SAO PAULO - In a snap poll, researchers have found that the Brazilian economy has ground to a near-complete standstill. The researchers said that they have found only one cause for this mass event: Argentina's horrific play in the World Cup qualifiers. "We're dealing with a nationwide case of schadenfreude," said Sao Paulo Police Chief Paulino Arantes. "The Argentina National Team came into this week so arrogantly, and leave so humbled. It's just too delicious." Entering this week, Argentina and coach Diego Maradona had their destiny in their hands. However, following thorough losses to Brazil and Paraguay, the Argentina side has slipped to fifth place in CONMEBOL qualifying. If qualifying ended today, the Argentines would be forced to play a home-and-away playoff with CONCACAF No. 4 Costa Rica with the winner going to South Africa.

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This is interesting:

Guus Hiddink has opened the door to a possible return to the Premier League after revealing that he retains a strong appetite and passion for English football following his successful caretaker spell at Chelsea. The Russia manager plans to take a break after next year's World Cup finals but he described England as a "very attractive" place to work and admitted he is missing the country where he spent the final four months of last season.

Hiddink seemed well suited to coach an elite team in England; he certainly added a toughness to the Blues that didn't exist under Scolari. His lame decision to bottle up in the first leg against Barcelona in the Champs semis may have been bad for football, but it gave Chelsea a chance to win that only the officials could take away. Given the tense relationship between Rafa Benitez and the shoddy Liverpool owners, along with the fact that few managers stick around as long as Benitez has if they continue to come up empty, I've been trying to determine who I'd like to see replace him if he were to step down.

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Liverpool is in a bad way. Sure, it's relative (Newcastle is Number 1!), but Liverpool needs help if they don't want to be first out of the Big 4 at season's end. Although only a handful of matches in, it appears that 2009 Liverpool may well turn into the equivalent of a PSA. Sorry, Marc, but the Reds are a mess.

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I love Football365, and not just because they once published an essay of mine which got picked up elsewhere and made me a professional writer for the first time. Especially good is the Mediawatch section, and a recent item highlights the kind of joy they bring:

We're sure you've already read it, but if not, [John] Terry said: "I can speak about the England lads and the England team and it (diving) is something we don't do. "I think sometimes we're too honest because sometimes, even in the Premiership, you see the English lads get a bit of contact and try and stay on their feet and try and score from the chance they've been given." Sigh. Do we really need to do this? We do?

Click here and scroll down to see the long list of counter-examples. Seriously, there's nothing funnier than anyone defending his countrymen against charges of diving, since it's so easily proven wrong and obvious. That said, I do think the US players are far better than average. Cough. Later in the same column:

'England must do it Chelsea style, says JT' - CityAM. Yeah, nicking all the best young players from around the world would help, but we're not sure how it would work. Unless JT just means that England aren't allowed to do transfers...

Hee hee.

The storyline for Saturday's Brazil-Argentina World Cup Qualification match was whether Lionel Messi would continue to go missing against Brazil. The answer to that - a resounding yes - helps create another potential missing-person scenario for the Argentina squad, as coach Diego Maradona could soon disappear following Brazil's victory over Argentina in in Rosario. Superior finishing and team speed were the keys for Brazil, as Argentina controlled possession throughout the match. Nonetheless, Brazil - led by a dominant performance by Kaká - controlled the scoreboard with two goals by Luis Fabiano and one from defender Luisão. More importantly, Brazil officially qualified for the 2010 World Cup and almost assuredly insured that often embattled coach Dunga would lead his squad to South Africa. While Argentina often dominated the ball, it produced few solid scoring chances in a hard-fought game. Messi was completely ineffective throughout the match as he and Carlos Tevez continue to struggle to mesh. Both teams came out aggressively, but neither had a solid opportunity until Luisão headed in a precision free kick entry pass from Elano at the 24-minute mark. Seven minutes later, Fabiano slotted a lose ball in front of the net past Argentina keeper Mariano Andújar. Maradona brought in his son-in-law Sergio Arguero to start the second half, and the talented attacker brought a new life to the team. Nonetheless, Brazil's defense was solid, and César was a commanding force in the net. Argentina showed the briefest sign of life as Jesús Dátolo put a laser-shot past César at the 65-minute mark. The hope the goal ispired was quickly extinguished as, after a Messi give-away, Fabiano made a perfect run and connected with Kaka's entry pass for a lobbed shot past Andújar. The play was pure class, and Argentina's hopes and inspiration seemed to evaporate completely. For Brazil, it was a stellar victory over its main rival that has endless positives - they've now qualified; they put another roadblock in front of Argentina's path to qualification; and they may have sent Maradona packing. Because as much as Argentina pulled a disappearing act, Saturday night, this Brazil team appeared on the radar as one of the teams to beat in South Africa.

