Jill peeked into the heart of darkness that is the wingnut heart and found a solid bit of evidence that so much right wing resentment and hatred of the Liberal Elite is based on straight-up jealousy. And because I’m evil, nothing is funnier to me than watching unloveable losers like Kathryn Jean Lopez and Ace of Spades flip out because Jessica of Feministing is getting married and seems pretty happy about it. I got nothing against people that have a lot of angst, of course, and have known some bitter people that are amongst my most favorite people. But only if they expend their rage in productive ways, such as being really sarcastic and funny. Alas, Ace and K-Lo are lazy, and instead of developing interesting coping mechanisms, they decide to just indulge misogyny, the cheapest and most obtainable venting mechanism available in our society. It takes years of hard word to develop an acid sense of humor and become Tina Fey. But if you write some misogynist screed, you get a lot of back-patting and amens right away. Granted, you get this sort of positive attention from the absolute dregs of society—-former frat boys, chinos-wearing weenies that you try to ignore when they chat you up in public, men who try to hide the massive charges on their credit cards from porn sites from their wives, men who wear camouflage without an ounce of irony—-but it’s positive attention nonetheless.
The best part about catering to the misogynist crowd, as Dr. Helen figured out a long time ago, is that these idiots will believe anything you tell them, no matter how implausible, as long as you trash a woman while doing so. That’s why K-Lo calls Jessica a “Bridezilla” for writing a post that’s notable for its modesty and thoughtfulness. I’m not blowing smoke up Jessica’s ass, either. The whole point of the post is to be responsive to people’s questions about her upcoming nuptials, and I thought it was very nice of her, because many people would indulge an urge to tell people to mind their own business, or in the case of those who tried to guilt-trip her a bit on the question of gay marriage, to shove it. I’m not saying that “shove it” is a good response, of course, but I’m just pointing out that Jessica was very open and kind about all the questions, and doesn’t seem even remotely resentful of getting grilled about stuff that most women don’t even have to confront at all when they get married. There are women who throw giant princess fits over their wedding, which is in some parts of this country the only day women get a real chance to be the center of attention and proud of themselves, but suffice it to say, Jessica isn’t one of those women.
I can only conclude this—-“Bridezilla” has morphed from a term that describes women who go completely over the top when it comes to wedding planning, and now is a term that can be applied to any woman getting married at any time. Jessica wrote a book about all the double standards that women are subjected to, but it’s worth noting that we’re also subjected to a lot of double binds. I go over this a lot on my podcast, because I see a lot of examples of how women are both required to engage in sexual intercourse and shamed and punished for it. But this is an interesting double bind—-there’s a lot of pressure on women to get married, but as soon as you start to live up to that cultural expectation, you are shamed for thinking that you deserve the honor of getting married, and now it seems that showing even the slightest bit of interest in your own nuptials makes you a Bridezilla. But showing no interest at all would make you a heartless feminazi. Femininity is the overarching double bind. If you reject some requirement of it, you are a transgressor of gender norms, and that incurs people’s wrath. But if you live up to any kind of standard of femininity, then you’re a target for mockery and shaming, as well, because caring about feminine things makes you a shallow bimbo.