Lately, when I see proposed abortion restrictions that are almost surely not going to get very far, such as this Ohio bill that would require the father of a fetus to sign off on an abortion before it could be performed, I tend to skip past writing about them, lest I sound like a broken record. Same thing with restrictions that aren’t particularly creatives, which is the same story with this bill, as it’s been tried before. But I’m going to make an exception this time, because I learned something new today because of this bill.
No, I didn’t learn that anti-choicers are more interested in protecting male dominance than fetal life. Nor did I learn that the anti-choice strategy is to make abortion prohibitively expensive, create delays that force women to have abortions later in their pregnancies (where they can be punished with more pain, expense, and anguish for the crime of fucking), or that they’re trying to pass so many regulations that it becomes impossible for abortion providers to meet them all. I already knew all of this.
What I learned was that you can totally paternity test early in a pregnancy, at least according to this DNA testing center, which may admittedly be selling snake oil. The reason this comes up is that the bill lovingly details what the state should do in the case of disgusting sluttitude, i.e. when a woman isn’t sure who the father is. That this is a point of major concern should surprise no one reading this blog, as anti-choicers are renowned for their panty-sniffing perversion. If there’s any question, then of course you have to make a list of all possible candidates and get them paternity tested, which is another way of saying you don’t get an abortion because you’re a super duper slut. Of course, the obvious solution to this problem is to get a male friend to vouch for you. Considering that a significant number of women who get abortions cite bad relationships as the reason, I suspect there would be a lot of falsified signatures, even though it’s forbidden by the bill. Not that I think that the legislators particularly care, because at least they can rest assured that you’re getting extra punished by having to ask a male friend to help you, which is a big favor to ask. (Every woman reading this is taking a quick mental inventory of what man they could trust to do this without gloating about his power over you.)
So yeah, I learned something. I was curious if it was even possible to follow the letter of the law as written. Imagine you could get the men you’ve slept with to submit to a blood test, and you choose to do this instead of lying. Could you paternity test a fetus? Turns out that you can, from the 10th week on. And, because you’re a horrible slutty slut, you’ll be pleased to know that the process is unpleasant and dare I say punishing?
Guided by ultrasound, an OB-GYN uses a catheter through the vagina or a long, hollow needle through the abdomen (depending on the position of the fetus) to collect cells.
And almost surely expensive as fuck.