM

RE: Stossel

Not that it has any relevance, but I remember an old Dan Savage column from many years back where he saw an old boyfriend hanging on Stossel’s arm at a club.

RE: Piazza

I may have to take his course to defend myself against his other pupils…

Comment #27: Big Picture Pathologist  on  09/11  at  09:41 AM

“What the hell is wrong with you, man?  That’s an open-hand slap.”

ROFLMAO

Comment #28: speedbudget  on  09/11  at  09:49 AM

My selfish reaction: Why couldn’t Stossel have done this 15 years ago?  I used to be a transcriptionist for ABC News and I had to type bushels of his insane smarmy bullshit (including the out-takes—which made it clear that when the people he interviewed told him the opposite of what he wanted to hear, which was often, he’d just mangle them in the editing room). I’ll never get back those years. At least it was just audio so I couldn’t see his stupid mustache.

Comment #29: Hob  on  09/11  at  11:58 AM

As for whether ABC gave him the boot or what—if so, it must’ve been for some practical reason, like he missed deadlines or took too many cookies from the break room. ABC these days has nearly undetectable journalistic standards and no shame.

Comment #30: Hob  on  09/11  at  12:05 PM
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