Midfield: Workmanlike. Goalkeeper: Strong. Forwards: Inconsistent. Defense: Embarrassing. Referees: Atrocious. (The officiating was terrible in both directions, really, but several of the calls against the US, including disallowing my boy Altidore's goal, were unforgivable.)

Watching England v. Slovenia (friendly) and wondering whether penalties should be eliminated altogether. The highlight of the day, of course, will be USA v. El Salvador. This Real Salt Lake beat writer thinks that Bradley will start Altidore, which naturally makes me happy, but then I remember it's Bob Bradley, and then I'm sad again. It's a must-win, obviously, and Donovan is saying the right things:

Our absolute goal has to be to finish in the top three...If we can't finish in the top three, we probably don't deserve to go anyway.

Although El Salvador is a tough opponent, a team of the class the USA is looking to be can't afford to do anything but close this match out in a clinical style. I'm not as nervous as I was ahead of the Mexico game, but I'm not sanguine.

Eduardo's flop. Rooney's pseudo-flop. Arshavin's non-flop no-call. Chelsea's transfer ban. Man U's potential transfer ban. Bolton's red card vs. Liverpool. Old Trafford's record of convenient calls. The ejection of Arsene Wenger. The FA charges against Rafa Benitez. Clock management and injury time. The transfer value of any player. Pretty much every tackle, every non-tackle flop, every clutch, every grab, every player who was clutching and then was grabbed, every referee grudge, and every game that isn't decided by 3 or more goals... though plenty of blowouts are included, too. All of these come down to judgment calls. Often, they come down to a single moment, a single judgment that turns a game or results in a punishment or determines what a club will charge for one of its players. Sport is typically portrayed as a haven of objectivity, a place where rules governing behavior between white lines create the conditions for absolute correctness. Soccer shatters this illusion.

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Breaking:

Chelsea have been banned from signing any new players until 2011, after Fifa accused them of illegally inducing a French youth-team player to join the club in 2007. Fifa's dispute resolution chamber today released a statement fining Gaël Kakuta €780,000 following a complaint from FC Lens and finding Chelsea "jointly and severally liable". "A restriction of four months on his eligibility to play in official matches is imposed on the player Gaël Kakuta while the club FC Chelsea is banned from registering any new players, either nationally or internationally, for the two next entire and consecutive registration periods following the notification of the present decision," the DRC statement said. "Furthermore, the club, FC Chelsea, has to pay to RC Lens training compensation in the amount of €130,000."

Chelsea has vowed to appeal, obviously, and will probably be fighting this one out for some time. If this were to stick, though, the impact would be devastating. Any player who leaves wouldn't be replaced save through internal promotion, and it's hard to imagine any team staying at the top of the Premier League when they can't add talent from elsewhere for 2 full transfer periods. While I endorse a suspension of Arsenal's Eduardo, it's only a fair punishment if UEFA now punishes all clear divers the same way. Precedent's a mofo. And thus, while I endorse punishing a team for mucking about illegally with 15 year old prodigies, giving Chelsea a 2-window ban for something that probably happens a lot, hasn't been punished this harshly in the past, and won't be the easiest thing to prove against others in the future strikes me as too much. How does it strike you?

