Dennis Prager brings us part two of, I can only hope, two of his Why Is My Penis Not Inside You? manifesto. This one focuses on the theory that women deny sex because they think too much with their woman-brains (also known as their hearts and minds) and not enough with their man-brains (also known as their nonexistent penises).
Here are eight reasons for a woman not to allow not being in the mood for sex to determine whether she denies her husband sex.
Reasons number 1 through 7: They’re women.
Reason number 8: Didn’t I already give seven reasons?
1. If most women wait until they are in the mood before making love with their husband, many women will be waiting a month or more until they next have sex.
You ever have one of those moments where you say something under the assumption that it’s completely normal, and it reveals some deeply abnormal part of your life that you wish you hadn’t revealed, like when you ask your friends about how they deal with having to wash their sheets every night after they wet them during a work dinner with people you barely know and you’ve already been to the bathroom five times?
Yeah, this is one of those moments for Prager.
When most women are young, and for some older women, spontaneously getting in the mood to have sex with the man they love can easily occur.
In other words, when his ex-wives were younger, they were interested in sex, but after years of being told that their feelings about sex didn’t matter, they were no longer interested in sex at all. Dennis Prager has found the antidote to horny - congratulations!
But for most women, for myriad reasons—female nature, childhood trauma, not feeling sexy, being preoccupied with some problem, fatigue after a day with the children and/or other work, just not being interested—there is little comparable to a man’s “out of nowhere,” and seemingly constant, desire for sex.
Men, however, face none of these issues, because our naturally hearty constitutions allow us to work all day, survive child sexual abuse, be bloated in the middle of bankruptcy and still want to bone like boning was going out of style.
What if your husband woke up one day and announced that he was not in the mood to go to work? If this happened a few times a year, any wife would have sympathy for her hardworking husband. But what if this happened as often as many wives announce that they are not in the mood to have sex? Most women would gradually stop respecting and therefore eventually stop loving such a man.
What if sex with your husband was a job rather than a perk of marriage? Well, then, sex would be a whole different thing. Sex is not a job, it’s not something you’re on call to do - it’s something two people do because they want to. Another way that you know that sex is different from a job? If I don’t work for months at a time, chances are I’ll be hungry and homeless. If I don’t have sex for months at a time, chances are I’ll be whiny and spending a bit more of my income on tissues. If you consider a man the boss of a woman, able to demand her sexual duties be fulfilled at any time and place of his choosing, then sure, this makes sense. However, your fear at newfangled motorized horse carriages and near-orgasmic rage at your wife’s bare calves probably makes her less than horny at the thought of having to service your anachronistic ass.
What woman would love a man who was so governed by feelings and moods that he allowed them to determine whether he would do something as important as go to work? Why do we assume that it is terribly irresponsible for a man to refuse to go to work because he is not in the mood, but a woman can—indeed, ought to—refuse sex because she is not in the mood? Why?
We do everything because of moods - how much we let those moods affect us differs based on how vital the task is to our lives. Sex is fun, but unless you’re a prostitute (which may be where Prager is with regards to women), it doesn’t help ensure that you stay alive. Work, on the other hand, keeps us in shelter and clothing and food and stuff. Dennis Prager is obviously incredibly bad at marriage, relationships, sex and quite possibly the very act of breathing, but it doesn’t mean that every woman he’s interested in is duty bound to make up for his inadequacy at existing.