Got some statistics to describe the Galloping Major? I kid, because I've always had a love-hate relationship with the idea of statistics in soccer. I bought wholeheartedly into my English schoolfriends' notion that counting assists was pushing the very limit of American-style overthinking it, and said "that's enough for me!" then immediately my dark American heart began clawing at me for Player Ratings, then pass-to-turnover ratios, then left-footed vs. right-footed efficiency. But the chalkboards? Meh. Although I hope Marc keeps putting them out there because maybe eventually they'll puncture my remaining reserve and, being a liberal, I'm always in favor of personal growth; until then I'm just going to keep enjoying this guy.

With the news today that Xabi Alonso admitted he decided he was going to leave Liverpool last summer, my first (not serious) thought was that Real Madrid should fake-try to sell him in January. Alonso put together the best campaign of his career last season, staying healthy and dominating the center circle. Maybe takes him getting mad and/or auditioning for other clubs in his mind to unlock his best performances. My second (more serious) thought was that I wanted to look at the difference between having Alonso on the pitch and having Lucas Leiva on the pitch. Since last season was a dominant one for Alonso, that didn't seem a fair comparison. But what about a younger Alonso in a less memorable campaign against a similar opponent? I promise I won't be turning this into The Chalkboard Blog, but dadgum that tool is fun to use. The top chart below shows the first 25 minutes of passing activity from Xabi Alonso against Aston Villa at home from the 06-07 season. The bottom chart shows the first 45 minutes of passing activity from Lucas Leiva at home against Aston Villa this year.  by Guardian Chalkboards First of all, anyone who isn't counting impaired can see that Alonso had a much more dramatic impact on the game in 25 minutes than Leiva did in 45. Xabi controlled the center circle while generating significantly more passing traffic. Even more damning for Lucas, notice the lateral passing from the current midfielder compared to the successful bombing of the ball to the wings from Alonso. When people talk about Xabi's deadly long-range accuracy and key to the counter-attack, this is to what they're referring. In 25 minutes, Alonso lobbed 5 long-range balls from the center circle far upfield and wide to the wings, and every single one hit their target. In 45 minutes, Leiva basically kicked the ball sideways or backwards to Mascherano. Looks like my first thought about him needing to be angry was wrong. Even 3 years ago, Alonso was dominant from midfield with passing acumen that isn't easily replaced. Keep him happy, Real; you won't find many like Xabi.

Having scored their first two goals of the season and toting a 2-1 advantage up and down the pitch, Bolton was riding high for about 55 minutes on Saturday. Then Sean Davis clipped Lucas Leiva in the heel, picked up a second yellow, and everything fell apart. This was hardly a clear-cut cardable offense. Yes, David tapped Leiva on the heel, no, Leiva wasn't "slowing down" just to pick up the foul as suggested by Bolton's boss, but I've seen much worse from carded players that kept them on the pitch. An underdog going down to 10 men against Liverpool would be bad enough, but for Bolton it was devastating. Fabrice Muamba was given the job of man-marking Steven Gerrard the entire game, and he was doing a fantastic job. Using the interactive chalkboard feature from The Guardian (problem solved!), I made a couple maps of the action. The first chart below shows Gerrard's passing activity in the first 55 minutes. The second chart shows his activity after the send-off, when Bolton had to pull Muamba off of Gerrard. With Gerrard as uninvolved as he was in the first 55 minutes, it's no wonder Liverpool could only generate a goal from Glen Johnson's long range blast. It'd be easy to say the increase in activity came from the inherent possession advantage of facing only 10 men. However, Liverpool already had the ball for 79% of the first half and Gerrard still only touched it about once every 3-4 minutes. Clearly, Muamba had him completely locked down. If Bolton had been able to continue to wall off Gerrard from the gameplan, it's hard to imagine Liverpool would have been able to win, or even tie. How many times have we seen two second half goals from the Reds without loads of activity from their captain? This game wasn't just about losing a man, it was about the loss of a brilliant defensive tactic. Perhaps Bolton should have stuck with it even down a man, eh?